My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

same stuff, different diaper

It's a good thing I blog... it helps me go back and remember what symptoms I've had on which day. I surely never intended for this to be a medical journal... it was supposed to be a weight loss blog... but it is what it is... I'm sorry if I'm redundant. I imagine this is really boring.

Yesterday was a good day pain wise. I didn't have any episodes of tachycardia. But the exhaustion was remarkable... by the time I got off work and ran by the grocery store, it was all I could do to change clothes and climb into bed. Austin made me a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and brought it to me.... I was THAT tired. I crashed... woke up at 2am thinking it must be time for work...

I got a list via email yesterday of camps that are available for special needs kids in Georgia. Some of the names were amusing... not to make fun of the kids that go to these camps or anything but... Camp No Limb-itations for kids who are amputees? Really? and Camp Twitch and Shout for kids with tourettes? When I read these to Austin he cracked up.

Then... we saw a commercial by Autism Speaks... something to the effect of "it's closer than you think"... and Austin got really aggravated. He said, "what's wrong with having autism? it's not a big deal... it's not contagious or anything". Definitely we've had our challenges based on how he responds and reacts in certain situations but most of the time, the fact that he is "differently-abled" is a blessing. He has no filters... for the most part he says what he thinks.

Isn't this the key to happiness? Accepting the things you can't change? Or is that part of the 12 step program? I forget. For me... lately... life has been about accepting that I'm not ten feet tall and bullet proof. Learning to rest when I'm tired or in pain and not feeling guilty about it. Choosing to spend my limited resources of time, energy and money on the things that matter most, even if that means the floor doesn't get swept and the dishes don't get washed. And Austin is showing a measure of acceptance himself by lowering his expectations of me, cooperating, offering to cook dinner.

I find myself celebrating little victories, things that I'm able to accomplish. Yesterday I had several errands that really needed to be run during my lunch hour and my instinct was to slack off and only run part of them... but I pushed myself and on my way back to the office I felt soooo much better about things. Ditto with stopping by the grocery store after work. I made a small grocery run on Saturday but since we hadn't gotten child support (today is day 24) I couldn't get everything we needed. Since yesterday was payday, I could afford to get the rest of the things we needed and... it was hard... I was dragging myself through the store... but I did it and it felt really good to get that off of my list.

And then Austin met me in the carport and unloaded and put away the groceries which was HUGE for me. I'm trying to make a really big deal of being grateful for the things he does. It's almost as if a light has come on for him and he realizes that he is a partner in the responsibility of running this household.

Anyways... so that's the news from the nest... as I overheard someone say recently, "same stuff, different diaper"... that's about the gist of it. Hope you have a great Tuesday!

Love and hugs!

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