my crazy Monday

Y'all seem to enjoy my tales of woe so I'll entertain you tonight until the ambien kicks in. I've earned the ambien today, trust me.

First of all... I wonder what makes doctors go into certain specialties such as... proctology... and Ear, Nose and Throat... I mean... who wants to be a doctor of snot?

That thought occurred to me at the ENT office today while the attractive young man was shoving a tube into my nose. The tube had a little camera on the end. The little camera made a little picture on a tv screen that was big enough to be seen from space. It totally grossed me out/fascinated me.

*just had a chat with Angie - Jamie is going to the allergy doctor tomorrow. Poor baby just has so many issues with her eyes running and itching and having itchy places on her skin... they're going to do the actual allergy testing on her tomorrow. Pray that baby girl holds up ok - and her mommy too!

Anyways... back at the snot doctor... it was a totally traumatic experience but did give us some diagnostic answers. He wants to do allergy testing on me but not yet. There is definitely drainage... and my vocal cords are shot (which I kinda knew because I get hoarse so easily - that's why I hate to talk on the phone). Basically the snot dr said that for me to stop coughing, I need to stop coughing. It's a reactive thing... he thinks that the bronchitis started - which started the irritation - and then I had my wisdom teeth out - and that aggravated things even more - and it's been a vicious cycle. The more I cough, the more irritated my throat gets which makes me cough more. I think there's also a little bug that Austin and I are passing back and forth and/or some mold issues somewhere.

I don't know if this is even making sense. I'm not sure I've quite made sense of it all. It's like peeling back an onion.

The snot doctor (I like saying that) also thinks that I may have some reflux - which is also what the lung doctor said - and so he's treating that too. Two new nose sprays. Two reflux meds. The inhaler. Zinc. Mucinex. A new cough medicine. Re-evaluate in six weeks or sooner if this stuff isn't helping fairly soon. Allergy testing after that. All of this is to keep all possible irritants out of my lungs. If we do that... we're good.

I think I left out the "woe is me" hilarity of the day... so let me see if I can paint a picture: flossing my teeth on the way to work... forgot to eat breakfast... ate a cold muffin leftover from the muffins I made for dinner last night... forgot to finish the muffin... meant to eat a lean cuisine from the office freezer... got busy with a client that I had to practically kick out five minutes before I had to leave... thought about eating on the way but figured I'd grab Taco Bell on my back to the office... and then I thought about grabbing a slaw dog from DQ... but then I was in a hurry... so I went straight to the doctor and slid in right on time and ... WAITED. After an hour, I went to the receptionist and asked if they forgot about me and she had an "OH no" look to her and said, "let me check" and then came back all smooth acting like they were just busy but really? I saw people come in after me and leave before they even called me back. Then I went back and had to give the whole sordid medical history to the nurse and waited and waited and then the snot doctor came in and did painful things to my nostrils and then put numbing medicine up my nose with a sharp stick (or a q-tip) and then let me numb up for a bit and THEN did the invasive procedure which made me feel all dirty and violated and then wrote me a whole pad of prescriptions and apparently I looked a little dazed and confused so he went over the whole list a second time. Have I mentioned that this doctor has the most uncomfortable exam chairs on earth? My legs are too short to reach the foot rest and the seat is at an odd angle and the head rest isn't high enough for you to really rest your head. Soooooo... I had to wait another fifteen minutes with numb snot dripping from my nose to check out and NOT schedule the appointment for six weeks from now because they don't have their schedule open that far ahead. Seriously? How do you not schedule appointments six weeks from now when the doctor is telling you to come back in six weeks? AND then... I drove home... starving but still too numb to eat... and got to the McDonalds drive through and realized that I had a total of $6 cash so I had a mcdouble and a tea ... which I ate in the car while I drove to the pharmacy... and the nice lady who works at the pharmacy who is going through chemo had a nice new crew cut... she said I could come back in an hour... I told her I'd see her tomorrow because I didn't want to have to get back out... and then I got home and Austin met me in the carport to tell me the satellite was out... so I spent a half hour on the phone with the nice people at Windstream (shout out to Windstream!) who determined that my bill HAD been paid and that it was by error that they cut off the dish and therefore they would NOT be charging me the reconnection fee... and as I'm on the phone with them, Austin comes in to tell me he has a field trip tomorrow with the Future Farmers of America and needed $5... which I no longer had because I spent $2 at McDonalds... so I asked him what he did with the change from DQ from the day before and he doesn't remember (which means he used it to buy pot and hookers today - or, that he lost it) and so I said, "you can go if you can find the change" and... then I tried to blow my nose which snot doctor should have warned me would be painful... and... well, you get the picture.

Are you sorry you asked?