Throwback Thursday - June 21st

Welcome back to another weekly edition of Throwback Thursday where I look back at this day in my blog's history! You can click on the links to be transported back in time to read the different blog posts.

On this day in 2016 work had just begun on our new covered deck. We have loved that new deck so much and it has been a place of some of the best memories... I just wish my mom had been able to enjoy it longer. I feel her presence more on that deck than anywhere else in the house. She loved it so much. Since it's covered it's comfortable in all but the hottest days of the year. We had Cosette's 2nd birthday party out there... so this blog post makes me a little weepy, realizing that it's only been two years since they started rebuilding the porch... but happy that mom did get to enjoy it for awhile.

In 2015 it was a special "Reasons to Love" post but this time it was Reasons to Love Helen - my sister-in-law! It's been three years since that post and I could probably do a hundred reasons to love her now. We have the BEST text message chats! She posts the sweetest pictures of my nephew Finn! She is always concerned about how I'm doing and always asks about my kids and... we could not have chosen a better wife for Bryan. And now she's incubating another niece for me... quite possibly another red-headed niece... and I'm planning a visit to New York later this year to welcome the new Gant Princess!

I was really thinking deeply about our food choices in 2013 and what might be out there that really isn't good for us. I was also having a little trouble with the youngest kid and wondering when he'd step up to the plate (he has, trust me!) I was deep in the swamp with disability and all that fun stuff. Not my best post ever but it's good to see where I was on this day five years ago.

Oh goodness... what a mess was this time six years ago! Moving back down south... trying to sort Austin's situation out... not knowing if I was going to go back to work or end up filing for disability. It was just so much chaos. The important thing is that I survived it all! Moving in with my parents felt like the lowest of the lows at the time but of course, I didn't know then how little time my mom had left and how important it would be for me to be with her. I read this post now and think... Poor Heather just didn't have a clue. How different would we live our lives if we knew what lurked ahead? Lots. I'm telling you, we would live LOTS differently.

In 2011, I was blogging about Vacation Bible School and the pledges we used to make in the assembly every year. They don't do that any more... at least not around here... and I think it's important to learn those things. But it's more important to know why you believe what you believe. I'm still sorting that part out. When you pledge allegiance, what are you really saying?

I was back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon on this day in 2010 and was really encouraged about my food choices. We had also just recently been to the Fox to see the Little House on the Prairie musical, which was great fun! Somehow that particular day ended up being a double post day and I wrote about a customer who hit a bear with his car. You just never know what might happen here!

AND finally... in 2009 I was having a fabulous weekend watching old movies and staying indoors to beat the heat. I have a long history of hating Summer!

Hope you enjoyed this trip back in time on my blog! Happy Thursday!

Throwback Thursday - June 14

That awkward moment when Throwback Thursday becomes Flashback Friday... Wednesday night into Thursday became the worst headache I've had in a long time and I could not bear to even do something as simple as post a blog post that was already written. Boyfriend Brag Time: my guy gave me the most relaxing, amazing week(end) (which is actually most people's midweek but it's our weekend. It's complicated.) and took such wonderful care of me. If you've never been a single woman... or a woman married to a man who just doesn't give a rip what you're feeling like... which describes my entire adult life... you cannot imagine how lovely it feels just to have something as basic as, "can I bring you a cool compress for your head?" or to hear "I'm sorry you don't feel well" from someone who means it. He watched over me and let me sleep and made a superhuman effort to keep a quiet, cool space for me to be in so that I could be comfortable. It just melts my stone cold heart into a little babbling brook when he does these sweet things for me. He also fed me so that I didn't have to leave the house until time to go home. And I had to go home because there was this med that I've been missing, as described in my last blog post. I got home... called the pharmacy, they got it ready quickly and Austin hurried over to pick it up for me and although I have bit of a residual headache today, I'm so much better than yesterday!

So let's pick up where you were supposed to be yesterday with a review of blogs from YESTERDAY in blog history. I hope you enjoy!

