Throwback Thursday - June 14

That awkward moment when Throwback Thursday becomes Flashback Friday... Wednesday night into Thursday became the worst headache I've had in a long time and I could not bear to even do something as simple as post a blog post that was already written. Boyfriend Brag Time: my guy gave me the most relaxing, amazing week(end) (which is actually most people's midweek but it's our weekend. It's complicated.) and took such wonderful care of me. If you've never been a single woman... or a woman married to a man who just doesn't give a rip what you're feeling like... which describes my entire adult life... you cannot imagine how lovely it feels just to have something as basic as, "can I bring you a cool compress for your head?" or to hear "I'm sorry you don't feel well" from someone who means it. He watched over me and let me sleep and made a superhuman effort to keep a quiet, cool space for me to be in so that I could be comfortable. It just melts my stone cold heart into a little babbling brook when he does these sweet things for me. He also fed me so that I didn't have to leave the house until time to go home. And I had to go home because there was this med that I've been missing, as described in my last blog post. I got home... called the pharmacy, they got it ready quickly and Austin hurried over to pick it up for me and although I have bit of a residual headache today, I'm so much better than yesterday!

So let's pick up where you were supposed to be yesterday with a review of blogs from YESTERDAY in blog history. I hope you enjoy!

It's that time of week where I look back to this day in past years on my blog and share a few clips and updates. Since 2017 and 2016 were a bit crazy... I'm going to start with this day in 2015. We had just returned from Connecticut (where we attended my brother's wedding, see Wedding Wednesday from last week if you missed the flashback). Cosy was here and melting my heart but Oliver was not yet here. I was looking forward to holding both babies at once and I have so many times since then... but what I wasn't prepared for, that has been the bigger joy for me, was their sweet interactions (and sometimes not so sweet) with each other. I never, ever, ever talk to Oliver that he doesn't ask me where Cosy is. Any time I say, "guess who is coming to play with you this week?" she immediately guesses Oliver. They might... possibly... who knows... be my only grandchildren and they might very likely be only children. I so very much want them to have each other to lean on! That's another thing about grandparenting... you find yourself focusing on helping your grandchildren foster relationships with other people who will be in their lives long after you are gone. Cosy is really attached to Austin's girlfriend, Jessie. I would be jealous every time Cosy asks me to let Jessie push the shopping cart instead of me... but then I think, if Jessie is involved in Cosy's life long term, I want Cosy to WANT to be around Jessie. I want her to be surrounded by people who love her and make her feel loved. This perspective helps me a lot in dealing with the fact that Oliver is so far away... he sees his other grandma and her mother and sister more than once a week and me just once a month, usually. As much as I wish I could see him more, I'm so glad that there are three other ladies loving him to pieces when I am not around!

In my blog post on this day in 2013, I talked about my thoughts about boys and girls (men and women) and their different perspectives in relationships. This was while I was in sort of an "I'm not ever doing that again" stage of life when it came to relationships but I still stand by what I said. If anything is different with this whole "later in life love" this time around, I'd say that it's taking my own advice of not trying to change him...

Girls fall in love with boys hoping they can change them.... boys fall in love with girls hoping they don't change a bit. And what happens? Guys do what they've always done and if they want to play video games from dark til dawn, they do. And girls get lazy, feeling unappreciated and... let themselves go. I've done it in every single relationship of my life. I've seen a guy as a rough draft that I can improve on... a fixer up, so to speak. And they see me as "move in ready" and expect things to stay perfect, with no attention from them. Relationships fail because we love people for who we want them to be, not for who they are.

If anything is different with this whole "later in life love" this time around, I'd say that it's taking my own advice of not trying to change him... just appreciating who he already is. I don't mean that we never have anything to gain, no opportunities to grow. I hope that I'm always going to learn new things throughout my life and I know he feels the same way. I'm talking about someone's fundamental personality and character traits not their knowledge and abilities.

On this day in 2012, I was getting ready to move back to Riverdale for (what I wasn't sure then would be) a short time and looking for gainful employment / trying to decide if I should go ahead and file for disability. When I look back to that period in time there was so much uncertainty in my life. I'm really glad that things are so much more stable now. Obviously, life can change in the blink of an eye but wow! that was a time of really big decisions. I moved to Riverdale in June and my parents bought a house in Cleveland in August. In the meantime I found a job in Fayetteville (near Riverdale for those who aren't local) and it was exactly what I needed to end my career with a little bit of self-esteem but also with the documentation that was crucial in getting my disability approved. Being able to attempt to work as little as an hour or two a day and not being able to do even that small amount of time consistently was key.

I really focused on finding humor in the situation back in  2011 as we were sort of figuring out that things were not going to get better. I read these posts in 2011 KNOWING that my house is about to get struck by lightning (literally) and I'm about to have to move and what little rest and comfort I had at the time (my home base) was going to be ripped out from under me. Of course, I also didn't know that I was going to find a cheaper, quieter place closer to work... and because of Renter's Insurance the move was going to be done by someone  other than me, including the packing. Yes, it was a real stressful situation at the time but it ended up ok. That's the important thing. It always ends up ok.

