What Grandma Said

Up until about two years ago, I obsessively watched the news. I had very strong political opinions and was very sure and secure in what I believed was right... and what was wrong. As things have become more strongly divided in the past few years... things have become less black and white for me. I find myself unable to identify with either political party in our country. I find myself unable to stomach the news... any news... because I no longer trust what we are being told. I cannot hear of a news story without having to know the source because everything comes through the spin cycle. There is no news that I firmly trust unless I have personally researched it for myself. For my own sanity, I had to distance myself from politics.

I am, however, a big follower of social media and any big story will begin to filter through into what people are posting. So when I began to see stories about children being separated from their parents when crossing into the United States, I started forming a lot of questions in my mind. I stewed over things for most of yesterday and then finally, after dinner last night I started a dialogue with Marvin about what is happening at the border. He's a good one to have these discussions with because he is smart, honest and articulate and enjoys a good debate. We don't always agree but he never makes me feel uncomfortable with speaking my heart to him. Here are a few of the questions I had for him (and for you, if you care to comment on them):

• Why are these people not being allowed into the United States?
• Why are they being detained instead of just turned back? 
• Are they accused of a crime? Are they being given due process? Are they represented? Are the children represented in any way?
• What has changed about the situation on the border in the recent weeks that has constituted a crisis?
• What happened to the children in the past? 
• Why would a parent risk separation from their children - if it was risky to cross into the border, why would they subject their children to it?
• Who is caring for the children while they are separated from their parents? 

If you've read my blog for any time at all, you know that at the very core of who I am, I am a mother and a grandmother. Children are precious to me. Lives are precious to me. I am staunchly pro-life, pro-child, pro-family.

For example, yesterday Cosette had brought her kitten with her when she came to our house. She is deeply attached to her kitten. We needed to go to the store and it is very hot where we live so we couldn't have left the kitten in the car for any amount of time. We got Whiskers settled comfortably in my bathroom with fresh water and kitten kibble and started to leave the house. Cosy could NOT understand why the kitten couldn't come. She was heartbroken... devastated... hysterical! I was in my bathroom upstairs while her dad was in the driveway trying to get her in the car and I could hear her screaming from there. I went outside and she was so upset that she was hyperventilating. I knew we couldn't just put her in the car like that... so I carried her to the covered porch and sat down in the rocking chair with her in my lap and just held her and rocked her and kissed her sweaty little head as her tears wet the front of my shirt. I wanted her to understand why the cat couldn't go but before I could even begin to reason with her, I needed to calm her down and make her feel safe.

So many things to take from that scenario. She couldn't bear to be away from her little kitten. I couldn't bear to witness her grief and fear about when she would be reunited with her kitten. We needed to go... the cat couldn't go with us... there were good reasons for the cat to be where she was and for Cosy to be with us but in the moment, all that mattered was her little broken heart.

I don't fully understand this issue at the border. Those questions I listed for you... I don't fully have answers yet. I see the image of the toddler crying for it's mother and it rips my heart out. I know that there are probably reasons that these  people are being detained. I believe that there have to be reasons that they aren't allowed into our country. But what matters most to me is the hurt and fear that people are feeling at being separated from their families.

When I moved to Florida and Cody stayed behind in Georgia, I could not even say his name without breaking down into tears. He was my child and he needed to be with me. It wasn't time for him to be out of my nest yet. He was 17.

When we were unable to see Cosy two years ago, same thing. I could not say her name without crying. Even now, I will tell you that the time away from her was the hardest thing I've ever lived through, even in comparison to my mom's illness last year. It's that loss of the parent-child relationship that is unnatural. My mom was safe and surrounded by people who loved her and were trained in how to care for her. I knew what was happening in my mom's life but with Cosy, we didn't know what was happening. We knew my mom would die and her suffering would end but we didn't have any certainty about our future relationship with Cosy.

I would not want children to be in an unsafe location. I would not want them to be detained with criminals. I don't want kids in jail. Marvin reassured me that where the families were previously held - was not jail. It's possible that some of the kids being brought to the border are being trafficked for horrible reasons. The people with them may not be the actual parents in some circumstances. There are sometimes questions that have to be answered before people are allowed into our country but surely there is a better way for this to be handled.

I can't tell you that I came to any firm conclusions about this situation and I am far from well informed. But I have to admit that when the order came down today to stop separating families, I felt a huge sense of relief. I know that our borders are not as safe as they should be. I know that other countries - like Russia, for instance - have much stricter border protection. But as Marvin says, we're better than those other countries. We don't want to be them. For me, when I don't understand the problem, I just know I have to err on the side of love and compassion.

I've posted a few screenshots that I found on social media today that made me think... I'm also including some other words of wisdom.

I stumbled across this in a draft of a blog I never published... these are things I found on little notes in my Grandma's bible. She died in 1998... so, twenty years ago! I thought some of these might speak to some of you... and I want you to know that wherever you stand politically, I just hope that you remember to show kindness and compassion to others. Here's what Grandma Pennington said:

• Your best friend is he who brings out the best that is within you.
• Every human heart has an unseen battlefield where the good and the bad are fighting it out
• Without the Holy Spirit, the Christian witness is powerless
• Real goodness is a trait of character which only comes through the indwelling spirit
• God never gives power to a person who will not use it
• People are attracted to Christ by the lives of those who profess Him
• The highest purpose of prayer is to turn our attention toward God, to get God into our minds and; into our thinking
• God is as near to you as the air you breathe, not way out yonder somewhere
• Prayer is coming to God with open minds saying, "God reveal to me what you want me to do".
• Many times God reveals His will to us one step at a time, as you take that step then you can see the next one.
• We cannot prove God by argument but we can make our own lives an argument for God
• When we lose hope, we lose God
• I believe that Christ rose from the dead, this resurrection is my assurance that there is life for me beyond the grave. "Because I live, " he said, "ye shall also live".
• I know someone will carry my body and bury it in the ground. There it will decay but because I know Christ, that will not be the end of me. I shall live after death.
• A friend is one who comes in when the world goes out.
• If asked to, God will soften harshness in people
• Religion is both love for God and love for man. It involves the fatherhood of God and the Brotherhood of man
• If a man would not help his son or daughter when he or she was needed it and was in trouble, then he was not a worthy father
• There have been many, many people in whose heart our Lord stilled the storm after some great sorrow or hurt or disappointment. He is still working His miracles.
• I cannot forgive my sins. I cannot blot them out. My only hope is the mercy of God.
• With God's help, we can face any temptation and overcome it.
• Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not. (Augustine)
• It is important that we know what we believe
• God is stronger than satan, goodness is stronger than evil, love is stronger than hate, righteousness is stronger than sin
• Day by day we gather the harvest of yesterday and we are sowing for the harvest of the future
• If you have a problem, plant a seed
• a missionary is not necessarily one who crosses the sea, but one who sees the cross
• Suffering accepted and used may prove to be the best fruit of your life.
• God's grace does not always explain nor remove the thorn, but it is always sufficient to overcome
• He who cannot let go cannot hang on.

Throwback Thursday - June 7 - what's changed over the years?

Time once again to look back on this day in Blog History... which also, as it turns out, is a flash back in Presidential history. The post I wrote on this day in 2016 expressed my concerns about the possibility of a Clinton vs. Trump election and how I felt about each candidate. I wish we could go back to the innocence of that Summer, especially of that time. There's so much division in our country now and it breaks my heart. Speaking of being divided, this post was written about a week and a half before Cosy was taken out of our life for two months... I was recovering from my hysterectomy... I compared the difference between Oliver and Cosy's approach to playing with dolls. There was such a bad storm brewing and I had no idea at that moment. It's important to embrace today because you don't ever know what lies ahead, do you?

I'm cheating by one day on my post from 2014 because I didn't post on this day that year and the post from June 8 is a question and answer post that was fun for me to look back on... I hope it will be for you. One question that I'll go ahead and include here for you to answer: what is on your Summer Reading List? I don't read enough. Partly because of migraines and partly because I'm a couch potato. What SHOULD I be reading? Tips? Suggestions?

In 2013, I was adjusting to being at home full time. On this particular day I was dealing with quite a bit of pain and I came to an epiphany about how being a chronic pain patient was going to change my life. At this point I was already two years into this rocky road and was STILL trying to figure it all out. Now, seven years in, I feel like an expert because I've gone through so much trial and error. I also realize that it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to do what you need to do to feel comfortable - it's not selfish, what's selfish is putting yourself in a situation where you're no good at all to anyone, yet it's also ok to take risks and stretch your boundaries at times. I've been to two concerts in the past six months WITH A WALKER! The key is to build a support network of people you can trust to help you navigate the difficult parts. The bulk of my support comes from three guys who are not by nature cuddly/maternal/emotional people but they all three love me enough to help me get through life. I'm talking about my youngest son, my dad and my sweetheart. They know how to help me because I TELL them what I need, I verbalize my concerns and I trust them to do what I need them to do.

This day in 2012, I found myself feeling particularly grateful for my internet support system... the people who read my blog every day whether they be "real life" friends or people I only know through the internet. I've been blogging off and on since 2004. I've been active on the internet since 1996. The people I've met online, even the ones I've never met in real life, have been constant and consistent and as real to me as the people who live right down the street from me. There's a group of ladies that I refer to as my Blogger Babes and Mother Hens who I know without a doubt are there for me when times get tough. You proved that to me again last Summer during my mom's illness. You sent me flower and texts and cards and messages and truly, just really sustained me during that time. Internet dating may have been a huge mistake for me but internet friendships are the staff of life for me.

Life was particularly difficult in 2011 because I was still trying to work full-time despite the pain that was literally ruling my life. I was trying to get Austin through high school. I was trying to keep the bills paid and the lights on and food in the refrigerator and it was hard. Somehow though, every day brought a real sense of purpose and little moments of joy. My life is so different now. I come in contact with only a fraction of the people I came in contact with at work. My opportunities to make a difference are fewer but now I have time to take with people. I can go at a slower pace. I can have a more deliberate impact. To everything there is a season. This season of life for me is about quality, not quantity.

For some bizarre reason this post from 2010 went relatively viral (for me). It got 840 views which... at that time I got about 60 views per blog entry. Now it's about double that. These numbers don't matter a HUGE amount but I wouldn't mind growing my readership enough to make a little pocket money every month. Social Security doesn't go far, trust me. It's a basically unremarkable blog post so I have NO idea why it got so many views but... maybe posting the link will bring me a few new readers. If you know someone who might enjoy my style of blogging and the topics that I cover (toddlers, living with chronic pain, dating at 50, etc), please share my link! I don't expect to get rich but doubling my readership would at least pay my pharmacy co-pay every month.

Life comes full circle for us. I was reminded of this while reading my blog post from 2009. I talk about a lady who was feeling a lot of bitterness toward her ex-husband. In one of the newer blog posts on this day in history, about two years afterwards, I think, I talked about her son and how he was such a big part of Austin's life. You just never know how the seeds you plant today might bloom in the future. You never know what bridge you might have to cross again.

That's it. I hope you enjoyed this look back with me. I'll have a Food Friday post tomorrow (hopefully) about a really awesome restaurant that Marvin and I visited on Wednesday. Love and hugs, y'all!