The Week In Review - Sorta

I have been a lousy blogger this week but I have been a fantastic bookworm! I've also been a champion Farmviller. I've kept my little corner of the world neat and mostly organized. I've interacted much with my son, Chatty Charlie. I've boosted NBC's Olympics ratings. I've cuddled lots of kitties. I've played outdoors with my two favorite redheads. SO even though it's been quiet here in the blogosphere, life has continued here in the Whine Cellar.

Our old dog Lily took a turn for the worse this week. She was diagnosed with cancer last year - gosh, probably last Summer, it's been awhile. Other than a crazy excessive thirst and subsequent frequent need to potty, she's been fairly normal. She's lost weight despite eating more than a grown buffalo. This week, though, she stopped eating and would barely move off of her bed. I went up to visit with her one night, worried that she might not make it through the night. I just patted her on the head and told her what a pretty girl she is and you know, stuff you tell dogs.  And since she was barely moving we moved the gate at the top of our stairs, not worried that she would come down during the night. Of course, at 2am not only was she downstairs but she was downstairs throwing up the most absolutely disgustingly impossible to explain vomit that I have ever seen. Since she can't climb UP the stairs I walked around the house outside with her at 2am. Safe because we live in a low crime (no crime) area... scary because we don't have good outside lighting and there are no street lights. When it's dark outside it's pitch black, can't see your hand in front of your face dark. I didn't want to wake anyone else up so I dragged my body up the outside stairs calling out encouragement to her as she walked up the steep hill to the driveway. I fumbled around with the front door lock - it's one of those that you punch in a code which is helpful when you're locked out at 2am with a vomiting dog. After that night she seems to have rebounded. She's eating again, not vomiting, wagging her tail, getting up to greet people. She's still a very old, sick dog but she doesn't seem to be suffering. Once she gets to the point where she's uncomfortable then we'll make some tough choices but for now she has some quality of life.

Stubby and Little Trouble Kitty cuddling on the ottoman 

Little Kitty watching Pound Puppies - his clubhouse in the background

Austin built a climbing toy/ladder thing for Little Kitty to be able to climb to the top of our storage shelf where his little clubhouse (a box with a hole cut in it for him to peek out of) is located. His breed of cat is one that needs to be as high as possible. If he were an outdoor cat and we lived in the 1950's he would be the kind of cat that the firemen have to rescue from a tree. He loves being on top of the shelf but has a hard time getting up there by himself. When I hold him and look out the sliding glass door after we get through the list of things that we look for in the backyard (you know, "are there birds outside? are there squirrels outside? are there ducks on the lake? are there deer in the woods?" we have a whole routine) he reaches for the top shelf and he will sit there and survey the land from his perch. Austin's little invention is a little rough - he's never had a guy in his life to teach him how to use tools. His biological father is great at building things, very mechanically inclined but Austin hasn't spent much time with him. His gay fathers taught him to appreciate a nice mani-pedi and how to decorate - Austin's great at decorating - but they weren't usually wielding power tools. It's rough but it's entirely functional and Little Kitty is LOVING it! Austin also attached some carpet for him to use to sharpen his claws - he's our only cat with claws. I'll take a picture eventually but today I don't want to move.

Yesterday and today have been really rough days for me pain-wise. The evil gut pain was so bad yesterday that percocet + tramodol didn't touch it. I used my labor breathing for awhile and eventually it eased up. My left leg/left hip is hurting more than usual and I'm having more trouble getting around. I've been trying to do some very minor, very basic yoga and pilates moves... nothing more than tightening my core, trying to balance on one foot, a tiny bit of stretching. After three years of inactivity I have no muscle tone left. I have the fibromyalgia "flu-ey" achy pain all over. I'm coughing up a lot more junk. I'm just really run down.

