back to cyberspace

In case you were wondering... I have the best sister in law in the whole world. I really do. I'm sorry for all you girls out there with lousy sisters in law. I also have the sweetest, most generous friends in the whole world. (mary!) So for all my whining and belly aching and complaining and feeling like the last kid picked for kickball and feeling like the universe has it in for me... I'm truly blessed. My new laptop has been ordered and it will be here maybe as early as next Friday!!!

Yes! A new one! I still have the option of getting the old one fixed - when I can afford it. I've had an offer of a donated one as well - and I would soooo not mind having a spare, with Austin entering high school and with me having extreme withdrawals when separated from cyberspace for long periods of time (more than 12 hours). The one I'm getting is really nice and we got a good deal on it.

Breaking NEWS... long time blog readers will remember my old co-worker Hottie Heath... he is getting married today. *sigh* Another beautiful man plucked out of contention. He's been living with his baby mama forever - since around the time I met Michael - so he's really be unavailable all that time. Amy (who works for my uncle) just emailed me with the Heath wedding news. She also emailed that she had lunch at a strip club. I wrote back, "apparently things have gotten out of hand there". It's still kinda funny to me that my uncle SERIOUSLY thought that Heath and I had something going on and it was nowhere near true. We were good friends. God bless him, he put in more hours helping me move in with Michael than Michael did. But he was always just another brother. You know how I tend to collect them.

Tonight I have the pleasure of babysitting the two most precious girls in the WHOLE world while their mama goes to a reception at the college and their daddy has a counseling session. Hopefully the stormy weather will clear and we'll be able to play outside some... my house is sorta boring...

I just ended up spending an hour with one of our talkative clients. We have these retired people who come here for entertainment. I enjoy talking to people. I like hearing stories of history and travel and so forth... and this guy is from Boston and has traveled all over. But after about an hour... I was glazed over. Now I have to rush and finish what I was working on...

so... happy Friday! love and hugs!

Friday

So glad it's a blue jean and curly hair Friday!

Austin's annual end of year IEP meeting was today. He's doing so much better here… at least as far as behavior is concerned. He's doing better academically in that he's participating in class more, his written communication has improved, his attitude is much better. He has what he describes as a "solid c" average. He still struggles with organizational skills and handwriting and turning in assignments. High school has a weird schedule in that they have two academic classes per semester and two electives. We decided to keep one of his electives as a study skills class where they help him organize and make up any missed work. It's helped a lot this year but he still would have a solid b average if he wasn't such a pigpen. His teachers like him and all had good things to say about him.

The meeting was at 7:30 and I still made it to work on time!

I'm planning to work tomorrow morning so this is not an "end of the week" celebratory Friday but Friday is still Friday. Just wearing my tennis shoes makes me happier. Austin has to study for an end of course test over the weekend so I'll have him come to work with me tomorrow and study while we're here. We finished washing the dirty laundry last night but none of it is folded so that's my biggest chore for the weekend.

I don't have plans for Mothers Day other than church. After last year's marathon wait for a table with Michael's family at Outback Steakhouse (four hours!) I'm not planning to eat anywhere other than my little cozy cottage. Maybe even pb&j! Or leftovers! Or something I stick in the crockpot before church… whatever… I just know I have no intentions of eating in a restaurant anywhere. (Although, I will admit, having Elijah fall asleep between Michael and I during dinner is a precious memory of my time there in Jacksonville!)

They're having a marriage seminar at church this weekend and our Sunday morning activities will be part of that marriage seminar. Let me just tell you how interested I am in a marriage seminar - it ranks somewhere up there with my interest in rock climbing or running a marathon - painful and unnecessary. I can tell you the secret to a successful marriage: don't marry the men I married. Plain and simple. Don't marry a selfish kid who has no idea how to be responsible even for himself. Don't married an old bachelor who has never had to answer to anyone but himself. If a man makes it to 45 without having been married, there's a reason. Marry men with conscious and clear boundaries. Marry a man with morals. Integrity. Who gets up and goes to work every morning. Who knows how to come home after work in the evenings. Who conducts himself faithfully while he's at work. Who places his family as a priority. Who respects other people. Who respects himself. Who respects you. Marry a man who will always make you feel better about yourself. Who will love you unconditionally. Unconditional love does exist. Marry a man who loves the Lord. And until those characteristics exist in a potential candidate… I'm perfectly happy being single.

