Saturday

Watching College Gameday and (still) enjoying the use of my mom's laptop as the old girl has completely fallen down on the job (my laptop, not my mom). Even with the new power cord, I can't get the thing to charge. I suspect it's the place where the power supply plugs in, there seems to not be a solid connection. I could take it to be repaired but... honestly... at this point... she's old, she's slow, she's missing some vital keys of the keyboard and I've just about worn a hole through the mouse pad thingy. My plan is to buy a new one with the next paycheck (next Friday), hopefully the budget will allow.

Austin is still with us. He's been uber cooperative and has had a great attitude. He has been a lot of help to mawmaw and pop and we have all enjoyed having him here.

Ryan stopped by Thursday night on his way  from a job in Pompano Beach, Florida to his home in Pennsylvania. I walked out the front door on my way to work and saw this big Penske truck parked out in front of Cody's house and thought that either a) Cody and Marquee were moving out, b) some jerk in the hood decided to hijack the parking in front of Cody's house or c) Ryan had made a pitstop. I called Cody (because he's always up early calling his dad to get him to wake up so they can go to work - that's a whole other story) and he confirmed that it was Ryan. I told him to sneak and open the front door so I could go in and sing the Wake Up Song.

See... there was this song I learned at Camp Pinnacle when I was 9... you sing in this really soft pleasant Disney kind of voice "way up in the sky... the little birds fly... way down in the nest... the little birds rest... wwwwiiiiiiiitttttthhhhh a wing on the left and a wing on the right... the little birds sleep all thru the night..." and then you whisper, "sssshhhhh!" and then you yell at the TOP OF  YOUR LUNGS, "YOU MIGHT WAKE UP THE BIRDIES"... and the rest is also sung very, very loud, "THE BRIGHT SUN COMES UP THE DEW FALLS AWAY, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING THE LITTLE BIRDS SAY". And this song was the punishment my children suffered whenever they wouldn't cooperate with getting up in the morning and/or whenever I just wanted to annoy them. My nieces love it but they live on the top floor of their house and when I stay there I sleep on the bottom floor so after climbing two flights of stairs, I'm not exactly able to find the lung capacity to belt it  out.

Whenever Ryan comes down and is peacefully sleeping on Cody's couch, I like to wake him up with that song. Unfortunately... yesterday... the storm door slammed and it woke Ryan up before I could. He was just passing through so by the time I was off work yesterday, he was already well on his way to PA. However, the great thing is that Ryan took the time to take Austin to breakfast yesterday before he got on the road and that little bit of attention was awesome for Austin. Austin has spent most of his time with me and my mom and we are both pretty much at the point of not having energy to do more than work our part-time jobs.. Pop spends time when he's home but he has a pretty busy schedule between work, church, golf and Grandma. Cody and Marquee kinda do their own thing. And Austin's dad... well... he's stopped and said hello to Austin once in the month Austin's been here, despite driving by twice a day to pick Cody up for work and drop Cody off from work. That's an "F" for effort in my book.

At any rate... Ryan has decided he's going to fly Austin up to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving and Austin is over the MOON excited about it. Ryan and Cody have always had a super tight bond and Austin's always been sort of the odd man out... to be able to hang with his big brother ... to be able to actually take a trip somewhere and more than that, to be able to fly (it's only his second airplane trip) is a huge hairy deal for Austin. I'll avoid discussing my anxiety that Austin will end up on the no-fly list or make an inappropriate joke to an air marshall... or not be able to find his gate... so many variables... (any friends out there who work at the Atlanta Airport who have security clearance and can walk him to his gate?) and I'll just be excited that Austin is going to get some great bonding time with his brother and hope that this will be a catalyst for Austin to sort of figure out his path in life.

The bummer is that it will mean that I won't have any of my babes at Thanksgiving. Cody and Marquee are probably doing Thanksgiving with her family as our events occur at the same time. It's not looking like any of my brothers will be around. We're going to be a small enough crowd to fit in a booth at Denneys. Ok. Maybe not a booth. But still. Last year Austin and I had rotisserie chicken from Ingles, just the two of us. My picture perfect Norman Rockwell, "way it used to be" Thanksgivings are a thing of the past. Just let me see the Macy's parade... have a good meal and get a few hugs... and I'll be ok.

