it's hot

It’s August in Georgia which means it’s hot and steamy. I haven’t verified this for myself. Everyone who has come through the door today has complained about the heat. And humidity. Personally, I decided to stick close to the a/c today. I can’t breathe as it is. No need to make it harder. Instead of going out during lunch hour, I stayed in and had my lunch in our little sunroom and read a book. No sense suffering needlessly.

My cough and congestion are worse today than they were when I was first diagnosed with bronchitis on July 1st. The stuff I’m coughing up is thicker and ickier. I feel like I’m breathing through a straw. My throat is raw. I’m losing my voice. It hurts to swallow. I don’t really FEEL bad. I feel a little tired. My spirits are high. It’s just one of those things, you know? I’m really happy and totally at peace despite being a little frustrated at not being well yet. If I wasn’t already seeing the pulmonologist on Wednesday, I’d try to get back into the doctor. I don’t have any fever. I’m already on an antibiotic (and about any other category of medication you can imagine). I just finished a second run of steroids. I’m on singulair for coughing. I’m on a twice daily inhaler… and so on and so forth. There’s just no point in another doctor visit with them not really knowing what to do different or better. So I’m hanging in there for the next 48 hours… and pinning my hopes on the fact that the lung doctor will know how to make it all better. Fast.

My job involves a lot of talking. It involves talking with some measure of authority. Conviction. Confidence. It’s not working great for me today….I sound kinda rough. I’m pushing through it, which makes my voice even more tired. Angie forwarded me an email from one of the coaches at the college who heard she had a hook-up with health insurance. Yay for having people in the community know I’m here and make the connection! Referrals are awesome! I haven’t been able to get the prospective client on the phone yet… but that’s great encouragement for me. I mean… I spent thirty minutes in Walmart on Saturday and ran into four people I knew. I know a lot of people here, even though I’ve been here less than a year. I need to turn some of those acquaintances into clients.

It’s all about hope, isn’t it? Just believing that things are going to continue to get better. Duane gave us these little rubber bracelets today – like the Livestrong bracelets – only they say, “Life Happens”. It’s part of a new life insurance awareness focus … check out www.lifehappens.org – it’s everything you ever wanted to know about life insurance and then some. I think being able to rebound from the unexpected events in life is my specialty… preparing people with risk management through my job… and comforting people who experience disappointment through my spiritual gifts. Life happens. That’s for sure. And really, all you can do is keep pushing forward, talk yourself hoarse, keep going when you really don’t feel like it, do what you can with what you have.

There’s also a new website that just launched that I really like – www.incourage.me check it out! It’s inspirational.

Austin made some progress cleaning this weekend. I think we had a real breakthrough when he came to me and said, “tell me what else you want me to do…” and I said, “I’ve been telling you what I expect for fifteen years, can you please just apply some of that knowledge?” Instead of making me talk. Please. And he did… and he did a pretty decent job of it. I’m definitely in the “teach a man to fish” category. If you give a man a fish he eats for a meal. If you teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime. I think my greatest frustrations in life come from people who expect me to give them fish. And my greatest joy in life has come from the people who have taught me to fish.

Candice and I are having fun planning things to do while she’s here in October. And talking about things not to do -like go tubing… who wants to drag their butt in river water for three hours? NOT ME!- and after the helicopter crash in NYC this past weekend, I think we’re gonna pass on the scenic helicopter tour of the mountains. But there are worlds here that I never get to enjoy… it’s going to be fun! Mary – are you still planning a leaf watching trip? Is it going to work with the kids’ schedules this fall? And for that matter… anyone else who wants to come visit… this is a great place to be.

Even though it’s August in Georgia which means it’s hot and steamy.

I'm loved!

After worship service this morning a visiting couple came up to me and asked if I had been out for awhile. I was confused... I said, "Well... not really... I missed last week"... and the man said, "We just wondered what it was about you that made everyone so happy to see you"... I was a little bit dumbfounded... They meant because so many people greeted me warmly before and during worship service... an older couple was there and they volunteered... "It's because her brother sang such a great solo this morning... it's because her sister in law did such a great job leading worship"... and then I (jokingly) said, "It's because I'm so sweet!".