I'm not quite single yet. Our divorce isn't final. Soon. Ultimately, as long as it happens before the end of the year so that I don't have to file taxes as "married filing separate" again - which cost me a fortune - I'm happy. Seriously, it made a difference of about two thousand dollars for me this year. Enough to buy a REALLY nice laptop… *sigh*…

I had a really frustrating day yesterday. Since we're now getting commission on p&c products (auto and homeowners insurance) I have sold practically NOTHING. We have a "rotation" that's supposed to be in place but somehow I've managed to be dealing with customer service when every new customer has called or come in this week. I have a co-worker with something like ten applications and I have maybe two…. Or, like last week… I had a family that I had quoted and really worked with but I was out sick on Friday when they came in so I got zero credit for the applications - zero commissions - because I wasn't here to do it. It just makes me feel sometimes like I can't get ahead… so I had a brief pity party on the way home and then started voicing positive reinforcements to myself… which sounds sort of psychotic but when you are saying positive things OUT LOUD it is impossible for your thoughts to travel back to the negative.

Last night Austin made cupcakes late… and brought me a little cup of the batter to eat… I was half asleep and thinking, "I'm going to get salmonella poisoning"… but I ate it anyway and feel fine so far. The cupcakes didn't turn out quite right… he couldn't find cupcake liners and didn't want to wake me up. But the batter was good.

We have this issue with our half bathroom toilet stopping up. Every now and then it will back up and get downright foul smelling. This happened yesterday evening so we had to make a run to the little corner market for some air freshener. I was already dressed for bed… in my "thing one" tshirt and some horrendous shorts… but I thought… "I'll just let Austin run in" but on the drive over I quickly ascertained that he was not quite capable of handling this task alone. So I said, "alright I'll go in… I mean… what are the chances we'll see someone we know?"… and… of course we did… some kids from his school… and here I am dressed in the most embarassing mom outfit possible. All I needed were curlers and fuzzy slippers.

Kate Gosselin on Larry King… I meant to watch it but fell asleep… which means I was asleep by nine o'clock. I don't even remember the ending of Ugly Betty. My tv was programmed to go to Larry King so I drifted in and out and saw her but didn't really get the context of the interview. They were part of the discussion on CNN earlier in the evening… and I just thought it was so surreal… five years ago they were relatively unknown and now their marital issues are on CNN. If it had been up to me… ours would have been too… I have a penchant for publicity! Ha! I say break out the stockades… adultery should not be tolerated.

But yet… we are living in a society where having conservative Christian values sets you up as a spectacle for ridicule or attack - or even worse, being called a hatemongerer. I wish like crazy that Elizabeth Hasselbeck would quit The View. She's nothing but Joy Behar's whipping boy… they showed a clip on Fox and Friends this morning where Joy was accusing Elizabeth of CHILD ABUSE for teaching her children creationism instead of evolution. Seriously! How is it that attacks on Christian beliefs are acceptible but speaking your heart on Christian values isn't? Our nation is in sad shape when the national day of prayer is referred to as "a photo op" and not taken seriously by a sitting president. Remember 9-11 when the nation was brought to it's knees? How soon we forget. Remember how our nation was founded on religious freedom? I definitely don't feel that I have the freedom to discuss my beliefs with complete candor. Freedom is for those who have no boundaries, no morals…

Time for me to get off my soap box … hope you have a fabulous Friday, a wonderful weekend and a marvelous Mother's Day!

Thankful thursday without the list

My internet emergency from yesterday has been handled... thanks for those who offered to help. I had tweets going to my cellphone which seemed like a fun way to stay connected until I was getting 75 a day.

This morning it's iced coffee again - this time from McDonald's with a fruit and yogurt parfait. Lunch is a lean cuisine. I woke up easily this morning and had a few minutes to squander so I thought I'd brave the long double drive through line at the Cleveland McDonalds. Traffic was light... not that we ever REALLY have traffic here... the closest thing is when there's a slow moving farm vehicle on a two lane road.

Everything is so green right now! The drought that North Georgia was dealing with is pretty much over... perfectly timed for my first spring in the mountains! Love it!

