My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Reasons I Loved Monday

I had a lot of good reasons to love Monday yesterday but they were so good that I didn't have time to blog about them.

I officially start work on Thursday. There is still some paperwork and behind the scenes processes that have to be completed so they will have me come in on Thursday just to learn the office procedures and stuff like that... the administrative stuff, so to speak. Every agency does things differently. Friday I have a doctors appointment in Cleveland and then by Monday I should be legit and ready to jump back in. There's a new quoting process for auto insurance that I have to learn and a few other changes but I'm sure it will be like riding a bike (you know, you never forget how). This job will be about 20 hours, 4 days a week. The hours are very comfortable for me - 11 to 4. My goal was to bring home about a thousand dollars a month to be able to cover my own expenses (medical expenses, car insurance, etc) to work on some of the debt that I have accumulated (mostly medical debt) to contribute some to the two different households that I will be enjoying (in Riverdale and in the mountains) and to save for the time when I eventually need to go on disability and will have a time without income again. This should be enough to check all of those boxes. I'm relieved and excited but part of me is still fearful that there will be some problem along the way that will prevent this from happening. It's been a long journey.

Ironically, it was working at my sister-in-law's mother's yard sale that moved this process along. She mentioned that she was having an insurance problem, I asked to see the letter she received and realized it was the same agency where I was eager to work. I told Grammy who to ask for... she did... mentioned my name... and the next day I got the call to come in for the second interview. I suppose it could just have been a coincidence but I see it differently. Do you remember that day that I blogged saying that I was wrestling with God about why things weren't going my way and He reminded me that was because things were going HIS way? Yeah. That's what needs to be.

My first choice would have been living full time in the mountains and I have to tell you, honestly, there was a job at Truett McConnell College that I coveted. Seriously... I prayed that God would not let the person who was interviewing for it have it so that I could have it. And then I realized that  might just be a person living close to the college who didn't have the options that I have and so, in my heart, I truly conceded to His will. And then I also realized that it makes a huge difference for me to not be alone all the time and I realized that I will push myself as part of a family beyond what I would push myself living alone. I cook dinner because I know that my mom won't eat well if someone doesn't cook. I cook because I know that Pop has been gone all day and needs to be able to just walk in and find a plate ready for him. I get up in the morning because the dogs need to go out and the cats need to be fed and... well, you get the point. Trying to transition between being a single mom with a very dependent child to being a single, empty nester was a daunting prospect. I don't NEED to be alone all the time.

Working these hours will allow me to spend three day weekends in the mountains. I'm even considering asking if I could work Monday through Thursday one week and Tuesday through Friday the next so that every other weekend I would have a four day weekend and that way I could travel to the mountains every other weekend. Once my mom officially retires, that would give her a chance to be up there longer. She doesn't drive on the interstate so she needs a ride. That would also give me the opportunity to still use the same doctors in the mountains without having to change, which is a big deal when you have a couple dozen different diagnosis' like I do.

Initially I will just be working "a couple of" days a week while they figure out where I fit in and how to best use me. There is a guy who is potentially moving to a different role within the company so that will open up a different dynamic in the office. They are open to having my sales agreement with their agency and letting me be a floater in other offices if I need additional hours or if the opportunity arises. There's a lot of flexibility in this situation which is truly, one hundred percent, what I needed and longed for. I just wanted the opportunity to continue to work as much as I could despite this whole stupid back issue. And I prayed that God would allow me to be in a situation where I didn't constantly have to apologize for my limitations, limitations that are beyond my control. Having the guilt on top of the pain was an unfair burden and I am so glad that God has/is moving me past having to carry that burden.

So... within those paragraphs I hope you saw a lot of reasons to have loved Monday yesterday. There's more, though... did you see the soccer game between the U.S. and Canadian women? BEST. OLYMPIC. MOMENT. EVER!!!! It's like I told my dad... you know it's a good game when you scare the dogs at least once. It was absolutely inspirational to watch how hard these girls pushed and pushed and pushed. They were soaked in sweat, obviously exhausted and the level of determination on both sides was unbelievable. I'm only slightly bummed that the gold medal game will happen Thursday during my first day at work. I might be able to see the very end of it but I'll actually be heading toward the mountains after work to spend the night at Jim and Angie's for my doctor's appointment in Cleveland on Friday.

I've heard from a lot of people who are going through the same struggle to find a job... to find a better job or to find something to improve their standard of living. It's a sad epidemic that's affecting so many people, not just in the U.S.  - my favorite Aussie is also looking for work - and it's hard to see the good or, more appropriately, "the God" in all of the discouragement. The world is divided between the haves and the have-nots and it's so hard to be on the have-not side without feeling shame, hurt, jealousy... just so many ugly things that none of us want to own. I will confess to saying, more than once, "God, I need you to reveal yourself in this plan because I'm just not feeling it"... and I can say that now, as the pieces start coming together, that I'm starting to get a glimpse of the final puzzle that is being put together in my life, at least in this season of life. It's been a long transition... from the time that the pain started a year and a half ago and even before, when we were living in Jacksonville in a time of so much uncertainty and isolation... and even before that... as a single mom who just couldn't see how to make it work, couldn't get on top of the bills and expenses... and I will just say to anyone who is trying to find "the God" in what they're going through... just keep holding on... it will come together.

Today I'm taking mom to the dermatologist. Tomorrow she's going fishing with Uncle Carl and I'm making paper dolls with Aunt Ginger. Thursday, my new normal starts. Prayers and good wishes appreciated. Hope you all have a great Tuesday and a great week! Love and hugs~!


Wendy in Oz said...

I hope the job turns out to be everything you want and need it to be. And its true about Gods plans. I have asked him myself a few times over the last few months just what he has in store for us and could he at least give me a clue but his His plan so we will just have to wait for Him to put it together, which he will do. Congrats on the job. Its so cool you got one with good hours for your health. Take care....xxxx