quick update

We have internet here at the mountain house but I've been too busy to take advantage of it much.
We also have ROKU which is a tiny device that allows you to display videos and channels from the internet onto your tv, things like Netflix.
Austin understands it way better than I do and he's been trying to teach us but...
I still haven't figured out how that will allow us to watch college football on the weekends we're up here...
But it makes more sense than signing up for satellite service for the few days a month we can be here.
At any rate...
Took Pop to Loganberry Farm yesterday to meet "Organic Rose" and buy a few things.
We made a huge, major Walmart run to buy lots and lots of things for the house.
A couple of them didn't work - we got a propane grill when we wanted a plain old charcoal grill - we bought the wrong kind of lightbulbs for my bathroom - stuff like that.
They couldn't get the lawn mower to start and Jim and Angie worked on that for a long time... and got it fixed.
Bubba brought back the book shelf that had fallen apart two years ago. He repaired it and painted it although he said it's not designed to hold the quantity of books I was using.
It's a stuffed animal/barbie shelf now.
There's still a shortage of beds here - it's a strictly "byob" household. Bring Your Own Bed.
My bed is in mawmaw and pop's room but it's not big enough for them to sleep comfortably on together.
I'm sleeping on my couch. I slept for ten hours last night.
Mawmaw slept on a pallet on the floor with the dogs.
Austin slept in the recliner.
For dinner last night we had Jim and Angie, Sarabeth and Jamie over, plus Angie's mom Trudy aka Grammy, the nice guy who helped us move in last week and Austin.
We grilled out burgers, had chips and baked beans.
I bought a huge, awesome, completely sinful coconut cake from the bakery for dessert. Nancy at the bakery was so glad to see me and Austin. I love this place!
We have more family coming up for the night... can't wait to see them. Hopefully Austin and I can get the right kind of pump for the air mattress for them to sleep on.
I'm also taking him to get a haircut.
Returning the things at Walmart that were wrong, buying the things we forgot, picking up Austin's girlfriend from town so she can hang out with us.
And so on and so on and so on.
Busy but it's the kind of happy, relaxing, productive busy.
Eventually this place will be just an awesome haven where we come to rest.
In the meantime... y'all have a great weekend and I'll check in again when I can!

Tuesday's Post (that I never finished) plus Wednesday and Thursday Stuff

(from Tuesday)

My boss referred to me as an "old experienced peddler woman" yesterday. I think this was a compliment. Things are really lighthearted on the job. Hectic. It's super fast paced. But it's remarkably stress-free. Maybe because I'm only there half the time. I don't know. I will toot my own horn enough to say that I have the same number of sales so far this month as two of the full time people who are supposed to be primarily sales people - when I'm supposed to be primarily a service person.

I've always believed you should bloom where you're planted, however, sometimes fertile soil, a little water and sunshine goes a long way.

I'm working all five days this week. So it's "three day week - four day weekend - five day week - four day weekend - three day week". If you can follow that. I'm still just working 24 hours this week. I haven't slept well the past two nights, tacked on to a much more lively than usual weekend (even if it was a four day weekend), so I'm fairly wiped out today.

(And now that it's Thursday and I've finally got a "late" work schedule today - 11:30 to 4:30 - I'm totally wiped out. I can't seem to get enough sleep this week... my body feels like it's made of lead... not sure if it's that nasty fibromyalgia flaring up or if it's just adjusting to a more active schedule. Either way... this weekend I plan to be curled up in the mountain nest, elbow deep in genealogy or reading or whatever entertains me.)

I'll still probably stay up late tonight because I'm all politically geeked out over the Republican National Convention. I mean... my tv has mostly been on Fox News, C-Span and the Weather Channel over the past two days. I watched the entire state roll call this afternoon. I got a little misty when Scott Romney gave the delegate count for the State of Michigan. His pride for his brother was touching. And you know how fascinated I am by people who are passionate about things. You don't get more over-the-top-passionate than at a political convention. I can't wait to hear Ann Romney speak tonight.