BUT... at least I'm going to have a lot, a lot of down time over the next two weeks... I'm working Monday, in a class on Tuesday and Wednesday, off for five days, working Tuesday and Wednesday before Thanksgiving, off for four days, working Monday, off Tuesday. Lots and lots of rebound time built in for me which makes me happy. Lots of time in the mountains.

Even when I'm not in the mountains... life here is good. The fall colors are beautiful, even in the suburbs. Work is busy but great. I look forward to being there. I'm usually fairly uncomfortable by the time I leave, which is discouraging because I would actually not mind being there more and making more money and being able to take on more responsibility but every day, almost without fail, I hit a wall and get to the point where the pain drowns out any cognitive thought, where I'm not as articulate and accurate as I want to be and I know it's time to clock out. It's frustrating but every single day it reminds me that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be... in a place where they focus more on my ability than my disability.

I've been working on a particularly difficult but really interesting twig on my family tree that involves intermarriage between White settlers and the Cherokee and Creek Indian tribes in the Southeast. It's difficult because the Indians (Native Americans, whatever) usually have an Indian name that is spelled out in syllables (like Wa-si-ya) , an Anglicized version of their Native American name (like Running Deer), and an American name (like Tom Carpenter). The trick is to review all the different sources and match families up based on one or all three of these versions, dates of birth and death and matching anecdotal information. Very time consuming... requires a lot of reading through old documents and so forth... but it's still fascinating.

Anywho... So that's my Saturday. Have a good weekend, y'all!

The Day After

Mitt Romney lost and I don't feel so good myself.
Four years ago when Obama was anointed as President, I was somewhat removed from the process.
That year on the day after Election Day I was traveling from Helen, Georgia to Albany, Georgia for the funeral of my (then) stepson's 35 year old mommy who had died tragically, 9 days after giving birth.
I was worried for our country but I was too grief stricken to focus on that.
Today, to be honest, I am discouraged and frustrated.
But today I will get up, put on my big girl drawers and deal with it.
I will go to work. Come home from work, by the Grace of God, and life will go on until it doesn't.

 I will focus on my family and my career and appreciate all the gifts that God has given me.
There will be weekends in the mountain house, peaceful, restful, good times.
I will try to do a better job visiting my sweet little grandma who had a birthday yesterday - 89 years old.
We went to Ruby Tuesdays and had crab cakes and salad bar. Her crab cake (and mama's) were too spicy but she loved the carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese frosting that they brought her to celebrate her birthday. She loved that I fixed her a big salad at the salad bar since she can no longer walk steady enough to get her own. We talked politics and family and had a really nice time with her. She has settled in beautifully in her new home and she seems to really enjoy being there. She was so proud to introduce us to every staff member and resident that crossed our path while we were there. I'm so relieved that she's there and happy and although I know that she will always miss her home in North Carolina, I know she's in a good place.

Me too. I'm in a good place. Austin is in a good place. Geography has more to do with your own attitude than it does with ambiance. Yes, the mountain house is restful and I thank God that we have that - as a family - as a place to go to.
And although the divisive politics of our nation have put us in a place of uncertainty - and although I stand on opposing sides from many people that I love and respect - ultimately, my happiness is determined by my attitude and my perspective. My success is determined by my courage and willingness to continue on and to choose to rise above my circumstances.
Look at that beautiful smile. My Steel Magnolia. Her life has not always been easy. Her father died when she was a teenager. Her first husband turned out to not be the man she thought he was. She raised three kids alone. Her second husband only lived a few years past their marriage. Her last sweetie became very sick and frail and she kindly and lovingly tended to him until he passed away. She wanted to stay in her home in North Carolina but there was no way for us to keep her there safely, it was just too far away. But here she is... in a new place... with her same sweet smile and perfectly manicured fingernails and her stylish clothes... being light and salt in the place where she lives.
After lunch I told her, "Let's do it again next year". And I hope we do.
And then we went to visit my brother and his kids and it was bittersweet but still, beautiful. Rather than being sad that I don't get to be the kind of aunt I want to be for those babies... I'm just grateful that they exist, that they are happy and beautiful and smart and that if my only job is to love them from a distance and to cover them with prayer in the way that I always have, then I am grateful to do that, to have a spiritual influence over their lives even when I can't have a tangible influence.
God is still good.
God is still God.