On top of the three books I've read this week (actually, I've read parts of five) I also binge-read Kelly Stamps' blog from the time before she got pregnant with Harper through the time when Harper was born - which is when I started reading five years ago. Her faith is inspiring. I find her to be consistent and believable and humble. I've read other blogs written by Christian women who weren't as consistent or honest (McKMama for instance whose real life was nothing like what she tried to portray in her blog) so it was refreshing to read back through to see who she was before her blog was so well read.

Anyways... that's what's been happening here the last few days. I'm including a few pictures of my nieces from Wednesday afternoon when we were all playing in the backyard. These are the same ones I posted on Facebook so if you saw them there... well, they're the same. Full disclosure: they played and I sat in the porch swing and took pictures. It was still fun.

Hope you have a happy weekend! Love and hugs, y'all!

Austin is almost 20, Sarabeth is 11 - she's taller!

Jamie is always dancing and prancing around

Redneck Basketball

PJ Wednesday

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday. I went to the library and picked up some new books. I got caught up in reading a history of Northeast Georgia and couldn't put it down long enough to blog. I'm a bookworm like that. I also checked out Following Civil War Photographers, Blizzard! The Great Storm of 88, Edward Windsor- Royal Enigma (obviously a biography on Prince Edward) and Dam Break In Georgia, a book about the Toccoa Falls dam break.

I picked up the book about the dam break because I remember being read that book in Fifth Grade Sunday School at First Baptist Church of Red Oak by Scrap Wheeler. Scrap was an old football coach and a great man of God. He was the person who introduced me to the Super Bowl - the year that the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh Steelers were playing he talked about it in Sunday School. He also used to say that the Bible is a book about baseball because it starts out with "In the big inning". His wife took me to get my ears pierced when I was nine at Merle Norman's in the Riverdale Plaza. It's funny how these sort of memories come to you from just seeing the title of a book. It's also a great reminder to me to be a positive influence on my nieces because kids DO remember the things you teach them in childhood. In my opinion, they remember a lot more of what you teach them in childhood than they remember of what you teach them as teenagers because children are eager to listen and aren't yet rebellious, usually.

I'm also still reading the book on the history of Saturday Night Live. I haven't finished 12 Years A Slave and I'm still reading Beth Moore's To Live Is Christ for my Bible Study time. Slowly I'm moving from screen time to page time and I think it's been good for me.

I went into town yesterday to pick up an application package for the local free clinic. They were super nice, it was very clean and organized and they even had free things set out for people. I picked up a 200 count bottle of Advil, some face cleanser and lip balm all for free! They also had shaving cream, sunscreen... things you would find in a drug store. It seems like a great program and I am very hopeful that I will be able to be accepted into the program. I have an appointment next Wednesday to see if I qualify. You have no idea what a blessing this would be for me. It's hard knowing that there is stuff wrong that really needs to be checked out (like the evil gut pain) but you can't afford it. It's not a matter of choice, it's a matter of limitation. In a way I'm glad my blood pressure shot up so high on Sunday because it prompted me to fight harder for what I need. It's was a good kick in the pants.

I also talked to a new attorney for my disability case yesterday. I have been without representation for the past three months, ever since the big disability group I was using decided they didn't want to represent me. They didn't feel like my case had the medical records to back up my claim. Since then I've had the function capacity evaluation and my pain doctor is supposed to have documented some things in my file that were not in there. I put off contacting the lawyer for this long because honestly, I just couldn't deal with it. It's very overwhelming and exhausting to go through all the nitty gritty of what's wrong with me with a new attorney. This is one that is local and frequently works with my doctor so I know there will be good lines of communication between them. My case likely will not go before a judge until close to the end of this year at the earliest so I knew I had time to take a breather from the situation and so that's what I did. There's a method to my procrastination sometimes.

Yesterday was a day of checking things off the to do list and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Next week will be busy with a visit to the pain doctor on Monday, the interview at the free clinic on Wednesday and an appointment with the lawyer on Thursday.