 (I fell asleep before she spoke... and missed Chris Christie too. I missed Paul Ryan last night.)

 I may not be aligned one hundred percent with every single aspect of Mitt Romney, or for that matter, the Republican Party (I know, *gasp*) but I knew four years ago that hiring a community organizer to run the biggest business in the free world - the United States Government - was a mistake. Remove religion, views on abortion, birth control, gay marriage, etc, from the equation.  Remove proper documentation - such as birth certificates and tax returns - from the equation - I'm far more interested in content of character and ability than I am in ability to provide documents that could easily be altered or manipulated. I am not convinced that Obama has any sense of patriotism or respect for our government. I just so completely disagree with the ability of the government to give and take away. The more government programs that are developed, the more dependent we grow on the government. The more freedoms that are taken from us.

It has always made far more sense for me as a single woman earning below the poverty level to be a Democrat than a Republican, yet, I'd rather live off what little I can make on my own than ask you to share your paycheck with me. You don't owe me.

------------------- end of political rant, end of Tuesday's half post. Now it's Thursday.

Yesterday my boss called me "faster than a greased pig" - in reference to my part-time status. In other words, I'm there such a short time (5 hours) that I'm in and out faster than a greased pig. He was totally joking. I said, "greased pig? why is PIG the first thing that came to mind? why not greased LIGHTNING?". Most of the employees are there less than a full 40 hour week. Everybody has some weird combination of hours. That's why I know he was joking. That's what works for their office and I'm glad that there was a place where I would belong.

I had to re-qualify for my sales agreement which includes passing the credit requirements. If you've read my blog for any length of time you can easily assume that I have poor credit. This meant that my employer had to write an appeal to allow me to work there despite my credit. They willingly did and the waiver was allowed. Not many employers would do that. I have sort of been afraid to put down roots and settle in out of fear that  we wouldn't be able to get past that. There is still one more hurdle and I'm trusting God that everything will go smoothly.

This morning I rescheduled my doctors appointment for Wednesday... I wanted to attach it to a weekend since the doctor's office is in Gainesville - closer to the mountain house than to Riverdale. I wanted to postpone it to October but they wanted to see me some time this month. I'm having some carpal tunnel like pain so I guess it's better that I go. This is the pain doctor - the one who manages the back issues and the fibro issues and such. I've got a reprieve from the regular doctor until January.

I also spent my morning ordering internet service for the mountain house. I can't afford to pay for satellite service - although I'll miss watching football this fall when I'm up there - it just doesn't make sense to take on that kind of expense for the few days we're there each month. Internet service, yes, because I can do a lot of scanning (taking the scanner up this weekend) of old photos and old documents and working on my genealogy project and so on and so forth. I know that I can afford the internet service and I want to help as much as I can on expenses. Since I'm paying all of my medical costs out of pocket and paying for my car and life insurance, I don't have a lot of give in my budget but... I do what I can.

I sat down at 9am with the intention of blogging and doing whatever else I wanted online until 10 am and then I would get ready for work... I'll leave here at 11. And then my birthday boy, Cody, came by and with the dogs and the tv and the cats and trying to read back through what I've already written... that hour has flown by. Oh well. Better to spend time with the three dimensional people than to focus my efforts on cyberspace. After work we're going out to dinner for Cody's birthday... and I will be C-spanning and internet surfing until I fall asleep. The days really fly by.

I told Cody when he came in this morning that I was his age when I had him. He's 22. I was 22 when I had him. He shook his head. Hard to imagine how ridiculously young we were.

Anyways... so that's what's happening around here... hope you have a great Thursday and if you're somewhere that's getting drenched with rain, you're in my prayers! Love and hugs and Happy Friday Eve, y'all!

Reasons to Love Monday - Warm Fuzzies and Right Turns

I'm aching from every single joint in my body, partly from the move into the mountain house and partly from that ole nasty storm out in the gulf. I'm one of those people who feels a storm... and still, even though a long day is staring my painful body right in the face, I'm going to dig deep and find a few reasons to love Monday!

