Sorry it's been so long since I updated. Life has been happening a lot around here and in the pauses in the action I'm either (a) too drained to write or (b) it's better if I don't share my thoughts until I can make them more Christ-like/positive/uplifting/etc.
We went to the OB with Tasha on Thursday which was interesting for so many reasons - not the least of which having to "pull over right now, she's going to throw up" and the closest place to stop was The Demorest City Cemetary. The kids are sure that the zombies are going to get us for that one. They did an ultrasound so we both got to see the bitty baby AND hear his heartbeat. Due to his heart rate of 174, my early gender guess is BOY. We asked the technician about the whole concept of placenta placement revealing the gender and she said... well this one is posterior, not left or right. Austin says that means it's a hermaphrodite. :shakes head: Austin is very tactile - must touch everything - imagine that in a OB/GYN office. Fun times.
At any rate... the baby looks great, his due date is 5/5/15 which is such a cool birthday, even though I know first babies never come on their due date. Except my brother Jim and if you know Jim, you know how perfect that is! So we have a Cinco de Mayo baby.
As exciting as all of that is it has been an emotionally exhausting week for me. Austin in relationships means him not always getting all the social cues of knowing what is expected of him in this situation. It's all new. It also, unfortunately, adds a new group of people with opinions about how he is supposed to act - people who don't yet really understand his quirks and how the surest way to lose him is to make him feels pressured to behave a certain way. And in our situation it's a clash of parenting styles among grandparents with hers being much more confrontational and mine being my tried and true - "sit back, let them figure things out between them and offer advice/support when asked".
All of this means that Austin wants to be where he feels safe and supported and loved and comfortable - which is the Whine Cellar - and Tasha feels sick and exhausted and overwhelmed with all that is happening and wants to be where she feels safe and loved and so forth, which is her home with her parents AND Austin. It has been a huge bone of contention and I, as usual, am Austin's ambassador to the world and the world's ambassador to Austin and it. wears. me. out. We love Tasha and I enjoy having her here but I'm a homebody myself. I know that when I'm not feeling good I want to be where I'm comfortable.
We've also been blessed to have some precious time with people who are precious to us - Uncle John (my mom's youngest brother) and Aunt Gerri, our usual weekly visits of the beloved redheads and two brief visits from Cody and Marquee as they dropped off/picked up Sammy on the bookends of their trip to Disney World this weekend. Many people who make our lives richer and deeper and a lot of social time for this introvert.
I had one big cross-stitch project that I was working from a Spanish pattern that I snagged from Pinterest that the further I got into it, the more I realized something was lost in translation because it just didn't look like the picture at all. It drives me nuts to start a project and not finish it, not to mention the lost time and materials but it was never going to be something that I would be proud to give. I'm so excited to put a little love and a lot of prayer into every gift I give this year and I love that it's something that I can do with my "budget" (of no money at all). However... the days are ticking by and I've still got many, many projects to do.
We're also, as collective grands of the wee one, in very different places on this "getting ready for baby" planet. I have no money at all and medical expenses every month put me in the negative but... almost certainly before he gets here, I will have had my disability hearing and either (a) received a chunk of change or (b) be even broker than I was before with a huge attorney bill to pay. Under situation (a), I'm happy to take care of many baby needs. Under situation (b) I have nothing to contribute. They (the other grands) want me to participate in the shopping process NOW which I can't do because... I can't just wander around stores, I don't have that luxury and I can't share in the expense because I have no money. I know there's a limited amount of time to get ready but that doesn't change my circumstances. It is returning me to Darby-level anxiety (but not Darby-level depression, I'm ok.). Her mom wants to bond. I'm not a bonder. I once was but life - and pain - has changed that. And pushing me towards that makes me want to run and hide.
So that's where I've been. Dealing with stuff. Seeing people. Sewing. And now some pictures:
Dipped into the thirties here last night therefore we have had a lovely fog on the lake this morning.
And that's all, folks! Love and hugs!
5 comments:
Oh boy. Your mind is full. I wish I had some words of wisdom or something that I could say here, but unfortunately I have nothing to offer you. I do think it's a bit early to be shopping for the baby. I really don't know. Ugh. This is way more stress that you do not need.
I haven't been reading regularly so maybe there's something I have missed.
Maybe I should just delete this comment for now because I don't want to be negative.
It will all be OK eventually.
m~
LOL! Thanks for the comment. I haven't been writing a lot lately so I doubt you have missed anything. Life is just happening fast!
Heather,
I always read all the words. I enjoy the pictures too. Don't try to do more than you can. You help more of us than you know just by being yourself and sharing.
Awesome photos Heather! I feel your pain with being forced to socialise with people. I too much prefer the company of my fur babies. And if I do go out its because I'm ready to. I hate it when im pushed. Anxiety levels through the roof! I agree with your parenting style and have the same 'leave them be' attitude. It has always worked for me. Hugs from Oz...xxx
The leave them be attitude only works if the kids' are motivated. Sometimes you have to remind them that it just isn't about them anymore. They have to find a way to make it on their own and care and provide for the baby now. Not sure how your son will react/handle all this responsibility. You may have to guide him so that this girl isn't taking all the load as you did as a young mom.
Also, have you ever tried taking magnesium supplements? My husband started taking them for back pain and is so much better. He takes them daily and I know when he runs out from the groaning of pain returning.
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