I didn't sleep well last night - revenge of the chili - and so today is going to be one of those days that I'm sort of sleepwalking through. I got a shower this morning and put on clean pjs but I'm staying in pjs. My nieces will be here after school but otherwise it's going to just be a quiet day watching figure skating and hockey... soaking up as much Winter Olympics as I can. Saving my strength for next week.

I got a card in the mail yesterday from Yakima, Washington and one today from Carrollton, Georgia - both people that I only know from blogging. It's a good reminder that you guys are out there and you really care what happens to me and I promise that I don't take that for granted. There are about a half dozen ladies that I bonded with nine years ago when I was using AOL Journals to blog - we called it "J-land" - and I am still in touch with those ladies on a weekly, if not daily basis. Even though some say that blogging is on the way out, I still see it as an excellent way to stay connected with the world outside of my nest. Whenever I hear from you guys it really means a lot to me, more than you know. Thanks for the love, y'all! Happy Wednesday!

Monday Update

After stressing myself to sleep last night (also with a boost of my now "rarely used" ambien) around 9:30... I was wide awake at 6 this morning with a KILLER headache. All of the scary things that Dr. Google told me last night about high blood pressure were hitting me at once. I knew this was the BIG ONE. I took some ibuprofen and laid on the couch for about an hour and... I survived.

I called my doctors office this morning and told them what had happened and they agreed to call me in three more months of my meds. Problem temporarily solved. Then today I found a free clinic in town that is available to people who have income below 150% of the poverty level who don't have insurance and have chronic diseases. I have no idea what the current poverty level is but in the past 9 months my income has been ZERO so that has to be under the limit, right? They specify on their website that they treat things like high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. You have to go in for an interview to see if you qualify so that is on my agenda tomorrow - setting that appointment. I would have done it today but my trip to the library and the pharmacy wore me out and the library wasn't even open.

I still have a lingering headache and I went ahead and took my meds earlier than usual this afternoon because I figure I've got some blood pressure lowering still to do. A lot of things that I was going through over the past week of really not feeling right make a little more sense in the scheme of things. So the official results of my pharmaceutical experiments are: yes, I can live without ambien - no, I can't live without blood pressure meds. Lesson learned.

So yesterday afternoon Austin and I got into a long debate about him going barefoot. I think I mentioned that I took him to Walmart one day and didn't even notice until he was coming out that he was barefoot. He hates shoes. Trying to get him to buy shoes is like shoving bamboo shoots under fingernails - YOUR fingernails. His perspective is that his feet are tough and he's used to it and what does it matter? My perspective is probably whatever you're thinking right now - disease, risk of cutting his feet, and so on and so forth. He thinks that being an adult (chronologically anyways) means that he can make his own choices about what to wear. He thinks that places that require people to wear shoes are just mean. Being the trained Risk Manager that I am, I tried to enlighten him on the possibly hazards he could encounter by being outside. He said that our yard is completely safe and there's no reason he should have to wear shoes outside at home.

After that he and Pop went out to start planting the garden. A gardening tool was dropped on his foot, cutting the top of his foot. He didn't even want to tell me. I suggested he wash it carefully to avoid infection. At first he refused but when I insisted he got mad and took a whole shower. "Happy now?" he said. Not yet. I still have a barefoot kid.

Today in Walmart Pop tried to buy him some appropriate shoes for being outside. He declined. It's fairly impossible to buy shoes for someone whose feet are as big as his are without having him try them. And the bottom line is that if he doesn't want them, he won't wear them. I've been fighting this battle since he took his first steps. It's a sensory thing from the Asperger's. He has to have certain fabric and textures and... ugh.

This afternoon he was grilling on the back patio, right outside my door. When he pulled the charcoal chimney out and poured the coals in the grill a hot ember flew onto the concrete patio. He didn't see it and promptly stepped on it, burning the bottom of his foot. It hurt him bad enough that he wasn't putting any weight on it whatsoever.