1. This was my blood pressure on Friday. It was the lowest blood pressure I have had in the four years I've been going to this doctor's office. They made me feel like a ROCK STAR and I've been riding the wave of that glimpse of what good health looks like and feels like all the way since Friday. My nurse asked if I had a camera phone and I told her no... but I did have a camera with me. She said, "take a picture" and so I did. It's not exactly practical to have a general practitioner who is ninety miles away... but... it's worth it to me to stay with people who understand the challenges I'm facing.

2. I loved spending time in the mountains this weekend... even though the mountain house has not yet achieved the place of rest and relaxation that we hope it will some day be... it was great to be there working together as a family to put things together. I spent Saturday night digging through a huge box of family archives from grandma and I found some really awesome things that she had written about our family history. My paternal grandmother liked to write. My maternal grandfather wrote a book that I've been eager to read and transcribe. My dad writes each morning. My brother writes songs. It's almost as if I was born to be a writer. I know that the mountain house will be a great place for me to exercise my creative abilities. I had decided that I was fine with being off the grid there... and it really was nice and peaceful Saturday night... yet, I think I might be able to accomplish more in the way of writing if I had access to the internet. Still thinking on that. At any rate... the only thing that was hard about being in the mountains over the weekend was missing my little Trouble kitty. I know this picture reinforces my "crazy old cat lady" status but I don't care. I love that cat!

3. THIS was the moment that I really felt the potential for our mountain home to be a wonderful gathering place for our family. In the lead is my brother Michael who has probably only appeared on my old blog way back in the day. I rarely see him or his boys. They are Jehovah's Witnesses so they don't do holiday gatherings. They live in Chattanooga so they are too far away to just "pop in", although, I will say that Michael is really good about visiting mom when she's in the hospital and things like that. He's the middle child and he has two sons and a step-daughter, Tiffany, who is as much a Gant as anyone born in our family. Everyone was running up the hill to get away from the lake because it was thundering. In the back is Jim and Angie (holding hands) my nephew Cory (Michael's son) is watching everyone come up the hill. There is nothing like spending time with family to give you the strength and energy to carry on with your life... feeling connected to something... gives me warm fuzzies!

4. Talk about warm fuzzies! Another really rare picture. The last time these kids were together was in March 2006. They are (l-r) Sarabeth (9) Matthew (12) and Cory (15). Cory was my first nephew. I have the family's first three grandchildren... so I waited awhile to be an aunt. I was so proud to have this little boy (who now towers over me) in our family. A few years later we gained Matthew (who really, really hates having his picture taken because his eyes are sensitive to the light). And, I had two nieces enter the family by marriage, Tiffany and Elizabeth (who is Matthew's age) but Sarabeth was the first girl born into our family since me... it was a 34 year gap between baby girls! She is such a beautiful girl... so tall and graceful. She has come a long way in breaking out of her shyness but this picture was a stretch... having to stand with boys she didn't know, even if they are cousins. It just did my heart so much good to see these babies together!

5. Another warm fuzzy... my brother Michael teaching my niece Jamie how to fish. Jamie had really no memories of her Uncle Michael but she warmed up to him right  away.

(I'm running out of time.. gotta put this on the fast track)

6. Reason to Love Monday - Republican Convention! I am excited to hear the speeches, get encouraged and enlightened about what the Republican Party has to say - to hear their ideas about getting us back on track. And... that Tampa Bay convention venue has an organ that my son installed. I don't know if they're using the organ for the convention but if they do... just know that MY KID did that!

7. During my trip up this weekend I got to spend a good bit of time with Austin. He is doing a few things that I'm not crazy about. He needs a haircut. He hasn't done laundry in weeks - their washer broke down. There's a laundrymat about a quarter of a mile from where he lives so he has the option to go there but just hasn't. I offered him the change... he said he had the money. It's a long story. He's not in imminent danger or anything... and he does seem to be working consistently... he just needs a mama still and it hurts me that I am not able to be there for him. My reason to love Monday? I'll be back up there in a few days and can do a little to help him.

