the real whiny wednesday post...

Depending on whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist…

When your day starts at 3:11 am with the cat throwing up in the bed beside you… either (a) there’s nowhere to go but up! Or (b) you know it’s gonna be a rotten day.

I think I’m an optimist. A whiny one at times, maybe.

I heard the cat hacking up what sounded like a volleyball sized hairball and I actually said out loud, “are you SERIOUSLY about to throw up on my bed?” and he answered by doing exactly that.

My first thought was… “how funny would this be if Michael and I were still sharing a bed?” and that made me laugh the whole time I was cleaning cat vomit from my bed.

Perspective will take you a long way.

My appointment with the pulmonologist is at 2:45. I’m choking on a lot of thick drainage today and I’m betting he’s going to refer me to the ENT. Oh, I think he’ll give me refills on my inhalers and such. I think he’ll talk about this being chronic and blah blah blah but I have a sneaking suspicion that he won’t really do anything for me.

I’m not being pessimistic. I’m being pragmatic. I’m preparing myself for another couple of rounds of nothing really changing. What I WANT is a “make it all better pill” or even better… a “make it all better shot” because then it would work quicker.

This morning I decided that I’m going to be very demanding and firm and say, “someone has got to do something to make me…” (a) stop feeling so exhausted… (b) stop coughing… (c) stop feeling like I’m drowning on my own snot… (d) not be out of breath from doing things like sitting up in bed… and cleaning up cat vomit.

It’s been a busy morning. I bought some Japanese noodles at the Big Lots yesterday to have for my lunch today since I’m working through lunch and leaving early to go to the doctor. They might have been good if I had eaten them in the first hour that I heated them up. Instead they ended up tasting like cold, salty worms. Shirley is bringing me a veggie sub back from lunch so I’ll have that.

The sad thing is that once I get finished with the doctor I know I’m gonna want to go to bed. We have church tonight. I want to go to church. I haven’t seen those folks in forever. I’m torn between pushing myself and taking care of myself. I’m really (back) at the point of reserving all of my energy just to be able to get a couple of hours in at work every day. I need a pill to fix THAT! Maybe a vitamin B12 shot?

Honestly… last night I was so tired… I knew that we had stuff in the fridge to make hamburger helper but I was too tired to cook. I was too tired to ask Austin to cook and have to put in the mental contribution of talking him through the process. I was too tired to get up and microwave something to eat. I had a pack of oreos beside my recliner so I just ate those for dinner. After about three cookies… Austin stuck his head in the door and asked what was for dinner. He decided to just grill some burgers. I stuck some rice in the microwave. That was dinner…

This morning I started consulting Dr. Google about chronic fatigue syndrome. I’m that tired. It feels like it’s never going to let go. Dr. Google said that sometimes chronic fatigue develops from other chronic illnesses like… chronic bronchitis. It made me very tired.

Ok… back to work… gotta get a few things wrapped up before I leave.