THEN... Sarabeth was dribbling her basketball in the driveway. I cautioned her not to let it get away from her because it could roll all the way to the lake. We agreed that would be bad. I went back in the house and not two minutes later she came in and said her basketball was in the lake. COUSIN AUGGIE to the rescue. He hopped down the hill on one foot and used a stick to pull the basketball back to shore.

Once he limped back up the hill the neighbor dogs ran into the yard and Oscar ran off after them. Austin took off to catch Oscar before he made kibble out of the dogs who dared to cross into his territory. Poor trick! His foot is killing him!

And I was right. He needs to wear shoes.

Anyways. So after a snow storm, ice storm, earthquake, blood pressure crisis and mangled Fred Flintstone foot, hopefully we will settle back into our normal boring life.

Hope your Monday was lovely. Love and hugs, y'all!

High Blood Pressure and Baby/Cat Pics

I screwed up big time. In light of my effort to trim medical expenses by discontinuing as many pharmaceuticals as possible... I ran out of blood pressure meds and didn't get them refilled. I have to go in for a doctors visit for the refill and the cost involved is typically about $150 for the office visit and then enormously ridiculous sums of money for lab work. My lab work has been as high as $1000 before. Insane expense. Without health insurance those costs are completely out of pocket. So when the pills ran out I thought... my bp has been under control for the past few doctor visits. Since I don't work, my stress level is lower and my pain level is... well, it's better. It's not completely gone.

So this afternoon I'm feeling the kind of things I feel when my blood pressure is high. Literally... I feel pressure in my head. I'm also pretty congested so I tried to convince myself that's what it was. Been having nosebleeds but... have this constant sinus drip so... Having a little trouble with my vision but I have been reading a lot, lot more than usual... short of breath but again, there's a lot of congestion in my chest. I had a bad episode of tachycardia yesterday... passed that off as anxiety.

And then I took my blood pressure: 191/105.
It's never ever ever been that high. I just melted down. It's one of those things that you know that if you don't spend the money something bad is going to happen to you. I got my tax return but it was only a couple hundred dollars. It will pay for a visit to the pain doctor, my car tag, my insurance for a month or two... and then I'm back to an empty piggybank.

Dear Social Security: You ridiculous delay in approving my disability claim is killing me. Literally.

I'm going to go to the health department in the morning and see if there is any indigent health care available in our area. I remember the health department in Clayton County would do gyn visits and give shots and stuff. If they can't help me then I'm going to see if my regular doctor can give me a better rate or longer to pay or... anything. I'm really scared. And crying over a high blood pressure reading does nothing to lower the reading. Please keep me in your prayers that this can be resolved before any long term damage is done.

Now for something less dark and depressing...

 Austin's girlfriend's baby girl... she was breaking her neck to be able to look back at me and Austin to see what we were doing. She's a doll!


















Trouble Kitty frequently getting little nibbles and crumbs from what I'm eating. He was really perplexed by me eating a banana and kept trying to eat the peel.

Lazy Saturday

Eddie Cat soaking up some rays

Eddie Cat has the right idea... soak up all the sunshine you can!

Last night... without any pharmaceutical assistance... I went to sleep around 10pm! It was glorious! Even though that had me wide awake at 5am, I was totally fist-pumping when I woke up this morning. Success feels so good!

Some of the other pharmaceuticals I've been trying to wean myself off of... not working as well. You win some, you lose some.

I boarded the Pain Train early this morning but it's still been a day worth living. You have to think about these things when you aren't really contributing to society. I knew my value as a mom. I don't quite know what my purpose is as a single empty-nested less-abled person some times but I do think it's important to find joy every day.

Joy today came in the form of Olympic Hockey at 7am. I will admit, however, to being enough of a fair weather fan that I turned off the tv in the OT shoot off round thinking that Russia had clinched it. I apparently didn't quite understand the process because I thought we were done and turned the channel to a documentary about Annie Oakley (which was very good, by the way). Later this afternoon I realized we had won and felt like a big doofus for changing the channel. They play again tomorrow around the same time. I usually start my Sundays watching back-to-back-to-back episodes of Mad Men but tomorrow it's gonna be USA vs. Slovenia (I think). And then it's the Ice Dancing short program. Olympics in the morning... PBS in the afternoon. Living on the edge around here!

