Photo Finish Friday

I wasn't going to blog tonight because there isn't a whole lot that I wanted to blog about. Then I was reading another blog and she said something along the lines of her blog being her best friend and that really struck a note with me. So I'm blogging tonight. Because this place... y'all... are my best friend. At times it feels like this is the only time I can really say what's on my mind. Life is more emotional than I want it to be right now and it's easier to type it all out than try to process my emotions mirrored back with anyone else's emotions. Does that make sense? When I type things here I picture the different faces (and just names when I don't know the faces) that will visit here. It's like making a couple dozen phone calls or writing 50 letters in one day. I'm holding conversations with all of you, individually, but all at the same time.

The snottiness that had me clogged up and gasping for breath yesterday is SO much better today. It's really amazing how different I feel today. I was able to climb the stairs several times without feeling like I was going to pass out. I even walked down to the dock (which is where I took most of the pictures on this post). The walk to the dock isn't bad but the walk back to the house is a doozy.

Of course, with me it's always SOMETHING. Yesterday morning I woke up with a bloody nose... this morning I woke up with the evil gut pain. It took about three hours for it to ease up and once it did, life was so much better. I'm noticing that when it hits, it wraps around from front to back which is the feeling I had when the back pain first started - only in reverse - so that they thought it was a kidney stone. Eventually, I imagine, we'll figure out what this is. In the meantime, I'm glad to get my money's worth out of those childbirth classes I took 27 1/2 years ago. That labor breathing helps... And I'm glad to have the good drugs because they help too.

I finished reading Melissa Gilbert's book, Prairie Tale last night. It was ... eh. I was a little shocked at how deeply she was into drugs and stuff. It felt more like a frat guy bragging about his last party than anything else. I started reading - and got about halfway through - Tina Fey's book Bossypants, which is more like reading a stand up routine than reading a book. It's interesting and a fast read. This afternoon I started reading the book by Princess Diana's bodyguard. So far it's also interesting. Overall, my Library Vacation has been a good experience. I plan to go back to the library either tomorrow or Monday.

Anyways... I went ahead today and decided to cancel Austin's life insurance policy and use the money to pay for mine. It will only cover it for about six months but... honestly, I feel like it's more important to keep my policy in force. We can get another one for him later on but I'm fairly uninsurable at this point. I don't believe that my disability case will be settled before I run out of money (again) but I have to just keep limping along as best I can.

And now the cat has decided to come lay down on me... so I'll wrap this up. Photos are from the lake this morning. By this afternoon the snow was mostly gone and the ice was breaking up. Happy Weekend, y'all!

Greetings From The Winter Wonderland aka Snotville

There's an Old Wives' Tale here in the South that says if snow is on the ground for three days, it will come back. Well, it's been three days. I know some people are getting cabin fever but I never go anywhere anyways so it's been just same old average everyday for me except with maybe a more picturesque view. We get a lot of sun in our yard so a lot of our snow has melted but across the lake it's still looking like a mountain ski chalet. Love it!

The only thing that really detracts from my snow joy is that I feel awful. I went from sorta feeling sorta congested to being full on lungs stuffed with cotton, nose on constant drip, can't breathe, feeling nauseous and dizzy and having sneezing fits. Austin has the same thing. I'm mouth breathing more which makes me thirsty. I'm drinking so much that I'm going to the bathroom about three times as often (which is normally a lot more than the average human anyways). I have officially changed my whine from "I just want it to snow ONCE this Winter" to "I just want to take one deep breath". The granulomas/scar tissue stuff in my lungs only bothers me when I have respiratory crud so this really takes the quality of life meter down a few notches. Every breath hurts. Every cough hurts worse. I'm not coughing a lot, though, so there's a bright spot.

I'm glad I went to the library before the bad weather started. It's not even that I picked up a literary masterpiece (Melissa Gilbert's autobiography, Prairie Tale, if you were wondering). It's just having something different in my day that has helped. I'm also reading 12 Years A Slave that I got for free for my Nook via the Barnes and Noble website. I read one book during the day and one book at night. I normally spend way too much time online. Even though I do a lot of different things online - games, news, blogs, facebook, etc - holding a book in my hands FEELS like a complete change of scenery. Especially with the change of scenery outside.

