My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Memorial Day / Migraines / Duggars

I'm still having almost daily headaches. I have enough medication to make the pain go away temporarily but once the meds wear off, it comes right back. When I'm on the meds, I'm soooo out of it so my quality of life is not great right now. I was reminded by my friend Roberta that gatorade helps headaches and I made the connection between the time I stopped drinking gatorade and when the headaches started. I'm on my third day of gatorade and the headache is still here so... yeah. There may be a visit to Urgent Care in my future.

I haven't had much Cosette time this week because of the headaches and I'm hoping we can get her over here for a little while tomorrow while her dad is off work. I miss her sweet face! Tasha said one of the smaller 0 to 3 months onesies fits her now. She was being swallowed up by anything that wasn't newborn just last weekend. She's growing and I'm missing it! Her dad is doing a great job of working, not missing any days and being on time all of the time. My kids are great workers once they get in the swing of things and I'm so proud that Austin's got working worked out finally. Tasha is doing a great job of sticking with breastfeeding and taking care of Cosette. It's been a long time but I know how hard that is for the first month or so and I'm so proud of her for being such a great mom! I love my kids.

Oliver is at 31 weeks now. I cannot even begin to explain how exciting it is to have two brand new people to love in my life! It's like twins but without the stress of having them at the same time in the same place. Marquee's shower is Saturday and I can't WAIT! Of course, hoping against hope that I finish his gift before then. If not this makes two showers in a row I wasn't ready for... but I am trying. I should also mention that I'm proud of these "kids", too! Cody and Marquee are going to be amazing parents!

Not to leave Ryan out... I'm proud of him and Sara, too and can't wait to see them in just a few days!

Besides the headache that won't stay away, I'm having a lot of hip pain. One thing we found out through all the testing related to the Crazy Gut Pain is that the arthritis in my hips, especially my left hip, is worse. The pain doctor still believes the Gut Pain is related to something gyn related, especially since I have a history of adenomyosis but agrees that we've eliminated the scariest possibilities. I still haven't rescheduled my visit to the Urologist because I'm just so tired of doctor visits. It's so painful to drive the 45 minutes to Civilization, sit for whatever length of time, get absolutely no resolution and drive 45 minutes home.

Anyways. So what do you all think about the Duggar situation? I've wrestled with it for the past few days and read through the police report. Here are a few of my thoughts:

I don't fault Jim Bob and Michelle for not making it public at any point. People are saying they were deceptive/hypocritical to talk about purity and make their Christian beliefs public when there was "sin in their own camp". I'm just saying as a MOM that I can't see how publicizing this very private situation would have been fair for the daughters involved or for Josh either. I know that their strict conservative stance is unpopular but I don't believe that having someone in your family commit sin (and we all do) means that you can't be clear about your beliefs.

I don't think any of us would want our deepest darkest sins to be revealed in public. I realize that the Duggars purposely put themselves in the public eye but I don't think being on a reality tv show obligates you to share every skeleton in your closet.

I think (know) that kids will play "you show me yours, I'll show you mine". I don't think it's right and am in no way condoning it in a "boys will be boys" attitude. I just think kids operate from a perspective of curiosity more than for sexual fulfillment. The violation is every bit as real and my heart breaks for those girls but I don't put a curious 14 year old in the same category as a pedophile.

The one huge mistake / misstep that I feel like the Duggars made was not having competent, professional counseling for all of the kids involved. I value counseling from a Christian standpoint but I don't feel like there's any proof that they did all that they could do to heal the hurts from this situation. I base that on reading the police report... it seems like they thought sending Josh to a "work program" would correct the situation. The gave him a mentor, not counseling. And there's nothing to show that any counseling was provided for the girls. Kids will make mistakes. Mine made tons of them and there were many times I failed them as a parent. HOWEVER... even with my limited resources I made sure to get my kids the help they needed when their behavior went outside the boundaries of my ability to correct.

I'm really heartsick about it all. I hate the backlash and criticism they've brought on the Christian community. I hate that the girls are being re-victimized by the story being made public. I believe the opportunity to show that God's grace is greater than all of our sins is lost in the sensationalism of it all. I'm frustrated by the situation because I just don't know how you should handle something like that. I would have been torn between wanting to comfort my daughters and wanting to demonstrate unconditional love to my son. If Josh was just some creepy uncle, I would have kept my daughters away from him but he's their brother. A brother who I believe could have been (may have been) rehabilitated and redeemed.

I guess I can't escape from the concept that God's grace is greater than all my failures. I need that to be true in my life so I can't stand the thought of it not being true in someone else's life.

And with that... I'm going to concentrate on not concentrating so hard so my head won't hurt so bad. Happy Memorial Day to all of you (even those of you who aren't in the U.S.!). Love and hugs, y'all!


Back Porch Writer said...

Yeah I'm struggling with the Duggar thing too. I'm sure their family is really having a tough time right now. I figured it was only a matter of time before something like this happens. The devil always takes the reality shows and comes up with something to spear them in the side with. The Robertson's come to mind. Anyway, I guess we wait and see what happens but I think it's just a bad situation all around. If they trust God they will get through it. Hope you get to feeling beterr soon.