 And my little kitty will always find outrageous places to perch... on top of the dog biscuits... on top of the tv... under the bed... in a windowsill... on my pillow, on my face... he goes wherever he pleases (except outside, we never let him outside) exploring, investigating, supervising, making the best of his climbing ability and enjoying his world.

And my little Sammy granddoggy... who always has that inquisitive, optimistic little head tilt whenever I say, "where's your mommy? where's your Cody?" He reacts to either "Cody" or "daddy" for Cody because he hears Marquee call him Cody. He also responds better to Spanish commands than English since his mommy talks to him in Spanish. Sammy can destroy a dog toy in ten seconds flat. He lifts a leg wherever he wants. He eats cat poop out of the litter box. He sneaks the big dogs' food even though, as a little doggie, their food isn't really good for him. He loves wearing doggie clothes and he is always happy to come to Mawmaw's house during the day. Whenever we have to all be gone, he goes into his little crate and he never complains. He knows that someone will come and let him out eventually. He just always enjoys wherever he is and whatever he's doing.
And I guess that's the point.
Whatever hand life deals you, play it.
Rise to your circumstances.
Rise up in spite of your circumstances.
If you're reading this... you're probably not in ICU somewhere. You're probably not in jail. You're most likely not in North Korea or Iran or some similarly restrictive country. We're still Americans. We can and will  be our best, regardless of who is in office. Bloom where you are planted. Shine a light in the darkness.
Happy Day After, y'all.

I Met Her.

It doesn't take very long for newcomers to my blog to realize that I am a doting and devoted aunt.
I couldn't love my two red-headed nieces more if I had birthed them myself.
I post so many pictures of them that if you didn't know better, you'd think they were mine.
I'm one of five kids and my parents have 12 grandkids, which, if you're doing the math, you realize that subtracting out my three kids, there are nine grandkids which were not birthed to me therefore, beyond the two red-headed little girls (+ their best friend, Jorjanne, my adopted niece) there are seven more nieces and nephews in my family.
In my family. In my heart. But sadly, not all in my life.
My brother Michael lives in Chattanooga. I see his two sons about once every year or so. They don't do holidays so we don't "gather together" so to speak. They are good boys and he's a good dad but we don't see each other enough for his kids to be really comfortable around me. His daughter lives in Nashville and is grown and a mother of two. It's been years since I've seen her, although we facebook often.  (Love you, Tiffany!).
And then there's another brother for whom there is a bit of a broken branch off the family tree. He has four kids: 13, 8, almost 5 and 3. Up until five years and four months ago we were very, very close. Something happened that splintered us and - for many reasons that I can't really go into - his family has kept a distance from our family.
In three days it will be five years since his little girl, Maddie, was born. On that day, I was inconsolable, living in Jacksonville and already feeling very, very alone in a marriage that was anything and everything except what I thought it would be. Knowing that another precious treasure had come into the world, another niece, that I might not ever meet was more than I could bear. As I bought her baby gift - a gorgeous little dress with tiny little cardigan - I grieved the thought of having a niece that I would probably never meet.
Believe me when I say that just as you can love a child the moment they come into the world - you can grieve a child in the same way. And, man... that was a raw and miserable wound for me.
Time went by. My life took a lot of twists and turns. By the grace of God, I moved closer to my red-headed nieces. By His same loving hand, for reasons that He understands better than me, I moved away again. They know me, Sarabeth and Jamie. We share special memories and private jokes and favorites songs. I know where to go for the car rider lane at their school. I know their little friends and they know me. These girls are such a huge part of my life and I am so grateful to know them like I do... but I have always grieved this sweet little Maddie that I had never met.
Until today, that is. Today. Three days shy of five years I finally met her.
She is beautiful with fair skin, dark eyes and long dark wavy hair. Snow White's coloring, every bit a princess.
As vivacious and outgoing and energetic as my little Jamie... not the least bit shy... or afraid of this stranger who walked through her front door... she chatted with me and told me all about her birthday in three more sleeps and her birthday haircut that she's getting and...
I...I just drank her in with all five senses...
I didn't dare whip out my camera and start taking pictures because, as it turned out, we missed a text message and didn't realize that our visit was "not at a good time" for them.
Turd in a punch bowl sort of awkwardness.
It took five years for me to see her and it was only a brief, very few minutes but it was so, so precious.
She has a little brother. He looks just like her big brother. So much like her big brother that it seems as if time stood still and the five years since I saw three year old Caleb had not gone by... as I listened to sweet, animated, three year old Joshua telling me all about Star Wars and Superheroes and trick or treating and all these wonderful, wonderful things that he wanted to share with me... and I would look over and see Caleb and realize how much time I've missed... and then focus back on Joshua's carefree, honest chatter, so grateful that he wasn't afraid to talk to me.
Me. His Aunt. Who he had never met.
And when our brief visit came to a quick end... and we grieved a little more in the car on the way home... that this branch has splintered and that these kids are not a part of our lives...all I could think was...
"I met her. I finally met Maddie."

