My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Thankful for a Thursday off

I worked 9-2 on Monday, drove from Fayetteville to Morrow to pick up Marquee from school, came home and crashed.

I worked 11:30-4:30 Tuesday. I had some errands to run before work. We were shorthanded at work and I worked my tail off. I came home from work and crashed.

I worked 9-2 Wednesday, was insanely busy, doing three or four things at once, had a lunch meeting and therefore had to actually put what I was working on aside and get my usual five hour work day completed in three and a half hours. I came home absolutely worn out. Mom and dad had a potluck dinner at church. I didn't go (you know, since I'm home-churched) and had decided just to eat cantaloupe for dinner but my sweet mama brought me back a plate with fried chicken, potatoes, potato salad, deviled eggs, congealed salad, corn casserole, beans... I mean, it was a feast! God bless the good Christian women at Riverdale First Baptist. I spent the evening curled up in the nest feeling so exhausted that every breath was an effort and then I couldn't get to sleep until after midnight.

I'm off work today, Praise the Lord. I still have that overwhelming feeling of complete exhaustion. My limbs feel like they're filled with lead. I can barely keep my eyes open but I can't go to sleep either.

I'm working harder in the twenty hours a week at this new office than I did in forty hours a week at the old office. The main difference is that the old office included long stretches of nothing to do, I could have easily done that job in four hours a day which would have been - like it is in my new office - a win/win situation - no hours on the clock where productivity has waned - and reducing the stress on my spine. No way in the world would I have walked away from that situation with the economy like it is... but if it took going through that season of uncertainty to get to this season of blessing where I can still use my gifts and talents in a time frame that I can endure and feel productive and valued, then I'm glad to have been through what I've been through.

That's the problem with suffering... you don't always get to peek to the end of the story to see how it turns out. Many people suffer without ever finding the blessing from the burden. I'm a creative girl with an active imagination and, for the most part, an optimistic view of life and even I couldn't see this kind of work opportunity as the next chapter. Something kept holding me back from filing disability. Three doctors told me I could qualify. I just felt like there had to be more for me.

I'm struggling to keep my energy level up working 20 hours a week. I haven't had the strength to be much help to mama and daddy. I have basically just sat and stared at Cody when he comes over after work. I'm not lazy... I'm seriously unable to move. I know there are a few of you out there who deal with these same sorts of episodes of fatigue and I'd love to hear from you. I try to push myself to do a "plus one"... work plus one more thing every day. One day it was picking up prescriptions. One day it was picking up my daughter-in-law. One day it was cooking dinner. One day it was filling my gas tank. Today it's doing laundry.

I'm hoping that this day off will give me the strength I need to get back to "plus two" or three or more. I still have so many projects that I want to complete - reading Granddaddy's book - inscribing Grandma's bible (that Pop asked me to do weeksssss ago, I just haven't felt very articulate) working on the genealogy, organizing my wardrobe rack/closet.

And I'm also hoping that this season of struggle brings forth blessings... and that my Spirit is awakened enough to recognize them as blessings. I'm not crazy. I'm not lazy. Sometimes I'm hazy. But I'm always glad for every day, especially a day in the Nest!

If you would, pray for my friend Stephanie. She is having heart surgery today and her family is really worried. Also, a good friend who is having a lot of health problems with no real answer in sight... and Missie, who is dealing with a broken jaw and seizures. I could go on and on... I am not the only person in cyber space with obstacles. May we all overcome them with grace and faith! Love and hugs, y'all!


Lisa said...

Yes ma'am, struggle like this every single day. I used to feel horribly guilty for not having the ability to do more but now? Not so much. I do what I can, when I'm able and I choose to feel blessed for whatever accomplishments I make during a day even if they are small. It's DIFFICULT b/c people do have the notion we're lazy when that isn't the case. We can't worry about how others see us. We know we're doing our best. That's what matters. xo

Adirondackcountrygal said...

I struggle daily with pain and fatigue also. I just have bad days where I want to lay in bed all day. I try to do some housework but even the thought of having to go to the store or something like that seems overwhelming.
You hang in there and I will too!