8. My reason to love Monday is not that my eyes are closed in this picture... not that I'm hiding behind my mom... trying to hide half my hefty self...my reason to love Monday is the fishing lure that Jamie was casting that if you look very closely below my dad's ear, you'll see... right in the split second before it whacked my mom in the head. That was on Saturday night and it's still funny! You can tell that my brothers stole all the height in our family!

9. When I'm driving, I hate to make unassisted left turns. I hate that feeling of having to time things so that I don't end up in the back of an ambulance with my car on the back of a wrecker. I always choose the path of least resistance. When I faced the loss of my job, therefore the loss of my income, I was faced with a hard, blind, left turn. And I've got to tell you, I really grieved the loss of living in the mountains. I am perfectly happy, content, safe, etc here in the suburbs but at my heart, I'm a mountain girl. Being able to know that in a few short days, I'll be looking out at this same awesome view... makes Monday just the necessary evil that I must go through to get to my four day weekend ahead. It feels like I'm through with those awful left turns and am happily making safe, easy right turns now. It's gonna be a great week, y'all!

If you're in the path of nasty weather, please be safe! Love and hugs!

Freaky Friday. Not really.

Living with chronic pain is like living on a fixed income - you know if you spend your strength in one area, that you won't be able to spend it somewhere else. It's not like you can take a hot bath, take a few pain pills, go to sleep and wake up brand new the next morning. You might take the edge off but whatever you do one day means that tomorrow you're going to be able to do less. That's what I'm having to think about today. I've got a few things on the agenda today...

doctor appointment
picking up a few things for the new house
taking austin to the bank
changing my voter registration
making some changes to my insurance (like, moving those policies down to my new office)
going to see a friend

And I'd like to do a little bit in the way of cleaning and/or moving the things I can carry on my own into the new house. I just don't want to drain the energy bank and not be able to be productive tomorrow. The other thing... living with my mom and dad... mom and I kind of split the energy burning activities. We switch off on taking the dogs out, feeding the cats, cleaning the kitchen, etc. And no matter what I accomplish up here today, my mom is draining her energy by doing the things I would normally help with.

Just doing the things on my agenda for the day would be more than I would normally do on any given day. Yesterday I did a lot more than I would normally do. On Wednesday I worked longer than I usually do and also had that klutzy fall that drained off some of my account by increasing the pain level. Tomorrow is the big moving day. Sunday we need to get back to the southside of town. I'm working five days next week. It's cumulative. So today... I've got to be conservative with what I do.

Let me just tell you how much I hate that. I hate having training wheels on. I want to just Forrest Gump it - run and run and just not stop. I am a - "let's work and get it done so we can rest and enjoy the fruits of our labor" kind of person. Chronic pain has made me a "it will still be there tomorrow" kind of person. Sometimes it makes me an, "do I really care if this gets done or not?" person. And it's definitely made it hard for me to deal with deadlines. Or work with anyone else who needs me to carry my share of the load. There is a limit. It's not a limit I picked... it's a limit that fate handed to me. And what I've done for the past 19 months since my circumstances changed is learn to not feel guilty about the things I can't do.

But it still makes me mad sometimes.

Anyways. I love these mountains. I love getting to see my girls (and their parents, of course). I drove the girls to school this morning and it just makes me feel so connected to them. I have other nieces and nephews... four in one place, three in another... that geography and circumstances have prevented me from being a part of their every day life. I'm just that aunt that they know nothing about and would be awkward around since we never see each other. I have aunts like that and it's sorta sad to miss out on those connections. With Sarabeth and Jamie, I get to know the places and people in their lives and have little inside jokes with them and know what they like and don't like. Yesterday I picked up two little tote bags at Walmart. I knew the purple one would be Jamie's favorite and I knew Sarabeth would like the hot pink one. Sure enough, when I got to their house, Jamie was dressed in purple and Sarabeth was dressed in hot pink. I know these girls and I don't it for granted.