Some Other Stuff

I'm planning to wear red tomorrow to show my support for Mitt Romney.
Oddly, I could never keep the red state/blue state thing straight until my friend Mr. Drake who is the most diehard Dem I've ever known gave me a clue: R for red, r for Republican.
I'm not working on Tuesday - scheduled day off. I'll be obsessively watching the news all day.
Right now I'm watching a special Sunday edition of The Five. I'm a happy girl!
I got my replacement power cord for my laptop in the mail yesterday. Sixty cents on amazon. Yes, cents. The first power cord replacement I ever bought was over a hundred dollars. I've wised up.
It's a shame how much markup we sometimes pay for things.
The shipping on it was about $6 but even so....
It's working. It's a temporary fix. This old girl is gonna need replacing. (the laptop, not me)
I'm just hoping that I can put it off for a month or two until my end of the year blessings and bonuses show up.
I've found the one I want - it's a Lenovo from Staples. $330, there abouts.
In the meantime... I can always get online via my mom's when she isn't using it or on the old desktop in Austin's room aka the Computer Room.
He's getting along pretty well here, I think. He's been a trooper. Helpful and stuff. Complaining little. Those months of poverty seem to have made him appreciate things more.
He was in the kitchen helping my dad cook today... and I had to grin... the kitchen here at the Old Homestead is small. Like... NYC apartment small, without the fabulous restaurants nearby and no delivery, other than pizza.
And... my dad is a good cook but he can be a bit intense when he's cooking (and he's going to ask me what I mean by intense... love ya, Pop!) and Austin is a bit animated, in an - at times - annoying kind of way. So that dynamic in the kitchen (which is right off of my bedroom) really cracked me up.
Those are the kind of moments that make memories, much more so than the big events or holidays.
Cooking in a little kitchen.
They made chicken pot pie for lunch. Chili for dinner tonight. And meatloaf for later in the week. So far it's all been good.
And by all I mean the chicken pot pie, which is all I've eaten so far.
It's been a good weekend.
I got up before dawn yesterday to go to this special shopping event at Belk's with mama and daddy.
You pay $5 for tickets to get in and that money goes to the charity you bought the ticket from.
You get your $5 off of your purchase so it's a great deal.
I got a gorgeous new dress that will be perfect for dressier events or when I need something a little nicer than my usual "business comfy" style.
I also got a long sleeve tee shirt with embroidered "Merry Christmas" on it. Since I am too cool for tacky Christmas sweaters, you know.
And a new bra. A good one. For about half price.
And two new pairs of stockings - tights. I always wear dresses to work. Well, about 90 percent of the time. During the Winter I wear tights. A good pair of tights lasts me several years. Heck, I've even stitched them up to make them last longer.
I had two pair blow out on me last week so I replaced them with a good brand for about half off - with the discount they were only slightly more than the Walmart brand I usually get.
I was hoping to find Christmas gifts for my girls - my daughter-in-law, my son's girlfriend, my nieces, etc.
Nope. I just bought stuff for me.
I got into a long conversation with the lady who was manning the table for the DAR. She had been a teacher at my Jr. High School.
I didn't have her for a teacher because I was in the gifted program, which, in Jr. High took the place of your English class and in High School took the place of your History/Social Studies class.
The two subjects I enjoyed, much more than Math or Science.
I still haven't heard from my friend Eva who lives on Staten Island. She hasn't posted to Facebook, not that she was an everyday Facebooker but still, I'm worried.
My son in Pennsylvania is now in Pompano Beach, Florida for the week. Any destruction at his place is going to have to be fixed after he gets back home. His work sends him all over the place.
Speaking of all over the place... some photos of my nieces from Disney World...

