spring time in the mountains!

Spring has come to the mountains. I'll post pictures whenever I can....

On Sunday the trees were bare and on Monday everything was in full bloom. It's like one of those movies where you note the passing of time by the trees… golden and orange and fiery red when I first arrived… then the cold bare branches in the winter… and now everything in beautiful pale pinks and purples and white…

It's like life is starting again. Especially mine.

I met Michael in the spring. Our first date was on April Fools Day (that'll teach me, right?). Our first month together was a kaleidescope of places… walking on the nature trail… Stone Mountain… the baseball fields where our kids played… Boston… all in the beautiful fresh spring air. Everything is fresh and new viewed through eyes that are falling in love.
I left Michael at the end of a long hot summer. Fall had not yet even thought about coming to Jacksonville when I left. Fall was just beginning when I arrived here Helen. My first weeks here were cloaked in the kind of fall scenery you can only enjoy in the mountains. It was as if God was saying, "I'm giving you beauty for ashes". The dust of that old pain for the splendor of new hope. Even as the leaves died and fell off the trees, the beauty of the mountains spoke to my heart… reminding me that God is powerful. Eternal. Able to set mountains in place and able to carry me over mountains, even those of my own making.

I'm missing having my usual access to cyberspace but I'm also breaking some bad habits by not spending every evening tethered to it. It's good to spend time with the three dimensional people. It's good to read. To actually talk to my son. To talk on the phone.

Sunday was the first day that my computer usage was really hampered and I spent half the day in church and half the day with Barry. Barry and I did what we always used to do - watched tv. It's a cheap date but it was comforting to have some of that old normal back in my life. He was a great comfort to me. In some ways he was hurt that I started dating Michael at all. Not that he had any claims on me… he certainly wasn't making a move toward permanence. It hurt him that I didn't really contact him while I was with Michael. It just seemed inappropriate. But underneath it all, he was my friend and he missed our friendship. So did I. I missed a lot of people. I've been blessed to be able to reconnect with a lot of friends and have made a lot of new friends in the process. Life is good.

Today I had lunch at a little chain mexican restaurant, El Jinete, up here in Hooterville. There was another El Jinete near our house in Woodstock. Michael took us out to dinner there the night that he showed me the house he intended for us to move into. It was such an exciting time… of course, the kids were fighting like cats and dogs throughout the whole process… I just remember rushing through that big empty house and being in complete awe that it was going to be where I lived. It was a beautiful home… but somehow the beauty of the structure couldn't undo the ugliness of the hurts that happened there. Same for the beach in Jacksonville. Where the mountains have helped and healed me, the beach felt like a hot, messy, scattered wasteland. The ocean reminded me of the huge barrier between myself and God. Between myself and the people I love. Between myself and happiness. Ultimately, though, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Being here has made me grateful for the simple things… like curling up with an old friend to watch tv.

I think I have someone who can repair my laptop, hopefully inexpensively. It's a friend of my brother's.

Tonight I'm having dinner with my friend Natalie. She's the one I talked about back in January - her husband committed suicide three years ago. I post a lot of pictures of her daughter, Jorjanne, as she is Sarabeth's best friend. I don't think Natalie and I have ever had the chance to speak two sentences in a row. We're always at church or at birthday parties or somewhere where there are a lot of people and EVERYbody wants to talk to Natalie. I'm excited to have her all to myself for a whole meal! Jorjanne will be at gymnastics and Austin will be home.

Tomorrow the teenagers at our church are starting a fast for world hunger and Austin is participating. They're fasting for 30 hours… I'm not quite sure how well austin will do with that… but they'll be involved in a lot of activities to keep them occupied. We'll have a worship service Friday night at 7pm and Saturday morning at 9am. I'm planning to go to both. It can't hurt, right? I told Sarabeth she could sit with me in worship service and we'd color with my sharpie markers. She said, "Does that mean I can't eat either?" I said… "Oh no, honey… you and Aunt Heather are gonna eat!".