Trouble Cat has decided that he must sleep UNDER the covers with me. Not just under the covers but on the side of the bed beside the nightstand. At first I thought he was walking across my book to get my attention the same way he loves to walk across my computer keyboard. Then I noticed that even if the book was on the other side of the bed that he would stand on ME if I was on that side of the bed. Once I move to the other side of the bed, he slithers under the cover and purrs like he was paid to do it. It's really sweet. And I slip further into being single for the rest of my life...

I am excited that the Super Bowl is this weekend. More for the hype and the commercials than for the actual game. The Olympics begin a week from tomorrow. Spring will be here soon. It feels like I'm sort of stuck right now but time is passing and life is going on. Focusing on these points ahead helps keep me from losing my mind. That... and things like snow and cuddly cats and trips to the library.

A few pictures from today... I typed "happy Wednesday" and then realized it's Thursday. So there you go. Happy - whatever day it is. Love and hugs.

Monday - Fun With Jamie, Tuesday - Fun With Snow

 Yesterday after school with Jamie... we watched My Little Pony, drank hot chocolate, ate chocolate chip cookies that Mawmaw and Pop made and played outside. She's my favorite visitor to the Whine Cellar!

 She wanted me to watch her climb up and down the fountain. She said she's smart like my cat and knows exactly where to step. I heart her!

 I look awful but she is adorbs!

She won a lead role in her class musical! She's just so full of personality and life. She's a real spark plug and I'm lucky to be her aunt.

Yesterday was not pain free and I am still relying heavily on cold meds to keep the snot under control but I had a good time hanging out with my girl. Every day has a bright spot, you just have to look for it. My Little Pony is *probably* not my favorite show to watch but I love watching it with Jamie.

 I am not sure there is a bed big enough for a human and a cat. This Little Kitty manages to position himself in such a way that I'm sleeping like a question mark - or across the foot of the bed... it's like it's HIS bed and he just lets me sleep in it.

Can you see the fur extended across the bed? That's my sweet boy.

I got up around 8am this morning. Snow was predicted further south but we were expecting only a dusting, if that. I was pretty bummed about not getting snow. Austin and I made a grocery run this morning and I went to the library for the first time in a long time. Snow flurries started while we were out but still, I didn't expect much.

 Little Kitty had never seen snow before so he was fascinated by it. He spent a lot of time in the windows looking out. I carried him out and let him feel the snow falling on him. He was not a fan.

As the snow began to fall steadily, I realized that we were going to get some *measurable* snowfall. I know that for those of you who live further north, a dusting of snow is just your average Tuesday. It's still a big deal to me. I still get really excited about the white stuff. I don't want it all Winter. I'm happy with one or two good "snow days" a year. I spent a lot of time this afternoon wandering in and out, up and downstairs taking photos of the snow.

 I wasn't the only one enjoying the snow.

 Austin's mini snowman.

This is the first snowfall we've had here at Cedar Hollow. I've never lived on or near a body of water before so I've never gotten to enjoy this kind of view in the snow. The pictures are nice but they really don't do it justice.

 Playing in the snow. Barefoot.

Wish I had a zoom lens... this little cardinal was so pretty against the winter backdrop.

 

 We ended up somewhere around two inches of snow. I know it's not much but it was enough. For us, it was great that the forecast was wrong and we got to enjoy a winter wonderland. For many in Georgia however, this has become a real nightmare. Traffic is pure gridlock. Several school systems didn't close thinking there wouldn't be much snow and ended up closing midday. There are many, many cases of buses not being able to get kids home and there are many kids spending the night at school tonight.

 For kids who don't adjust easily - kids like Austin- that would have been a NIGHTMARE scenario. He was also on medication that would not have been at school with him.

In 1982 there was a snow storm that started in the middle of the day like this and cars were stuck on the interstate for hours. I was only in 8th grade then but I never forgot. For me... threat of snow means one thing: keep your butt at home. I've never been one to "brave the storm". There are a lot of people still on the roads tonight and things are a mess.

And of course, now things are really different for me. My back pain first started after our last big snow event in 2011. Now I don't take any risks on slipping or falling, it would be disastrous.  I only ventured out into the snow once today - on the side porch to take some photos. Most of the pictures have been taken from the safety of my covered patio. I made sure to stay on dry ground!

 Austin decided to make a big pile of snow. I'm not sure what he was going to do with it... but he WAS wearing shoes in this photo.  Pop slid a little coming down the hill but didn't hit the ground.

 Just can't get enough of this view!