It's that time of week where I look back to this day in past years on my blog and share a few clips and updates. Since 2017 and 2016 were a bit crazy... I'm going to start with this day in 2015. We had just returned from Connecticut (where we attended my brother's wedding, see Wedding Wednesday from last week if you missed the flashback). Cosy was here and melting my heart but Oliver was not yet here. I was looking forward to holding both babies at once and I have so many times since then... but what I wasn't prepared for, that has been the bigger joy for me, was their sweet interactions (and sometimes not so sweet) with each other. I never, ever, ever talk to Oliver that he doesn't ask me where Cosy is. Any time I say, "guess who is coming to play with you this week?" she immediately guesses Oliver. They might... possibly... who knows... be my only grandchildren and they might very likely be only children. I so very much want them to have each other to lean on! That's another thing about grandparenting... you find yourself focusing on helping your grandchildren foster relationships with other people who will be in their lives long after you are gone. Cosy is really attached to Austin's girlfriend, Jessie. I would be jealous every time Cosy asks me to let Jessie push the shopping cart instead of me... but then I think, if Jessie is involved in Cosy's life long term, I want Cosy to WANT to be around Jessie. I want her to be surrounded by people who love her and make her feel loved. This perspective helps me a lot in dealing with the fact that Oliver is so far away... he sees his other grandma and her mother and sister more than once a week and me just once a month, usually. As much as I wish I could see him more, I'm so glad that there are three other ladies loving him to pieces when I am not around!

In my blog post on this day in 2013, I talked about my thoughts about boys and girls (men and women) and their different perspectives in relationships. This was while I was in sort of an "I'm not ever doing that again" stage of life when it came to relationships but I still stand by what I said. If anything is different with this whole "later in life love" this time around, I'd say that it's taking my own advice of not trying to change him...

Girls fall in love with boys hoping they can change them.... boys fall in love with girls hoping they don't change a bit. And what happens? Guys do what they've always done and if they want to play video games from dark til dawn, they do. And girls get lazy, feeling unappreciated and... let themselves go. I've done it in every single relationship of my life. I've seen a guy as a rough draft that I can improve on... a fixer up, so to speak. And they see me as "move in ready" and expect things to stay perfect, with no attention from them. Relationships fail because we love people for who we want them to be, not for who they are.

If anything is different with this whole "later in life love" this time around, I'd say that it's taking my own advice of not trying to change him... just appreciating who he already is. I don't mean that we never have anything to gain, no opportunities to grow. I hope that I'm always going to learn new things throughout my life and I know he feels the same way. I'm talking about someone's fundamental personality and character traits not their knowledge and abilities.

On this day in 2012, I was getting ready to move back to Riverdale for (what I wasn't sure then would be) a short time and looking for gainful employment / trying to decide if I should go ahead and file for disability. When I look back to that period in time there was so much uncertainty in my life. I'm really glad that things are so much more stable now. Obviously, life can change in the blink of an eye but wow! that was a time of really big decisions. I moved to Riverdale in June and my parents bought a house in Cleveland in August. In the meantime I found a job in Fayetteville (near Riverdale for those who aren't local) and it was exactly what I needed to end my career with a little bit of self-esteem but also with the documentation that was crucial in getting my disability approved. Being able to attempt to work as little as an hour or two a day and not being able to do even that small amount of time consistently was key.

I really focused on finding humor in the situation back in  2011 as we were sort of figuring out that things were not going to get better. I read these posts in 2011 KNOWING that my house is about to get struck by lightning (literally) and I'm about to have to move and what little rest and comfort I had at the time (my home base) was going to be ripped out from under me. Of course, I also didn't know that I was going to find a cheaper, quieter place closer to work... and because of Renter's Insurance the move was going to be done by someone  other than me, including the packing. Yes, it was a real stressful situation at the time but it ended up ok. That's the important thing. It always ends up ok.

In 2010, I was getting back into Weight Watchers and did lose a good bit of weight before my back problems started and I had to get on meds that really don't allow me to lose weight. Even when I eat practically nothing for an extended period of time I don't lose. It would be great to have less weight to carry around but I'm not too stressed over it. I'm ok with me.

And that's all I have for this week! I hope you enjoyed this look back on today in my blog history. Happy Flag Day!

Throw Back Thursday - Blog Entries from May 17th

Just for the record, I'm total Yanny - until Marvin changed the pitch higher and then I heard Laurel. Honestly, I thought I had some kind of hearing loss... but anyways...

I thought it was so much fun looking back at old blog entries last week that I am going to do it again... let me know if you're looking back with me! Can you believe I did not post on this day in the past three years? But I have a nice long list prior to that if you'd like to venture back with me.

I wrote a nice long blog post on this day in 2014, giving a lot of detail about my life here and things I was doing. When I read it... it seemed like a lifetime ago but honestly, it was just four years.

On this day in 2013 I had officially stopped working for ... well, at least until now... and actually my disability just got extended by Social Security, I'll write a blog update at some point. I was juggling parenting Austin long distance and getting ready to make the move to the mountain house ... where I have lived happily ever after since.

In 2012 I was struggling to collect unemployment, wondering if I should go for disability instead (the short answer is no, that last attempt to work was immensely valuable in proving my disability case)... and feeling grateful for the things that were happening in my life.

