My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Now We Have To Catch Up Again

I downloaded this picture the other day and can't remember if I ever shared it with you. This is my oldest son at the memorial to his paternal grandfather in Atlanta. There was a big dedication ceremony when Ryan was around 2, I think. He was born grown and so he is in quite a mature, thoughtful pose with the marker. Reminds me of JFK Jr.s salute. Sorry if this is a repeat.

I was doing so much better about blogging more frequently and then... I don't even know what happened. I'm going to try to give you a recap but it's not going to be chronological. I may not even remember further back than yesterday because I got a horrible stomach bug last night and I swear, everything that had been within me for the past week month year got flushed away.

Austin had a bad bout of upset stomach last week but he chalked it up to consuming red dye (which he is highly allergic to). And then Tasha got a bit of the same and ended up in the ER dehydrated so it was obviously bug and not allergy. It was at that point that Austin and I had a long talk about medical bills and the fact that Tasha is on Medicaid. He had been carrying this stress thinking that they would owe all those medical bills for Cosette. I hadn't ever explained it to him because I thought he knew. Anyways...

Last night Austin, Tasha and Tasha's mom came over so that Tasha could look at some clothes I had that I thought might fit her. I have a lot of things with empire waists and maxi skirts and flowy clothing because that's sort of my style. I even had a stack of stuff that was a size or two bigger because I've been every size from ten to 22 over the past decade. Tasha needed to expand her wardrobe for her expanding belly and needed a nice dress or two. While she gave a fashion show for us we talked about the baby shower.

New paragraph for shower because it seems to warrant it. The thing is... in the past four years since my back has been out of whack I haven't really been part of the human race. And probably the year before that I was battling pneumonia and stuff and was pretty much just working and coming home. Honestly. I run into people in the grocery store from time to time and I stay in contact via social media but I don't really have chums around here. I have a lot of friends and family that are too far away to come for a shower. I have a lot of acquaintances around here but not people that I would expect to come for a shower. So honestly, from our family it will probably be just me and my mom and Angie and the girls. That's the first point.

Another paragraph. The other thing is that lately, pretty much since Christmas, I have struggled to do much of anything. I'm certainly not cooking, preparing food or even for the most part climbing stairs. Sitting/standing/walking/climbing stairs have become much more of an effort. This could be a temporary thing or it could be part of the progression of the damage to my back. Toss in the Crazy Gut Pain that has gone from about a week or so a month to pretty durn near every day and I'm just not functioning well at all. So to commit myself to making food for the shower is really difficult because I just don't know what I will and won't be able to do. My life right now is all contingent upon how I'm feeling that day.

And of course I'm flat broke. Not even in an exaggerated kind of way. I have no money. My family is kicking in so much money to pay for my medical care that it's very hard to say, "oh and by the way, we need to come up with money to pay for food for the shower" when few of the people attending will be folks I know. So it all makes me feel like such a huge loser of a grandma/mother/human being to continually fall below the level of expectation - my expectations. Kinda like that time when my car got repossessed three weeks before Cody's wedding so I was not able to contribute anything but my presence at that blessed occasion.

The thing is... I want it all to be everything that Tasha dreams and deserves as a new mom and it bums me out to not be able to do more.

Anyways... so clothes were picked out and they all went back to Tasha's house and I was sort of processing all of that and suddenly felt very unwell. What followed was about twelve hours of sleeping in very uncomfortable positions (bathroom floor, my bed, the couch...) because I don't move as fast as conditions warranted. The cats were in total confusion and chaos because I've been sleeping in the recliner every night since... a couple of months, I guess. I can't lay on either side because it either puts pressure on the location of the crazy gut pain or if I'm on the other side it feels like it is pulling on the crazy gut pain. That was still a factor but it was much easier to do the "green apple trot" from a starting position other than the recliner. And you know how lovely the cold bathroom floor feels in such moments.