Even though we're not missing meals… spending the weekend in church three times (counting Sunday morning) and away from the computer for the most part… should be good cleansing for me. I've been working on avoiding bitterness and bad memories over the past two weeks… really focusing on forgiveness, not just for others but also for myself. I've been enjoying the life that I have here without regret. Did I mention that life is good?

There's someone new in my life - not a "boyfriend" or even a dating interest… just a new friend who has struggled himself and has found his way. He's a great source of encouragement for me and we've spent many, many hours on the phone in the past week or two. It's good stuff….
So that's the haps for now… once the laptop is working or replaced I'll be more consistent with reading and writing blogs but for now… just know that it's all good. Love and hugs, y'all!

out of pocket

Well. My friend the laptop is not doing well. Just as the little salesman said at the Frye's Electronics two weeks ago... the problem is not with the power cords, it's with the pin inside my plug inside the laptop. It's stopped working again. I'm going to try to find someone who can fix it for a reasonable amount of money... but in the meantime... I'm offline. I can read my blog from work but I can't access aol email or facebook. You KNOW I'm grieving the loss of facebook!

I sort of look at this as a season for me to climb out of the nest, look around, see what is out there in my 3D world.... work on my home more, work on my relationship with the Lord more, be present for Austin more. I got a great texting plan on my little po-phone so I can text for next to nothing... if you need my cell number, leave a comment with either your email address or phone number so I can text the number to you.

I spent yesterday with Barry. *smile* Wouldn't YOU LIKE to know?

We actually had a really nice and really normal time together. It was as if those three years in between hadn't existed... except for the part where I cried in his arms for half an hour... out of pure joy and relief to be there... *sigh*... we went out for mexican, took Austin to bible drill, came home and curled up together to watch tv. It was nice. And lest the trolls rear their ugly head in my absence, I remain faithful to my marriage vows.

Time to get busy here. I miss you guys!
love and hugs!

sing along Saturday

This entry brought to you courtesy of Magic 102 out of Clarkesville, Georgia. Bet you can't read the lyrics without singing the song in your head!

So put me on a highway, show me a sign and take it to the limit one more time…

Every time you go away… you take a piece of me with you

Every time I look into your loving eyes… I see a love that money just can't buy…
Anything you want… you got it… anything you need… you got it…

If I was the king of the world… I tell you what I'd do…

She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe.

If we couldn't laugh we just would go insane.

I gave all my money and my time. I know it's a shame, but I'm giving you back your name.

Guess I'll be on my way. I won't be back to stay.

What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second hand emotion? I've been thinking of my own protection. It scares me to feel this way.

Do a little dance… make a little love… get down tonight.

We built this city on rock'n'roll...

And the secrets that we shared… and the mountains that we moved… And I remember what she said to me, how she swore that it never would end… I remember how she held me oh so tight… wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

In bed, with the covers on your head, pretend like you are dead, I know… the rhythm is gonna get you…

I tell ya once more before I get on the floor… don't bring me down…

They just don't write 'em like that any more

Takin' care of business - it's alright, takin' care of business and workin' overtime...

Yesterday was the Memorial Service for my grandma's sweetie. God love her… she's just the sweetest lady… my Steel Magnolia… she has survived one heartbreaking divorce, single motherhood, the death of a spouse, and now her companion has passed away at 93. And she still managed to have her lipstick on and hair fixed just right yesterday. Jerry had lost his quality of life but it's still sad. Jerry was Catholic so we attended his funeral mass. It surprised me the things that I remember from the *few* times that I attended Mass with Michael. (don't look directly at the holy water when he's flinging it! that stuff BURNS when it gets in your eyes!) I still regret that Michael and I were unable to connect on a spiritual level. Jerry was also career military so they did the whole military honors complete with taps and six gun salute. Oddly… I saw the guns… and knew what they were for… but still about came out of my skin when they fired!

Angie had a mushy moment during the inurnment (sp?) (they placed the urn with his cremated remains into the ground) and I was being the big sister and comforting her... and she said, "this is the third one she's lost"... and I said, "Yeah. Usually I get rid of mine before they die". *chirp, chirp* Ok. So it's not that funny but it made her laugh.

