Questions And Answers...

I thought it might be fun to use a few questions I found on the internet as a writing prompt for blogging. I don't always wake up feeling creative with the words just pouring out. In fact, today I woke up quite sick from a migraine so my only thoughts were ... ugh. Fortunately, I had written this blog a few days ago. Hope you enjoy! I'd love to see your answers to the same questions!

1. If you had the opportunity to change one thing in your life, what would that be and why?

Just one thing? Can I make my one wish to wish for a thousand wishes? If not... I would wish to be really wealthy. Although my first thought is, "I'd like to be healthy and strong," I feel like having money gives you opportunities to improve things in your life. I would be able to have access to better doctors (no shade toward my current doctors intended there) and possibly find answers to some of my health challenges. I would be able to afford people to do some of the things that cause pain for me. I could afford someone - a chef, maybe, or even just one of those meal subscription services- to help me eat better and possibly lose weight which obviously would make life easier. My back needs less of a load to carry. Money could change some of the situations that bring me stress. I could make it so that Marvin doesn't have to work as much - or at all, up to him - and we could travel or... just hang out together more. I need a car in a bad way as the one I'm driving is difficult for me... it's hard to turn and I feel exhausted from driving it.. grateful to have it but you know, if I'm wishing... I would have the best mattresses to sleep on and massages and ... oh, I think I need an inversion table. It seems shallow to thing that money could change everything because, obviously, that's not true but it could make some things easier...

2. What do you find yourself thinking about the most?

I definitely can't make this just one subject. I think about Oliver and Cosette every single day... and my nephew Finn and his baby sister due later this year... and how much I want to love these babies the way that my mom would have loved them if she had the chance. I think about Marvin and how he's feeling... if it's a rough day for him emotionally or physically. I think about our relationship uh LOT... not in a "where is this going?" kind of way, not like you might think... I think about things we can do together, even as simple as where we might go to lunch this week. I think about how I can be a good partner for him and what would make him happy. I think about my kids and each individual relationship... not just my boys but also my girls... Ryan's fiance Sara and Cody's wife Marquee... and also Tasha, even though she and Austin aren't together, she's the mom of my granddaughter so I think about how she is doing. I think about my dad and his happiness... his health... and so forth. I think about my brothers and their families. My nieces and nephews are so precious to me and as they're getting older I get to communicate with them on a more adult level. It's quite a lovely bonus. Sarabeth has a blog you can click the link to see it (be kind if you comment) - it's amazing considering she's grown up on my blog. My nephew, Cory just recently got married and we've enjoyed a much closer relationship as he's gotten older. And of course, watching Jamie blossom as a performer has just been such a joy for me. I think about all these moving pieces to our family.  I still think a lot about my estranged brother and his family and how much I want them to return to the fold, so to speak.

But there's so much more... I think about my friends, in real life and people I know only (or mostly) online. When one of my online friends went through a hard time recently there were about a dozen ladies who rallied around her and prayed for her and encouraged her and just really cared on such a deep level. I realized how invested we are in each other's lives and how unique that is to our generation and the ones that follow because of the relationships we've been able to form online... and it made me want to nurture those relationships more. Whether friends or family... I think about whether or not I'm giving people enough love and support. But I also think about whether or not I'm being kind to myself, remembering my limitations and respecting my boundaries. I have a tendency to push myself too hard when I have the chance to be with others and then I end up feeling very isolated and lonely when I am in too much pain to keep up.

I also think about a lot of superficial stuff like the upcoming Royal Wedding and who will walk Meghan down the aisle if her father doesn't. I think about the political climate and racial issues and just all the hate there is in the world toward people who don't think like us or look like us or love like us. I think about what makeup colors I want to try and whether I have enough yogurt to get through to the next day when I feel like going to the store. I think about whether my meds are all filled and if they're working. When I talked about my schedule I talked about staying mentally busy and this is exactly what I mean... my brain is never quiet until the ambien kicks in at night and then, and only then, does my mind stop racing.

3. What are the things that bring you the greatest pleasure?

The things that bring me the greatest pleasure aren't things, they're people. It's weird because as an introvert I so greatly value the time alone to rest and recharge but I love the time I spend with the people I love. I love texting with people... and facetiming with Oliver... and the long talks Marvin and I have on the phone when we're apart. I LOVE being in my nest but I also love the nest I have at Marvin's and how safe and loved I feel there. I love every single minute with Oliver and Cosy although I am definitely worn out when they go home. I love hearing from friends (I love it more via text than on the phone, though... ) But I also love a good meal out... (or in)... going to concerts with my honey because it makes me feel so alive... I love traveling, even if it's not a major travel destination. Marvin and I took an overnight trip to this place in East Nowhere, Tennessee to handle some business he had. We did no sightseeing (there were no sights to see) ate in a really average BBQ place, spent the night in a basic hotel and it was just fun to have a change of scenery... although I am 100%  homebody and love to be in my nest. We had a really good time.

4. What is your biggest accomplishment in life?

Bringing my children into the world and helping my mom leave this world. It all took so much strength and courage and faith... and in all of those moments I felt so empowered and capable. Those events make me believe that I can do anything. I also feel like having the courage to wake up every day and keep going is a huge accomplishment. There are a lot of things that have happened to me that should have taken me out of the game... made me bitter and jaded... and I feel like the fact that I don't allow myself to feel defeated is a battle I win every single day.

5. Where are you most comfortable?

Two places: my nest at my house and my nest at Marvin's. They are the places I feel the most calm and relaxed, the places that I have the least amount of pain... they are the places that allow me to be my most authentic self and to take the time I need to introvert and recharge.

I would love you for you pick any or all of these questions and answer them! I know it's easier to comment on Facebook, rather than on the blog and that is perfectly fine. I think we all would draw strength from seeing each others answers and it's a really cathartic exercise to stop and think about these things. I've got more questions like this if you're interested in seeing my answers... let me know! Love and hugs, y'all!