My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Friday, February 18, 2011

finding a teachable moment

My aggravation with Austin has been really building over the past two weeks.
I mean... the school attendance has become an issue again... He HAS been sick but he feels well enough to do what he wants to do.
I asked him on Saturday to do HIS laundry. Not done yet.
I asked him on Monday to change the litter box... not hard - you carry one of the disposable litter boxes to the dumpster and open a new one. I can't lift it. But that... has not been done yet.
I asked him on Tuesday to do the dishes. Not done yet.
The trash got taken out... there's that.
He cooked and left a trail of ramen noodles all over the counter... I asked him at 6pm last night to clean it up.
Still there.
I asked him to pick up his pajama pants from the middle of the living room floor at some time this week. Still there.
School book bag - still in the middle of the floor.
Dishes still in his room.
Room still not clean.
I ask. I cajole. I beg. I plead. I rationalize. I speak to him like a child. I speak to him like an adult.
He does exactly what he wants, exactly when it benefits him. No exceptions.

I left for work this morning in tears after he refused to go to school...
This afternoon he called with his grocery order... listing the things that HE WANTS that we didn't have in the house.
Don't get me wrong... there is food in the house. Just not what he was craving at the moment.
And I said... sure... we'll go... not feeling like it... wearing the weight of a long week on my back... wanting only to get home, get on the heating pad... rest...
And as I was driving home... talking to God... and thanking Him for allowing me a full day of work... and asking him for another hour of strength since I had to take Austin to the store... and as clear as day, I heard Him say:
Make him wait.
That's right.
Teachable moment.
He makes me wait for everything I ask him to do.
Makes me beg. Get mad. Be inconvenienced. Not get what I want, what is necessary for the orderly upkeep of our home...
He refuses to work on my schedule. Why should I be a slave to his?
And so I came home and you know what I did?
I made him wait.
My plan was to make him wait until I could explain my disappointment at his lack of cooperation.
I wanted to tell him how much I need him to work with me.
I wanted to demonstrate how there is give and take in every relationship.
But he cursed me. He slammed doors. He screamed at me. He left the room. He acused me of depriving him.
And so... I will make him wait until he is ready to listen.
Sometimes God is a really awesome co-parent.


Big Mark 243 said...

My heart goes out to you, Heather. Hope that you receive the wisdom that will help you navigate you and Austin to his adulthood and self-sufficiency...

Red*Hot@52! said...

Wow. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child that doesn't seem to care that his mother is having things so tough right now. You are very right to make him wait. I've had some similar issues with my son, wanting to do things on HIS time, and he now knows that just doesn't work. It has taken a lot to finally get him turned around on that, and actually included waking him up at 2am because he didn't finish something.

I will pray for you, and for him, that he will understand what you are going through and how important it is for him to help you through this. It hurts my heart to know a child would treat his dear mother such as you've described how Austin is treating you.

God Bless you, Heather!