May 17, 2011 had me learning to adjust to living with chronic pain... and dealing with chronic lack of child support. My life was one big logistical nightmare, balancing work with running a household and trying to handle my responsibilities when I was in terrible pain. I'm so grateful for disability (pay, not the actual disability) and having help around the house.

Apparently there was a time when I didn't work as hard to find Reasons to Love Monday. This post from 2010 just smacks of misery. Also... I'm eating those words about Obama taking the presidency seriously. Live and learn, chickadee.

May 17 was a Sunday back in 2009 and I churned out this literary gem... don't bother getting a snack first, it won't take long to read... Sunday, May 17, 2009

Tell me what makes this day special in your world!

My Weekly Schedule -

It's been a long time since I've talked about what I do with my time. As you probably know, I've been on Disability since May of 2013. I haven't worked in FIVE YEARS! It took a bit longer to get Social Security Disability approved but even that has been nearly three years. Actually, it's time for Social Security to review my case... but I got a notice recently that they were not going to review me at this time. They're satisfied, I guess, that I'm still unable to work and I think that's a fair assessment. It would be impossible for me to consistently go to a job several times a week. My back pain is worse than it was when I was approved and my migraines are much more frequent. I would be a lousy employee. 

I DO stay busy in my own way which is... mentally active but physically I have to be very careful if I want to be able to keep my pain manageable. I generally find if I have a busy day then the next day or two I'm going to feel pretty lousy. Austin still doesn't drive (anyone want to teach him? Please? It's so hard for me!) so I am still responsible for his transportation to work... I am still responsible for picking Cosy up and taking her home when we have her most of the time, although Tasha's parents have been good to get her back and forth when I'm not at home. 

A normal week usually looks like this for me...

• Monday - take Austin to work, pick Austin up from work... take him to the bank if it's payday but otherwise it's usually a quiet day for me. I watch a lot of stuff on Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc. I play games on my phone. I love watching Instagram stories. I watch stuff on YouTube. I study my Italian... those things are true for most days when I'm home... and true in smaller amounts when I'm at my sweetie's house. 
• Tuesday - pick Cosy up whenever she wakes up, run errands like grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, get gas, do laundry, take Cosy home... pack and then go to Marvin's house in time for his softball game. I refer to Tuesday as date night although I'm there longer than just Tuesday night. For dinner we usually will go to Twisted Taco either by ourselves or with his softball buddies. Tuesday is a long day for me and I'm usually wiped out by the time softball is over. Sometimes we will watch tv together after softball but most of the time I'm just ready to go to sleep so he watches sports while I fall asleep.  
• Wednesday - Marvin and I usually sleep as late as we can and then watch a lot of tv. We go out for lunch and sometimes do a little shopping then come back and review his questions for trivia that night. I always love going over the trivia questions with him... I'm really, really bad at it so it's more fun for me if I ask him the questions but it's faster for him to ask me (or just read over them) so he can get them in the order he wants to ask them. If there's time we will watch tv or sometimes we just play on our phones or listen to music until time for him to leave for work. Once he leaves I commence spa night and soak in the tub / do face masks / shave my legs... all the girly maintenance stuff that I don't manage to do when I shower at home because Cosy usually hangs out in the bathroom with me while I shower. On Wednesday nights he gets home fairly early so we will usually watch an episode or two of whatever series we're binging on at the time. It's a late night for me but I will have slept late that morning and I will sleep late the next morning so it's ok. 
• Thursday - is another day to sleep in unless we have chores / errands to run / things to do / people to see. Depending on what he's got on his agenda we might go out for lunch or sometimes we cook at home. I usually go home mid/late afternoon. It makes me a little sad to go home BUT... I'm always happy to be at home, if that makes sense. I could probably do a whole blog post on this. I love being away from home for a little bit every week. It's good to have a break from the responsibilities, it's a healthy thing for me mentally to not be at home ALL the time, especially since I don't work. But I love my nest. I love my own space. I love not being underfoot at Marvin's and not having to be dependent on him to entertain me all the time... which wouldn't work at all be because he works SO much! I love being around for my dad and the needy little dog. I love being close enough to Cosy to see her often. Home is good. What we're doing works for us at this point... so on Thursday I go home. Not gonna lie... sometimes I'm a little tearful on the way home... but just because I know it's going to be several days until I see him again. 
• Friday - I take Austin to work and pick him up from work. Friday looks a lot like Monday but I'm usually a bit more ragged on Friday and less likely to do anything beyond taking Austin back and forth. Sometimes I'll pick up groceries or run little errands here and there but mostly... I rest up from the activity of the past few days. 
• Saturday - Often on Saturday I will pick Cosy up when she wakes up and let her spend the morning with me, especially if it's a Saturday that Oliver is coming up, which happens about once a month. Cosy HATES that we take her dad to work on Saturday. She gets really depressed when he gets out of the car because she LOVES her daddy. I try to cheer her up by doing something special for just the two of us like going to get donuts or playing in Nana's makeup... going to Starbucks... whatever. The main thing is that I like having a couple of hours where it's just Nana and Cosy... or where it's Nana and Cosy and Oliver. These are important relationships for her and also... she lives with her other grandparents and they need a break every now and then. She is really cooperative with me but still... between in and out of the car seat, on and off the potty, etc, it's rough on my back so I don't usually keep her much past lunch time. Sometimes on Saturday if my dad isn't golfing he will pick Austin up from work so whenever Cosy goes home, I can rest. 
• Sunday - is a true day of rest for me. Friday night, Saturdays and Sundays I talk to Marvin on the phone several times a day. Monday / Tuesday / Friday during the day he's at the radio station and we can't really talk. When he's doing trivia we obviously can't really talk, although I do usually talk to him on his way to trivia every night. But when he's delivering pizza... we talk A LOT. I'm usually watching tv / playing games and talking with him on the phone like we're a couple of teenagers. Sometimes Cosy with us on Sunday since Austin is off but usually he has her Tuesday / Thursday and likes to have Sunday to do chores around the house. Most Sundays for me are lay in bed / talk on the phone days. 