I share that story because it really explains the basics about being part of a loving church fellowship: love and acceptance. To be greeted so warmly that observers KNOW I'm loved... that's pretty awesome, if you think about it.

I looked down while we were singing this morning and saw three pairs of bare feet in a row... me, Stasha and Ciara... I guess we were standing on Holy ground... Or, more like it, we were in a place where we were comfortable enough to kick off our shoes and worship.

Truly, it was good to be in the House of the Lord today.

After church I met with an older couple who are helping me create and keep a budget. I'm not good with money... never have been... and since there's not a lot of it, I have to be more careful with it. I really want to take advantage of the opportunity to get things back on track. They are such precious people.

Sarabeth and Jamie were disappointed that they didn't get to ride in my car and have lunch with me after church... but I promised Sarabeth that I would have lunch with her one day this week. And if I'm through at the doctor in time on Wednesday, we start back to our regular Wednesday night schedule - dinner at church, bible study, AWANA for the kids... I'm so glad our Hen Party bible study is starting back up. This time we're doing a Kay Arthur study - Return to the Garden.

Next Saturday is move in day for the Truett McConnell students. Jim and Angie will be helping with that so the girls are gonna hang out with Aunt Heather. You want to guess what they asked to do? Babyland General.... so I guess we'll be heading to Babyland General next Saturday! Oh well, it's free... so it fits in the budget!

Whew! It's shaping up to be a busy week already! I'm meeting with my mentor couple after church next Sunday to put the figures all together. I'm supposed to get together all my information this week.

Sarabeth didn't want to let me go this morning... she wrapped her arms around me and hung on... she was a little chatterbox - which is a side that most people don't see of SB, she's so shy. She was telling me exactly where her classroom is and asking all the details of my week and when I was going to have time to come see her... someone commented that they'd never heard Sarabeth talk so much. *smile* I bring it out of her! I do love my girls...

And Jamie had the hiccups this morning. I told her we needed to scare her to help her get rid of them. So every little thing that happened she'd say, "well, that didn't scare me... nope... that didn't scare me... not yet... still not working..."

It was good to go to church but now it's time for Pajama Sunday! *hugs*

if Britney Spears could turn her life around, anyone can!

The past year has been amazing. Incredible. Unbelieveable. A Dickens-like "best of times and worst of times" roller coaster ride. Such heartbreaking disappointment. So many stories of how God has picked me up, dusted me off and set me back on my feet. And another one of those picking up/dusting off experiences is happening for me again.

I've been operating from a deficit for so long... truly, I don't think there's been a single day since I left Jacksonville (and before then, even) that I haven't had some financial disaster looming over me. For every crisis, God has been faithful. He has given me my daily bread. I haven't missed a meal. The lights have never been cut off. We aren't homeless.

People talk about "being broke" and I know... that for most of them... they don't really know what it's like to have no money in savings. Or retirement. To have no credit cards to fall back on. When there's no money in your checking account and the cash in your pocket is dwindling and the piggy bank has been shaken dry. To mentally plan out the remaining meals you can make from what's left in your pantry and to be sure to not waste an extra mile in your car to make sure you have gas to go to work. This is not a "poor me" paragraph. It's just what's it's like some days.

But... wow... how many times have I been there and found manna from Heaven? Michael's generousity when I moved here in taking care of the deposit and first month's rent (and pet deposit *snicker*) ... and numerous - NUMEROUS times that a childhood friend has bailed me out and made sure we had what we needed and stood in the gap for me... money from a stranger via UPS... a very unexpected gift from my grandmother... On paper, there is no way I could have kept the wheels on this little wagon over the past year but yet... here I am. The pantry is full (the fridge needs a little restocking but... that's for tomorrow)... the lights are on... the car is still in the driveway... I have a job and have been able to get up and go to work every day. God is good.

Yet. It is a juggling act. With the loss of child support over the last three months and the additional costs due to the wisdom teeth and the bronchitis, CT scan, extra meds... And Austin REALLY in need of clothes, shoes, school supplies... it wasn't looking good for me to keep things going through the month of August. I wasn't SCARED. I wasn't DEPRESSED. I was completely calm and at peace. And I asked for help.

