it's friday, y'all

Weekend countdown. Three hours and some change. I’ve been trying to keep my nose to the grindstone today... trying to drum up some cha-ching. So far I’ve made three appointments and one other State Farm agent mad. Not the agent – one of his employees. And not really mad so much as… she wanted to know why I was calling her client to set up an appointment… and I didn’t really call her client, I called his brother who is our client, only our client didn’t really understand English so it got confused. This is life, I suppose.

On lunch I went to the really bad Chinese buffet place in Cornelia. It was, as expected, really bad. Usually it’s fairly empty so even though it’s not great food, I can enjoy some peace and quiet. Today it was crowded and there was this really loud lady sitting at the next table. It was hard to concentrate. I went back to the office and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes to really be able to have some quality time with God.

Here’s what He gave me today – two verses, both from Psalm 72.
Verse 3 – The mountains will bring prosperity to the people, the hills the fruit of righteousness.
Verse 12 – For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.

I love any verses about mountains because I so strongly believe that the mountains have been healing for me. I am calmed by the very sight of the mountains in the distance. Every time I venture south, I cry out in praise when the mountains appear on the horizon on my way back north. It’s home. It was always meant to be my home, I just had to do some other things in other places first.

Verse 12 is awesome because deliverance – the promise of deliverance – is a really cool thing. And it’s been proven true for me over and over again.

I had a young couple in my office today… just outside the (closed) door was his mother. While we were talking about their insurance coverage, the young lady told me she had just found out that she’s pregnant. And then she said, “shhhh! We haven’t told his mother yet… we don’t know how to tell her… what do you think?” and I said, “I think you should tell her before you tell anyone else…” Like the random insurance person that you just met. People are funny. I gave them a coloring book.

Whitney and her bf (Richie Rich – not his real name) are planning to go to see the Gators play at LSU this fall. I told her she would have to send me photos during the game since I live vicariously through her… and her fabulous travels. The Adventures of Whitney, the Gator Girl. Picture former sorority girl in sundress with red solo cup in hand… looking tanned and slightly buzzed… with the good looking former frat boy at her side, similarly buzzed. I’d envy her if she wasn’t just a fabulous person who works hard to be able to do fabulous things. I’m ready for football season to begin… ready to spend my Saturdays in front of the tv watching every possible game… or napping while the tv watches me. I confided to Whitney that I’m SICK of seeing red or black pickup trucks with the “circle G” Georgia logo on them. Every other vehicle on the road… ugh. That’s the only problem with living here – too close to UGA.

I asked Austin if he wanted to go to his high school football games this fall. He is just not that kind of kid. He doesn’t understand football and doesn’t get the social significance of being at the games, even if you’re not into football. He could be home playing Wii. Or glued to Tasha’s side.

Two hours to go. Not all of the past hour has been spent typing. Really. Only a small fraction. Things will bust open here in a few minutes. Fridays are feast and famine. It’s mind numbingly slow and then it’s completely frazzled. We’re one person short today – we pretty much are shorthanded every Friday, one way or another. Duane hates us to take off on Mondays but I think Fridays are worst. I usually try to take Wednesdays, since I work a shorter day that day anyways. I’m losing less hours.

I’m glad I’m not working tomorrow and glad to have a day with the girls planned… Sarabeth, Jamie, Stasha and maybe even Jessie. Two little girls and two big girls. For the lady with four brothers and three sons. It’s good to have girls in my life too. I was destined to be a boy mommy and I think I was a pretty good boy mommy… but it’s nice to have girl time too.

I guess that’s it for now. Hope you have a great weekend, whatever you’re doing… love and hugs!

More Thankful Thursday

Things that made me smile today:

I made it through the whole day. I really wanted to call in sick today... but after talking it over with God, I decided I needed the hours. And so I went... and at one point today... I was the only one there... last man standing... I'm so grateful that He gives me the strength to do what I gotta do...

I had a great time of Bible study on lunch today... in the shadow of the Walmart sign... right there in Cornelia... It was warm but there was a nice breeze occasionally and it was good to have that time... And I learned a few things. Well, I guess I should say that I pondered a few things... like how God's timing is different from our timing... and how we get ahead of God and how we sometimes really make a mess of things by doing that. I was reading in Genesis, in case you were wondering. Chapters 8-17. Mostly 16 and 17.

I'm really excited about Big Brother tonight. It's a guilty pleasure, I admit.

