I'm sad to say this but unfortunately, we're going to have to go our separate ways. It's not you, it's me. I dislike you. Greatly. I know, you've changed a lot for me. I don't have to drag myself out of bed and face a five day grueling work week any more. Thanks for that. Well, actually, you can't even get credit for that. The thing is, Monday, even though I always find reasons to love you, at the end of the day you'll always still be who you are... the ugliest, meanest, most unpleasant day of the week. So, at least for now, I'm going to stop paying any attention to you. I'll have Pre-Tuesday or Sunday, The Sequel every week. I just can't... with you... any more.
Here's the thing... I woke up too dang early. I made this Pre-Tuesday longer than it should be. I gave it too much time today. I should have slept until noon and then had EBT (early bedtime) to lessen it's power. Instead... I woke up... MADE myself make the appointment for yet another invasive exam to try to diagnose the Evil Gut Pain. I've been putting it off because it means a trip to Gainesville (which is not that far but far enough) which means getting hot and sweaty and being pushed and prodded for what I'm sure will be, yet again, no results. I'm tired of dealing with it. I'm tired of dragging myself to doctor after doctor and although I'm immeasurably grateful to be able to receive medical treatment... so far it feels more like mistreatin' than treatin'.
I've always believed the saying that "if you eat a bullfrog first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day". So I ate my bullfrog in the form of making that stinkin' appointment and then settled in, expecting nothing worse to happen until the 21st when I go to that appointment.
I had a pleasant time sewing today. I'm working on a new project for which I don't have a pattern... I'm just basing it on a picture of a finished project that I saw online. And that picture I saw online only has a smidgeon of what I want my finished product to look like so I'm making it up as I go along which feels so AWESOME! I'm loving this project... I usually love whatever I'm working on but this one is just right in my wheelhouse. I'm using my favorite colors and feeling very artistic and creative and...
Then the Evil Gut Pain struck. I ignored it for awhile and then decided there was no reason to "gut it out" so to speak. I visited my local pharmacy (in my medicine chest) and took a few things to make me feel groovy. Once the drugs kicked in I went upstairs to "shop" for a few things from my parents' pantry... sugar, a piece of cake, leftover spaghetti (that was actually in the fridge, not the pantry), pork chops (for dinner... I wanted to avoid climbing the stairs again).
Then I got an email from my attorney's office... they want me to see both my primary care physician and my pain doctor again before my hearing for my disability on August 5th. My attorney wants to get some clarification/documentation in my medical records. So I ate that same durn bullfrog that I had first thing this morning and let me tell you... bullfrog doesn't taste any better the second and third time around. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to call and set an appointment but the truth is, when I'm in pain I feel very awkward and not the least bit articulate. I repeat myself. I say dumb things. I make jokes that nobody gets. Talking to people is the last thing I want to do... especially when I call and say, "I know this is short notice but I need to be seen some time in the next three weeks". Just stressful.
Actually, truth be told, I've just been trying NOT to think about the hearing. It isn't life or death, of course, but it's such a pivotal moment in my life. The decision made at this hearing changes the quality of life for the whole rest of my life. When I allow myself to think about it I get so anxious and overwhelmed... so I try not to focus on it. Going to these extra doctor appointments means that I have to think hard about it and deal with it head on for a few extra days.
And, of course, making appointments for the back half of this month knowing that Ollie could come at any time... makes me crazy! I wanted my schedule to be as open as possible for the rest of this month. I had a plan: April/May was Cosette, June was Wedding, July is Oliver. Every single appointment I have to go to just increases my activity, drains my energy and makes things like, oh, I don't know... sitting in a hospital waiting on that sweet boy to be born... more painful. I'm a little bit aggravated that my attorney is having me "sprint" at the end of a marathon but there's nothing I can do but be as cooperative as possible and just pray for perfect timing and boundless energy. And a good outcome for everything.
Then poor Tasha got stranded at the main office for her mom's job when her mom's car broke down. She called me to see if I could come get them because the office was closing and it was pretty hot outside. I had taken pain meds so I had to get Pop to drive me out there to get them and then he took me back home because I was feeling pretty icky... then he took Tasha and Cosette home... then he went to pick up Austin from work and took HIM home! Tasha's house is only a few miles from us so it's not a LONG drive but it was more than I could do at that point. Her parents are really good about taking Austin to and from work so I can't complain whenever we have to pitch in. Neither Austin nor Tasha drives yet. I didn't drive until I was in my late twenties so I get it but mom doesn't drive much any more, half the time I can't drive either from feeling sick, being in pain or being medicated so a lot falls on Pop. Good old Pop!
SOoooOOooo ... that was my Monday. P.S. I have a toothache. All hail the magic power of anbesol!
Tomorrow I'm taking Austin and Tasha to take Cosette to the doctor because she has thrush and is having trouble with being constipated. I have a conference call with my attorney at 1pm which... I always get emotional when I talk to him because this disability thing is such a big hairy deal. Then Wednesday morning I go back to my primary care doctor about my headaches... and to get him to complete a questionaire on my medical history with the migraines which, who knows if/when he will be willing to do that. I missed the call back from the pain doctor to see if they can see me before August and I have to call them back tomorrow. Then hopefully I can avoid anything unpleasant and maybe, just maybe, meet a very special little boy very soon! I'd live through a million Mondays for my grandbabies.
End of whine. Thanks for "listening". Love and hugs, y'all!
Monday, July 13, 2015
Posted by Heather at 7:55 PM