And once again, God came through. Bigger than ever. My rent, car payment and power bills are all being paid this month. I have been given the gift of a cleaning service to help get my house in order... there is help buying clothes for Austin. The gift of financial counseling from an older couple in my church that I love and trust. Hope. It's hope.

And I share this not to brag on how loved I am... for surely, there are people who struggle every single day who do not find the same blessings and I don't know why God continues to bless me. Of all people. I certainly don't know that I deserve any more than anyone else. But wow... what an amazing feeling to have nothing. Nothing. And yet have the complete confidence that God will provide everything I need. And. He. Does.

God places in my path - almost daily now - people who are hurt. And discouraged. And scared. And who are facing their worse thing. And like I always say - my worst thing might be financial struggles. Someone else's might be illness. Or loneliness. Or loss of a loved one. Or... their kid not making the cheerleading squad. I've learned not to compare. It's all relative. You can only know what you know. I find myself in a place to have compassion for these worst things, regardless of where they fit in relation to my worst. And they come to me... for advice. Me. The girl who was out of hope.

The lesson I have learned and what matters most is that God is enough. Whatever the need - He can meet it. And this is what I tell them. And God keeps adding to my testimony. These great needs exist and they get met. Inspite of myself. If I never had a problem, I would never know that God could solve them.

I guess most people would rather not had the problem in the first place.

But if I had to go back to the crossroads moments in my life and remake the crucial decisions that propelled me on this fateful journey... there's no way that I would give up the things I know now that I wouldn't have known. Despite what it seems to have cost me.

In the last year I have cheated death. I have chased butterflies with my niece on a warm fall day. I watched the same little girl score her first soccer goal. I painted faces at her birthday party. I sang the Backyardigans theme song with her. I have been to Babyland General and spent hours holding baby dolls. I have watched my son fall in love both with a town and a girl. I have watched him learn the books of the Bible and gain an understanding of God that he never had before. I have made friends. I have been hugged. I discovered Beth Moore. I have finally been able to become part of a church and had the opportunity to worship. I have had good health insurance and good health care. I have watched the sunrise behind the mountains on my way to work and watched the sunset behind the mountains on my way home. I have breathed the freshest air and eaten the freshest vegetables. I shared thanksgiving dinner with a class of kindergarteners. I got to watch my niece enjoy the redneck water slide on Field Day. I got to help my niece dress for her baptism and I got to dry the baptismal waters off of her precious little freckled face. I have had glitter three inches deep and a busted watermelon in my backseat. I have had countless lunches at La Cabana and North Georgia BBQ in Helen. I have spent beautiful sundrenched lunch hours reading my bible in the parking lot of the Walmart in Cornelia. I lost a laptop. I gained a laptop. I have laughed. I have cried. I have had a life that just one year ago I could never have believed possible.

Yes. There are days that I'm lonely. There are days that I feel sorry for myself. There are days that I mourn for the people I've lost and the time that I've lost and the life that I thought I had and didn't. I want to be well. I want to have a savings account and a retirement fund and security. I want to be thinner and not have this stupid cough. I want my boys closer and my house cleaner.

The point is... if Britney Spears could turn her life around.... and if I could find happiness after unhappily ever after... well, there's always hope. And i want to point out that I haven't found happiness in another man. Or liquid courage. Or in having a perfect life. Or the perfect job. I haven't found happiness in wealth. I found happiness because every single day for the past year, every time I thought hope was gone. It wasn't.

lots of love

Sometimes fabulousity coincides and it’s almost too much to handle… if all the stars align I will have two very special people arriving at the Atlanta Airport on the very same day in October! Wanna guess who they are? I’ll tell you in a minute. They are completely unrelated and they’re traveling separately from two completely different places. Either one would be a major – once a year or less treat for me – and they’re coming to the same place on the same day and they’re trying to coordinate their arrival times. It will be a red-letter day for me! And… and… what’s even better… they leave on the same day so we might be able to hook up a second time… more in a minute.

Today I had lunch with my big brother… it was nice. We ate at the little storefront Japanese place behind the gas station in Cornelia. They don’t have miso soup. It’s nowhere near as nice as Sekisui in Jacksonville where I used to spend wonderful relaxing lunch hours… but the food is good and it’s quick and it wasn’t expensive. (especially since it was his treat! love it!) And we had a good time. We never get to speak in uninterrupted complete thoughts... at church there are so many people around and when the girls are around there's all that activity... and honestly, when Angie and I are together, we chatter nonstop... so it was a treat to be able to have my Bubba's undivided attention and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I heart my Bubba.