Funerals are sad… of course… but they also seem to serve as a bit of a family reunion. I was surprised to find the son and grandson of grandma's second husband, Harry, at the service. Son came from… I don't remember where he lives… Pennsylvania, maybe? And grandson came from Indiana with his lovely wife and little boy. I had a great time hanging with grandson when our grandparents married in… 1985, I guess it was? I don't remember much of him from his grandfather's funeral. I rode "over the mountain" with Jim and Angie so we got some bonding time.

Mama and daddy had gifts for me… a bible cover and a scarf. Mama crocheted the scarf - pink. It's cute. Daddy had wanted to buy me a new bible but I love my old bible with 20 years of sermon notes and underlined verses and such… I asked him just to get me some duct tape to hold the old one together. Instead he bought me a really nice bible cover! It's like having a brand new bible with all the good stuff still in it.

So… sad occasion… not unpleasant… God is good. I missed almost the whole day of work... so I went in to work today and made up four hours. I wrote most of this blog entry at the office (I type fast... I didn't really waste THAT much time!)

"Dr. Drake" (copyright Jen - she can't understand half of what he says so she says he must be a doctor - no dear, he's just a democrat! *teehee*) Dr Drake lured me out of the nest for a little while last night to work with Laughing Matters (check out their website here: www.laughingmatters.com) as they performed a murder mystery at the Taste of White county event.

Ok… You know I love my little neck of the woods… but having a black tie event here is GOOOD people watching. What I loved was that some of the local yokels were more ostentatious than the characters in the murder mystery! It totally cracked me up that the Taste of White County included representatives from the Huddle House. Word.

I had a great time with young Lainey the Pirate Wench (copyright Dr Drake) (not sure I had that whole moniker correct) who also happens to be the young spawn of my landlord. She's a lovely young lady and totally gets my White County sarcasm. Here you either get the jokes or you are the joke. I have such a tender heart for this place and these people and without a doubt, this place is healing… but there is some real quaintness… like the older gentleman who was complete in Colonel Sanders tails and string tie last night, God love him.

Dr. Drake - as usual - came bearing gifts from civilization- a newspaper and some of those fabulous cinnamon twists that you can get at the Publix bakery. *sigh* Publix… how I miss Publix…

Got a phone call that mama has been taken to the hospital. Angie will update me … or call the po-phone to let me know if we need to head south. Bear called. Said if I ended up going down that way he'll take me to dinner… or he'll come up tomorrow after church to hang out with me. (not holding my breath but it's a fun little game we play - pretending that he's coming up some time. He's my favorite imaginary date EVER!). I asked him to come up here and go to church with me but he's hesitant to integrate… which is crap… my friend Tiiara already integrated us! Ha! But he's uncomfortable with it… I mean… it is WHITE County! Asked where we could go to eat?… Huddle House… what we could do?… enjoy the mountains… I'm never bored here. I was FAR more bored in Jacksonville! Here there is always something going on. Like… today for instance… I'll be taking the trash out of my bathroom… bleaching some whites… changing my sheets… I mean, the fun never ends.

Austin walked down to the hair place near my office while I was working and got his hair cut so we were able to check that off the to-do list. (I called first and said, "hey... this is Heather up at Duane's office... I'm sending a shaggy headed kid down there....") We ran by Walmart after work to get his clothes for Josh's wedding... another item checked off. Angie and Jamie were at Walmart so we checked out with them and Austin was able to load Angie's purchases in her car for her. One of her students was working there and called out to "Dr. Gant" which always cracks me up. I mean, she's had her doctorate for awhile, but it still sounds weird.

Kentucky and Florida are playing this afternoon so I'm in my nest with basketball on TV. This is the LIFE!

Austin and I stopped by this BBQ place on our way home... got some brunswick stew and chopped bbq chicken for me. Mush. Mush. Mush. While we were there we saw a girl from church. Austin went up and hugged her... I thought that was pretty sweet. He's adapted to life here... run into folks you know everywhere you go and hug 'em when you see 'em.

