Reasons to Love Monday - State Of Intimidation (Unrated)

Is there any better Reason to Love Monday than THIS commercial? Please watch it... it is ridiculously funny and ... has a shadow of truth. Not that we duck and hide from clients... ever.... ok, just the one guy who asks me out every time he comes in and creeps me out... but there are a lot of people whose temperament makes me want to run and hide. Or cry. But I do love with I do. Almost all of the time.

There's another video that I've been trying to find and post for you but the links keep breaking. Just google, "Marie Osmond Pees Herself"... you really have to see this. It's hilarious! It was my Reason to Love Sunday but it really made me laugh. Loud.

It's MARCH MADNESS... time for the NCAA Basketball Tournament and I will be filling out my bracket today. I'll be using every spare moment working on this to get it right. I use a combination of logic and emotion in my feminine bracket. I watched about 12 hours of basketball and basketball commentary over the weekend. I know more about this current field than most women and a lot of men... I use common sense, for instance, a 16 seed isn't going to beat a number 1 seed. I think that's only happened maybe once in the history of the tournament. It's fun seeing how well I do. I love the competition and I see it as sort of a brain teaser.

I bought groceries this week with the determination that we are going to live off the bounty of the pantry for a solid week. We have to cut back our spending and I've been eating lunch out almost every day. That's roughly $100 a month, if I eat smart but most of the time I don't. We've also had a lot of breakfasts out... driving through for a drink...lots of waste in our budget and that has to stop. I clipped my coupons and shopped wisely and planned wisely for what we needed. I also cut out sodas for Austin. He's not loving it but it's a waste of money and it's bad for him. My Reason to Love Monday is having breakfast ready to go!

(by the way... if you have coupons you're not using... will you consider mailing them to me? I'm having trouble finding coupons since we don't have a printer and I rarely buy a print newspaper. We saved $13 this weekend and I was really proud of that, it will add up and help me fill the gaps in my budget)

It's warming up. Our lowest high temp for the week is 69, which will come today. I have the window open and the kitties are loving peeking out. Unfortunately... there was a little parent/teenager drama going on upstairs over the weekend (the boyfriend was arrested, according to Austin) and there was a little carrying of sound down to us... doors slamming... stomping..Ugh.

My own teen... he's doing fine. A little snappish with me and I finally last night had to snap back and say, "ok... I'm not appreciating the way you're talking to me"... I know that anger is part of the grieving process and he doesn't really have anyone else that he trusts enough to be angry at ... and know that they'll still be there. It's that unconditional mommy love. I don't like the meanness, though. It hurts my heart. I've worked hard at making the path easy for him over the past few days but... there's only so much I can do, know what I mean?

I made an awesome - stretch for days - recipe in the crockpot on Saturday. I used 8 boneless chicken breasts... two jars of salsa... one big can of cream of mushroom soup... two chopped peppers and a ton of cilantro (because I love it and it's good for lowering blood pressure) ... so far we've had four meals from it. It is great over rice... it's great to pick out the chicken and put it in a taco.... I made a casserole by layering it with corn tortillas and cheese in a casserole dish (that's for dinner tonight) AND... since pillsbury pizza dough was buy one get one free and I had a coupon....we're going to have a mexican pizza with it tomorrow. Having dinner already planned out is a great Reason to Love Monday.

Wednesday I go back to the pain doctor.
Thursday I have some dental work done to fix something that the quack dentist in Jacksonville did... they left a tiny piece of tooth when they did a root canal and that tiny piece is causing infection. Not looking forward to that process but I have to do it while I can do it.
Friday is payday.

Let's get this week started... have a great day, y'all!

Grieving...

As a parent you teach you children many things... but one thing that a person must learn for themselves is how to grieve. Austin went with Logan and Hillary to Kegan's viewing yesterday afternoon.  

Kegan Martin 

White County High School 

Afterwards... a group of young people (which may or may not have included my son, so as not to implicate him in anything that may have been... um... frowned upon) went to the school and made some alterations that I won't expound on but they may or may not have included some spray paint and a big rock. 

Or something. *wink* 

(from the right... Logan, Hillary, Austin... I don't know the others)

Afterwards ... they went bowling. 


I've grieved many losses in my life... but I've never done as good a job of it as my son and his friends did yesterday 


and I am... so.... stinkin'.... proud. 

the rest of the story

Before I wrote my blog entry yesterday morning at wee-dark-thirty... I understood Austin to say that the boy who died sat in front of him in math class. Actually ... what he said was more along the lines of dreading going to math class because Kegan sat in front of him and it would be a reminder that he was gone.