Tomorrow I’m having lunch with another adopted niece, Stasha. She’s such a sweetie… she’s been to Nevada on a mission trip and I haven’t felt like doing anything except work and sleep since she’s been back so we’re having lunch. Maybe if we’re lucky, Angie will be able to come too… Stasha just oozes excitement... she's a beautiful young lady and she is such a source of encouragement for me. I heart her too.

I was texting back and forth with my other adopted niece, Jessie, this morning as she was traveling back from New Orleans with Angie and the girls. It was funny. Jessie is funny. I heart Jessie.

School starts tomorrow! I am not excited about this.

Purple Michael’s boyfriend Ross who is going to school for some kind of nutrition degree (and I am horrible to never be able to remember exactly what it is)… at any rate… I emailed back and forth with him all morning to get tips on managing my illness. I’ll go into more details when I have more time… but I am inspired. I heart Ross.

The first time I was on steroids I felt better pretty quickly but this time I’m not. However, the first time they hit me with a high dose and then tapered it. This time we’re doing a steady dose. Yesterday the doctor called and suggested that I try prilosec. I have zero heartburn symptoms but she wants to be sure to eliminate reflux as a reason for my sore throat and *eyeroll* whatever. Michele, I haven’t talked to anyone about the AAT because I have only seen my regular doctor and really… she’s passed the diagnostic burden to the pulmonologist who I will see next Wednesday. I heart health insurance.

Ok… so my brother Bryan, who lives in New York has been dating the same girl for some time. For the first year or so he referred to her as “the girl”… and then when I went to New York in February 2006, I finally got to meet Candice. I was nervous… I mean… she’s very Sex and the City sophisticated and highly evolved and I’m this local yokel from the deep south with kudzu in my veins. We got along great. She’s got the same razor wit that my brothers and I all have and she’s frank and edgy and … we have the best email conversations. We have continued to communicate and I’ve seen her a couple of times since… she and Bryan came to my wedding in Vegas… and there have been two Christmas trips and we’ve just bonded. I heart Candice.

So… last October her grandmother passed away. They were very close and it was a tough loss for her. When I had my anniversary meltdown in July she mentioned that she was planning a getaway around that same time this year to help keep her mind off of things. Sometimes that's the best way to deal with what you know will be a tough time, like it or not. Unfortunately… Bryan has a case that goes to trial that week (he does more than just go to Paris and Vegas and stuff. He actually works for a living. I don’t talk about it much, but he does). So Candice was bummed… so I said, “why don’t you come down here? Jim and Angie have a nice guest suite with a private bath and sitting room and private entrance and porch and it will be October in the mountains…” and *pending confirmation of room availability with Angie* she’s coming! I heart Angie for being so hospitable.

Maybe I shouldn’t volunteer my brother’s house without his permission. But he was excited and Angie is excited and I was thrilled at the idea of having Candice around. Also… these mountains have healing properties. There is no better place to be with no agenda and just be able to catch your breath, do what you feel like doing and realize that there is permanence in this world. The mountains don’t change. They are eternal. I always find hope in the beauty of this place and this place is never more beautiful than in October. I heart the mountains.

Then… this morning… Purple Michael mentioned that he is planning a trip to Atlanta in October. Hoping against hope that his trip would coincide with my trip to the city to get Candice from the airport or take her back to the airport and… would you believe they are arriving and departing the very same days??? So I hooked them up via email (they’ve never met) and she is coordinating her arrival and departure times with his so we will. All. Be. At. The airport at the same time!!! It’s the perfect storm of frivolity for me! Fabulous meets fabulous! His charm. Her wit. My giggles. All in the same zip code! I can’t WAIT! I heart Purple Michael

My two travel wishes for this year were to get to New York City to see Bryan, Candice and… well, NYC… and to get to Chicago to see my beloved Michael. It just wasn’t possible. Not this year but… instead… Chicago and New York are coming to me! Am I just the luckiest girl in the world OR WHAT?