I was thinking today about how at peace I've become about my romantic future. There was a time (a minute and a half ago) (ok, maybe a little bit longer) that I would panic at the thought of being single *gasp* forever. "Will it ever happen for me?" "Am I destined to be the lonely old maid aunt?" And it really tormented me. Then there was Crunch-n-munch and I knew I was nowhere near ready for any kind of relationship. And then there was this other guy who was an amazing man of God but God kept whispering to my heart "he's not the one"... and I threw a real fit with God and said, "That last falling in love episode almost killed me... how will I ever. EVER. have the courage to do that again?"

And He said... "Give me your heart and I will give it to the one who deserves it". And that settled it for me. And I don't worry. And He has met every need. And... all of a sudden... I'm really not lonely... and not fearful... and finding patience I never had before... and there is no frantic search...

Did you know that butterflies won't land on you if you're moving? You have to be very still. God told me for a year in Jacksonville to "Be still and know that I am God". I'm being still. And seeing possibilities without having to work to make things fit. I'm not getting ahead of Him. I'm letting Him decide who deserves my heart.

At rest in Him is a beautiful place. If you've never been there, I'd like to invite you to not just visit but to go there and live. I'm trying to take up permanent residence there.

I got a letter in the mail from my grandmother today. She talks about how much she enjoyed Sarabeth's baptism. She said, "she's a very brave girl" and my heart swelled with pride as if she were my own child. It was a sweet letter and it made me feel treasured... and I thought about how God loves us like we're His only child.

And then... Austin told me that I need to go to school for a meeting with him next week. The meeting is about the pig he's going to be raising. PIG. It's part of his Future Farmers of America club. Which totally cracks me UP! He will have to go every day and feed it and ... the other things that you do with animals. I found out later that he had a choice between calf, pig and goat. And chose pig.

Candice... when you come... I'll take you to see the pig. And then you can tell all your friends in New York City about your nephew's pig. Sooooueeee! Or maybe when you tell the story it will be Bryan's nephew and you won't claim him...

Seriously... every time I start to get depressed... I'm gonna think about Austin raising a pig... that makes me smile.

Thankful thursday

Happiness Is…

A call from my 85 year old grandmother, telling me she’s praying for me.
Passing my sister-in-law on the road for the second morning in a row.
Being able to keep up with 600 of my closest friends via facebook. *smile*
Thursday.
Knowing that the weekend is coming.
A checking account with numbers in the positive the day before payday.
A full pantry.
Thinking about doing some advance meal prep to take advantage of the full pantry.
A second cup of coffee.
Saving $50 on coffee since switching from the prepared k-cups to “fill it yourself” six weeks ago.
Health insurance.
Good medical care.
The things that God knows that He’s taking care of even before I know.
New friends.
Old friends.
Friends I have yet to make.
Sharpie markers.
Internet.
Halls cough drops.
Hot tea.
Splenda.
Having lunch with my brother, my friend Stasha and my niece within the space of a week.
Air conditioning.
Hair conditioner.
Getting my next CT scan and Pulmonary function test scheduled already.
Teachable moments. Things that take us out of our comfort zone. Times that require us to depend on the Lord. Opportunity for growth. Peace that passes understanding. Not being defined by circumstances.
Payday. Paid bills.
Hope.

no surprises...

I'm home from seeing Dr. Brown who is a native New Yorker, left handed and has a great sense of humor. He and his wife visited Helen for the first time last weekend and he was amazed at how crowded it is...

I still have bronchitis. It is probably viral, since it hasn't responded to antibiotics. It's NOT pneumonia ... although there are times that I swear I have pneumonia.

There are old granulomas in my lungs. It's scar tissue. It's completely benign and probably harmless. They're going to do lung function tests on me to make sure. They're also going to do another CT scan. These tests will help set markers for what MY normal is. That way, in the future, if I get sick, we'll know just how sick I am.

It's like any other chronic disorder... it just has to be managed. Dr. Brown wants to treat me as if I have asthma (although I probably don't) and reflux (which I probably don't) because the bronchitis is causing a reactive airway response. This will treat the symptoms.

It is most likely that all of the little ailments I have had over the past few years are related to the granulomatous disease in some measure... sinus cyst, nevus sebaceous, catching colds easily and being slow to heal... all related to some degree.

It is possible that I have some allergy issues as well, which were exacerbated when I moved here where the climate is slightly different. I was offered a referral to the ENT ... which I declined for now... none of that is making the bronchitis any better or worse and I don't want to run from specialist to specialist. PLUS... I'd rather have the lung function data first.

At any rate... had I not gotten bronchitis, I might not have ever known about the rest of it. How many things happen in our lives that are a surprise or a concern to us but are no surprise to God? Ok... so nothing is a surprise to God... but the point is that all of our life stretches before us as a great unknown but He knows... "all of the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be". Psalm 139:16

Faith is just the bridge that takes us from the problem we know about to the solution God has already worked out for us.