Presidential Wisdom

I have a lot of opinions about this current Presidential race but my opinions are the limited to my education and experience. We can only know what occurs within our own personal borders. I always seek to expand my knowledge and hopefully, help you expand yours. 

Today I started reading through Presidential Quotes to see the perspective of the leaders who came before us. I'll let their words dominate this blog entry today and I hope that we will all be strengthened, encouraged, amused and enlightened by those who came before us. God bless the U.S.A.

(these quotes were found and are attributed to www.brainyquotes.com) 

Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other. 
John Adams 

All the perplexities, confusion and distress in America arise, not from defects in their Constitution or Confederation, not from want of honor or virtue, so much as from the downright ignorance of the nature of coin, credit and circulation. 
John Adams 

Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost. 
John Quincy Adams 

The extravagant expenditure of public money is an evil not to be measured by the value of that money to the people who are taxed for it. 
Chester A. Arthur 

I believe the most solemn duty of the American president is to protect the American people. If America shows uncertainty and weakness in this decade, the world will drift toward tragedy. This will not happen on my watch. 
George W. Bush 

Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks.
George W. Bush

Though the people support the government; the government should not support the people. 
Grover Cleveland 

You don't lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership. 
Dwight D. Eisenhower 

I have one yardstick by which I test every major problem - and that yardstick is: Is it good for America? 
Dwight D. Eisenhower 

We do not need more intellectual power, we need more spiritual power. We do not need more of the things that are seen, we need more of the things that are unseen. 
Calvin Coolidge 

Industry, thrift and self-control are not sought because they create wealth, but because they create character. 
Calvin Coolidge 

May God save the country, for it is evident that the people will not. 
Millard Fillmore 

A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have. 
Gerald R. Ford 

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. 
James A. Garfield 

Hold fast to the Bible. To the influence of this Book we are indebted for all the progress made in true civilization and to this we must look as our guide in the future. 
Ulysses S. Grant

America's present need is not heroics but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration. 
Warren G. Harding 

Conscience is the authentic voice of God to you. 
Rutherford B. Hayes 

To vote is like the payment of a debt, a duty never to be neglected, if its performance is possible. 
Rutherford B. Hayes 

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. 
Herbert Hoover

Economic depression cannot be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement. Economic wounds must be healed by the action of the cells of the economic body - the producers and consumers themselves. 
Herbert Hoover 

Prosperity cannot be restored by raids upon the public Treasury. 
Herbert Hoover

A wise and frugal Government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government, and this is necessary to close the circle of our felicities. 
Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. 
Thomas Jefferson 

To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical. 
Thomas Jefferson 

I hold it the duty of the executive to insist upon frugality in the expenditure, and a sparing economy is itself a great national source. 
Andrew Johnson 

The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men. 
Lyndon B. Johnson 

Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future. 
John F. Kennedy 

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. 
Abraham Lincoln 

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. 
Abraham Lincoln 

Our differences are policies; our agreements, principles. 
William McKinley

If we take the route of the permanent handout, the American character will itself be impoverished. 
Richard M. Nixon 

Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged. 
Ronald Reagan 

We should measure welfare's success by how many people leave welfare, not by how many are added. 
Ronald Reagan 

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. 
Theodore Roosevelt

When even one American - who has done nothing wrong - is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth - then all Americans are in peril. 
Harry S. Truman 

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Aggravation - Devastation - Yabba Dabba Do!

 Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast to celebrate my Friday! It's the same way I celebrated Wednesday and Thursday too... but at least I've managed to restrict my cereal addiction to breakfast time only. Of course... there's been a lot of candy floating around this house over the past week so I've had many avenues to pursue my sugar addiction. And it is an addiction.

Speaking of addictions... my cyber-addiction has me freaking out when my trusty laptop is not working right. I mentioned this yesterday, I know, but it's serious and distracting. I mean... I was listing for a co-worker the "concerns of the week" and I listed my concerns about my computer. My kid's basement in Pennsylvania is flooded. Our sweet dog Lily has a big ole nasty festering wound on her leg. A family member has a cancer diagnosis. And I'm worried about getting my laptop back in order.... or replacing it... although I know... this should not be a priority. I gotta have my fix.

My heart is breaking for the folks who are suffering from this past week's storm. In the insurance industry we tend to group these type of life interruptions as either an aggravation or a devastation. A dented fender or a tree on your car is an aggravation. Loss of life, home, job... those are devastation. My little aggravations... the laptop issue... pale in comparison with the devastation that is far, far more serious than we have yet to wrap our minds around.

Not that I haven't had my share of devastation over the past two years. It was about this time two years ago that I was rocking along in my weight loss, eating healthy, feeling great... and then I came down with another bout of bronchitis that knocked me off my perch. The bronchitis had barely left when I came headlong into this back problem that has completely changed my life. It was my cross-roads moment, that point where everything changed, not instantly, but it definitely set me on the course for change. Life is nothing like I thought it would be at this stage of life... but even though at times I feel like Job-ette... I know that it could be so, so much worse. I hope I never lose that perspective.

I was able to complete my Continuing Education necessary for my insurance license renewal yesterday... submit the documentation and get it paid for. This is a HUGE monkey off my back... a Gorilla, actually. It's a huge expense and I received an unexpected blessing to handle the cost. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. I keep saying it over and over. Working, even a little bit, is physically hard for me. Most days I really struggle to pull it together. However... somehow.... when I put on my work clothes... and I take the little drive to the office... and stop off for my little liquid motivation - be it coffee or tea or lemonade- and I put on my lipstick... I'm able to transform from patient to Doctor... from student to Teacher... I can be that professional Insurance Agent that I need to be to take care of folks who are suffering from aggravation and devastation.

Tomorrow my mom and I have these special shopping passes for Belk. It's some kind of fundraiser deal that we bought into. I've got to start thinking about my Christmas list. I won't buy a lot - which is normally the case for me. I'd love to be all crafty and do the things I see on Pinterest but I know myself well enough to know that it would quickly become a chore and I'd wish I had steered my finances toward things that are less labor intensive... so I'll just skip the Martha Stewart impulse. I may get crafty at some point... I just don't want to have to depend on that. I'd love to have most of my shopping done during the month of November and thus be able to just enjoy the Christmas season. I've got a little bonus money coming and I'll have a few extra hours this month because of the classes I'm taking. I think we get a small Christmas bonus at the office, not sure exactly how that works. Anything is more than I had, more than I would have thought I would have when I was in my unintentional sabbatical period.

Anyways... so that's my Friday. Looking forward to a two day weekend... one day at work... and then another Tuesday off...

And once again, I want to say that I am sooooo grateful to my mom for sharing her very fast, totally awesome laptop with me!

Have a great Yabba Dabba Do Day!

The old laptop is still on the skids... that ole' very positional power supply that has dogged me throughout my relationship with this laptop. I've had her since April 2009. She's been a good friend and stood beside me through many, many trials and tribulations. I've ordered a new power supply and hopefully that will do the trick. If not... I could probably get her repaired but I'm not sure it's worth it. She's missing a lot of keys... she's so slow.... I spend more time waiting for things to load than actually using her.  I have borrowed so much money this year... I don't feel right making a major purchase until I have paid back all I owe. But... I do spend a good part of my downtime working on genealogy, interacting with friends, etc. It's very difficult to go out much other than work... and this is how I stay in touch with the world.

