Thursday, October 16, 2014
Remember the blog entry where I talked about being a grandma? My fears about something happening to the relationship between Austin and Tasha? Yeah. Their relationship has really gotten rocky which has my anxiety ramped way up. Neither one is all right or all wrong. I've tried to keep the lines of communication open between them but we've had to put an embargo on overnight visits after a knock down/drag out hulabaloo at midnight the other night that resulted in a broken iPhone. She's hormonal. He has Asperger's. It's a dangerous combo. We're at 11 weeks, two days pregnant. You have no idea how stressful it is to want to be supportive to your kid, who really, honestly, feels overwhelmed... but to know that there's a baby involved who needs to know his dad and who I NEED to know.
Getting Austin to find a job - any job- has been the most frustrating endeavor of MY LIFE and baby mama's folks are telling him that a fast food job isn't good enough, that he needs to get a factory job, like, a month ago and he's just shutting down. The impression he's getting is that they don't want Tasha to have to work - ever. Tasha worked a day, didn't feel good and just didn't go back. That pushed Austin closer to the edge. I mean, the kid is really stressed out. And for me, nonstop Austin stress means the only time I get a break is when I'm sleeping. Cue full dose of ambien after a year, almost of being on a half dose. I just keep cautioning them both to not say anything that's going to jeopardize their ability to parent together in the future. And I'm trying to do the same. Above it all... I really do like Tasha and want her to have as little stress as possible in this pregnancy. Sometimes, though, doing the hard thing is what gives you the softer pillow to lay your head on at night. The road that looks the rockiest is truly the easiest path in the long run.
So I'm grieving the possibility of having a grandchild that I don't get to know, knowing how heartbreaking it is to have nieces and nephews I don't get to know and have I mentioned how stressed I am? Ok. I guess that horse is dead enough.
Time for me to get back to the needle - sewing needle. Cross-stitch... take me awayyyyyyy!
Happy Thursday. Love and hugs, y'all!
Posted by Heather at 8:53 AM