I'm going to bed early tonight... Dr. Brown said, "I know you have to be worn out"... ummm... yeah... as a matter of fact... now that you mention it... I could whine a bit about being run down. But instead... I'll just be glad for the things that have been revealed to me over the past year and the resources, by the grace of God, to deal with them.

just a little touch of Whiny Wednesday

It’s never a good sign when your blender burns up while you’re trying to make your breakfast smoothie. It was louder than usual… and then it started smelling funny. I know blenders don’t last too long, especially the cheap ones. I’m grateful for the two months of service it gave us. Really, I am. Blenders and vacuums don’t last long in my house. Not sure why (Austin).

I had to remember to bring my chest xrays with me this morning to give to the pulmonologist. It takes too long to type pulmonologist so we will be referring to him by name from this point on – Dr. Brown. To make sure I didn’t forget the xrays, I put them on the floor in front of my bedroom door, with the assumption that if I had to trip over them, I wouldn’t be able to overlook them. I bet you’re thinking I forgot them… aren’t you? No. I didn’t. That wasn’t the point of this paragraph. Stubby the 3legged Wondercat MOVED the xrays… I heard a rustling sound and that durn cat was pushing the xrays out of the doorway with his head… moved them halfway across the bedroom. So I moved them to the back door… he seemed satisfied with that. I don’t know why it bothered him for them to be on the floor in my room… maybe because he thinks that’s his room and because all of his “toys” congregate there in the middle of my floor. Last night he was playing with the cap off a bottle of conditioner. I suppose he thinks my toys are silly too…. Remote control… laptop…

I dreamed last night that my car overheated in the parking lot of an Autozone and that Michael was there but wouldn’t help. Anyone want to take a Freudian stab at that one? In the dream Michael wouldn’t give me his cellphone number so I kept trying to call his old number. Then Verizon called to see if I wanted cellphone records of Michael’s last 8 months of phone calls. Really, really not. (I have purposed to know as little about his life as possible – although I do ask Stephen how he and Bobby are from time to time) Then they told me that my old cellphone I had while I was married to Michael was no longer in service. I thanked them and told them I was relieved. I don’t know why this was on my mind last night other than the anxiety about the appointment with Dr. Brown today. When I feel like my life is out of control, I frequently have this dream where I’m in high school and I’ve forgotten my locker combination or lost my schedule. I guess the “abandoned by my husband in my time of need” dreams will be new pattern.

I am anxious. Not in the “bad things are gonna happen” sense. I’m anxious in the sense of “Please God let this man have a solution”. I don’t care what’s in my lungs as long as it’s benign and dormant. It’s the coughing, being out of breath and feeling like there’s an elephant on my chest that I can’t deal with…. And the sore throat… and being hoarse… I just want there to be an answer. Easy and painless and cheap answer. I have my notebook ready… listing all the symptoms, diseases, treatments, etc that I’ve had ever in my life… from the bronchitis I had in ninth grade to the removal of “that thing on my head” last fall to every single pill they’ve prescribed me for this round of bronchitis. I have the lab reports and radiology reports …. All neatly bound in a white three ring binder.

My sad little tire needed a little air this morning so I stopped in the drizzling rain and took care of that… some “alone on the planet” individuals had parked in front of the air pump so I had to do all kinds of crazy yoga positions to do it… but I did. Got my hands a little dirty… but that never hurts, right? I did miss the smoothie… and the extra tire pumping time wiped out any hope of grabbing breakfast somewhere… but Theresa had an uneaten fruit and yogurt parfait in the fridge that she donated to my cause… and I’m having some stale powdered donuts to get the carbs flowing. My mind is not here today, that’s for sure. I’ll work until 1:30 and then grab lunch, stop by the imaging center for copies of my CT scans and then go see Dr Brown. Sounds friendly enough, right?

I saw Angie while I was driving to work this morning. That’s always a good sign for me. She drives west while I drive east… down the same little stretch of highway… so our paths cross often. She takes Sarabeth to school. Jim takes Jamie. It’s hard to miss Angie in her big, white Cadillac that was handed down to her from her grandma. She has a big tag hanging from the rearview mirror that indicates what child she is picking up from the carpool line at the elementary school. I’m probably harder to spot in my nondescript little Nissan. Usually I’m praying and watching for stupid driver tricks – like sudden braking – failure to yield – you can be lulled into a sort of peaceful driving coma on these scenic country roads. I’m always on the lookout for some random future road kill… deer… skunks… bunnies… My friend Natalie has been having trouble with bears getting into her trash can. You never know what you’re gonna come across up here!