Candice has already chatted with Michael enough today to know that he is wonderful… and I said… who knows… maybe next year we’ll all meet up in Chicago???

Must run… more later maybe, I just had to share!

starting whiny wednesday a little early

The new inhaler burns just as much as the old one. Boohiss!
Been busy today at work. Theresa has been off yesterday and today with a stomach bug.
I’ve been working on cold calling. Something I dearly hate to do but … you do what you can to bring in the new business. I make money on new business or new lines for old business. Girl’s gotta eat.
Ok. Maybe that’s not so true.
Girl’s gotta pay for the internet.
Big Brother still has my attention in a big way. It’s my guilty pleasure. I don’t smoke, drink, gamble or swear. Big Brother is my vice. And the internet.
I had lunch at Sonic today. It was hot. When it got too hot I turned on the air. I listened to Rush Limbaugh and studied Psalms. I always write the date that I study each passage. This was a passage I haven’t visited in awhile. I don’t know how or why but this particular passage Cody signed his name in cursive on 06/14/98. That means he was seven. I didn’t remember him knowing how to write cursive when he was seven… but it was so cute! Made me feel connected with him. I love my old tattered bible.
I’ve been coughing a lot today. Not sure what shook things up so much but I feel like my lungs are melting. I’m hoarse too. I’ve been talking a lot. I really like my voice. I hate being hoarse. My oxygen levels in my blood were good yesterday. Crazy to have to think about those kind of things. Crazy to be carrying an inhaler in my purse. This is soooo not my life.
I studied the records that the doctor gave me yesterday. I have an accessory spleen. I looked that up. That’s like extra spleen tissue that grows apart from the spleen. About ten percent of the population has this. (you may have one tooooo!) There is also a granuloma in my spleen… and this could be the reason for the cyst they found in my sinuses this year… and that nevus sebaceous aka “that thing on my head” is part of the same granulomatous disease. The nevus sebaceous popped up when I was around 9, I think. I remember Doris Wheeler thinking I had chicken pox and looking me over from head to toe to make sure I didn’t. Doris Wheeler is a lady from my church who took me to have my ears pierced when I was 9 or 10. She didn’t have girls, just two rotten boys, so she would spoil me every now and then.
Granulomatous disease usually strikes in childhood. It’s rare for it to be diagnosed past childhood because usually people end up having a chest xray for some reason that shows it or illness that won’t resolve that brings it to attention. I have had countless… COUNTLESS illnesses that took forever to resolve. But for a long time I had little kids and didn’t have time to go to the doctor and then I had not quite as little kids that I was raising by myself. And then I went without health insurance for a good long while. And then I married Michael and when I had health insurance and was actually able to seek medical treatment, I was in the doctors office constantly.
Anyways… I better get my nose back to the grindstone. Ryan just sent me a text that our friend Charlie – the one who got him the job in Pennsylvania – the one who has pretty much raised Ryan – just got laid off. Ryan’s job is pretty secure. He’s doing good there… they just gave him his first job to run by himself. Pretty cool at 22. My boys are smart fellers. No more whining from me today. Love and hugs.

that's what she said...

So I had a follow up with the doctor today... but before I go into that...

Today I got an email from my children's father... he's in excess of $30,000 in arrears in child support ... hasn't paid what he owed EVER... has never lived up to the terms of the divorce or made any real attempts to see his children... he's seen Austin exactly twice in the past year. I don't know how much he's seen Ryan or Cody - I don't ask. They don't volunteer. The truth is that he's beyond deadbeat... I have really, really, really bent over backwards regarding child support. He's driving a brand new Jeep. I'm praying to keep my car on the road. Literally. So today I get a "poor, poor, pitiful me" email from him... poor thing... lost his job last Wednesday... doesn't know when he'll be able to find another... will try to get me some child support whenever he can... doesn't know how to get in touch with me...

Now... if he had been paying regularly and just hit a little snag, I'd have some compassion. He just doesn't care. Never has. He's always been alone on the planet. Never understood what it meant to be a parent. Seriously. How does he NOT have Austin's phone number?

