My Lightning Rod - Giorno Sei

Giorno numero sei! I've been blogging for six days straight. Here's where the material gets a little thin... this is my life y'all... it's boring in spots...

I slept in the bed last night in this elaborately arranged pillow nest. It must have been perfect because I slept from maybe... 11 until 5am! That never happens. And then I awoke to the sound of cat vomit. Twice. I got a shower and decided to forego the hair drying / styling and just went with a bun. 

My mom's blood pressure was really low so they called the on-call doctor and he said for them to go to the ER... where they stayed pretty much all day. Which meant... Oscar sitting again. He was good. He didn't bark at the cats and I *don't think* he peed or pooped anywhere in the house. I took him with me when I went to pick up Austin from work. It wasn't the safest thing to do... driving with a dachshund in my lap... but I held him on the left side and he cooperated. I knew he would lose his mind if I left him alone and I wasn't sure how long it would take to get Austin.

Austin's store got struck by lightning today and it took out all of their computer systems for awhile. They had to turn people away at the door. What's really weird is that this is the third time Austin's been involved in a lightning strike. First, when our duplex got struck and burned.. then another time at the new apartment he was outside and lightning struck a tree right by where he was standing. Then today his store gets struck while he's inside. The kids' a freaking lightning magnet! 

But he's bummed that he hasn't seen Cosette still. I texted Tasha today to see if we could see her on Thursday and it's the same story... she has to come with the baby. Austin has a lot of anger and hurt and resentment toward Tasha right now. He doesn't want to be in the same place she's in... he doesn't trust her to not try to provoke him to try to get him the way she tried to a few weeks ago (but fortunately we had a video...). Do we have to keep the video camera rolling whenever they're together? 

It takes a long time to get there but there is this wonderful place known as "apathy" that you come to at some point after your children are grown and you no longer have to ask the other parent when child support is coming... or when they're coming to see the children... and the things that made  you not want to be married to them are so far in the past that you have to remind yourself what they even were. And you don't want to remind yourself because... why bother? That person is just a guy you see at your grandkids' birthday parties. And you don't even have to speak, if you don't want to. It goes from being seething hot anger to being... nothing. I don't wish anything but happiness for my kids' dad. I don't have to worry about nurturing his relationships with the kids. They have all found their own path to enlightenment. It's hard to believe that person was once your everything. Now he's just the guy who comes with Leslie. Who I find quite charming... always look forward to seeing her! 

This is where Tasha and Austin need to be. Right now they're still in the stage of learning to share... to co-parent... to work out a system that gives Cosette the best of both of their worlds. They're so lucky though because Cosy won't remember a time that they were together. She gets to have her mom's undivided attention, along with two other adults that love her. When she comes here to see her daddy she'll have dad... and three other adults that love her. Right now there's too much break up hurt for conversations to be purely about Cosette but honestly, that's what they have to focus on. I only say all of that because it is such a huge, continual source of heartache for Austin, to not see his child. He couldn't even look at the pictures and videos we took of that day Cosy came over here. It's just too hard. 

Tasha and I used to be friends. I wish I could appeal to THAT Tasha... the one who wanted to be in our family... to make her understand that she's causing so much harm to Austin, and to Cosette. The longer it takes for them to be reunited, the harder it will be for Cosette. Tasha's such a daddy's girl... it surprises me that she doesn't want to pave a pathway for Cosette to be a daddy's girl, too. Y'all just pray.  Put this on every prayer list in every group you meet with... pray that Cosette's mom's heart would be softened and she would understand how important it is for Austin to have time with his little girl - time to parent his little girl without her mama "supervising". He 

So while I was texting back and forth to keep up with my mom's progression through the ER... I was texting Cody to keep him up to date and texting Tasha to try to arrange a visit for Austin. Alllll while watching my continuing marathon of Jane the Virgin AND while studying on today's Italian lesson 

Sorry for that tangent. Daily Blogging... brings out all the junk that is rattling around in my brain. 

We never did get any answers about my moms fluctuating blood pressure. It has been doing odd things here lately. She's also had a good bit of pain that she thought was pancreatitis but the cancer doctor thinks is gastritis. There's a small something on what's left of her pancreas that they're going to watch. But definitely the roller coaster blood pressure is an issue. They gave her IV fluids thinking maybe she was dehydrated. They just don't know.

My blood pressure is usually 135/85. Almost always, or at least within a point or two. It's borderline high and that's with three medications. Pain causes high blood pressure. Custody cases raise your blood pressure. But since it stays consistent, we just let it be. 

Today I had yogurt, granola and green grapes for breakfast. I ate two White Castle chicken sandwiches for lunch. They're like Krystal Chiks. Sorta ok. Pop got home in time to make chili so I feel all full and satisfied now. 

Today's pain is brought to you by the left hip and tailbone. I've spent two days with a dog beside me in my nest and that's made things a little stiffer than usual. My parents hadn't gotten home yet when I was time to pick Austin up from work this afternoon and Oscar was just so anxious - with my parents gone two days in a row - I didn't want to leave him alone. I had HOPED he would ride beside me in the passenger seat but... NO... he had to help me drive. I got him situated on my left hip and wrapped my left arm around him to keep him in place. That started wearing on my shoulder and hip about halfway to town but he was happy and I liked feeling needed. We all made it home safe and sound. Upcoming pain for tomorrow: fierce left shoulder pain from driving with Oscar. Also... this morning I had the worst headache I've had since my hysterectomy. It was a baby migraine. I had the same migraine waning symptoms but it eased up with just advil. I have the "shadow" of where the headache was, which is common with my migraines so I feel like there's a big one on the way to me. 

Praying that I'm wrong!

And now my nighttime sleepy meds are kicking in so I'll spare you the ramblings of my percocet/tizanidine/ambien/lots of other stuff you don't even want to know about it mind. I couldn't take pain meds yesterday because I wasn't sure if my parents were going to be home in time to get Austin... and it was the same today.... so instead of doing just a little here and there of the milder stuff, keeping on top of things before they get out of control...  I'm playing catch up to some pain that has set up camp and wants to stay! 

So when you're hanging out in church tomorrow, whisper my name to the Lord. He knows where it hurts and he's pretty good at fixing things. If he could start by fixing my broken Nana/Mama heart by letting Cosette see her daddy... and then we can work on the stuff in my physical body that isn't working right. Just mention my name... He knows me. 

Thanks for reading! Love y'all so much! *hugs*