My former boss, Kathy, is getting married today. *sigh* And they lived happily ever after... why can't I?

Having this retainer has shown me how much I do clench my teeth. Unintentionally, of course. The durn thing is getting on my nerves. Plus... I have to take it out every time I take a bite of anything - which makes me realize how often I take a bit of something...

Ok... time to go back to Facebook and read a few blogs... love and hugs, y'all!

I'm alive, Part 2

I've been a bad blogger lately, sorry!
Really, it's good news. I know that in the past when you wouldn't hear from me, it was because I was depressed or because I was on "restriction" from internet or my computer. It's not any of those things.
I've just been busy.
I feel like all I've done this week is work and sleep.
I've squeezed a few phone calls in between but I've ignored more calls than I've answered.
I'm feeling like I'm on a hamster wheel and can't get off.
So many things to do that are just not getting done. There isn't enough of me to go around.
Now... this is not a complaint. My life is full. Happy full. But sometimes I miss working part time! Sometimes I miss having someone else pay the bills. Sometimes I miss having a little help with Austin. Sometimes I miss having Cody and Ryan around to help me deal with things.
Here's my to-do list that is growing and looming like a big hairy monster over me:
get a new battery for my laptop
get my haircut
get Austin's haircut
do my taxes
turn in unreimbursed medical expenses for last year
pay bills (the money is there, haven't written checks)
give this house a good, deep cleaning
get new tires
clean out my closet
put away the last few Christmas decorations
go to the grocery store
get coffee (I've been out for a week!)
fix my leaning tower of Pisa bookshelf
get Cody added to the health insurance
get Austin something to wear for Josh's wedding
get Josh the money for Cody's tux for his wedding
get the oil changed in my car

I haven't read other blogs in two weeks. At least. I need to visit my grandma more. I need to find out what Austin has done with all of his socks. I need to find a shelf sturdy enough for my big tv in my bedroom (which has been sitting on the floor ever since I moved in). And so on and so on.

Today I'm going to try to get in a few hours at work... then go to my grandmother's sweetie's funeral... maybe back to work for a few hours... then work with Robert Drake tonight... work a few hours tomorrow to make up for hours missed... and then try to knock some stuff off that to do list above... then church most of the day Sunday and.... my head is spinning! AND WE'RE LOSING AN HOUR THIS WEEKEND!

The thing is... I feel so guilty about the things that aren't getting done but yet I'm doing all I can. I'm just putting out fires... I feel like I'm not devoting the energy and attention to work that I should... I feel like I'm not parenting the way I should... I feel like I'm shortchanging my friends and family... I feel like I'm missing lots of opportunities around here to be engaged in my community. Natalie invited me to go contradancing again tonight... no time!

So this whole blog entry is just one big whine and I haven't had time to say half of what I want to say! Have to glam and dash... be well!

I'm alive!

Ok... I just got one of those "where are you woman?" emails, so I figure I should make a blog entry. Seriously... I think I have three hundred lurkers out there... you should rise up and be counted! If I go more than 24 hours without an update y'all think I've been abducted by aliens.

Here's the deal: I'm bitter. Everyone else in Georgia got snow but this ONE little tiny town that I'm in GOT NOTHING! It's soooo unfair! I didn't get snow last year because I was living on the equator. Ok. Maybe not the equator but it was still too warm to snow. I know you people in snow land think, "what's the big deal?" but you have to understand... for a Georgia girl, snow is awesome. I only want a day of it... and I don't want to lose power or go through any weather related atrocities... but I wanted some dang snow pictures.