With Aspergers kids (I mean, adults, I keep forgetting he's 18 now) you don't always get the entire chronological story in a way that makes sense. I thought we were looking at a very tragic situation of an acquaintance who had passed away. I updated yesterday's entry but in case you missed it: this hit way, way closer to home than I originally realized.

Yesterday morning I took Austin to school and was able to piece the story together... so many of Austin's buddies drifted in and out of our place when we lived in town... and most of them had nicknames like "Fluffy" or "Fat Pat" and so they morphed into pretty much the same kid in my head... it took me a minute to remember this boy.

Kegan was the boy who helped Logan move his stuff to our house when Logan's mom threw him out last Spring. (and was therefore subjected to my "you play/you pay" speech that I gave)
Kegan was "the friend" that Austin described as coming to see him when he spent the night with a friend "in town" a few weeks back.
Kegan was one of a group of kids that Austin hoped to meet up with if I would have taken him into town on Thursday evening.

Thursday after work my back was hurting... I was exhausted... my blood pressure was off the charts and I told Austin that there was no way for me to add a couple extra hours of suffering to my already way too long day. It wasn't punitive but he HADn't done what I'd asked him to do over the past week or so. I wasn't willing to sacrifice and suffer for him to have a good time out and about with friends on a school night. (and somewhere in the back of my head I'm hearing Purple Michael say, "come down off the cross already... we need the wood")

He kept trying to make a deal and I wasn't feeling like Monty Hall.

Would Austin have potentially been with Kegan when he flipped his car? I don't know. Who can say what chain of events can transpire when a bunch of "ten feet tall and bullet proof" teenagers get together? I'm sure that if I HAD taken Austin to hang out with his friends that it would have been with the stipulation that he had a ride home because there was absolutely no way I could have stayed up and focused enough to go out again. And there was enough of a connection between the two of them that Austin found out about the accident because of mutual friends texting to see if he was with Kegan.

Austin came to this area in 9th grade and... typical of small towns... everyone knows everyone which means that if you're new, you stick out like a sore thumb. And if you weren't born here... you're new.  In ANY environment Austin would be different. He's way very lots of mega-different here. There haven't been a lot of kids who have attempted to befriend Austin and I have no doubt... he hasn't tried to befriend a lot of kids. Kegan was a friend. And he is gone.

Two hours into my work day, Austin called from school. He was crying so hard that I could barely understand him. I understood enough to realize that THIS was too much for him to deal with in a public school environment. I grabbed my keys... stuck my head in the office next to mine and said, "I've got to get Austin, I'll be back". I'm sure there was probably someone who could have picked him up for me but this was one of those parenting jobs that you don't farm out. Sometimes... a kid grown man just needs his mommy.

As a parent, you're only as happy as your saddest kid. I cried the whole way to the school... took a deep breath... wiped off the mascara and went in to check Austin out. A young lady from our church was standing there and I spoke but barely... my focus was on connecting with my kid and helping him to make sense out of a senseless loss. He was just. so. sad. Heartbroken.

I took him home and went back to work. Shaken and grateful all at once.

There's a report of the accident on our local news website. There's even a picture... not gory... just sad. He ran off the road a little... over-corrected, lost control and the car flipped on it's side. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. The girlfriend was. I have no idea what the extent of her injuries are but I know she survived.

Getting on my soapbox... let me just say, "Please wear a seatbelt, always, every time." I get gas at Ingles on Saturday before I get groceries. After I pump gas, I get back in my car BUCKLE UP and drive the fifty yards across the usually completely empty parking lot. It's that important to me. Every time.

Anyways... just wanted to share the rest of the story.

Not much time... in so many ways....

update: When I wrote this entry I didn't realize how close Austin is to this child who passed away. This boy was Austin's friend. He had been in our home... playing video games... hanging out... part of Austin's circle of friends... someone Austin had ridden with... and almost - could have - been with last night. Austin wanted to go hang out with his friends last night so he could spark with a young lady he's interested in. My back was hurting and my blood pressure was up and I didn't feel like carting Austin in to town and waiting up for him. So I told him no. He argued and begged and pleaded and I still said no. By the grace of God... no.

-----------------------------------------


Not much time to blog today... Austin was up early... slightly discombobulated... slightly emotional. The kid who sits in front of him in math class died last night in a car accident. It seems that every year, every graduating class has some tragedy. No matter where you are... there's always that ONE kid whose life ends far too soon. And although I didn't know this kid... I know that in my county there's a mama who has gone from paying for a cap and gown... to paying for a funeral... in a very short period of time and that. breaks. my. heart.

I've been the mean mom. I've kept Austin from driving. Most kids by his age have had a drivers license for two years and have been driving for three. Not my boy. I know him too well. He wasn't ready. He's barely ready now and I'm planning to sacrifice a week's grocery bill to pay for professional, behind the wheel training for him. It's that important to me that he knows what he's doing. He's got to start driving. The logistics of his NOT driving have gotten too complicated. There's not a school bus to take him to his post-graduation education or employment. My schedule is not flexible. We have to put him on the road very soon.