Thanks to the generousity of some loved ones, there will be a new laptop in my near future, one way or another. I cannot WAIT to get back on facebook! People at church last night kept talking about different things that are happening and when I was clueless they'd say, "it was on facebook..." ARRRRGH!

I split my time between H2O - the youth Wednesday night service - and my hen party last night. H20 is great fun because there's a whole bunch of teenagers loudly praising God and my bubba is a great speaker so we have a good time. Austin helps with the audio/visual stuff and I'm so grateful that he's found his little niche there since he's not really a singer or musician.

One precious moment from last night - one of the young ladies with downs syndrome, Mary, was singing and had her arms lifted up in praise and she was just so filled with joy - the kind of carefree, honest, true joy that few of us are capable of past the age of *understanding*. I wish I could have snapped a picture of her at that moment... I imagine that this is how Jesus wants us to come to Him, unreserved and honest...

Angie is out of town for a few days so I "helped" Jim with the girls... but those two are so independent and autonomous, they don't really need a lot of help. Jamie knows how to get her own drink for dinner... Sarabeth needed minimal assistance and chose to sit with her beloved Eli (who will be leaving soon)... they get their own dessert - and even though it was ice cream, Jamie was resourceful enough to find a nice lady with an ice cream scoop in the kitchen to help her with her ice cream. They are so comfortable in their church community, it's really sweet to watch them. Sarabeth had a few moments of holding my hand. She has a harder time with separation anxiety than Jamie does. Once Sarabeth is acclimated she's fine. She's always been that way - even as a baby she would take a few minutes to "warm up".

And much like me, Sarabeth can only take so much socialization before it wears on her. I started my evening with the boisterous youth worship service... but ended it in a quiet room holding baby Josiah - spit up and all! Josiah's family is also moving - they leave on Friday night. It was good to get one last cuddle in with him.

In other Heather news... I am far too interested in American Idol, I'm loving that Anna Duggar is pregnant, my friend Misty met Kate (of Jon and Kate fame) and we had a very serious and heartfelt conversation last night about the state of Jon and Kate's marriage... I love Fox and Friends in the morning even though it's not exactly serious news... I still have a crush on Max, the blonde haired guy from TMZ... I dreamed that Austin found a baby elephant in my parents' backyard and that he and Sarabeth rode it... I woke up at 1:30 this morning and thought I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep but I DID!

It's Thankful Thursday and I didn't make a list but I think you can find lots of thinks I'm thankful for in this post...
well, it's time for work. Love and hugs, y'all!

Wednesday

Drinking iced coffee that I made for myself this morning... and it's awesome!

Had to go back into the house twice this morning - once because I forgot my meds, the second time because I realized Austin's window was open. We're expecting lots of rain today so open windows in a bedroom could be a very soggy proposition.

Having lunch with Crunch-n-munch today. Just friends. We're having mexican.

Yes, Mary, I am ready for the bounty of the fields. So many people I know have gardens. I'm ready to take in all those extra 'maters... mmm! Tomato sandwiches on white bread with mayo and lots of pepper!

I was in a bit of a foul mood this morning while I was driving in. I think I've mellowed a bit. Ginger called in sick - she's having lots of pain in her knee. We've been praying for her all week but she is still really uncomfortable. Theresa left early yesterday with what seemed like a kidney stone. I'll be really surprised if she's here. Hopefully our computers are swifter today...

I'm feeling 100% health wise, so I should be good to go. it's my early day... Austin is staying for tutoring so I don't have the option of staying late - there's no one to pick him up from school!

Church tonight. My bible study group has disbanded because we finished our study. We don't start another until fall. That sort of bums me out. I had a great time with my hen party. Since I'm internetless at home, I'm not interacting with a lot of my girls like I once did.

OH! I have a internet task that I need someone to do for me... if you're able and willing, email me at Heather@hartnessinsurance.com. It's an emergency! (ok, not the life and death kind, but still it's urgent).

Time for work. Maybe more later. Love and hugs, y'all!

this was supposed to be a random post...

Our computer system at work is creeping along today. The problem with this is that I work at a fast pace… and I have a short attention span… so when it takes too long for something to update, I lose interest and forget what I was doing. I have sticky notes all over the place to remind myself to go back and finish things that I've started today.