In 2010, I was getting back into Weight Watchers and did lose a good bit of weight before my back problems started and I had to get on meds that really don't allow me to lose weight. Even when I eat practically nothing for an extended period of time I don't lose. It would be great to have less weight to carry around but I'm not too stressed over it. I'm ok with me.

And that's all I have for this week! I hope you enjoyed this look back on today in my blog history. Happy Flag Day!

Throwback Thursday - June 7 - what's changed over the years?

Time once again to look back on this day in Blog History... which also, as it turns out, is a flash back in Presidential history. The post I wrote on this day in 2016 expressed my concerns about the possibility of a Clinton vs. Trump election and how I felt about each candidate. I wish we could go back to the innocence of that Summer, especially of that time. There's so much division in our country now and it breaks my heart. Speaking of being divided, this post was written about a week and a half before Cosy was taken out of our life for two months... I was recovering from my hysterectomy... I compared the difference between Oliver and Cosy's approach to playing with dolls. There was such a bad storm brewing and I had no idea at that moment. It's important to embrace today because you don't ever know what lies ahead, do you?

I'm cheating by one day on my post from 2014 because I didn't post on this day that year and the post from June 8 is a question and answer post that was fun for me to look back on... I hope it will be for you. One question that I'll go ahead and include here for you to answer: what is on your Summer Reading List? I don't read enough. Partly because of migraines and partly because I'm a couch potato. What SHOULD I be reading? Tips? Suggestions?

In 2013, I was adjusting to being at home full time. On this particular day I was dealing with quite a bit of pain and I came to an epiphany about how being a chronic pain patient was going to change my life. At this point I was already two years into this rocky road and was STILL trying to figure it all out. Now, seven years in, I feel like an expert because I've gone through so much trial and error. I also realize that it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to do what you need to do to feel comfortable - it's not selfish, what's selfish is putting yourself in a situation where you're no good at all to anyone, yet it's also ok to take risks and stretch your boundaries at times. I've been to two concerts in the past six months WITH A WALKER! The key is to build a support network of people you can trust to help you navigate the difficult parts. The bulk of my support comes from three guys who are not by nature cuddly/maternal/emotional people but they all three love me enough to help me get through life. I'm talking about my youngest son, my dad and my sweetheart. They know how to help me because I TELL them what I need, I verbalize my concerns and I trust them to do what I need them to do.

This day in 2012, I found myself feeling particularly grateful for my internet support system... the people who read my blog every day whether they be "real life" friends or people I only know through the internet. I've been blogging off and on since 2004. I've been active on the internet since 1996. The people I've met online, even the ones I've never met in real life, have been constant and consistent and as real to me as the people who live right down the street from me. There's a group of ladies that I refer to as my Blogger Babes and Mother Hens who I know without a doubt are there for me when times get tough. You proved that to me again last Summer during my mom's illness. You sent me flower and texts and cards and messages and truly, just really sustained me during that time. Internet dating may have been a huge mistake for me but internet friendships are the staff of life for me.

Life was particularly difficult in 2011 because I was still trying to work full-time despite the pain that was literally ruling my life. I was trying to get Austin through high school. I was trying to keep the bills paid and the lights on and food in the refrigerator and it was hard. Somehow though, every day brought a real sense of purpose and little moments of joy. My life is so different now. I come in contact with only a fraction of the people I came in contact with at work. My opportunities to make a difference are fewer but now I have time to take with people. I can go at a slower pace. I can have a more deliberate impact. To everything there is a season. This season of life for me is about quality, not quantity.

For some bizarre reason this post from 2010 went relatively viral (for me). It got 840 views which... at that time I got about 60 views per blog entry. Now it's about double that. These numbers don't matter a HUGE amount but I wouldn't mind growing my readership enough to make a little pocket money every month. Social Security doesn't go far, trust me. It's a basically unremarkable blog post so I have NO idea why it got so many views but... maybe posting the link will bring me a few new readers. If you know someone who might enjoy my style of blogging and the topics that I cover (toddlers, living with chronic pain, dating at 50, etc), please share my link! I don't expect to get rich but doubling my readership would at least pay my pharmacy co-pay every month.

Life comes full circle for us. I was reminded of this while reading my blog post from 2009. I talk about a lady who was feeling a lot of bitterness toward her ex-husband. In one of the newer blog posts on this day in history, about two years afterwards, I think, I talked about her son and how he was such a big part of Austin's life. You just never know how the seeds you plant today might bloom in the future. You never know what bridge you might have to cross again.

That's it. I hope you enjoyed this look back with me. I'll have a Food Friday post tomorrow (hopefully) about a really awesome restaurant that Marvin and I visited on Wednesday. Love and hugs, y'all!