My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Monday, August 24, 2015

Reasons To Love Whatever Day This Is...

There isn't much news from here in the nest - at least not anything without the designation "not for social media". I have such a bad reputation for the occasional overshare that almost everything the family shares with me is given the disclaimer of "NFSM". I mean, can I help it that my friends all live in Cyberspace? There is only so much info I can share, re-share, lather, rinse repeat with my usual Whine Cellar visitors: Sarabeth, Jamie, Cosette, Tasha, three cats, two dogs and my mom. Pop will occasionally approach the dungeon of doom but usually only long enough to toss down some chow.

I've been pretty stagnant here lately. The discomfort previously known as "evil gut pain" has overstayed its' welcome in the past week. Since last Monday I have been having such horrendous pain.. the kind of pain that makes you shaky, nauseous and anxious. What I wouldn't give for half a bottle of xanax right now! After having a really rough weekend I was determined to call the gyn doctor and say, "take it out... take it out NOW" but ultimately I don't have enough fight in me right now to extend any ultimatums, especially those that could potentially include leaving my nest. I'm trying to be super cautious about the use of my magical pharmaceuticals and have been trying some alternative pain relief. Not pot, if that's what you were thinking. I mean, ibuprofen instead of percocet, heating pad, changing positions, listening to music with the tv, computer and lights off. Does it help? Notsomuch. Well, maybe just a little.

I haven't seen Oliver or Cosette over the past week. Hopefully I'll get some quality cuddle time tomorrow with Cosette. Both have parents who are good to share photos with me almost every day. That helps.

I finished my latest embroidery project. I have two ready to be made into pillows, just need mom to have a day where she feels like dragging out the sewing machine. I can't wait to put those in the mail to two deserving people. I have two projects that need some finishing touches but I don't trust my pain addled brain to not mess up a project that is close to being finished so those are on standby waiting for a day with less distraction. I'm searching for my next project but nothing has really inspired me over the past few days while I've been browsing patterns.

I've been trying harder to sleep part of the night in the bed instead of the recliner and I've had some luck with it. There is this one very specific, highly supported position that is comfy enough to at least sleep a few hours. I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those people who has to be physically cut out of a recliner and carried out of the house with a crane. I've been trying to change positions often enough to avoid that HOWEVER once I find a position with less pain, it's tempting to not move a muscle or risk losing whatever bit of comfort I've found.

I did leave the house on Friday morning long enough to take Austin to work (still doing awesome! still hasn't missed any work! still putting money in savings every week!). I ran into the store long enough to get the necessities of life: gatorade, luigi's mango italian ice, lean cuisines. I need to make my big monthly stock up grocery trip but that will involve standing up straight and climbing stairs and being able to safely operate a vehicle so... maybe I'll make it into town sometime before Oktoberfest starts in September.

The good news is that I got a notice in the mail today from Social Security that confirmed that my case had been approved. The judge had said it would take 4 to 6 weeks for him to write his decision but instead it has been only 19 days. Hopefully that means there will be money (and Medicare) available sooner than I thought. Yeehaw. I am so grateful that my case was approved - you have no idea how grateful! But there is a huge reality check in the realization that people who know about this kind of stuff - like doctors and lawyers and judges - all agree that I am no longer fully abled. Like, I knew it already but it's still a bummer to have that validation. And it feels great to have that validation. All at the same time.

I'm also really struggling with not being able to see my babies as often as I would like (every day). It's discouraging to not be able to go where you want and do what you can. A good friend of mine from way back when lost her husband to cancer last week. So in all of this, "poor me, I can't see my grandbabies everyday" self-pity, there is also a big "I'm so blessed to be alive to see them ever and to hopefully watch them grow up." Life, even when it's not all that you want it to be, is a precious gift not to be taken for granted.

And that's it. I think it's Monday and Monday needed some love. We all do... so... love and hugs, y'all!


monique said...

You should be getting "something" probably by end of Sept. or beginning of Oct.
I know it's a feeling of relief, guilt and many mixed emotions but you are getting what you have worked for and suffered, unfortunately, for and what you rightfully deserve. The whole fight for your right is so exhausting. It's an experience for sure. I guess that makes sense?
Hope all is well,