I haven't done much REAL blogging lately because I've had to rush my entries in on breaks… so I've left out tons of the random stuff that I would normally include. I don't know what y'all enjoy more, the big stuff or the random observations. I re-read my last few journal entries and I'm not feeling the same continuity I usually do.

I don't think I've mentioned that my brother Jim is going on a mission trip to Kenya - leaving on May 29th. That's the same day that Sarabeth graduates from kindergarten… I think they're doing the whole cap and gown thing… this is EXACTLY why I wanted to live here - close enough for these minor monumental events. Jamie is in three year old kindergarten - even though she's four and as big as most kindergarteners - and smarter than most second graders (I exaggerate, I'm allowed). Angie is running the graduation for the four year olds at Jamie's school - so Jamie has attended all the graduation rehearsals but won't actually get to graduate. It sounded a little funny to hear Angie say last Wednesday night at church, "Jamie is the only one in her class not graduating"… meaning, of course, that Jamie is the only one considered to be a 3 year old. I snickered. Pre-k drop-out…

Anyways… Jim will be in Kenya for two weeks(?) I forget the length of time. It's significant. Last year Jim and Angie both went. The year before just Angie went. The year before that only Jim went. Angie would love to go this year but logistically it's just too difficult. They have two small kids… and even though Aunt Heather is the BEST aunt ever… that's a very long time for very small girls to be away from both mommy and daddy… and it invokes a bit of separation anxiety. Seriously, no matter how precious my girls are to me, I don't have the stamina for full time work and full time parenting of two little bundles of energy. I mean… if Austin couldn't cook he would probably have starved to death by now. He cooks dinner more often than I do!

There are a lot of folks in our church who take these long distance mission trips and I admire them for the sacrifice and the humanitarian effort on top of the evangelistic pursuit. Angie from "Bring the Rain" and Melissa from "The LPM Blog" have just returned from a trip to India. Their blog entries are heartbreaking… Of course, I'm a Christian and we believe in evangelism. We want to share the gospel with all the world… it's fundamental to our beliefs. But honestly, I think the most important thing is that these mission teams share love, hope and compassion to the impoverished, hungry, forgotten, war-torn… to those who are suffering… and it surely gives perspective to my journey.

Elizabeth Edwards is supposed to be on Oprah- maybe today, I'm not sure - regarding her husband's infidelity and her battle with incurable cancer. All the money in the world can't keep a man faithful. All the money in the world can't conquer disease and death. Money. Power. Influence. They're all insignificant, intangible… truly we have to place our hope on that which can not fail, that which is eternal. Even the best person in the best circumstances has a worst moment. Don't we all have some thorn in our flesh? Don't we all struggle in some capacity with something? Weight. Loneliness. Kids who don't do their chores. Aging parents. Stress.

This was going to be a random post!

Stubby the 3legged wondercat has really been scratching the fool out of Austin. He has never once even THOUGHT about scratching me… and he only has one leg with claws… but he kung-fu fights Austin at least once a week. Somehow yesterday he sliced open the bottom of Austin's foot. I went out at lunch for neosporin and gauze. That's an infection just looking for a place to happen.

I really need to stop eating Taco Bell. I'm having mexican tomorrow… and I had Taco Bell today. What was I thinking? It's like I enjoy watching the numbers on the scale go up. And they are. Going up. *says she with Krispy Kreme breath* It's not that I don't care any more. I'll get focused again. Someday. Soon. Honest.

Almost time to go. Better hit save. Two posts in one day! love and hugs, y'all!

early Tuesday

I got to work early so I could do a blog post... although now that I'm here, I don't really have anything new to say!

My boss wants to learn how to do facebook. Yikes! Without having the ability to get on my facebook page... i'm trying to remember if there's anything on there that I need to worry about... I don't drink so there are no drunken pictures... there's that one of me with the Sally Jesse Raphael glasses... and a couple thousand of my nieces... but nothing (I don't think) that would make me uncomfortable. Now some of my friends' pages - oy! My own has stayed fairly PG, I think.

Austin got in trouble again last night for what I'll just call "failure to respect boundaries". I didn't flip out this time on him but the chore monster bit him in the butt pretty hard. I have a lovely cleaned out refrigerator! Today he's cleaning bathrooms.

