My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

to God be the glory

I'm only slightly bummed about Scotty winning American Idol. He's a sweet kid - seems to be, anyways. And I think both he and Lauren will have careers in music.

I missed the show last night. I was sound asleep at 7:30. I have no words to explain the state of complete exhaustion that I've been living with lately. Even now... sitting in my recliner, exerting no effort except to hold the laptop in my lap and.. breathe... I am worn out. After sleeping nine hours last night... I am worn out. I have been so tired at night that I don't have the energy to eat... I had a baked potato for dinner last night...

I have been spending my lunch break taking naps. Doesn't help. Afternoons at work are long and difficult. I'm exhausted. My back hurts. And one thing more... it's a delicate subject so if you want to avoid too much Heather information, skip the rest of this paragraph. I can't pee. I mean... I can... but it's hard to get started. I have to bend to a certain (painful) angle and press on my bladder and really, really concentrate on those muscles. I can't feel when I have to go to the bathroom, I've just maintained my normal "every hour or so" potty breaks and so far, I haven't had an accident. I told my regular doctor last week and she said it could be because of the neurontin... so she changed me to lyrica and it's the same.

The fatigue, I'm told, is a side effect of the meds to stop the rapid heartbeat and high blood pressure. The rapid heartbeat also causes fatigue so it's sort of a "danged if I do, danged if I don't". Or it could be the suspected fibromyalgia. Or a combination of these things. At any rate... all I want to do is sleep... but there are two more work days in this week... Saturday I'm going to my grandma's and we're going to see a play. I'm very excited to spend time with her... she's very excited to spend time with me... and it will likely wear me out, but it's a three day weekend so I have time to recuperate. She's 87... how many more times will I have the chance to go to the theatre with her?

These tornado outbreaks are so frightening... random... destructive... my heart breaks for those who are dealing with them and I worry that it could happen here. You just never know.

It's thankful Thursday and I am thankful. In spite of the struggle I've had to keep going... I've been able to keep going. I thank God that He made me stubborn. I thank God for how amazing Austin has been lately. He may not make the honor roll... he may not be squeaky clean... but he finally *gets it* as far as understanding how important it is for him to help around the house and he has done a wonderful job over the past two weeks or so. I know that many people are praying for me and it makes a huge difference. I realize that I am being carried on the wings of prayer and that apart from God's grace, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. I am thankful for what He has taught me through this struggle and I'm thankful that I have been able to maintain my job, my dignity, my home... despite having made less money this year due to many days off work and due to many medical expenses. God is taking good care of me and I am determined to never take that for granted. To God be the glory...

Hope you can take a few minutes today to see God in your journey as well... to realize how He carries you... and I hope you will share with someone.... how blessed you are.
love and hugs, y'all.

1 comments:

cyndi said...

Heather I think now is the time to apply for disability . It takes 2 years on average and two "no's " from the government .