My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette
Showing posts with label adult responsibilities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adult responsibilities. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The 8th and 9th of July

Let me just start this by saying, "ugh".
My back pain is off the charts... searing, hot pain.
I feel like I have cotton stuffed in my chest. Not coughing... just tight, in an asthmatic way.
I am having major anxiety about the disability paperwork. It is so overwhelming.

Austin came upstairs at midnight last night to tell me his carpet was wet. The kid spills so many drinks, I assumed that was the cause. He sleeps on a mattress on the floor. He has had a bed. More than one bed. He tears them up. After the fire he refused the free bed frame that came with his new mattress and box springs that the insurance was paying for and since we were moving into a smaller apartment, I didn't have anywhere to store a bed frame so we went with box springs and mattress on the floor. It took only a few months for him to completely break the box spring which left him just this (once very nice, expensive) mattress which he has drug from pillar to post with him over the past two years. And now this (once very nice) mattress is laying on damp carpet that... we have no idea how long it's been damp. And you don't have to be a genius to figure out what happens when you have water on cloth for a long time. It's been wet long enough that the springs in the mattress are rusted. So. Midnight crisis = adrenaline = not sleeping.

Fortunately I figured out that Big Brother After Dark is on a channel that we actually have here and so I watched that until 2am. It's pretty fun because it's like just watching the live feed, not the edited tv show. I rather enjoyed it. But then enjoying tv show = not sleeping.

Because of the water in Austin's room he slept on my couch in the Whine Cellar and I meant to sleep on my bed in Pop's room but... fell asleep on the couch in the living room which doesn't sleep well at all. I woke up in a heckuvalot of pain. I went to sleep around 4am, slept until 7am moved to the recliner and slept until 9am.  When I woke up I was feeling the whole elephant on the chest/chest stuffed with cotton thing and it took a long time before I felt like I could breathe freely which increases anxiety which makes it hard to breathe.

I finally gathered my wits enough to make lemon poppyseed muffins (from a mix, you know, add milk and stir) and got dressed but I didn't do makeup. I had enough deodorant to scrape out again today and so far I don't stink. I know you're all wondering about the state of the deodorant crisis.

I settled in to edit the photos I've taken around the house for the past few days and the exterminator came. I spent an hour showing him the creepy crawlies we've found and he told me things he had found over the time he's been servicing the house - and of course mentioned the teenage hoarder. He has an 18 year old with some learning delays and speech issues so he understands that not all teenagers are created equal and that we have to choose our battles. Fortunately there is no infestation as a result of his mess (other than his penicillin farm).

Little Kitty is hilarious. My mom says he's scary smart/intuitive. He actually went around with me, found bugs and would meow when he saw them. What's odd about that is that Little Kitty hardly EVER meows. He has more of a tiny little whine but nothing assertive like a pointed meow. He pointed out a spider, a moth and a june bug to the exterminator (who also thought the cat was pointing things out - I'm not imaging things).

Enough of my exciting life. Here are a few more captioned photos for you. Hope you enjoy.











We just had round two of "can the girlfriend move back in" and rather than get into the semantics I just honestly said I can't see a scenario where it will be ok for her to live here. It's sometimes easier to do it that way rather than give conditions. The conditions - and the clarification of the conditions - were given before and during her stay here before. I'm just unable to think of any angle where it makes sense. Austin's mad. Life sucks sometimes. Mine does. I mean, I know it's all relative but at the same age I worked like a dog to make sure me and my baby daddy were able to live together in wedded bliss. And it wasn't all bliss and it sucked rotten eggs to try to motivate a teenage dad who wanted to get drunk and sleep all day more than he wanted to be a dad. The point is that my experiment with young love was on my dime. If he wants to live with his girlfriend he needs a job where he can pay for a place for them to live.

And now I am exhausted. Happy Tuesday. Love and hugs.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Third of July


My Mushroom is GROWING! I've decided to name her Myrtle the Mushroom and let her live in our front yard as long as she can. She is obviously more special than any of the other mushrooms growing in the shady wet soil on our slope from the road to the house. I really believe in Myrtle. I think she's unique... one of a kind... special... and I will chart her progress here like my own little mid-Summer science project. You're all welcome to  join in the fun... send me your mushroom photos... who knows? Maybe our mushrooms will hit it off and we'll have baby mushrooms!
The one on the right is from yesterday. You tell how Myrtle has changed in the last day. I'll go out and take another picture at first light (if we have daylight tomorrow... they're saying it's a total washout of a 4th.) Eh. It's not like I was going to find somewhere to sit for hours in the midst of a swarm of sweaty people waiting for thirty seconds of ooooh and ahhhhhh! (If I wanted that, I'd re-enter the dating pool. Just kidding, Pop).

