My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, July 8, 2016

Ice Cream For Lunch Is Ok

I can't remember which day it was but I had ice cream for lunch recently. I gave myself a long list of reasons why it was ok, which included things like: I'm 48 years old, I'm under a lot of stress, it's Summer, nobody had to cook and so on. But truly, the only reason I'm making that a blog title/subject is because life here lately has just been so serious and sad and I don't want it to be. For the record, it's really ok to have ice cream for lunch occasionally.

Mostly my diet looks like this lately: yogurt with fruit for breakfast unless Pop cooks. He makes really creamy grits and knows exactly how I like my eggs (fried, sort of medium where the yellow isn't completely runny but is a little runny). For lunch I've been having either watermelon or tomato sandwiches. Don't read that to say "watermelon sandwiches". Either tomato sandwiches or fresh watermelon. It's hot, although my space is nice and cool, to the point where I still wear long sleeves and long pants every day or I'd be wrapped up in a blanket but the heat outside makes me not hungry for much other than fresh produce. Dinner runs the gamut from nothing or DIY (which means Pop isn't cooking) or take out, usually from a local meat and three or Chickfila. When Pop cooks it's almost always good but I'm at a loss for an example of a meal we've had lately (keep reading, I remembered one). I put some dried beans and country ham in the crockpot yesterday down here and it smelled awesome all day but the taste was only meh. And of course every day I have two luigi's mango italian ice cups because I'm a creature of habit and I really like them.

Wednesday was a long, eternal day of much suffering and I fell asleep with a plate of spaghetti in my lap (Pop cooked!) before I had my luigis. I had received a text regarding baby girl saying that she had been to the doctor for a virus and had gained a pound since she was last weighed - about a month ago. I was happy to get an update, happy to hear she had gained as she's been flirting with falling below the chart. I responded with a simple "thank you, we'd like to see her" which descended into the typical non-sensible nonsense that is the reason we can't see her in the first place. It could all be so simple... dismiss the restraining order for which there is no need/proof to the contrary, each side makes a list of their perception of how custody and visitation should go and we figure out a way to meet in an agreeable middle which the lawyer we've already paid for puts together in to a nice, formal agreement. We go to the judge (because it has to be done that way to be legal) he looks over what our very expensive lawyer has prepared and says, "great" and we're in and out in five minutes. Nobody has to pay anything more than we've already paid and it's not dramatic or painful for anyone and we're all responsible, Christian adults who know how to put a child's needs above our own. That's how it goes in a perfect world but I'm thinking our world isn't perfect.

Anyways... this descent back into nonsense happens when I'm about 15 hours into a day where I had enough pain to vomit but had to hold off on pain meds because I was the only one able to drive to get Austin. I was about as close to "curl up in a fetal position" pain-wise as it gets. I was also messaging back and forth with my former father-in-law's first cousin who was with her mother who was giving me some great details about the former's biological father. With her information and the resources on ancestry.com (which earned it's expense in this instance) I was able to track down my kids' biological great-grandfather, his birth certificate, his family's census records for several decades and lots of other info. I found out that he was 5'9, 135lbs in 1942, which was the same size as my kids' dad at that same age. I found out that he was a truck driver. I still haven't located marriage and divorce records but... long time ago in rural Texas so they may not exist.

Last night while doing a little more research I found what might possibly be incarceration records for this character. Well, they're definitely incarceration records, I'm just not completely sure they're his. The birthday was off by a year but the height, weight, religion, geographical area, occupation and name were the same. If it's the same person, he spent a long time in jail for burglary, three separate sentences served over the course of about 15 years. The time frame is the same time when my former father-in-law was adopted by his step-father, so that would explain maybe why he was adopted.

Anyways... all of that drama around the past, present and future combined with a lot of physical discomfort was just too much. I picked up prescriptions and a few groceries while picking up Austin and that's when I got the final non-sensible nonsense text just as Austin was leaving work which got him wound up and ... yeah. Ice cream for lunch. I've earned it.

I watched a lot of the - I'm not even sure what you call it - the political drama with FBI Director Comey regarding the lack of prosecution of Hillary Clinton despite her obvious carelessness with her email set up. Ultimately you either have to believe that she was ignorant of how to handle sensitive, classified documents or you have to believe that she knew what she was doing and didn't care. Either way I think that makes her infinitely unqualified to be Commander in Chief but it doesn't make Trump any more qualified than he was before. All the things that supposedly make her "the most qualified candidate ever" according to Obama make it really puzzling how she could not know that she was playing fast and loose with National Security. I've got to say, Director Comey was impressive in his calm way of answering questions which went something like: (Republican) "This is total BS", (Democrat) " (butt-kissing, sucking up)". I was also impressed that nobody had to stop to go to the bathroom during that whole process. I went about a half dozen times while it was on.

Then we have this Wild West mentality going on between The Thin Blue Line and Black Lives Matter where so many lives have been lost this week. I just don't know what to think. Truly, truly heartbreaking whenever a life ends needlessly.  It's so sad that so many have to live in fear that because of their occupation or the color of their skin, their lives could end abruptly. The one thing I said about Obama eight years ago was that I thought he might be able to unite our country. The sad truth is that we're more divided than ever. I don't have a solution but it does break my heart.

Anyways. I'm not sure that any of this was blog-worthy but it's what I'm thinking about today. I'm happy to see a few more days tick off the calendar and hope that means I'm that much closer to holding those two babies I love! Time to get the ice cream out of the freezer... Love and hugs to y'all.

1 comments:

Wendy in Oz said...

So sorry to hear the baby mama drama continues Heather. But I will say I laughed out loud at 'watermelon sandwiches ' until you clarified in the next sentencešŸ˜‚
Thinking of you all and hoping that sanity prevails soon and you get this crappy stuff sorted...xxx