I finally sold a life policy today. The bad thing is that someone talked to these folks about life insurance last fall... nothing doing... I had talked to them several times over the last month and we even set a few appointments - they cancelled three times in a row and the last time their baby was in the hospital. I called on Friday to reschedule and didn't hear anything from them and then when I checked our schedules this morning they had an appointment with Duane! I was like... dang it! I worked too hard for this sale to just let it slip by. It's not the commission (ok, it's a little bit about the commission)... but it's also the fact that I spent a good bit of time explaining life insurance to the wife and helping her decide what they need. However... Duane had done the same thing with the husband. What sorta hacked me off was that the lady gave Duane the impression that she had called to schedule an appointment with him and I had intercepted the call and made it my appointment... which I would never do. Duane's a good guy, though, he had me sit in on the appointment (which was really helpful for me, he's a good salesman) and the lady *remembered* that I had called her about a problem with her car insurance and pivoted to offering life insurance. We thought we'd get two policies out of it but it turned out the lady was ineligible for the time being due to some health issues.

At any rate... I left work late after getting to work early this morning and I was just wiped out on the way home from work. I stopped at the little "meat and three" place where CnM and I went on our Friday the 13th date... and found out they have a DRIVE THRU! Hello! Drive thru! In my neck of the woods, that's golden! Their portions are so big that I ordered one meal to split between Austin and I and it was plenty.

I'm reading the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers and if you have not read it... buy it now, read it as soon as you can. You will not believe how powerful this work of fiction is... it totally demonstrates how a beautiful, Christlike romance is supposed to be. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have been reading it wistfully, thinking of the promise and hope I had when I met Michael... and the disappointment that relationship turned out to be.

I'm way behind on reading blogs... love y'all, sorry... I've been downright anti-social on blogger because I'm busy with facebook! Sorry, I go where the love is, know what I mean? I love interacting with folks...

There's probably a dozen other things I could tell you... maybe tomorrow... I want to finish my book!
Love and hugs, y'all!

updates

Since we are mostly in agreement that the whole blogger dashboard thing pales in comparison to the AOL Journal blogger updates we are used to receiving... is there anyone who would like an email notification of when I update this blog? Comment or email me. A few of my friends :waves to Jeanne and Jen: are doing this and I think it's a good way to keep people in the loop. Now... having said that... I sometimes blog four times a day... so you may want to just check in every day or so as time permits.

Also, my friend Amanda's church was struck by lightening and burned to the ground yesterday. Please keep Twin Oaks Baptist church in your prayers!

Love and hugs, y'all!

rainy Sunday with my Jamie girl...

Our Jamie-gurl has the flu. Mom was at the Doc-in-the-box with her for a good while last night. I went over around 5:30 and had dinner at the Sautee Trail Cafe with Jim and Sarabeth... Angie went ahead to the doctor with Jamester. Jim left to go to the Discipleship Now conference... and Sarabeth and I spent the night listening to CD's and dancing to things like "The Hokie Pokie" and "On Top of Spaghetti"... we had a buuuhlast! There are worst ways to spend a Saturday night than dancing like a crazy person to the Hokie Pokie!

Then we curled up to watch the Sound of Music. Sarabeth had so many questions... we ended up in this deep theological discussion about what nuns are... what does it mean to be Catholic.... what are we? (Baptist, for the most part)... how do they make the words on top of the picture in the opening credits... how did the film the picture from on top of the mountains?... what is film?... what was it like to live back in Austria in the time of the Sound of Music?... what happened to Maria?... did she go to Heaven when she died?.... (I think she died... let me fact check that...yes, she died in 1987)... are any of the children still alive?... (looks like all but one)... why did Liesl get excited that Rolph brought a telegram... and so on and so forth... it's funny, I don't remember being that inquisitive as a child... I just loved the music and the story... I think I'm still the same way... I don't ask a lot of questions, I just enjoy the ride.

Last night Angie got home exhausted. She spent the first part of the week at Callaway Gardens at a conference for work... then came home and immediately was thrust into moving back into their house, cleaning all the sheetrock dust (which covered EVERYTHING, even in the cabinets!) there was painting to be done, furniture to be moved back, all their belongings that they had at their temporary location to be put back, there were kids who came to clean that needed supervision... and then a trip to the doctor (45 minutes away). She was about to drop when she got home...

