My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Reasons I Didn't Share Reasons to Love Monday Yesterday

I had a few Reasons to Love Monday that I meant to share yesterday...
but then I fell back asleep until 8am since I am now more of a night owl and can sleep late. Not teenager late but much, much later than I used to.
And then it was time to get a shower and get ready for work.
And then it was time to go to work.
And then I was super busy but not as busy as some days so I got to chat with my sister-in-law's mother - it was insurance related but still very good to hear how well she's doing.
And then I got home and was wiped out so I took a nap.
And then I was grumpy because a dog woke me up from my nap.
And then I watched the Jodi Arias trial.
And then I ate cheetos so my fingers were too orange to type.
And then my granddoggie wanted to sit with me for a split second (he has ADD).
And then my middle son stopped by to pick up his doggie.
And then my oldest called for a little chat.
And then Pop brought me my dinner and I went into guard my plate from dogs mode.
And then I wanted to catch up on my online games.
And then the CSPAN History channel series on First Ladies came on - this time on Sarah Polk and the two that followed her whose names escape me at the moment.
And then my night meds kicked in and I was drowsy and I'm afraid of drowsy blogging so I went to bed.
And then I watched the Kardashians on Chelsey Handler's show which was the depths of depravity.
And then I tossed and turned and saw every hour on the clock because of the pain. Some nights are like that.
And now I realize that all those things above, most of them anyways, are Reasons to Love Monday.

So now it's Tuesday and I'm off today. This week I'm working Monday, Wednesday and Friday which suits me fine.
I'm in a stinkin' ugly amount of pain today, which I mention just for the sake of record keeping. Hot, cramping pain on my left side, muscle spasms in my lower back, a little bit of burning from the heating pad which I'm stubbornly using this morning because the muscle spasms hurt worse than the recovering burns. That's just how it works.

I very much am loving this photo from Sunday from my friend Natalie's wedding. As I've mentioned before, Natalie's first husband suffered from bipolar disorder and tragically committed suicide several years ago. He was my brother's best friend. You can find out more about sweet Natalie at her blog site www.natalieflake.com . The Lord has greatly blessed Natalie, all these years later with a Godly man, Jeff, who I haven't met but who seems to have won the hearts of those who love Natalie and, more importantly, Natalie herself. That's my big brother performing the ceremony and he doesn't take that responsibility lightly. He won't marry a couple who hasn't gone through counseling with him. And that's my sweet bonus niece, Jorjanne, to the left of the photo looking very, very grown up. I love her like she's my own.
And how much do I love my brother's smirk in this photo? He had a marathon day on Sunday. Our Pastor's mother died Saturday so Bubba had to preach in his place and then perform Natalie and Jeff's ceremony. He is a worker bee so he took it all in stride. He used to be the shy one of us and I used to speak up for him in the same way that Jamie used to speak up for Sarabeth although lately, Sarabeth has found her voice.

Keep my girls, all three, Sarabeth, Jamie and Jorjanne in your prayers this evening as they perform in the Kiwanis Talent Show. Soooo very much wish I had the "get up and go" to be able to stand the quick round trip to the mountains and sitting through two hours or more of Talent Show. I can't but I know there will be someone out there who posts videos and/or photos of my little super stars. Thank you Facebook friends for enabling me to see things I would never otherwise see and go places I am unable to go. I brings me more joy than I can tell you. Here are a few more photos that warmed my heart from Sunday's ceremony. (I am using these photos without permission but hoping it's ok to share with you.... )

Compare this sweet girl with the photo on the left border of my blog. She's grown so much... and she's grown so lovely!

















I have known Natalie for many, many years and have never seen her smile so bright. That, my friends, is proof that God can bring healing to our hearts and I am greatly encouraged by the miracle He has brought to her life. Her book, Tears to Joy,  is still for sale and you can find a link to purchase it on her website, mentioned above. There are only a few people who have crossed my path over the years who I felt truly modeled the Love of Christ in their lives and she is one of them. She is the one who introduced me to the term, "Singles Awareness Day" for Valentines Day... and I am thrilled that she will no longer be celebrating that bittersweet day. I prayed for her, almost daily, for many, many years that God would bring a life partner into her life and grant her the desires of her heart.

For me, God has changed my mind about the need for a partner and so my prayer has changed accordingly. I have prayed for peace in my heart to accept what He has designed for my life and I truly have it. I no longer have the desire to find a man and I have to tell you, it feels like being released from chains. And honestly, from shame. There is a shame and sadness that comes from being single, feeling alone and rejected and I know some of you have wrestled with that. There is so much peace in knowing that it is ok to be single, if that is what God means for you.

I love how this brings Natalie full circle. And I love the healing that it brings for my brother... who hurt so much for Natalie as her husband Michael struggled with his issues... and who comforted Natalie in her grief when Michael took his life... and who, himself, had to work through the grief of losing his dear friend. For Bubba to be able to stand up there and bless Natalie's next marriage... well, that's a beautiful story if you ask me.

So if you are single, this is my message to you today: Seek God's will for your life. If it is meant to be that you will have someone to share your life with, begin praying for him or her today. Trust God's timing. Don't force a relationship as I did, more than once, accepting less than God intends for you, allowing hardship and heartache to be a part of your life.  Wait. Rest. Know that God is sovereign. Know that God loves us more than we love ourselves and know that He prepares a perfect future for you.

There was a time in my marriage with Michael that a mammogram came back with some questionable results and further testing was necessary. When I poured out my fears to my (then) husband, his response was, "Oh great. I marry a girl and less than a year later I have to deal with breast cancer." He. had. to. deal. Not me. He wasn't concerned about my fears, just his inconvenience. He even called his mother and had her comfort me because he didn't have it in him. Was this God's will for me? Not the loving image of the God I know. In the end, everything came back fine and later I found that he was already involved at that time with someone else.

I have pondered many times over the past few years about how well he would have accepted my real medical crisis' that I have dealt with, knowing that it wasn't in him to share that part of the vows - "in sickness and in health". I am so grateful not to have to carry the burden of guilt for being a burden to him or anyone else. And I have rejected several requests for dates over these past few years knowing that I am not willing to risk that kind of response to any further deterioration in my health. I am not willing to trust that someone else can bear that burden with me. It IS a burden. I AM a drag. I DON'T go far or do much and I would make a terrible life partner now.

And this is why I have peace about my life. I am where I am intended to be for this season in life. That's not to say that God won't change my life or my heart in the future. Happiness is finding peace where you are and I am grateful for the peace He gave me.

Praying that you all have a wonderful Tuesday! Love and hugs!

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