And then I go to bed and wake up and do it all again the next week. Every week isn't absolutely identical but I'm a creature of habit and do tend to live life in the same rhythm every week. There are doctors appointments and various other things that happen along the way but for the most part, this is my week. I sleep later now than I used to... most days I'm asleep until 7am. I generally am getting ready to go to sleep around 9pm. I play this online trivia game - HQ - on the phone with Marvin and then I usually am ready to go to sleep when it ends, around 9:15. It may take me a half hour to wind down but it's rare that I'm not asleep by ten. Would my life bore you to tears? I feel like I'm always mentally busy, even juggling several things at once but I rest an awful lot. If you have any questions about what I do... how things are going in my life, feel free to ask... 

Hope you had a good Mother's Day. Mine was exactly what I wanted - quiet. I heard from all my kids but I didn't really "celebrate" so to speak. It's what I needed. Anyways... thanks for reading... love and hugs! 

The Tenth of July

I would like for this elephant on my chest to find it's way back to where he belongs. I. can't. breathe.

I have a suspicion that it's at least partially from the water/mold from Austin's room which is the downside of the huge amount of monsoon rain that we've had this year. We reconnected a drain that looked like it was supposed to carry water that comes out of the gutter away from the foundation of the house. Hopefully that will do it. The boys pulled up carpet and there was black mold on the concrete foundation. Not great for someone with my lungs.  I can only imagine how bad it would have been if my mom hadn't busted in there last week and cleaned his room - well - at least knocked out the worst of it. I'm wondering how long it would have gone on and... goodness... it may have been going on for awhile but I really think this past week is what put it over the top.

I spent well over an hour on the phone with the disability attorney today. It was exhausting but necessary. Social Security asked a ton of questions about the scar tissue in my lungs and my tachycardia but not a single question about my back. I was a little a-feared of this but the attorney (or the rep, I should say) said that they probably were easily able to validate the impact of the back problems but needed clarity on the other things. Which I guess is ok. I also had to explain my exact job duties on everything I've done over the past fifteen years. Not as easy as you would think. Especially when I was a little foggy from the previously mentioned elephant.

I actually thought my day to deal with the disability thing was tomorrow and... thank the good Lord, I went ahead and took about thirty minutes this morning to fill in the blanks and get the details I was missing (like the name of the pulmonologist - haven't seen him since 2009 because I don't have to go back unless I have bronchitis or pneumonia lasting more than three months again). I thought maybe my anxiety was  causing the tightness in my chest. (If you're keeping track that's two reasons... ) So that was my one thing I had to do this week and it's over. I think the next thing up is filling prescriptions this weekend. And grocery shopping whenever the magic card comes in the mail. And I have a doctors appointment at some time this month with my regular doctor. Other than that... it's just keeping house and keeping these crazy boys out of trouble.

Austin had Logan over again last night. It sort of helped because he helped with Austin's water-logged room and helped connect the gutter thing and made a trip into town to get ice cream. He also cooked dinner last night. We had tilapia and saffron rice. It was good and it was better because I didn't have to cook. (Although I did have to clean up).