Anyways... I am using my mom's this morning while she's at work. It's so fast.  I played Castleville without having the long, drawn out pauses for the graphics to load. It was amazing.

And the dogs... for whatever reason... have left me completely alone this morning. Little Kitty aka Trouble has been a tad bit clingy but he tends to try to get attention whenever the doggies are not stuck to me. Have I mentioned that when I go to the bathroom, any time, day or night, Little Kitty waits outside the bathroom door and wants me to pick him up? If I don't pick him up he cries. I carry him like a baby, with his head on my shoulder, back to my room and stand there with him for a minute or two before he decides to get down. The only other person who can pick him up is my mom. He likes Cody fairly well. He's warming up to Austin. But he's my baby.

Yesterday was a good day at work. They'd like me to work more hours... not in a threatening way, like, "If you can't work more you're fired"... but in a "you do a good job and we need more of you". I explained that my productivity and accuracy wanes when the pain becomes distracting. And it does. The last hour of work, even just working five hours, is when I take the time to do all my administrative stuff like filing, reading instructional emails because I know I won't be as sharp. I offered to pull a few extra hours here and there as needed. Perception is everything, isn't it? I'm the same employee I've always been. I'm saying the same things that I've said for ten years. I'm giving the same compassionate responses, using the same skills and talents and where it has been, in the past, unappreciated and maligned... now I'm getting constant positive feedback. It's incredible validation for me and I'm so grateful to God for this opportunity.

It's November 1st. November 1st will always, in my mind, be the anniversary of the day that my former stepson's mom died suddenly and unexpectedly at 35 years old, leaving behind three young children, including a two week old baby. I think of Misty often. I pray for her kids daily. We were not best friends or anything but she made a permanent impact on my life. The juxtaposition of her tragic death six short weeks after my brush with death made me realize how fragile and temporary this life really is. May I never, ever, forget to be grateful for every day, not matter what trials and discomfort it might bring.

And. We found out this week that a close family member has cancer. The prognosis is not completely known yet. There was a meeting with a surgeon and there are more tests to be done before a decision is made about treatment but... it's heavy on my heart and mind.  My mom is one of seven kids. My dad is one of three. I am one of five. There are lots and lots of family members and we have, by the grace of God, been a long time without losing anyone. I know it's inevitable and for the most part, we don't have a lot of contact with most of them but I want them all to be well and ... well, living. I can handle my own suffering.... heck.... I'm practically Jewish... I could have a PhD in suffering... but the idea of anyone else suffering is just ... well, it's sad.

Four weeks until Thanksgiving, which, I think is a better holiday than Christmas because it has lots of gratitude, lots of great food, lots of loved ones and none of the decorating or gifting obligations. Plan a place... divvy up the cooking responsibilities... and get together and hang out. This year it's at Cousin Christie's house. It doesn't look like it will be as many of us this year. Last year I skipped it all together because it was just too much for me to handle. This year I've got so much great down time in advance that I'm convinced that I'll be able to really enjoy it. December will be a busy month, work wise, I don't have as much time off but it's still way better than anything I've dealt with over the past five ten twenty years.Working twenty hours a week -even if I tack on a few extra hours occasionally, is not as bad  as 40-ish painful hours.

My son is in Pennsylvania. Zionsville, I think, is the name of the town. I haven't heard from him but his roommate has posted that their power was out and their basement flooded. He's too far away for me to be anything more than moral support for him and that drives me nuts. Cody is right next door. I can help him. Austin, by the grace of God, is right down the hall being such a huge blessing to us all, pitching in with the chores, being pleasant and appreciative and a joy, almost one hundred percent to be around. I can know that he is ok, for the most part.

Anyways ... it's a late day... I'm looking forward to going into work... it's payday... we have power, heat and lots to eat. It's the beginning of a season of gratitude and I am grateful. God is good.

Happy Thursday,  y'all!