My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Getting Out, Book TV and Food

Last night I was up late watching the Barbara Walters special (much better than I expected) and playing kakuro on my Nook and the evil gut pain started flaring up and I thought, "I just can't do this any more this week". Mornings have been the worst and I have really been anxious about going to sleep knowing that at some point I'm going to be woken by pain. Knowing that my day starts with negotiating with my stomach about how much pain medicine I can handle... and how much I can't deal without ... has made this morning person anything BUT a morning person.

So I binge read some travel blogs (some really good ones are listed here on Rick Steves' website) and once it got too cool for comfort in the living room, I put a big comforter on my bed and snuggled under it with my gigantic biography of Queen Elizabeth I. At some point Little Kitty came and claimed his favorite spot (wherever I'm laying) and demanded that I pet him with BOTH hands until we both fell asleep. I woke up around 9am this morning WITHOUT the evil gut pain and the back pain was milder than usual. Sometimes I think God just knows when we've reached our breaking point.

I can't claim to have done anything even mildly productive today. I made an abbreviated grocery trip with the kid to pick up a few things on the never-ending grocery list that is kept in the kitchen. It seems to work best that as things run out or as we plan meals we add items to the list and then either Pop or myself, whoever makes a trip to the store, knows what we need. It works pretty well that way. I hate crowds and it was midday before the kid was ready to venture out (and it's his week to pay for stuff) so we decided to just pick up a few necessities. We ran into a dear friend (and blog reader!) in the parking lot so I scored a hug which is SO much better than anything I bought. I love my small town!

The hardest thing about going through a pain-filled week is the sense of isolation that it brings. I'm happy in my space and am fortunate to have my parents upstairs and the kid here in the Whine Cellar and all the fur babies to cuddle and love from my nieces but sometimes you just need to feel like there's life outside these four walls. Getting out was a good thing. I do what I can to feel human when I don't feel like venturing out - I get dressed and about half the time I put on makeup. I step out on the patio for fresh air a couple of times a day. I try to vary my activities (although truly, it's all mostly screen related). It still gets to feeling very stale and redundant after a few days in a row of not leaving the house. I'm grateful that today was easier.

Usually once or twice a day I pick up Little Kitty and hold him over my shoulder like a baby (which he loves) and walk outside with him. He loves listening for birds and checking out the things that are growing in the backyard. If he wiggles or tries to get down we immediately go back inside. I always tell him that kitties have to be held if they are outside or bad things will happen to them. That's not just a scare tactic - there's a lot of various wildlife around here that would love to make a snack out of him. This morning he snuck out of the screened porch while Pop was doing something and Pop took off trying to catch him. Little Kitty is a loving cat but he will only come to me - and sometimes Austin. About the time my mom yelled down, "Little Kitty is out" I looked up and found him standing at the back door. He has been fixated on catching salamanders on the screened porch. They sun themselves on the patio right outside the screened porch and I'm sure that when the door opened he thought he was going to catch him one and then realized that he was OUTSIDE and panicked.  It's like he KNEW right away that being out was a bad thing because nobody was holding him and he couldn't wait to get back in the house. All of our trips to the backyard have taught him exactly how to get to Mommy. I was so proud of him for coming right home and not running away.

I've been watching Book TV on CSpan all day. The most interesting book I've seen so far is Empty Mansions: The Mysterious Life of Huguette Clark and The Spending of a Great American Fortune. Huguette Clark is a woman who died a few years ago at the age of 104 leaving behind a estate worth over $300 million dollars. Despite her enormous wealth she had spent the last twenty years of her life living in a hospital. Her fabulous properties had sat empty for as many as sixty years. I'm fascinated by her story and I'm thinking about using some of my birthday Barnes and Noble money to buy the book. Usually I only buy books that are marked down to a dollar or two on Nook. This one may merit a splurge.

Tonight I'm watching a lecture on Arab Winter Comes to America by Robert Spencer which also sounds interesting (but I've been interrupted a few times during this lecture so I'm not sure). It sounds like a very plain truth about how Islam feels about America (they want us dead). I'm not sure I would enjoy reading that book. I'm interesting in knowing ... but it's one of those life conflicts that I am powerless to change. I feel like I need to know enough to be aware but not so much as to have it keep me awake at night. I have enough to worry about with the evil gut pain and the unresolved disability case and starving children in Africa. Being a single mom teaches you to only accept guilt for things that are within your power to change.

I made caprese salad over french bread for dinner and Austin made a blueberry cream cheese cobbler for dessert. I had a late lunch of a ChickFilA sandwich that Pop brought from the Relay For Life. For breakfast I had a few vanilla wafers and a few pretzels and then a little bit later I had some baby carrots with hummus and then I had some yogurt. Weird food day... it happens sometimes.

It's still way too cool for May. I'm dressed in layers again today.

And that's about it for today. Happy Weekend! Love and hugs!

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pain and illness are so isolating. This isolation leads to sadness and depression. I wish you consider the following questions and advice that helped me.

What are your pain triggers. Can you list the 3 most important ones. Once you know these you can reduce or avoid them in life.

What are 4 different methods you can use to manage pain. For instance mine are pain meds, baths, listening to calming music while deep breathing, ice packs/hearing pads, self massage.

No nappin. Never ever. Even when you have not slept the nite before.

You MUST walk for 10 minutes everyday. This can be inside or outside but you MUST.

Will you try these and inform me if work.

God bless. I am with u on this journey.