The whole girlfriend moving drama is over, I think. Austin knew it was a battle he wasn't going to win and ultimately, in my opinion, I think he was over it anyways. From what I understand, they broke up but I didn't press for details and he certainly isn't going to talk about it. I know that there are some couples that are ready for a commitment at a young age. I'm so proud of Cody and Marquee because they have both worked SO HARD to build a life together - him by working and her by doing so well in school. They both are ambitious and determined. In Austin's case... she was working hard but he wasn't.... and when they were together it was easier for her to adapt his lifestyle because he surely wasn't going to adapt hers. He readily admitted he's lazy. And yeah... we've got to get him motivated but on the other hand we have to keep things in perspective. He's not there yet. Ryan wasn't at that age and he is a rock star now. I just try to motivate him as best I can.

Speaking of breaking up: I think I'm going to quit playing Castleville. It's my favorite game and I was kickin' butt in it but for the past month + I can't play five minutes without it freezing up which is no fun at all! So if you were used to me gifting you lots of stuff and I suddenly stop, that's why.

I am so disgusted by Justin Bieber. I mean. I've never had the slightest interest in him since I don't listen to popular music and I don't care for teenyboppers. He's had a real public image nightmare over the past year, keeping company with thugs and just being a punk. Then today there was a picture published of him peeing into a mop bucket in a kitchen in a restaurant in NYC. That's disgusting. Bieber, did your mommy skip a step in potty training? Some poor person making minimum wage probably had to be the one to clean it up and hopefully they realized that before they mopped the floor with his pee. It's just punk behavior and he needs to be deported back to Canada, ey.

I'm still on Royal Baby watch and counting on my good friend across the pond, Beth, who rubs shoulders with the Royals to get me the inside story on the delivery. I can't wait for the breaking news that the little King or Queen to be is on the way.

I should never try to blog while watching The Five because my mind is all over the place.

Anyways... our Wednesday is ticking away and it's overcast but hasn't rained yet today. I understand it's hot as blazes but I haven't been out except while talking to my brother on the phone for a brief minute and while taking out the trash (because it wasn't heavy and it was easier to just do it myself). It's another day in paradise, elephant and all.

The 5th of July

Two years ago today our duplex got struck by lightning and we had to move. It was a time of real discouragement for me - having been newly diagnosed with all my back issues, struggling to work full time at least one more year to get Austin through school, barely able to function at work and definitely not able to function AFTER work. Thank God for Renters Insurance... we found a new place... they cleaned all the stuff that could be kept and returned it to us at the new place... they gave us an inventory of the items that were lost forever and we were able to be reimbursed. It was a lot of work but it could have been soooo much worse.

Two years ago today is the day that Little Trouble Kitty came into our lives. My Cousin Christie picked him out from a litter at  her vets office... my daughter-in-law Marquee kept him at her house until my friend Tami was able to bring him up from Riverdale to Cleveland for me. And before I ever even laid eyes on him... the fire. I had five minutes to be concerned about a cat. Noway he could go where we were going (Jim and Angie's - Jamie's allergic) so my parents drove up from Riverdale and picked up him and Stubby (and Austin) and took everyone back home with them that night. Ten days later we were moved into the new apartment and I could have my fur babies back home with me. From the moment we settled into the new apartment that kitty was MINE! He has cuddled with me from day one. He is wherever I am. He's a great companion and I love him about as much as you can love any other living thing.

Miss Myrtle Mushroom has survived yet another day in the shady fairy forest land right in front of our house. This picture is blurry because it's raining and if I waited until post-rain -it would be dark.  Tomorrow I'll try to go up in the fairy forest land and get an upclose and personal expose of Myrtle and how she came to stardom in the midst of our front yard. One of her friends lost her top last night... she went from umbrella head to looking like she was carrying a flat sheet of poster board on top of her head... and then... she completely lost her head. It wasn't pretty. That's the thing... we know that Myrtle is only with us for a short time. She will have fulfilled her duty and I know, sadly, that she will be commended back to the earth. From earth she came, to earth she'll return. 

We also have a baby mater hangin' on the vine... praying that it will grow big enough to make it into my belly. I made this one all artistic so you could see JUST the baby mater. 

And then, at the bottom, that's our cucumber plant. I could live on maters and cucumbers all summer and be happy as a lark. Or a crow.... since that's what seems to be nabbin' our nibble's before we get to them. 