Sarabeth's last soccer game of the season is tonight. I have it on my outlook calendar but I'm not planning to go. It's so soggy out... and when it's not raining the world is covered in a fine yellow dust that makes me want to claw my eyes out. I'm the best aunt ever - but I don't think I can sit through a soggy yellow soccer game.

Sarabeth's best friend in the whole world, Eli, is moving to New Orleans. She's sad. Her mama is sad because Eli's mama is Sarabeth's mama's dear friend. I dearly love Eli's mama too. They move at the end of the month.

My sweet friend Misti is also moving back to Louisiana this weekend. Her husband is entering the seminary. Her husband has been one of Austin's great mentors since we moved here. I'm sad to see them go. I may have already blogged on this... sorry if this is a repeat. I told ya there wasn't anything new going on here.

Guess I'll get started on work... it's about a half hour before I'm supposed to start but I missed a whole day on Friday so I need to make up some of that time. Love and hugs, y'all! Miss ya!

monday

The news on the laptop is not good. As had been feared… replacing the power port sometimes results in a malfunctioning mother board. I have no idea what all that means other than the fact that the laptop is not going to work until/unless we replace the mother board. I am so grateful that Angie took the laptop to someone we can trust as opposed to Geek Squad or some generic repair shop. I wouldn't be able to shake the feeling of being shaken down otherwise. I can get a laptop at a discounted rate but it's still more than I can afford. I am exploring my options… one possibility is to go thru Aaron Rents or some place like that. I would pay more in the long run but I could have it now. Isn't that how poor folks end up poorer? *laugh* I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Oddly... I've been offered a used laptop from an unlikely source... more on that later...

I ended up going to the doctor on Friday. I just have a plain old boring sinus infection, not swine flu or anything dramatic or newsworthy… I got an antibioTic and am feeling much better today. I took Friday as a sick day. I think this is the first time I've had three days in a row off since Christmas. Wait. I didn't have three days in a row off then. I don't know how long it's been since I've had three days off. Maybe Thanksgiving? At any rate… that break was much needed. Other than church Sunday morning and making a quick trip to civilization on Saturday morning for provisions, I stayed in my nest. It was fabulous!

Being away from cyberspace has been weird. I miss knowing what's going on with everyone. I feel cut off from the world in a way… but in other ways, it's been nice. It sort of insulates me from stuff that I want to be away from… Obviously, it's not a healthy long term thing for me to not have contact with my community /support network. Austin is going to need to be able to use a computer for school and that sort of thing. I miss some things. Since I hate to talk on the phone people just about can't get in touch with me unless I want them to. I'm enjoying a season of silence, so to speak. Part of it, though, is just resignation, accepting what I can't change. Maybe I'll have a computer soon… maybe I won't… it is what it is.

My divorce hasn't gone before a judge yet. From what I understand, since I signed the paperwork and agreed to things, it just goes before a judge and he signs it and that's it. I can't tell you that it doesn't make me sad. I have no doubt that God has bigger and better plans for me. I'm reconciled with things. It doesn't hurt as much as it once did. I miss the kids… I dreamed about Stephen Saturday night… usually when I dream about people it means there's some sort of drama going on in their life. Bobby is doing well… throwing tantrums and - in his dad's words - sucking all the air out of the room as usual - which tells me he's normal. I trust that God will provide for them. I just miss them being "my kids". I miss all of Michael's family. My first husband was an only child and his mother was (and is)crazy so I didn't really lose peripherals when we split up. Michael's family was (and is) awesome. I miss 'em.

Austin is starting to get over his creeping crud cough. We had a good time going into civilization on Saturday… counting yard sales and road kill and going to the places we like to go. There's this restaurant called "Oodles of Noodles" that we both love. It's a splurge and I shouldn't be splurging but we've lived off the bounty of the pantry for several weeks. We went right back to our usual grilled cheese / cereal dinners which actually, aren't so bad.

Today is a rainy day. I'm in sort of a gray mood... to match the weather. Trying to make some money... as usual! Better get back to task, my lunch is over now...

Love and hugs, miss y'all!
BTW... I can check this blog but I can't get emails or check facebook...