I’ll try to update via twitter to facebook whenever I’m finished this afternoon. Hopefully I’ll be finished in time to have dinner at church at 5pm… Sarabeth was trying to come up with a logistical plan for me to be able to make it to dinner in time. “Can you… come have dinner first and THEN go get Austin?” She’s such a problem solver. Even at six… being the firstborn of firstborns… she’s going to do great things in her life. To make it to dinner on time I have to be finished in Gainesville no later than 4:30.

Anyways… hope you all have a great day… love and hugs!

My possibility bag

My "possibility bag" - named by my little friend Zoey - because it's "full of all the things I could possibly need"... is overflowing. Since I have nothing exciting to blog about... tonight I'm blogging the contents of my Possibility Bag.

one black and white print scarf
a goody bag of pens from Servpro
a jumbo bag of cherry flavored halls cough drops
a cellphone - turned off
a digital camera
the book "Under His Wings" by Patsy Clairmont
a large cucumber from Shirley's neighbor's garden
an alligator clip - large
a pack of azo standard pills
a list of what I'm supposed to do for my budget meeting next week
a booklet "The Word For You Today" from December, January and February from the Torch church - where Duane and Ginger go to church (it was left in her desk)
my "fauxch" wallet - it's the Target imitation of coach
my business cards
two empty pill bottles so I'll remember to refill them
a fork
a spoon
a sucker with the State Farm logo on it
a ziploc bag with change
dental floss
altoids
six different color lip glosses
a tube of lotion
orajel
a cat

Ok. The cat's not really IN my Possibility Bag. He's just highly interested in what's going on in there. He routinely boxes with the Gator on the front of my bag. Right now he's conquering the cucumber.

Time for Big Brother.

Hope you're carrying a bag full of possibility too. Love and hugs!

my tuesday... so far...

I had lunch with Sarabeth today… definitely one of the perks of living up here in the hills… being so close to her school. Nothing beats the look on her face when she saw me stick my head into her first grade classroom today. Nothing. Not a new pack of sharpies. Not a pajama day. Not a big old Styrofoam container of sweet tea. Not banana pudding with cool whip. No kinda nothin’ nowhere is better than seeing her face light up and hearing her say with pride, “that’s my Aunt Heather”. I hope she’s always that excited to see me!

Even better was the fact that kids in her class remembered me from last year. I love having roots. I love knowing the kids’ names. I took coloring books for all the kids in the class (from State Farm, of course). It’s free advertising for the agency and I don’t mind being the cool aunt who brought stuff for the kids. Hoping that I’ll be able to have lunch with her often. They eat pretty early, which makes for a long afternoon for me, but it’s so worth it!

Next year Jamie will be at the same school as Sarabeth – I’m not really ready for Jamie to be in kindergarten yet so we won’t talk much about that – but then I’ll have to do a two-fer lunch- and see both of them. Sarabeth was so sweet about it… she said, “She’ll be at the same school but she’ll be on a different hall so I won’t hardly see her”… Awwww… I said, “well, you’ll get to ride to school together…” Right now Jamie’s school is a little too far for me to go in a normal lunch hour.

Still having the feeling of having swallowed broken glass. About the only thing that helps is hot tea… and it has to be right at the perfect temperature. When it is… I drink a bunch and then I take four potty breaks in the next hour. Crazy. Altoids sorta help – the mint stuff. Either way, whatever I do, I’m so OVER it. *whine* *complain* You get the picture.

Trying to think of anything else exciting and new to talk about… hmmm… oh, I was THAT mom today. Austin had left for the bus stop and I noticed his agenda laying on the kitchen table. I was dressed but my hair was soaking wet … I walked to the bus stop barefooted with wet hair to take the agenda to him. I couldn’t help but laugh when I got back to the house and realized what I looked like… *teehee*… at least I didn’t have rollers in my hair and a housecoat on.

Theresa and I just did our Lucy and Ethel in the candy factory impression. She was trying to generate a list of people over 50 for potential life sales. I showed her where to retrieve the list. She was going to take it from there. You can print a summary or you can print a detailed list. She picked the detailed list instead of the summary. The detailed list was going to be 125 pages. She tried to delete the print job. It didn’t work. I tried to help her… and paper was shooting out of the printer so fast! We were sticking those sheets of paper everywhere. I mean… we RECYCLED that paper… Kelli… honestly! Now we’re wondering who will try to print from that printer next and what will happen….

Anyways… y’all have a great day. More later, if anything blogworthy happens.