I had just gotten home from the doctor. The doctor said, "are you still working full-time?". Yes. Shouldn't I be? Actually, as it turns out, I shouldn't be. She asked if I needed a note to be able to take some time off or reduce my hours. I shook my head "no". I can't afford to work any less. Especially now. She said to get as much rest as possible. No problem with that...

So you will understand my lack of compassion toward a man who won't take care of his obligations when I'm wearing myself out trying to do my job and his- as a parent. Most of the time I just sorta ignore him. He's not worth my attention. It's like a wise person once told me - when someone shows you who they are believe them - the first time. I met this man 24 years ago and he's been showing me who he is ever since.

So the doctor said to not push myself. She said, "You've been so tough through all of this... " And I'm thinking, "no I haven't been! I've been a big whiny baby about all of it!" But at least that made me feel like less of a whiner... having some medical validation that I shouldn't be feeling good. Cuz I sure haven't been... And then she reviewed all my tests and stuff with me. She said, "I want to prepare you for what the pulmonologist is likely going to do.... " Okaaaayyyy.... She said they'll most likely do a bronchoscopy. I had an idea of what that meant but still came home to google it to make sure I understood... She said there will be some down time with that... it will be under anesthesia so at least that day... and she said I won't feel great when that's done... but that's the best way to rule out any malignancies.

Malignant? Like... seriously... all along it's been benign, benign, benign... and even in the CT scan report (I read it today, finally) everything says most likely benign but there were some buts... like... "symptoms suggest further testing" or something like that. What does that mean? Everything that I had seen so far was in my left lung. The CT scan indicated a very small (like 4mm) mass on the right lung. It wasn't called "granuloma". Everything else has been called granuloma. The diagnosis on the CT scan is "granulomatous disease".

Interestingly... the doctor said that there are certain parts of the country that have a higher incidence of granulomas... I had seen some of this in my research... Ohio River Valley has a high incidence of histoplasmosis... but I didn't realize this part of the country had those sort of issues. But then... it's like i told her... I've lived in metro Atlanta for all of my life except the past two years... she said she was interested in what the pulmonologist said about it. Yay. I'm a lab rat!

And can I just be very judgemental and say that I think it's entirely unfair that I have any lung issues at all since I don't smoke? And never HAVE smoked!!!! I haven't even hung out in smoky places... like bars... I have lived a terribly boring life, so far. Ok. Maybe not boring... but if you can't catch it in church, at the ballfield or in the theatre... I haven't really been exposed to it!

The regular doctor doesn't want to change anything with my meds until I see the pulmonologist but since I responded better to the steroids than to anything else, she's putting me on another course of steroids. She used the phrase, "the best thing I can do right now is keep you comfortable until you're able to see the specialist". KEEP ME COMFORTABLE??? In the words of Purple Michael, "OH LorT!"... That sounded fatal! *yes, I realize this is overdramatic... cut me some slack!*

In the meantime... I'm still coughing like crazy... my mouth is horribly inflamed... my throat is red and raw... I'm exhausted... and today, I'm just mad. Far be it for me to say "It's not fair" but really.... it isn't!

And to further freak me out... this silver convertible mercedes ran a red light today as I was going through the square in Cleveland. The driver looked EXACTLY like Michael. Freakishly like Michael. Enough like Michael that I stared a hole through the back of his head. I think he thought I was either flirting or mad about him running the red light. It wasn't Michael. I'm sure of it. I have a feeling that he will do whatever it takes to make sure he is never in the same zip code as me. Especially if I'm potentially infectious.

And the bitter, angry person inside of me (who I keep under control most of the time) wished for a just a brief moment that I could have gone through this illness while we were still married because it would have aggravated the stew out of him to hear me coughing every night... and he would have worried himself sick over catching some deathly germ from me. He would have OCD'd the skin right off of his hands trying to wash away any potential infection.

And then the really pathetic, sad person inside of me (who shows her butt far too often) wishes that I could have gone through this illness while we were still married because it's scary as hell to go through this alone. And because I really need someone to change the lightbulbs in the kitchen. But then I was grateful because if I was still married to Michael we might still be living on the third floor and there is no way I could have handled those stairs... but then again... that's probably why those stairs kicked my butt like they did! Plus... if I was still married to Michael... he would have just made me feel bad about not keeping the house clean, instead of understanding that working expends all the energy I have right now.

