monday update... it's been 12 days....

I started a blog entry this morning but it went something like this, "I haven't had any sleep and I'm in so much pain" ... and I just kept re-writing the same idea over and over again.
So if you're wondering how I am... I haven't had any sleep and I'm in a lot of pain.
That's about all I can tell you.
My time frame for healing was different, it seems, than reality.
Everything I read about this type of surgery indicated a recovery period of 2-4 weeks. It's not two weeks yet and I'm frustrated.
I can tell improvement since this time last week.
I still am no where near being able to sit up for any length of time.
I haven't gotten my appetite back.
My sleep schedule is all off whack.
I'm in a lot of pain. You think you know... once you have kids... you think you have conquered the worst pain possible...and if you've lived with chronic pain for the past year like I have, you think... pain is pain... I can handle it.
I'm here to tell you... I can't handle it.
Like... I can't tell you how many times, just in the past twenty four hours, that I've thought... this is INSANE.. and have found myself in tears.
It was different when I had the pain pump.
It was different when I was still on the major narcotic medication.
I guess that's why I thought that I should be better... otherwise, I would have more pain pills left. Right?
The cupboards are bare. It's time to pay my first of the month bills. I'm supposed to work TOMORROW and I can't even sit up.
It really stinks.
I haven't even checked on my Farmville in days.
I haven't washed my hair in days.
And why did they move the Rose Parade to the 2nd? I was so confused about when New Year's Eve was because the Rose Parade wasn't on yesterday... so it couldn't be New Year's Day.
But today is the 2nd. So. Yesterday must have been New Year's Day.
I can't remember the last time I ate. There's a spoon with peanut butter residue on it beside my bed. Apparently, at some point, I ate peanut butter.
And seriously, I haven't had narcotics in a week. I just have been in such a haze of pain that I can't think straight.
I've taken a lot of baths... it's the only thing that helps... and poor little kitty, he gets so concerned when I'm in the tub. I guess because he is afraid of water... he makes the saddest little whimper whenever I'm in the tub... he puts his two front paws on the side of the tub and makes his little whimper until I tell him I'm ok... but he keeps his eyes on me until I get out of the tub and towel off.
So.
That's the deal.
I'm not sleeping. I'm in a lot of pain and. that's it.
Happy New Year.