My oldest, Ryan, in the snow in PA

Other than watching hockey... today I took down my Christmas/Valentines decorations. I could have stretched it to Easter but I was ready for a change of scenery. I'm ready for warmer (not hot) weather and for things to begin blooming. I thought putting away any vestiges of Winter might move the process along. And it made me happy.

I did not go to the library or shopping for half price chocolate today because I needed pharmaceutical assistance with pain and with clearing the junk out of my lungs this morning. The side effects of the pharmaceuticals were not conducive to driving. I think using the word "pharmaceuticals" sounds so much better than "drugs" , don't you think? My mom always says she's going to take her "medicine". I always think of medicine as being something like antibiotics that you take to get over something or cough medicine or allergy medicine. I have a hard time thinking of pain medicine as medicine but that's what it is. It improves your quality of life. Hopefully.

Austin's girlfriend and her daughter came over this afternoon to hang out with us. Baby girl is six months old and scared of Austin. I held her for a few minutes while Mommy ran to the car to get some things and she had a little separation anxiety but was only whimpering. When she saw Austin she had a complete meltdown. This is tricky for me because I don't want to get attached when - honestly - I can't see this being a lifelong relationship - but I do want to be supportive of the young mom and make sure she feels welcome to bring baby around, even if she's crying. The whole concept of "babies sometimes cry for no good reason" is a difficult lesson for Austin. He's a bit stressed. I just consider it birth control. Baby girl is adorable, though. She really brightens up the place, even when she's crying.

I've been ready to doze off all day. I took mucinex (or the Walmart equivalent) this morning and it really helps clear the congestion in my chest but it does make me a  little foggy.

On Antiques Roadshow they just showed a lady with two Tiffany vases worth $13,000 that she bought at a yard sale. I know if I saw one of my former possessions that I sold for a couple of bucks on the Roadshow I would be so bummed!

I didn't get out to take scenic photos from around here so I snagged one from my friend Tami's Facebook. It's quite lovely here, it really is.

Hope you're making the most of your weekend! Love and hugs, y'all!

Ways The DVR Has Changed My Life

I'm going to skip my usual sarcastic "Singles Awareness Day" blog post. Valentine's Day applies to my life about as much as Ramadan. Not beating that dead horse. I am, however, excited about the holiday tomorrow - Half Price Chocolate Day.

My sister-in-law and nieces came over for dinner tonight. Pop made spaghetti and garlic bread, salad and pound cake with strawberries and whipped cream. It was a GREAT meal for Valentine's Day! Afterwards Angie and I took a little drive to her house to pick up the Valentines she (or the girls, more likely) forgot. There is still an awful lot of snow around and I love the way it outlines the topography. I'm going to have to go out tomorrow and take some photos, assuming the snow hangs around overnight.

I've been watching Men's Figure Skating all day. It was really only on from about 10am this morning until 2pm this afternoon. The evening telecast from the Olympics is just a recap. To see the entire event you have to watch during the day. So I just DVR'd it and I've been watching a little here and there throughout the day. It's actually better when you can see the worst performances and not just a few of the top competitors. You get a much better appreciation for how amazing the medal winners really are.