Trying to remember anything else the doctor said... they did blood work again. My protein levels were high but she is certain it's related to unresolved inflammation/infection. She thinks my white blood cell count will look worse with each repeat blood test because of being on steroids. She wants me to try to balance my diet with probiotics and as little yeast as possible (someone I know is saying, "I told you so!" to that one!). She walked me back to the lab and gave some specific instructions to the vampires... I added, "she ordered the PAINLESS blood draw for me" and they all giggled. I'm sure it wasn't original but... I've still got my sense of humor...

Oh... and she gave me a new inhaler that will hopefully be kinder to my mouth than the asthmanex... this one is symbicort, I think? And a prescription for penicillin because my mouth and throat are PROBABLY hurting because of thrush... but possibly there could be a secondary infection and she wants to make sure to head off any other potential infections... as the granulomatous disease makes me more succeptible to infection. Joy. Which is actually NOTHING NEW... it just explains what has already been happening... I knew i was getting sick too easily.

Am I talking in circles? Trying to remember it all... make sense of it all.... so... anyways... that's what she said...

my Saturday

I survived Auggie and Devvie's End of Summer Blast last night. They didn't sleep at all. They woke me up 2 or three times. I think it was 3. Devin said I came out and yelled at them three times. Austin says I came out twice. At any rate... it's over.

The sort of raw throat feeling I had... which was in the back of my mouth yesterday... had taken over my mouth by this morning. It is thrush - a fungal infection that is a side effect of the steroid inhaler. Good times! I called the doctor this morning and said, "HELP!" so she called me in some nystatin that I'm supposed to rinse my mouth with four times a day, then gargle and swallow it. I did my first dose and gagged on it. It is insanely nasty.

I went in to work this morning, grudgingly. The truth is that I don't MIND working Saturdays but I'm also trying to keep a delicate balance right now of my resources... time, energy, money.... I'm not allowed to work any over time. I'm no longer allowed to work more than 8 hours on any day. But Duane wants me to work Saturdays. So basically... I'm in a situation where I need to work six days a week and frankly, I don't know how long I can do that. I have two dr appointments coming up in the next pay period and the only time I'm allowed to make up the time is on Saturday so... I guess I'll either be working every Saturday for awhile or I'll have to figure out how to make do on less.

Frankly... it has me a little aggravated. I won't elaborate too much... don't want my mouth to get me in trouble... I'm just worn out. And sick. And today I'm in a stupid amount of pain. When babies have thrush it seems like no big deal but I feel like I'm on fire from my lips to my stomach... it's really uncomfortable.

So I worked this morning and fortunately, sold a health policy that will make me a little extra money...

then I went to see Jim, Angie and the girls... and took them a bag of goodies for their trip to New Orleans tomorrow. I made a scavenger hunt for the girls... things to look for on the road like a police car that has someone pulled over or a stray dog - that sort of thing. I gave them crayons, coloring books, suckers... just random inexpensive things. Sarabeth and I played a few games of Connect 4. Jamie and I made bead necklaces... we had lunch... I didn't stay long but i wanted to see them before they left.

Then I went to the little farm market for some corn, cucumbers and tomatoes. I wanted peaches but they didn't look that good... I bought boiled peanuts...

Then I went to the bakery... had a nice chat with the Amish ladies... bought a lemon coconut pie (thinking that would be smooth and painless - not as much as I had hoped)... I bought a loaf of fresh baked bread.... I didn't spend much, but I do like buying stuff that's fresh and local.

Then I went to the pharmacy to get my new meds... again, thank God for health insurance.... I don't know if I will be able to handle this one... I'm almost at the point of not taking ANYTHING... I'd rather cough my head off than have my mouth feel this raw...

I went home and Austin and Devin were STILL up playing video games. They didn't sleep at all... I told Devin that unless his mom could come get him, that I was taking him home in the next half hour (so that I could take something for pain)... and he couldn't get his mom... so I took him home.

Austin fell asleep on the way back. Austin asked to go to Tasha's church for a back to school rally they were having... I told him no... I knew he was exhausted but didn't want to hurt her feelings so I took the role of the bad guy. He was relieved. He's asleep now.

I'm just watching the History channel and relaxing... that's my Saturday!