My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Woe Is Me Monday, part 2 OR prelude to Whiny Wednesday

I'm mad.
That's it. Just mad.
After 8 weeks of bronchitis I had ONE week of relatively good health.
Sunday afternoon my throat started hurting.
Yesterday I started with the runny nose and sinus pressure.
Today... all this stuff is back in my chest again.
YESTERDAY my chest was completely clear.
Today, I'm sucking air through a straw. A coffee stirrer.
And it makes me mad.
I've missed two days of work already this week.
My choice tomorrow will be.... make myself worse, possibly expose others to my illness and be able to pay bills this month... or not.
Yes, from an intellectual standpoint, I understand that what is happening is about what I can expect.
From an emotional standpoint I know that I need to adjust my expectations and not let being sick frustrate me.
From a spiritual standpoint, I understand that this will be ultimately for my good. I've looked at the positives...
From a long term standpoint I know that it's very likely that I will reach a point where I can no longer work full time.
I just need to get Austin through school.
I need to get this last birdie grown and out of the nest... and then I will adjust my standard of living according to what i'm able to do.
But right now, I'm mad.
I don't want another 8 weeks of this coughing and choking and fighting for air.
I don't want another 8 weeks of exhaustion and not being able to do anything except work and sleep.

Today austin and I went to pick up my paycheck... ran some unavoidable errands... and we've been back home just chilling out since then.
My butt has been glued to this chair for the past 48 hours and I am not getting any better. I'm worse.
I've got plans to make some homemade chicken noodle soup for dinner but I don't feel like getting up and doing the chopping and dicing and so forth.
I splurged on a new blender today - I had been doing so good with the breakfast smoothie and since our blender bit the dust a few weeks ago, I've not had a single healthy breakfast.
I know that even though there are some things that are out of my control as far as staying well, I can eat better and that can only help.
I've played a thousand games of "petdazzled" on SuperPoke pets.
I'm headachey so it's hard to focus on reading, otherwise, I'd work on my bible study course that I'm doing right now.
Austin is bored.
Tasha has been calling every ten minutes. Apparently she's bored.
I need to exfoliate.
That has nothing to do with anything else I've said, I just thought of it.
Oh... and I'm having this mental disconnect... random thoughts.
When I stopped by the office to get my check today, everyone was on the phone... but they all just glared at me.
Made me sort of feel "damned if I do, damned if I don't"... If I went to work sick, they'd be freaking out about me being contagious. If I don't go... well, everyone has to take up the slack.

But at least I get to watch Guiding Light another time or two before it goes off the air. I can remember eating boxed kraft macaroni and cheese with stewed tomatoes and watching Guiding Light when I was a little bitty girl with my mom. I watched Guiding Light every afternoon after school growing up. I watched Guiding Light every Friday afternoon when I worked the 4 1/2 days a week schedule at Life of Georgia for 11 years. I watched Guiding Light through two preterm labor bedrests and three maternity leaves and I don't know how many sick days with sick babies. I watched Guiding Light while watching kids after school while I was a stay at home mom - along with koolaid and cookies. I stopped watching around the time of my first divorce... too busy... the acting and storyline was tired and cheesy. It still is. But it's almost over.

Ok... letsee... gotta make this post less whiny and more interesting.... hmmm... I've got nothing. Think it's time for a nap. Love and socially distanced hugs, y'all!

5 comments:

Missie said...

Hope you feel better soon!

Julie said...

Heather are you sure you don't have allergies to something in your house? I feel so sorry for you to be so sick for so long. That would make anyone angry.

mmmbrown625 said...

Hmmm . . . Julie may be right . . . could you be allergic to Stubby?

mmmbrown625 said...

. . . or Austin?

Maire said...

Chronic illness sucks! I was going to say what the other commenters said, what about allergies? they can make anything you have seem worse.
Feel better soon