Grandkids

I took another fall last night so on top of the evil gut pain that has been fierce over the past few days, every muscle in my back is hurting and my left hip (where I landed on the foot rest of the recliner) is crazy sore. I really hurt all over and it's incredibly distracting.

But there's this whole grandchild thing that I've got to discuss with y'all. I'm going to be a grandma. It's surreal. I had starting processing the idea a month ago when Cody and Marquee stayed with us. They shared that they are planning to start working on a family after their Disney vacation in October. It excites me that they want a baby and - having been married four years - they're in a good place for one. The only downside for me is that they're a hundred miles away and I don't see them often. They see her family several times a week so I knew I would always be "the other grandmother" and that bums me out.

So I had been processing the idea of an Espericueta-Sauls baby (he/she will have both last names) and then Austin and Tasha sit me down Friday evening and tell me that she's pregnant. They're as close as could be, geographically but they are so very much not ready for a baby. Neither has a job. We had JUST met that day with the two ladies responsible for Austin's case with the Vocational Rehab center and there are just so many things... so many ways he's struggling. He's loyal and loving to a fault but there are just so many dots that don't connect for him. SO I get the exact opposite of the Cody/Marquee baby - a baby who is around almost every day but born to parents who are soooo not ready.

I'm excited but have so many concerns. And the exacerbated pain situation today is a big ole' reminder that I'm not healthy and I can never be the kind of grandparent I would want to be. I can't afford to spoil them financially. I have entire weeks that fly by where it's all I can do to get up in the morning and put on clean clothes and run a brush through my hair. Even with my nieces... we have a blast together for a few hours and then I'm wiped out!

On the plus side... Tasha is a sweet girl and we are close. When she's here visiting Austin she spends more time hanging out with me in my living room than she does with Austin. (And sidenote: to show you how well my Cody knows me - when I told him that Tasha hangs out in the living room with me he laughed - because he knows that I'm terribly unsociable and not a fan of "hanging out" with anybody, anywhere!) She is a sweet girl and she understands Austin and his issues and is incredibly patient with him. Her parents are very supportive of her and very excited about being grandparents. She has invited me to go along on any doctor visits and... I know that I will be bonded with this baby as long as she and Austin don't part ways.

You know that feeling you have as a parent? That feeling of wanting to make as good a life as possible for them? It's even worse as a grandparent because you have no control over what happens.

But... if Cody and Marquee decide to go ahead and start a family, I could have two grandbabies born in the same year - Irish Cousins! Or something. And it's the knowledge of all the good things in life still ahead that help me push through days (and weeks) like I've had lately. It might hurt to get there but the path ahead is worth sticking around to see.

And the sweetest thing... if Austin and Tasha have a girl, they want to name her Cosette - as in Les Miserables. Doesn't that just melt your heart?

Anyways. That's what's happening here. Happy Sunday.