But. Oh. The fear the grips my heart. I prayed yesterday on my way home from work about his upcoming time behind the wheel and I guarantee that I will pray every time he sets off in a car alone. How I wish I had the kind of money to buy him a tank to drive so that if he misjudges a turn... misses a stop sign... veers off the road... he'll be safe. I just wanna wrap him in bubble wrap and set him on a shelf so that nothing can ever harm him.

Not much time to blog this morning. I'm driving him to school. Just a few more precious minutes with my baby boy. I'll buy him a chicken biscuit at Yonah Burger... have a chat with him... or let him talk... and I'll cry... because I always cry at crossroads... and from my vantage point, it looks like these next few months hold a lot of crossroads for us. The loss of a young life - of a kid I never knew - reminds me of how fragile life really is. It reminds my own kid of his own mortality. It's a harsh reality check... finding out you're not ten feet tall and bullet proof.

Love and hugs, y'all.

Thankful Thursday... thankful for compassion...

“[Praise to the God of All Comfort] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

I wasn't sure what to write about today... but that passage gives me a great springboard to bounce Tigger like into my day!

I went back to the doctor yesterday (the regular doctor) My blood pressure is headed in the wrong direction despite the second pill we added two weeks ago. My doctor told me yesterday that he's changing the name on my chart to "Trouble"... and we added a third blood pressure pill. AND ... I have to go back in two weeks. My blood pressure - after resting for thirty minutes - was 160/105.

NEXT week I go to the pain doctor - have to check in with them every two to three months... and to the dentist to have a root of a tooth removed... the tooth was pulled while I was in Jacksonville and there's been this piece that was left behind that has been giving me some trouble. I feel like doctor visits are my full time job and feel so discouraged that I have to continually be dealing with one. thing. after. another.

Yesterday I drew a little tiny Angel on my right hand... there's a young mom named Angel who is the friend of a friend... Angel just found out she has breast cancer. I wanted to remember her in prayer so I drew the Angel. The truth is... my medical issues are overwhelming and discouraging and frustrating BUT... cancer. Such a scary word... such a huge, life changing diagnosis in the life of a young family.

I got a facebook message last week about a former classmate (who graduated the year before me) who is battling kidney cancer. I got another facebook message about a local lady who is dealing with the same back problems that I am - only she doesn't have health insurance. A young boy who had a heart transplant as a tiny baby who is now battling serious kidney issues as a result of his anti-rejection drugs for his heart. And others... there's rarely a day that goes by without someone - somewhere - who is struggling with their health being brought to my attention. Why is that?

Well... honestly... I used to be a Mean Girl. Seriously. Starting with my first mother-in-law and her myriad of health problems that were her excuse for going on permanent disability in her forties... and being unable to carry out any commitments EVER. (which led her to marry the biggest loser there ever was but that's another story)... and then various people who I have worked with, been friends with, family members... I have always had such a nasty *eye rolling* reaction to those who have chronic or constant illness. I've always looked for ways to blame people for the affliction they've been afflicted with... you know, blame the obese person for their high blood pressure... blame the smoker for their bronchitis... considering people weak if they can't just build a bridge and GET OVER their problems.

That changed about 14 months ago. You know... about the time that I started with something that we thought was a kidney infection that was upgraded to kidney stone that ended up being a half dozen different diagnosis' that all contribute to almost constant pain. My life changed. My perspective changed. My vantage point is OH... SO... VERY... different. My heart changed... and now... when I know of anyone whose life is being turned upside down by a body that no longer works like it should... I pray in a very sincere and... maybe even... compassionate way... that I never had before.

Somethings, it turns out, are beyond our control. We build a false sense of independent security in our mortal bodies and abilities. I use the term, "ten feet tall and bullet proof"... and yet... sometimes... despite our greatest efforts.... our bodies fail us. There is a fear that grips my heart beyond anything I can properly articulate to you when you know that there is no cure... no way to reverse the damage that you - your circumstances - your choices in life... have done to your health. Sometimes, no matter how great your faith or trust in God, sometimes there is no healing.

There is, instead, sometimes, a change of heart. Lord, give me that change of heart... that compassion that can only come from walking a few painful miles in the shoes of struggle... so that I can look with tear filled eyes and an overflowing heart and with complete honesty say, "I know what you're going through"... and then, only by the Grace of God, comfort them.

I'm so thankful it's Thursday.

One day at a time...