I loved spending time with Austin yesterday. I had to fight the urge to play Mommy-Fix-It when I found out that he didn't have lunch yesterday because they were out of bread and nobody has a car to go to the store. His work program only guarantees him a job through August. They help place him in a permanent position but there's no guarantees and they may or may not provide transportation. I have a thousand suggestions of how to work around the different obstacles he's facing but what I've found out through my almost 26 years of parenting is that it's really good for people to learn to solve their own problems. Had he moved to Riverdale with me he would have learned nothing, would probably still not be working and he would just create a whole new layer of stress for me and my parents. I'm glad to be a resource, glad to give my opinion, glad to share from my own experiences but having Austin living on his own and supporting himself is a good thing. I'm just glad to have a place where I can go and visit him without crowding him.

So... this home is special to me for those opportunities it provides plus allowing me a way to be a part of a part of the world that I really love. And whatever it takes to make this place a comfy place to crash, even if it's a painful process, is a labor of love for me.

Gotta put some makeup on and get things started! Have a great day, y'all!

Carefree Thursday

This is a picture my brother Bryan took before Cody & Marquee's wedding. I love it for soooo many reasons... mainly, because this is such a perfect depiction of our Jamie girl...  and the one word I would use to describe her, "carefree". She's just so precious!

And that's me, for a little while today. The power is out at the office due to some Georgia Power upgrade or catastrophe or something. They called initially and asked me to come in an hour late... and then I thought... hmmm... if I could just *not* work this afternoon and go ahead and head to the mountains, rather than facing rush hour traffic after work. I spoke with the Office Manager and she said it was fine... no power means no phones and things were already slow before the power went down. She said I could work a few extra hours next week if I wanted. Sounds like a plan!

So I'm heading north... having dinner with my kid and his girlfriend... spending the night with Jim, Angie, Sarabeth and Little Miss Carefree Jamie Gant.

There's lots to do this weekend so it's nice to start it off with a leisurely, carefree Thursday.

No internet at the mountain house yet... but I'll be at Jim and Angie's until Saturday so I guess I'll be back online at some point. If you don't hear from me, assume all is well!

Happy (early) weekend! Love and hugs, y'all!

Whiny Wednesday? Not so much.

When you go to put your pants on in the morning and fall over... you realize it's a Whiny Wednesday in the making.

Like, seriously... a year and a half ago I could do a split. Now I'm so off balance that I can't stand on one foot long enough to put my other foot in a pair of pants.

The good news? The pants fit. A month ago they didn't. Not that I've been deliberately dieting or anything but I have been busier and have skipped a few meals. Pop has lost 13 pounds this week, so his hardcore, doctor supervised diet definitely works. Even on your family members, apparently. I'm collateral damage to my dad's diet. Love it.

The fall wasn't too bad. I mean, I'm 5'1. I don't have far to go. But my room is a converted garage so the floor is hard and I feel sort of like I've been in a car wreck, a minor one.

I went on to work though... I fed my hurt feelings with two krispy kreme donuts, hot and ready. They tasted like hot grease and sugar but it hit the spot. So did the hazelnut iced coffee.

I got to work early, stayed late, got a lot done and was so, soooo glad to be there, despite the pain. This is a work environment that I enjoy so much that I don't mind being there. It's a place where I feel appreciated.

There's a slight problem with my credit history which impacts my sales agreement. It's something that could have been a major problem in a different place but where I am, it can be handled. I sorta expected this little issue. Most of my debt is medical debt, except for a couple of things from the Darby Era that I'm still sorting out. The good news, what helps my case, is that I haven't established any new debts (other than medical) in the past 8 years and the fact that my expenses are minimal. We're getting there. I'm headed in the right direction, at least.

Except when I put on pants. I  love my heating pad.

Tomorrow night I'm heading to the mountains, no matter what. I can't wait to see my girls. I'm taking them to school on Friday morning. Every time I see them they're an inch taller and seem to have aged a couple of years. They have always been a joy to be around, now they're just so much more so.

