My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Quiet

There is currently one cat in my bedroom window.
One cat on the kitchen table on a box.
One cat on a shelf in the computer room.
One cat asleep in the bathroom sink.
There is one dog asleep beside the front door.
One dog asleep guarding the door to my room.
And one dog asleep beside me in the recliner covered in (one of) his favorite blankets.
The tv is on mute.
Pop is at work.
Mama is at work.
I will work from 11:30-4:30.
Cody will go to work whenever his dad wakes up and comes by with the work truck.
Marquee's mom (or my mom, I forget whose turn it is) will come by and take her to school.
Austin is at work at the Goodwill store in Toccoa.
And Ryan is doing whatever wherever he is. I can't keep up with him.
It's quiet here, but I'm really looking forward to the quiet of the mountain house.
I'm not sure if we'll have internet and/or satellite initially.
Heck, the bed my parents were going to use is being used to stage Grandma's house for sale...
so their first days in the mountains might end up being like my first days - on an air mattress.
Although, I have my bed and couch and loveseat and super comfy big chair -
which would all be more comfy than an air mattress.
There's a lot of stuff to move in this weekend...
And I suppose from there it will be a process of taking things from this house to that house.
Making sure that there are creature comforts in both places.
And mama's fishing pole.
In a way, I'm looking forward to a little bit of solitude.
I've been in a bit of a spiritual drought.
Not because the rains haven't come - they pour down all the time.
I just keep my big golf umbrella of selfish, sometimes worthless, pursuits blocking the rain.
When I was working full time I saturated my morning with prayer.
I needed God's help to survive the pain.
I spent my lunch breaks in bible study.
I needed to hide myself in His Word.
I prayed a prayer of praise, often in tears, on the way home.
I prayed a lot for the boy I was raising.
I would say that the last five ten all of my adult years - have brought me to my knees in prayer.
Out of desperation.
And God has been faithful.
Not in the terms of giving me everything I ask for or dream up or could ever want.
But He's always been faithful to me in meeting my daily needs.
He helped me accomplish the job I hired on for at the age of 18 - raising my boys.
He helped me find a way to earn a living despite feeling worthless because of my disability.
He put me in a place where I could form bonds that will carry me through this next season of life.
However, I have participated for the last five ten all of my adult years in "Crisis Christianity"
I know how to seek Him in times of trouble
I know how to make Him my savior
I just forgot never learned how to make Him my Lord
And to come to Him from a place of peace, just to keep the faith
There have been times that I wondered and waivered and struggled
Is He really there?
And I wondered how I could wonder that, after all the remarkable, miraculous things He's done in my life.
Then I remembered that He is the author and perfector of our faith
And if I'm not visiting with Him regularly, He is not able to write any more stories about faith in my life
Or make my faith perfect.
I had to learn how to be an employee with a disability and still be productive
Now I have to learn how to be a Follower of Christ with a disability
And let that rain fall down on me.
I think rather than buying a tv for my mountain space... I need to buy a porch swing...
And spend some time looking at the lake, listening to the silence...hearing a still, small voice
"You will find me when you seek me with all of your heart"
And I've still got the book that granddaddy wrote that I want to read.
I've got a ton of half finished bible studies that I want to complete.
There are people and places that I love up there that I haven't seen in over two months...
With my work schedule over the next two months, I'll have about 4 long weekends where I can go
It would be a good time to get to know Him from a place of peace.
Happy Tuesday, y'all!

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