This morning I woke up with what I would consider a "full flare" of my f-word (fibromyalgia). My back hurts from my shoulders to my hips. It's insane. I wanna crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head but I pushed through yesterday ... and I'm going to push through today... and I have to be there tomorrow because a co-worker is off and me and Angie are having lunch together ... then it  will be Friday. And that's how I make it. One day at a time, sweet Jesus.

Yesterday was the worst I've hurt in a long time but I had an appointment scheduled with a really sweet lady to help her review her life insurance plan with Big D so I had to tough it out at work. It was a great appointment... she bought a plan that is perfect for her situation and I felt good about it. If you're local (you know, in Northeast Georgia) or you're going to be visiting here... no matter how much life insurance you have in place... you should  schedule an appointment to let my boss review it with you. He does a great job at helping people discover their real needs and put together a plan they can afford to meet those needs. And... I really need to bring some appointments in. It's worth the trip, y'all. Well. Most of y'all. For some of you it would involve planes, trains and automobiles.

And if you have a chunk of money in a cd and you're bummed about the interest rates on it... and it's money that you never intend to need... you just want to grow it for your estate... why not put it in a single premium life insurance policy? You'll get a guaranteed interest rate that is way higher than what the bank offers.

Also yesterday... I wished a happy birthday to the wrong sister-in-law. I'm an idiot. Or just discombobulated.

I also forgot that I needed to reschedule the doctors appointment I have for today. I set it for 3pm and later remembered that I was supposed to do fasting blood work and... well, I'm not planning to fast all day. Overnight... sure... but all day? Nope. So... I called and they couldn't reschedule me for a morning appointment until the end of the month and that's not going to work because the second blood pressure medicine isn't working right... still having high bottom numbers... and I've been actively trying to get them to do something about it for over a month. I'm gonna have a durn stroke before they get me situated. I need a new doctor.

Angie and the girls went over the mountain to see Grandma yesterday. I soooo wish I could have gone with them because I miss my Steel Magnolia so much... but there was no way for me to do anything after work yesterday. I was so spent that I was nervous driving home. I was that wiped out. And dinner... I have no recollection of eating dinner. I did have popcorn. Not unhealthy popcorn... my microwaved honest to goodness real popcorn with no preservatives and additives... just corn... in a brown paper bag... with a little real butter drizzled on it.

I haven't put together my Easter tree yet. We're still decorated for Valentines Day.

I'm ready for March Madness. Pulling for University of Kentucky to win it all.

I'm planning to do chicken in the crockpot tomorrow. Any good crockpot chicken recipes you'd like to share with me? I usually just do chicken in salsa and serve it over rice.

Another boring blog... two days in a row... I haven't had comments in forever... y'all still out there?

Anyways... so that's my Whiny Wednesday... getting through the week one victory at a time. Love and hugs, y'all.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24 NIV

Super Tuesday... eh, not so much.

Oreos were invented 100 years ago today. I may go buy a pack of double stuffed oreos and a gallon of whole milk and eat myself into a sugar coma.
I've started watching Fox & Friends First. They have trotted out more of their Anchor Babes for early morning fun. I love Fox News but they lean too heavily toward pimping out their news chicks. They're smart girls... just... let them dress in normal clothes, not skin tight with their legs exposed and stripper heels with a spotlight on their legs.
Trouble has gas this morning. He curled up beside me and let one rip. Such a man. My belly isn't doing so well either.
My coffee is awesome today... amaretto creamer and a touch of salt. I like my coffee strong and the salt mitigates the bitterness.
I'm living in a "no bitter" zone. I want to be better, not bitter.
Had noodles at the Japanese restaurant yesterday for lunch. They only have noodles on Monday and Tuesday. I don't even know the name of the restaurant. We call it "the japanese place behind the Racetrac gas station.
I won't be voting today since I voted two weeks ago. I will be wearing my "I voted" sticker, which I saved for this occasion.
Voting is a civic duty, in my opinion. When you think about parts of our society who were denied the right to vote... a hundred years ago I couldn't have voted.
My new blood pressure meds don't seem to be helping much. Still have the higher blood pressure.
The computer is really slow again today. Like me. Draggin' a bit.
Lots of pain today. I had a brief moment of "nope. not doing it today". But I decided to go through the motions and just get as far as I can. There are a couple of things I really need to do at the office so I'm setting a goal of toughing it out until those projects are completed.
Just feels like my vertebrae are right on top of each other with no cushion in between. I can't move to the left or the right. My pain is rarely bad enough to make me cry. Today it is.
I'm late posting my blog today and there's relatively no content.
I'm going to leave you with this verse... it's the verse of the day on www.biblegateway.com. It's my goal to praise God in all situations. I'm in pain but I will still praise Him. He is faithful.

LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” Isaiah 25:1 NIV