The thing about these mountains... this town... these people... is that people are real. They grow their food in their yard. They share with neighbors. They aren't trying to be trendy, hipster folks... they're just country folks feeding their families the same way their grandparents and great-grandparents did. I'm a lousy gardener but I totally support the importance of having one, of supplementing what we can buy in the store - with no knowledge of what kind of farm system grew it, not knowing what type of soil, what type (if any) chemicals they put on it. The taste of home-grown vs. store bought is unbelievable! I just can't wait for this little garden to start growing my dinner!

Speaking of eating... I finally got my food stamps approved and although it was a heckuva pain in the rear to wait on hold for over an hour, get approved and then since I didn't have the little EBT card where they load your benefits, I had to order one. And since once, in 2000, when I was out of work and the kids' dad wasn't paying child support and it was just me and my three boys and the grace of God getting us through, I had one of those cards and lost it... well, apparently, I should have hung on to that card. I would have had it all approved and money loaded today. But since I moved six times since then and suffered a fire in our home two years ago today and lost all kinds of random records... I didn't have that. HECK... I married well, I thought I was never going to have to be poor again. You just never know, do you? When I called to order the new card I had to be able to give them the address they had on file for us at the last time I had this card. It was the trailer. I. COULD. NOT. Remember that address. I mean, it's been 7 years since I moved out... I've slept a few times since then. I wiped my memory of all things trailer park. Since I couldn't give the correct address I have to go to our local DFCS office and get them to authorize the issue of a new card. I put my thinking cap back on and finally remembered... called back... on hold for another fifteen minutes... and got it worked out by giving the correct prior address so now they're mailing the car to me. I should have it soon. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a bad trade off. As long as my income remains under $1500 a month, even after I get the disability, I'll still qualify. So thank you, my friends and family members who are hardworking, taxpaying Americans. I would much rather be free of pain and be able to work but since I can't... I appreciate the generosity and I promise to be a good steward of what has been given me. 

In other news...

Austin is still with Logan. Guess he'll be back Sunday like he said. 

Mama is heading back to Riverdale tomorrow. It will be lonely here without her and the goggies. 

I'm just settled in, trying not to get stressed by all that is involved in the disability process. There's a ton of paperwork that will have to be processed with my attorney next week... all the nitty-gritty of symptoms and problems and drugs I take... there's so much wrong that I feel like it sounds like I'm exaggerating. I wish I was. It's the elephant in the room, wondering if/when the disability will be approved but I'm trying not to let that elephant stink. I'm doing what I can... trusting God for the rest. 

We had a bit of sun today but around 6pm it started raining again. I'm not minding the rain. I mean, I hate that it increases car accidents and causes flooding and that ugly aspect of it but I really like the milder temps. 

I'm really hurting tonight. I think it's time for me to wrap this up and cut it loose. Hope you all have a beautiful, safe weekend. 

Love and hugs!

The 2nd of July

No rain today but it's on the way. Mom worked on the yard without nearly enough assistance from my young professional x-boxer (which is different from being an ex-professional boxer) because it's going to be too wet the rest of the week and she's heading back to Riverdale on Saturday and will be gone for two weeks leaving the yard maintenance up to our less than enthusiastic gardener.

I went to the grocery store to stock up on necessities. We were poor hostesses when Aunt Ginger and Uncle Carl were here. I'm generally the one who does the cooking but only if I'm feeling up to par and that day, I was sub-par. Also. We just didn't plan well. Aunt Linda is coming tomorrow so I actually shopped and planned a bit. It's not exactly turning the mountain house into a Bed & Breakfast but there are things to eat with minimal effort. Stir fry chicken and veggies for dinner tomorrow night. I think our offers of hospitality need to come with the disclaimer that you want to schedule your visit for a time when Pop is here. Then you will be fed. Otherwise... you will have things like this...

 for dinner. Cantaloupe. Sweet, juicy, delicious cantaloupe. Trouble licked the juice afterwards. For lunch I had butter pecan ice cream with caramel sundae sauce. Just keeping it real. For breakfast we had lovely yogurt/fruit/granola parfaits drizzled with local honey. I have an odd, very sugar-full diet lately. I lean toward simple, clean, one ingredient type foods (the yogurt was fat free and greek) but I only want sweet stuff. I have also been snacking on bagel crisps since retiring to the Whine Cellar.


The most exciting thing that happened today was this....

 massive mushroom that is growing in our front yard. It's truly amazing. I took photos from the porch, down below (our front yard is a steep slope) and I went up to the top floor of the house and took pictures looking out the window like this...

 I'm just so fascinated by the fact that it's SOOOO large that it can be viewed from such a large distance.I'm hoping our Mellow Mushroom survives the next three days of torrential rain that is predicted. 