Oscar playing in the snow.

 Bird watching....

 

 The driveway is covered with snow. Fortunately we have plenty of food and don't have to go anywhere until things melt. Tomorrow won't be above freezing - or maybe only by a degree or two - so this will be here tomorrow and then by Thursday afternoon it will be in the 40's so it will start to thaw. We're expecting temperatures in the sixties this weekend so it won't last long. Just long enough.

 And by then I'll be ready for Spring.

Hope you're all safe and warm! Love and hugs, y'all!

Today in Pictures

Still sick. Not coughing as long as I don't climb stairs or do anything slightly aerobic but that cough is lingering, just waiting on an excuse to afflict me. My head and chest feels stuffed with cotton. I feel flu-ish, like I've been hit by a truck but that's hardly a judge of anything because my fibromyalgia makes me feel like that fairly often.

So... my dad went to my cousin's wedding in my place He also picked them up a nice rice cooker that I was totally coveting! I'm home watching my usual Saturday line up of documentaries, college basketball and FoxNews. It's a wild life, I know you're jealous. I wouldn't have made a very pleasant guest with my fever and constant snot drippings and over-the-top fatigue. I didn't want to get anybody else sick and I didn't want to be around family members and not be able to hug them.

I did manage to make a grocery run with Pop this morning. He and I are the ones who mainly do all the cooking although my mom did cook a frozen pizza for us tonight for dinner and she has been known to do a little baking from time to time. Austin makes a killer french toast and will occasionally take a turn in the kitchen. Mostly it's just me and Pop, mostly Pop. I like to leave out at "first light" and Pop is an early riser so he's happy to get out and about early with me. And of course, it's good to have time to hang out with my daddy. We have a good time.

I love getting out of the house when there are no crowds and everything is quiet. We were at the market by just a little after 8am. I let Pop drive so I could try to take photos from the car. I'm including those for you and I hope they're not boring. We don't have snow. We have a little ice on the lake and we're fascinated by it. But you can definitely tell that these are Winter photos.

So that's it. Send me some get well vibes, if you could. Hope you're all happy, healthy and warm! Love and hugs!

fountain at the driveway... frozen

 Little Miss Horse at the end of Cedar Hollow.

 Lovely scene off of Stovall Rd- little pond in the foreground and mountains in the background

 See that mountain over there? One of these days I'm gonna climb that there mountain.. mountain... mountain...

Can you tell me what song that's from?

 Our old County Courthouse on the square in Cleveland. We need to check out the museum there. That might be fun for something to do. I have GOT to do more.

Highway 129 North heading through town. That church in the center of the picture is the First Baptist Church of Cleveland.

 Just another cold weather mountain photo. Wish these mountains were covered with snow. Someday. Maybe This is the Catholic church in town.

 And home... the look at the lake from driveway. Not completely frozen over but big chunks of ice floating around trying to find someone to hook up with. Makes for great entertainment.

Little Kitty helping me wrap the wedding gift for my cousin and her new hubs.

Since I really suck at actually going anywhere or doing anything, I am extending an invitation to my blog readers, both friends in real life and friend in cyberspace. We have two guest rooms. We're on a lake in a lovely area. We are roughly 90 miles from Atlanta. We'd love to have company. Come spend a weekend with us. Plan to make a meal or two and we'll handle a meal or two. We're pet friendly and kid friendly. We're not set up to charge for lodging but you could always tip your Happy Hostess! Life is lonely. Come see me, people! *Disclaimer - if we don't know you in real like we may go through a step or two of validating who you are - can't be too careful - but seriously, this is a great place to vacay. Take a trip to hang out with the homebound blogger! I'm really lonely, y'all. I promise to show you my favorite places in White County. 

And that's all. 

Happy Weekend.

Love and hugs! 

Blazing A Trail

This blog entry brought to you courtesy of copious amounts of generic Mucinex. I have crud in my chest. My nose is a faucet. I've sneezed enough today to need depends. The evil gut pain is relentless. And there's this pesky back problem that I may have mentioned a few times in the past three years. I feel like I have broken glass in my tailbone. (I could have taken the easy route and said that it feels like broken glass in my a$$ but that would be crass. *snort*)

My cousin is getting married tomorrow. On the southside of Atlanta. Two hours there... two hours back. Fortunately I can hitch a ride with my brother and sister-in-law and the red-headed dolls. Unfortunately tomorrow is not looking good for getting out of the house. Or, I could wake up feeling ten feet tall and bullet proof. Yeah, right.