I love having a DVR. I didn't think I would ever use it - especially since I'm home almost all the time. I never used a VCR to record shows back in the day. During the Darby Days we had TiVo, at least part of the time and I never learned how to use it. I'm not terribly savvy with the latest technology. Or technology that's ten years old that I just learned how to use. But the DVR has changed my life! Here's how:

• I can answer nature's call whenever it calls. I don't wait for a commercial. I just pause my program. 
• I spend the first few minutes of a show getting a drink, fixing something to eat, tidying up, feeding the cats... and then when I start back watching the show I can fast forward through commercials. 
• If two shows are on at the same time that I want to watch... I watch one and DVR the other. 
• DVR shows fill in the gap during morning tv. I hate morning tv. It's all fluff and TMI. 
• If someone comes into the room during  a part of a show that I want to see... I just pause the show until they're gone. I can interact with the 3-D people in the house without missing anything on tv!
• There's, of course, the main use of the DVR - to record shows that come on when I'm not home. It's not often but it does happen. 

I'm still reading a very thick history of the show Saturday Night Live. It's pretty interesting. I think I'm going to go to the library tomorrow to trade in the books I've already read for a few more books.

I'm also doing well with my campaign to kick ambien to the curb. I had a little trouble going to sleep last night but I also had a good bit more pain yesterday. I'm aching pretty badly tonight... every joint is hot and achy and the evil gut pain made an appearance today after leaving me alone for a little while. I'm really congested and it gets worse in the evenings. All that makes it hard to get to sleep but I'm still trying to only use the evil drugs when absolutely necessary.

Anyways... so that's my Friday. It's been a weird week. Hope you all have a great weekend. Stay warm and safe! Love and hugs!

Surviving The Storm

I didn't adjust the color - this is how it looked at first light!

I woke up again today to a beautiful wintry landscape. It snowed the first half of the day and we've had this freezing rain/sleet stuff falling this evening. People on the Southside of Atlanta are dealing with severe icing and power outages. They say that about 100,000 people in the State of Georgia are without power but it seems like everyone on my friends list is out of power at the moment. Fortunately we still have power.

With the majority of the state frozen in place, I'm seeing a lot of cabin fever among my Georgia Facebook friends. I am feeling quite superior right now because the one thing I'm REALLY GOOD AT during this stage of life is sitting around doing nothing. I should hold a class on how to entertain yourself when you can't go anywhere or do anything. Hint: you need a remote control, a laptop and pharmaceutical assistance.

My mom is dealing with her cabin fever by cleaning. My dad is watching a lot of game shows from the seventies on the Game Show channel. It's almost as if he's catching up on all the shows he didn't have time to watch when he was working, raising kids and busy with church back in the day.

In the South when there's any weather "event" the local news goes into wall to wall continuous coverage. Before the storm I soak up as much information as possible. I become an expert on the situation, like some kind of freakish weather savant. By this point of the storm I am SO over it that I don't even care what they say. We're supposedly getting four more inches of snow before it's all said and done. Whatever. As long as the ice melts before I run out of library books, I'll be happy.

Oscar in the snow

I've taken a hundred pictures, mostly from two steps outside my back door. I made a batch of potato soup today. I finished reading my book on the making of Gone With The Wind and am reading the history of Saturday Night Live. Expanding my horizons with every trip to the library, aren't I? There's no cabin fever in the Whine Cellar - the days snowed in fly by just as fast as every other day.

The only real problem I've had is that I've had to stay away from Pinterest which always makes me hungry for random things that look amazing and easy to make and always ultimately have one or two key ingredients that we don't have on hand. Since I made soup today and Pop made soup last night (beef and barley and it was awesome!) Austin is wanting to make tomato soup. We've never made it homemade. I actually think the canned stuff tastes like watered down ketchup so maybe homemade would be better. We found a recipe with little grilled cheese croutons that looks so good that I can't wait to get the ingredients for Austin to make it.

Pain wise my back has been pretty bad this afternoon but the evil gut pain has stayed away and I haven't had a headache today. Any day without a headache is a good day. I've been getting up earlier this week and haven't had too much trouble going to sleep. I took a nap yesterday afternoon which used to be a rare thing but I've done it a few times in the past month.

Hope you're all safe and warm and surviving cabin fever. I've posted a lot of pictures on my Facebook and I think it's open to the public, even if you aren't my Facebook friend. Just click here!

Love and hugs, y'all!