And I love the way the sunbeams shine down right in front of it... 

 In other news... Oscar the Security Dachshund decided that he needed to climb up on the stool (that is where I put my laptop when I'm upstairs during the day since we don't really have a table nearby for me to put it on)...He's watching my mom with the weed eater in the front yard. I just thought he looked so cute here... 

So intense!

 Keeping close watch...















In other news... I got a call from the Social Security office today. They have sent me lots and lots of forms and they received them back from the post office "not at this address". She confirmed the address they used and it's the right address. I had noticed the other day that the mailman had a little card in the mailbox that said, "Grant Family only - all others return to sender" and it worried me some because our last name is GANT not GRANT - and from a legal standpoint, my name is DARBY. But I thought... surely... the little rural mail carrier instruction card we had to fill out listed the names of the people who should get mail here and I was listed - would supercede any little mailbox notes. Furthermore, when I closed my P.O. Box I did a change of address form to send mail from the P.O. Box to this address. We made a new note for in the mailbox and I called the local post office and gave a whiny little rant about how this is causing delays in the disability process which is no bueno! I know that God's timing is perfect and I will dwell on those happy thoughts instead of going down the stressful bumpy road that has me running out of money before disability is approved.

I struggled a bit with grocery shopping today. Had another bad dizzy spell. They seem to happen when I walk for any length of time, if my pain is exacerbated, if it's humid outside... I had hoped that it was detoxing from the neurontin that was causing the dizzy thing. Apparently not. Some of the other side effects that were attributed to the neurontin were things like not having muscle control over elimination... it's not a Depends situation... it's just that when it's time to go, it's hard getting things going... my concern, the last time I saw the neurologist (two years ago) was that this is the beginning of a loss of control over those things and he felt - at the time - that it was just a side effect of neurontin. But now I'm not taking the neurontin and it's not getting better. For that matter... despite not working... I still have pain every single day and some days it's worse than it was when I was working full time. This thing is progressive and it's progressing too far and too fast for my liking.

But ... for now... all I can do is just relax, keep breathing, live the best life I can, be grateful for my family and how well they take care of me... and love on this.... sweet little Trouble Kitty (he's sleepy here, not mad) ...

And cuddle up with little dogs who like to share my recliner....

He's covered up in my skirt. I had only a knee length skirt on so he had to relocate to the couch with Mawmaw because she has all his warm fuzzy blankets.








One more picture...

My adorable unemployed game playing  grass cutting (occasionally) mop head of a teen. Y'all, those of you who pray, will you join me in praying for guidance in his life, that he will find his way. He's not doing *bad* things (that I know of) he just has no real idea of what he wants to do with his life and how to get that ball rolling. He needs to learn to drive. He needs a job. He needs to figure out what kind of college or technical school he wants to go to. Aspergers makes this transitional time of life so. much. harder. Having no paternal influence or encouragement... having a mom who has limited ability to take him places and help him push through the boundaries that make this whole process so difficult. His small motor skills are horrible. His handwriting looks like a six year old did it. Everywhere he is asked to fill out an application, he feels like "what's the use". I'm going to try to get him back to the jobs program he was in last year... see if we can take applications away from the work place so that I can fill them out for him. I don't know. He's just lacking motivation and I'm not good at pushing him.

Anyways... that's what's happening here in Cleveland, GA on July 2, 2013. Hope you're all preparing for a great 4th! We have watermelon and hotdogs - we're all set!

Love and hugs!

My Not-So-Quick Takes

I'm trying something new (because my blah-g feels stale lately) and linking up with some of the ladies who keep me entertained daily. It's seven quick takes... here's what I have:

1. Out of respect to the single working mom of three boys that I spent more than a decade of my life being, I never, ever, ever will say that I am bored. Pinky swear. I will, however, admit that this peaceful existence here at the mountain house does, occasionally, lack excitement. We're in such a routine....

• 8am - I wake up, watch Good Morning America
• 9am - shower and get dressed, watch the first part of Kelly and Michael and switch to Zimmerman trial. Eat something so I can take first meds of the day. Make coffee. Mom wakes up sometime in the 9 o'clock hour. Crank up the old laptop and connect with the outside world. 
• Noon - change to Atlanta News briefly. Do something in the way of eating lunch. More meds on bad days if the pain is hanging around. 
• 1pm - Watch either How I Met Your Mother or more of the Zimmerman trial.
• 2pm - Watch two hours of Grey's Anatomy and eat a bowl of ice cream.
• 4pm - back to the Atlanta News / Zimmerman trial. Austin wakes up and wanders upstairs. (I'm not kidding).
• 5pm - Watch The Five - it makes me happy. I adore all the folks that are on this show. 
• 6pm - Dinner? Maybe? We generally eat light. I do a lot of salad-y things like tabbouleh or pasta salad - things that we can eat at different times. Or frozen pizza. We live on frozen pizza here since we're not anywhere near a delivery zone so we can't just call Dominos. We watch Toddlers and Tiaras and... yeah, we live it up. 
• 7pm - I watch the Big Bang Theory, get in my sleeping clothes, take my evening drugs and/or head down to the Whine Cellar for my alone time where I read blogs, read whatever's on my Nook. play sudoku and just enjoy my happy place. 