Dear Social Security: People who are in too much pain to go to weddings and funerals and dinners out (especially a girl who loves dining out SO much that she looks up restaurant menus online - for restaurants in other cities/states/countries) are in too much pain to work. I'm jus' sayin'. Approve my claim already.

I've had to distance myself from guilt in these situations. If it was up to me I'd do a whole lot more. I want to be there for all the special things in life but I'd also like to be there for the basketball games and the church services and well, work. It is really hard to stay on an even keel and not get really down and discouraged about the fact that my body is aging faster than my mind and my heart. There's so much I would love to do but I can't add guilt to the grief of not being who and how I want to be. I say that because I don't want anyone to ever think that they just aren't important enough for me to be present in their life. I'm barely able to be present in my own life at this point.

Whenever I make plans I immediately start becoming anxious about whether or not I'll feel like following through when the time comes. Therefore I rarely ever plan to do anything. And then when the time comes and I possibly could spontaneously partake of some outside of the Whine Cellar activity... I think, well, I'm not expected so why bother.

I'm not saying any of this to complain. I mean, yes, this is a complaint but there's a larger point here. It seems like for every stage of life there is a "What To Expect..." or Dummies book to help you through that process but truly, we learn more about what we're going through by our peers. I graduated high school early, started working full time and  got married while my friends were going to prom and on their Senior trips. I had babies before most of my friends. But still, in all of these milestones, there was someone around who was in the same boat and I was always able to find someone to commiserate with me. This whole disability thing is really a brave new lonely world. If you felt like joining a support group, you'd feel like going to work. So when I complain, yes, I'm whining about my own situation but I'm also blazing a trail for those who find their body wearing out before it's supposed to. I'll be right here waiting for you.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Happy Weekend, y'all. Love and hugs.

Just A Few Things

Wake up time: Five o'clock in horrible pain. Horrible. Reach in the drawer beside the bed and grab the drugs horrible. It eased up some during the day but for the most part pain has been a constant companion today. 

How I'm feeling:  Evil, wake-you-up-from-a-dead-sleep gut pain, muscle spasms in my back, miserable, miserably day. Also... sore throat... the kind that makes you drink and drink and drink but doesn't go away.

How's the weather?  Too dang cold. Going down to 9 degrees tonight. The South ain't built for that kind of cold.  

 

What I wore today: fleece leggings, long sleeved black tshirt, fleece oversized hoodie, fuzzy socks

Hairstyle of the day: high ponytail fish braid

Makeup: just a little eye makeup today so that I looked less dead in the mirror 

What I watched today:  2 episodes of Keeping Up With The Kar-Trashians, 2 episodes of How I Met Your Mother, 2 episodes of Grey's Anatomy, 2 episodes of My Little Pony (with my niece, Jamie), The Five, The Middle, Modern Family, 3 episodes of The Big Bang Theory and am now on my second episode of Here Comes Honey BooBoo. Don't judge.  

What I'm reading: Finished the Steven Tyler biography. Started reading and am about 1/3 of the way through Susan Lucci's autobiography. Hers is much easier to read. His is funny because the way he talks is funny but it's not an easy read.  

What I ate today:  Fig newtons and goldfish crackers for breakfast. Pop's really awesome potato soup for lunch. Lentils with tomatoes/onions/peppers/sausage  and coleslaw for dinner. Since I've got the evil gut pain I'm back and forth between too nauseated to eat and "maybe if I eat something I'll feel better".  

What I drank today: Orange mango juice, hot green tea

Where I went today:  Nowhere 

What I did today:  Spent some quality time with my niece Jamie, watching My Little Pony. Brushed both girls' hair (which they hate - but they're always tangled by the time they get here in the afternoon). Read. Rode the pain train. 

Visitors to the Hollow:  Sarabeth, Jamie and then their mama, Angie to pick them up. Austin's friend Shaun. Rosalita the feral cat came back to her warm little nest in the shed (which isn't that warm - I store my drinks out there because they stay really cold that way).  

Goals for the week/on the wish list:  Can we just pretend that getting out of bed every day is a huge accomplishment some weeks? It has been this week. 

Thought for the day:  If pain is "weakness leaving the body" then I must been bullet proof by now. 

Happy Friday-eve, y'all. Love and hugs.