I headed home and was backing up the driveway in the dark (always a scary proposition for me!) and all of a sudden there was a girl standing beside my car. It freaked me out quite a bit... Jim and Angie live way back off the main road... about a half mile up a windy one lane dirt road... there is a rental cabin about five hundred yards away from them, totally secluded by trees.... so to see ANYONE... in the dark and rain at that time of night up close to their house... well, it would have freaked anyone out. She had a baby in a backpack... (which made me feel a bit safer) so I rolled down my window to see what she needed. She said they were staying at the rental cabin next door... she was hiking with her husband and some friends and they got lost. She followed what she thought was the way back to the cabin (she was right) but they went a different way and had not made it home. At this point it's about 9pm and very dark and raining. She was soaked, the baby was soaked. She was obviously scared. She asked if I had a cellphone ... I told her it didn't get good reception (the truth is that my little po-phone is just too expensive to use except when there are no other options!) and told her to follow me to the house.

Ok... here's the thing... yes, she could have been an axe murderer and I was leading her right into my brother's home. But... I think God gives us a spirit of discernment to know what is a risk and what wasn't. She had a baby (maybe a year old) in the rain and the cold. I wasn't able to just leave her out there. I explained to her as we went up the porch that it was my brother's house and I didn't have a key but that my sister in law had a phone she could use. She was young... maybe 21 or 22... Angie gave her a phone to use and she called her husband. He didn't answer immediately... we talked about what needed to happen and where he might have gone... and then he called back. She was able to guide him back by telling him what way she went, giving him landmarks. He made it back safely. She was very grateful for our help... and I was grateful she wasn't an axe murderer.

Again, man plans and God laughs. I had been looking forward to a very different day yesterday.... but I believe that God weaves all of our actions and choices together for His will and purpose (if we let Him). Not to take too much credit... but I can't help but wonder what might have happened if this young girl had not had access to a phone and had not been able to lead her husband back to the cabin? He had the keys... she couldn't get in... couldn't get to a phone... it's a long walk to the little country store down the way.... on a cold, dark, rainy night. What would have happened if Angie hadn't decided to take Jamie to the doctor and I hadn't come to babysit Sarabeth? The girl would have come walking up after dark and scared Angie to death! Certainly, you don't have many people wander up on foot around here... God is good. That's for certain.

Since Jamie has the flu she couldn't go to church. Angie plays the drums in our worship services and Jim sings and leads the youth group... and they just had this weekend Discipleship Now conference... he needed to be there to make sure everyone got back to their parents and so forth. It made more sense for Aunt Heather to babysit. Helen First Baptist can do without me a lot easier than it can do without Jim and Angie... so when Angie called on the way home from the doctor last night and said that she had already called our music director to let him know she wouldn't be at church in the morning... and she jokingly said, "You can't play the drums can you?" I said, "no... but I can babysit a sick little girl..." Angie apologized for about ten minutes and said she didn't mean to insinuate that I should offer and didn't want to make me feel like I had to offer and so on and so forth but really... I love to feel useful. I can't lead worship services but I can make sure they can. What a blessing it is for me to be close enough to pinch hit when needed! And what a blessing to be needed! I always had a backup parent with my mom and so why shouldn't Jim and Angie have a backup available for them?

I just hope I don't get the flu! Yikes! But by the time we knew what she had, I had already spent hours playing with her... too late to wory about it... I am letting her lay in her mama and daddy's bed and I'm hanging out in the living room. Close enough to hear every sneeze, but not close enough to be sneezed on... and we're practicing good handwashing techniques!

Jamie is playing with a calculator and calling it her computer. Bless her heart... she feels horrible. She started to cry when her mommy and daddy left for church... I had to hold her for a bit to make her feel better. And as soon as I reminded her that she gets to stay home today and watch Noggin... she was ALL better! My ear is bothering me a lot today... I would have been uncomfortable at church. I'm cozy and comfy all tucked in here... hoping the bad weather holds off until they get back from church and Austin and I get home safely.

Jamie needs me.... Hope you all have a great Sunday!