I fall asleep anywhere between 9pm and tomorrow. You just never know. It's not boring but it is predictable.

2. Did you notice that my routine is mostly tv and internet? Yeah. I need to work on that. My mom is much more well-rounded. She works in the garden or does yard work or goes fishing. We both get up a gajillion times a day to feed dogs/cats, give dogs/cats water, let dogs out to the Poop Pen. The furry creatures are a lot of work but we love them. I figure you can't go from "giver of life" and "nurturer" to a phone call once a week or so without having some living being who still needs you. For us, it's the fur babies. For me, mostly, it's my Trouble Kitty. The odd thing is that if I'm upstairs in the main level where all the animals are, he doesn't cuddle with me. If we're in the Whine Cellar he is my Siamese twin. (Another reason I love my Whine Cellar)

3. Does everybody get what I mean by "Whine Cellar" or is that a private joke that I only share with myself?
The mountain house has three levels... the main level has the master bedroom, kitchen, living room and a bath and a half. The top level has two huge bedrooms and a full bath (that I co-opted for my private dressing room). The bottom level is a finished basement with a huge living room space, two bedrooms and a bath. Since it's sort of mine and Austin's territory, and since I am a notorious whiner, I refer to it as the "Whine Cellar". Eventually I want to have a kitchenette put in the Whine Cellar but that will have to come after the disability is approved (which is hopefully before the end of this calendar year and/or the end of my little nest egg).

4. More on the post about being an anti-social extrovert: I love being in my 40's because I think it is a time of life when you start to live without apologies and realize that you are who you are. That's not to say that we never have room for improvement because we do. I do. I also can't avoid the fact that a lot of people have disappointed me in the past decade. A lot. I've suffered a lot of battle wounds and there is some measure of me that just doesn't want to bother with human interaction in order to avoid any more scars. I've also grown oh-so-very-weary of trying to explain/excuse what it's like to live life in pain. I don't go for the dramatic moaning and groaning. Most of the time I don't even want to draw attention to myself - I just want to quietly slip away. Or just not be there at all, which is what happens most of the time. Eventually if you never go anywhere people stop expecting to see you so you don't have to explain why you weren't there.

5. From a spiritual standpoint a lot of Godly people have done things (or not done things) that made me NOT want to be a part of the Christian lifestyle. If/when your life takes some seriously unplanned paths you can't help but think "if there's a God, He really must not like me" but I am also quick to say that I am so incredibly blessed. This is not the life I would have picked for myself but I just can't help but see those metaphoric footprints in the sand. If you're not interacting with people hardly ever it becomes very easy to not interact with God either. And for me... my Christian walk was centered on preparing myself for the day by praying my way to work everyday. Lord knows that some of the employment/life situations I've been in over the past decade required an enormous amount of prayerful preparation. It doesn't take a lot of prayer to prepare for a day of channel and web surfing. You could say that I need God more than ever because of the pain and because of the uncertainty of this whole disability process - but there is so little that I absolutely have to do in the course of a day - that I don't have that absolute terror that "only God can get me through this day" and lean on Him like I used to.  This kind of goes back to that post I did two days ago about my inheritance - just because you don't NEED your family any more doesn't mean that you no longer interact with them. And you shouldn't only interact with people because of what they can do for you. I'm working on being present in relationships with people and with God not because of what those relationships can do for me but because people I love - and people who love me- DESERVE my attention. (Was that a long walk for a short drink of water or did that make sense?)

6. Obviously I am no good at quick takes. It's raining and the satellite went out. Mom, Pop and Oscar are at Lowe's. Austin is downstairs. It's super quiet here right now and I have actually had a few minutes of uninterrupted thought which is a catalyst for long-winded blogging for me, apparently.

7. It's the weekend and I have no plans. What are y'all doing this weekend? Any fabulous plans for the 4th of July?

Hope you have a happy, happy weekend and don't suffer from the extreme Summer weather. Love and hugs, y'all.