So today we had to play a round of "Reality Bites" with Austin. Initially when he asked if his girlfriend, Leann, could move in with us, there were a ton of stipulations and at that time, she really had nowhere to go. And although she didn't have transportation, she was working with a family member who committed to get her back and forth to work. They were given use of Austin's bedroom (I offered mine and he declined) and I encouraged them to use my living room area in the Whine Cellar for hanging out. My instructions were simple: they were to leave no footprints. I meant that in a literal and figurative way. The upstairs should be totally unchanged at every moment they were not in the process of cooking or washing clothes. Instead... we come home to a stove covered with dirty pots full of grease... a sink full of dishes... clean laundry in baskets waiting to be taken down to their room. They were supposed to carry their weight financially, they had responsibility for keeping the yard up... and then she lost her job. She couldn't find a new job because she didn't have a car. And ultimately, she decided to move to Alabama to live with her dad and get her life in order so that one day in the future she and Austin might be able to have a place of their own. That was two months ago. She's working but miserable living with her dad. Austin hasn't done a durn thing to improve their possibilities. He sleeps until 4pm every day, hangs out with his friends, bums cigarette money from me and has a thousand excuses why he can't apply for jobs (already has applied everywhere in town, nobody's hiring, they can't read his handwriting, etc) and a thousand reasons why he can't so much as cut the grass or wash his own dishes or... you know... act like an adult in any sort of way whatsoever.

Last night I prayed that God would bring about change in his life... that Austin would be filled with a desire to grow and learn and be responsible and ambitious and have a plan... and execute that plan... to have his own independent life as a contributing member of society. He's not a bad kid. He's got a sweet and kind heart. When he is motivated, he is a good worker. A mediocre worker at least. He has a great sense of humor and is very loyal to his mom and his Mawmaw.

So today... Austin informs us that Leeann now has money for a bus ticket and the first months rent to live back here with us. I very slowly, measuring my words carefully so as not to incite a riot, said that Leeann cannot live here. It's not about the rent (but yes, my parents so generously give me a roof over my head and keep the utilities on and make sure I don't starve and they do the same for Austin) but truly, it's my parents having to accept responsibility for this young lady. And what if she doesn't find a job here - or gets fired again - how many interruptions in her ability to keep up with their end of the bargain? And how many random people will they bring through our home. Most of their friends are decent people but we don't know them all and we don't know that we can trust them. But the bottom line, the most important thing is that Austin is not mature enough to participate in a cohabiting relationship. If he had been doing everything in his power to a) find gainful employment and b) man up and do everything he can around this house to help Mawmaw and Pop then we would extend a large measure of grace and help them along. Instead we get grumpy, complaining, uncooperative, surly teen whenever there's any chore that we have to remind him about. That's not fair. My parents are finished raising kids. I'm finished raising kids. This is their retirement home. It's not fair for them to have to sacrifice their peace (mine too) for two kids who don't have a clue about how to be good neighbors or even the basic responsibilities of adult humans.

And at the end of the discussion there was a good bit of stomping and door slamming and bitter boy. Aunt Linda and Cousin Devyn came over with a new recliner for us - the kind that raises you up from sitting to standing- and the three boys, Austin, Devyn and Logan took care of that - moving in the new, rearranging the old - and then Austin took off to spend the weekend with Logan - at least until Sunday, he said. And as I've said before, I love my children, I would love to have all of them gathered up to me all the time. I'd love to be the kind of mother that her kids can't stand to be away from but... let's get real... my kids fulfill obligations periodically... they don't seek me out to see how I'm doing or ask if I need anything or whatever. I am apparently too successful at untying the apron strings... because I've gotta tell you... if he's going to come back with that same attitude on Sunday... I don't care if he doesn't come back. Not that I want him gone out of my life forever - I just want him to do whatever it takes to grow up and learn that a man doesn't stay up all night on x-box and wait for his girlfriend to earn enough money to take care of them. A man gets a job, finds solutions for their problems that don't include a free ride from the grands and treats his mother and grandmother with respect. Minus that respect... I just don't have the emotional capacity to deal.

Other than that... it was just another rainy day in paradise.