I can't wait to see Austin, too. It was less than a month ago when I prayed a prayer that God would just make a way for Austin, inspire him, motivate him, let him find his way. He's been working since just a few days after that. I talked to him yesterday and he was at work. I said, "are you at work?" and he said, "I work every week day". Like, it's just what you do. For a kid who NEVER made it to school five days in a row, that's a huge, huge change of perspective. Coincidental? Not in my mind.

So, despite my lack of grace, I'm surrounded by it. And... although I may struggle from time to time, life is better than it's been in a very long time.

Whiny Wednesday? Eh. Not so much.

Quiet

There is currently one cat in my bedroom window.
One cat on the kitchen table on a box.
One cat on a shelf in the computer room.
One cat asleep in the bathroom sink.
There is one dog asleep beside the front door.
One dog asleep guarding the door to my room.
And one dog asleep beside me in the recliner covered in (one of) his favorite blankets.
The tv is on mute.
Pop is at work.
Mama is at work.
I will work from 11:30-4:30.
Cody will go to work whenever his dad wakes up and comes by with the work truck.
Marquee's mom (or my mom, I forget whose turn it is) will come by and take her to school.
Austin is at work at the Goodwill store in Toccoa.
And Ryan is doing whatever wherever he is. I can't keep up with him.
It's quiet here, but I'm really looking forward to the quiet of the mountain house.
I'm not sure if we'll have internet and/or satellite initially.
Heck, the bed my parents were going to use is being used to stage Grandma's house for sale...
so their first days in the mountains might end up being like my first days - on an air mattress.
Although, I have my bed and couch and loveseat and super comfy big chair -
which would all be more comfy than an air mattress.
There's a lot of stuff to move in this weekend...
And I suppose from there it will be a process of taking things from this house to that house.
Making sure that there are creature comforts in both places.
And mama's fishing pole.
In a way, I'm looking forward to a little bit of solitude.
I've been in a bit of a spiritual drought.
Not because the rains haven't come - they pour down all the time.
I just keep my big golf umbrella of selfish, sometimes worthless, pursuits blocking the rain.
When I was working full time I saturated my morning with prayer.
I needed God's help to survive the pain.
I spent my lunch breaks in bible study.
I needed to hide myself in His Word.
I prayed a prayer of praise, often in tears, on the way home.
I prayed a lot for the boy I was raising.
I would say that the last five ten all of my adult years - have brought me to my knees in prayer.
Out of desperation.
And God has been faithful.
Not in the terms of giving me everything I ask for or dream up or could ever want.
But He's always been faithful to me in meeting my daily needs.
He helped me accomplish the job I hired on for at the age of 18 - raising my boys.
He helped me find a way to earn a living despite feeling worthless because of my disability.
He put me in a place where I could form bonds that will carry me through this next season of life.
However, I have participated for the last five ten all of my adult years in "Crisis Christianity"
I know how to seek Him in times of trouble
I know how to make Him my savior
I just forgot never learned how to make Him my Lord
And to come to Him from a place of peace, just to keep the faith
There have been times that I wondered and waivered and struggled
Is He really there?
And I wondered how I could wonder that, after all the remarkable, miraculous things He's done in my life.
Then I remembered that He is the author and perfector of our faith
And if I'm not visiting with Him regularly, He is not able to write any more stories about faith in my life
Or make my faith perfect.
I had to learn how to be an employee with a disability and still be productive
Now I have to learn how to be a Follower of Christ with a disability
And let that rain fall down on me.
I think rather than buying a tv for my mountain space... I need to buy a porch swing...
And spend some time looking at the lake, listening to the silence...hearing a still, small voice
"You will find me when you seek me with all of your heart"
And I've still got the book that granddaddy wrote that I want to read.
I've got a ton of half finished bible studies that I want to complete.
There are people and places that I love up there that I haven't seen in over two months...
With my work schedule over the next two months, I'll have about 4 long weekends where I can go
It would be a good time to get to know Him from a place of peace.
Happy Tuesday, y'all!