See, I warned you that I wouldn't likely be able to remember much from the past week... but here are a few things...

Purple Michael had neck surgery and is recovering well but also has the weight of the world on his shoulders for many reasons. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He means the world to me.

Have I mentioned the new waffle iron? Having waffles periodically has been lovely. It's my new favorite meal.

Marquee is now 16 weeks and had a doctor visit yesterday. All is well. We should get to know Peanut's gender before the end of the month and I CAN'T WAIT! Either way, it will be absolutely precious. I'd love to have two granddaughters close in age. I'd love to have a matched set - boy and girl - close in age. Here's hoping we can make it down for that ultrasound.

Tasha is now 28 weeks with Cosette. We have doctor appointments on Thursday and Friday this week. The good thing is that Cosette is moving quite a bit so that tells us that even if she's still small for her gestational age, she's still hanging in there.

Our old girl Lily the dog who has been suffering with cancer for ... gosh, it seems like two years now... is really reaching the end of the road and we anticipate having to put her down this week. She is just having such a hard time. She's constantly thirsty. She has a hard time walking. She falls a lot. Just ... not good... but it's such a huge, heartbreaking decision.

I've been working about four hours a day on the latest cross stitch project. It now has 36 daisies and I'm about to start another row of them which I think gives another 28. Doing patterns that repeat are much easier than trying to count stitches for some sort of graphic.

Several of my favorite vlogging families have been at Disney World and at a youtube convention in Orlando over the past week so the videos have been fun to watch. I've spent way too much time watching videos and I find myself getting a little motion sickness if I've watched too long.

I still have a healthy tea supply from Christmas and I am so enjoying having my new electric kettle to warm water for tea. It also works well with cups of ramen noodles (which I don't eat often but sometimes it's the best!)

My mom has been so awesome to keep me fed and to keep the kitty cats box clean and just to do the things I struggle with. She's a huge blessing and everyone should have a mama like her! Today she made me a rice pack (raw rice in a sock) to heat in the microwave to put on my gut pain since I wasn't sure I could keep any pain meds down. It works like a charm and the kitty also appreciates it.

I should also add that my dad does a great job of keeping groceries in the house and cooking and picking up my red-headed girls after school so I get to have visitors in the afternoons. He puts up with a lot from us all and we are blessed to have him.

I have pretty much given up on "real-time" tv because I get so aggravated with the commercials. It's much nicer to record on DVR and then be able to fast forward.

I have been recording movies to watch with the girls when they're here. Yesterday we watched the first half of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Sarabeth remembered seeing it before but Jamie hadn't seen it. Or didn't remember seeing it. I had not watched it in years. I've got quite a few others saved for them to watch - Dr Seuss' The Lorax, Kung Fu  Panda, Born Free, Annie, Chicken Little, Annie Get Your Gun, Flipper... They're usually only here for an hour or less but periodically they have school holidays where they are here for several hours at a time. They rush down the stairs when they get here so that they can be the one to have "the power" (my remote control). My mom comes down and takes snack orders. For Jamie it's always extreme moosetracks ice cream but Sarabeth's taste varies. Yesterday it was honey nut cheerios. Sometimes they're chatty but a lot of time they just want to chill out and I am all for that!

Anyways... I've consumed a bottle of gatorade, two saltines and just graduated to hot tea so I'm improving. Mom lit some candles down here so it smells better. I'm sorry for the lack of interesting content and articulation in this post. It's the best I can do for today! Thanks for stopping by! Love and hugs, y'all.


3 comments:

Wendy in Oz said...

Love your posts even if they are 'crappy' ones...lol.
Hope you're feeling better soon. ...xxx

Lea said...

I also hope you are feeling better very soon:) Will pray!

Becky said...

Hope you feel better soon, Heather.

I wish you could get some kind of disability assistance. It certainly sounds like you deserve it. If that's not possible, is there anything you could do from home, like fielding phone calls or medical transcription (on the laptop, in the recliner)?