|Looking at cars outside of Huddle House|
Pain wise this has been a tough week. I hurt every day and I know that's just my normal but this week it has bothered me more and been more frustrating than usual. I can't say that the pain is worse, necessarily, just that I'm not coping as well as I usually do. I know that people sometimes give up when they get to this point... when the dealing with it becomes too much... and there is just too much good in my life for me to give up. So I just keep focusing on things that make life good... half price chocolate on the day after Halloween... shopping for Christmas presents... wasting a lot of time doing things that I want to do and doing fewer things that I need to do. Conversely, yesterday when the pain was really pissing me off, I waited until my pain meds reached their peak efficiency and then I went all out for about twenty minutes picking things up and tidying up and restoring some tiny bit of order to my space because it made me feel like I had control over SOMETHING. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Coping With Pain 101 - do what makes you happy, do what makes you feel like you have some control over your life.
I like making lists in my blog so I'm going to give you a list of good things that have happened this week and bad things that have happened.... my week in bullet points. Here goes. I'll start with bad things.
- My friend has non-hodgkins lymphoma. We once worked together and we have gone through the disability process together and she has a very serious disease and it's just crap. I'm sad but I think I'm more angry. Cancer sucks.
- I broke my front tooth. It's like... my worst nightmare... ugly right up front in the middle of my mouth tooth chipped off... when I just paid all that money to fix Austin's front tooth that chipped. It makes me mad that it will cost money to fix it. It makes me mad that it will hurt to fix it. My mom and I both had a tiny overlap in our front teeth and the part that broke off was that overlap. I'm mad that we don't match any more and I don't think she's going to want to break hers so we match.
- It's too hot for this time of year. I want to be in big, cozy sweatshirts and it's too hot. I'm tired of sweating. Cool off, already.
- Politics. Seriously. OVER IT.
- Stupidly frustrating back pain that makes life so stinking unfair. I want to do what I want to do and I can't.
- My aunt is sick and it's hard to explain exactly but she has just given up. She's the baby of my mom's siblings. She is the sibling I am most like - she has three boys, we have a similar (lack) of housekeeping skills. She has diabetes and it's not under control. She hurt her back and she just basically has stopped wanting to live and it makes me sad and mad and... afraid that my future will be like that. My mom would normally be the first one there taking care of her and making her want to fight but my mom is not well enough to do that.
- Our pizza delivery was late last night. It took over an hour. I know that's not a big deal in the scope of things but it wasn't a good thing. It was funny, however, as I was FaceTiming with Oliver when the deliver girl got here and I had her say hello to Oliver. She asked, "Is that Austin's baby?" I said... no, his nephew. Small town.
- Austin not working is getting expensive for me. I simply do not have the ability to not give my children what they want or need because for all of their lives I have not had the ability to give them what they wanted or needed. Spending money on them is what makes me happy but I'm growing particularly and acutely aware of the limitations of my ability to continue spending.
Now some good things.
- Half price chocolate week.
- Tuesday with Cosy was one of the best days we've ever had with her. She was all kinds of adorable. I posted a video of her in Walmart trying to get me to put something in the cart that she picked out and I was trying to get her to say what it was and she finally got frustrated and yelled, "NANA!" And I sort of got it on video. SO FUNNY! I'm posting some pictures from that day in today's blog.
- Austin has a very good possibility of getting a job that he really wants with a small grocery store in town that is owned by a good man and would provide him the opportunity to do what he wants to do - working towards being able to be a butcher. We stopped by last week and the guy said... there's a situation that I think is not going to work out and I think I'm going to need you, can you check back with me every couple of days until I get that sorted out... (not quoting because I'm paraphrasing) and so Austin has done that. When Austin was there yesterday something was sort of blowing up and he asked Austin to come back today so we are going back today and praying so hard that he gets this job.
- Oliver is coming for a visit on Saturday! His parents are coming too!
- I'm enjoying the fact that Hillary is being exposed for some of the things she has done that are crooked. She's going to end up winning and that aggravates me for many reasons but I'm glad that her, and the people around her who are in that "basket of deplorables" - it swings both ways - are being exposed for their lying, cheating ways. Maybe that's mean. I know Trump lives in a glass house and... well, there's glass in mine too so I'm not going to toss a lot of stones but the truth is... the Clintons have lied their way into office and taken advantage of their positions in ways that really burn my buns. I'm enjoying their dose of karma, that's all I'm saying.
- The Cubs won the World Series! I didn't sleep well last night so I watched a lot of replays and celebration. I'm happy for Cubs fans because breaking a hundred year old curse is a big deal!
Now some adorable things.
This girl cracks me up. She has to walk when we're in Walmart and she randomly drops things into the cart. Like twine. Because she knows what twine is and has a need for it?
We let her pick one toy. The decision process is funny as heck. Does she need a toy vacuum? Who knows...
Why... does she have interest in this new upcoming Disney movie and how did she understand that the book and the character were the same thing?