Throwback Thursday - June 7 - what's changed over the years?

Time once again to look back on this day in Blog History... which also, as it turns out, is a flash back in Presidential history. The post I wrote on this day in 2016 expressed my concerns about the possibility of a Clinton vs. Trump election and how I felt about each candidate. I wish we could go back to the innocence of that Summer, especially of that time. There's so much division in our country now and it breaks my heart. Speaking of being divided, this post was written about a week and a half before Cosy was taken out of our life for two months... I was recovering from my hysterectomy... I compared the difference between Oliver and Cosy's approach to playing with dolls. There was such a bad storm brewing and I had no idea at that moment. It's important to embrace today because you don't ever know what lies ahead, do you?

I'm cheating by one day on my post from 2014 because I didn't post on this day that year and the post from June 8 is a question and answer post that was fun for me to look back on... I hope it will be for you. One question that I'll go ahead and include here for you to answer: what is on your Summer Reading List? I don't read enough. Partly because of migraines and partly because I'm a couch potato. What SHOULD I be reading? Tips? Suggestions?

In 2013, I was adjusting to being at home full time. On this particular day I was dealing with quite a bit of pain and I came to an epiphany about how being a chronic pain patient was going to change my life. At this point I was already two years into this rocky road and was STILL trying to figure it all out. Now, seven years in, I feel like an expert because I've gone through so much trial and error. I also realize that it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to do what you need to do to feel comfortable - it's not selfish, what's selfish is putting yourself in a situation where you're no good at all to anyone, yet it's also ok to take risks and stretch your boundaries at times. I've been to two concerts in the past six months WITH A WALKER! The key is to build a support network of people you can trust to help you navigate the difficult parts. The bulk of my support comes from three guys who are not by nature cuddly/maternal/emotional people but they all three love me enough to help me get through life. I'm talking about my youngest son, my dad and my sweetheart. They know how to help me because I TELL them what I need, I verbalize my concerns and I trust them to do what I need them to do.

This day in 2012, I found myself feeling particularly grateful for my internet support system... the people who read my blog every day whether they be "real life" friends or people I only know through the internet. I've been blogging off and on since 2004. I've been active on the internet since 1996. The people I've met online, even the ones I've never met in real life, have been constant and consistent and as real to me as the people who live right down the street from me. There's a group of ladies that I refer to as my Blogger Babes and Mother Hens who I know without a doubt are there for me when times get tough. You proved that to me again last Summer during my mom's illness. You sent me flower and texts and cards and messages and truly, just really sustained me during that time. Internet dating may have been a huge mistake for me but internet friendships are the staff of life for me.

Life was particularly difficult in 2011 because I was still trying to work full-time despite the pain that was literally ruling my life. I was trying to get Austin through high school. I was trying to keep the bills paid and the lights on and food in the refrigerator and it was hard. Somehow though, every day brought a real sense of purpose and little moments of joy. My life is so different now. I come in contact with only a fraction of the people I came in contact with at work. My opportunities to make a difference are fewer but now I have time to take with people. I can go at a slower pace. I can have a more deliberate impact. To everything there is a season. This season of life for me is about quality, not quantity.

For some bizarre reason this post from 2010 went relatively viral (for me). It got 840 views which... at that time I got about 60 views per blog entry. Now it's about double that. These numbers don't matter a HUGE amount but I wouldn't mind growing my readership enough to make a little pocket money every month. Social Security doesn't go far, trust me. It's a basically unremarkable blog post so I have NO idea why it got so many views but... maybe posting the link will bring me a few new readers. If you know someone who might enjoy my style of blogging and the topics that I cover (toddlers, living with chronic pain, dating at 50, etc), please share my link! I don't expect to get rich but doubling my readership would at least pay my pharmacy co-pay every month.

Life comes full circle for us. I was reminded of this while reading my blog post from 2009. I talk about a lady who was feeling a lot of bitterness toward her ex-husband. In one of the newer blog posts on this day in history, about two years afterwards, I think, I talked about her son and how he was such a big part of Austin's life. You just never know how the seeds you plant today might bloom in the future. You never know what bridge you might have to cross again.

That's it. I hope you enjoyed this look back with me. I'll have a Food Friday post tomorrow (hopefully) about a really awesome restaurant that Marvin and I visited on Wednesday. Love and hugs, y'all!

My Weekly Schedule -

It's been a long time since I've talked about what I do with my time. As you probably know, I've been on Disability since May of 2013. I haven't worked in FIVE YEARS! It took a bit longer to get Social Security Disability approved but even that has been nearly three years. Actually, it's time for Social Security to review my case... but I got a notice recently that they were not going to review me at this time. They're satisfied, I guess, that I'm still unable to work and I think that's a fair assessment. It would be impossible for me to consistently go to a job several times a week. My back pain is worse than it was when I was approved and my migraines are much more frequent. I would be a lousy employee. 

I DO stay busy in my own way which is... mentally active but physically I have to be very careful if I want to be able to keep my pain manageable. I generally find if I have a busy day then the next day or two I'm going to feel pretty lousy. Austin still doesn't drive (anyone want to teach him? Please? It's so hard for me!) so I am still responsible for his transportation to work... I am still responsible for picking Cosy up and taking her home when we have her most of the time, although Tasha's parents have been good to get her back and forth when I'm not at home. 

A normal week usually looks like this for me...

• Monday - take Austin to work, pick Austin up from work... take him to the bank if it's payday but otherwise it's usually a quiet day for me. I watch a lot of stuff on Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc. I play games on my phone. I love watching Instagram stories. I watch stuff on YouTube. I study my Italian... those things are true for most days when I'm home... and true in smaller amounts when I'm at my sweetie's house. 
• Tuesday - pick Cosy up whenever she wakes up, run errands like grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, get gas, do laundry, take Cosy home... pack and then go to Marvin's house in time for his softball game. I refer to Tuesday as date night although I'm there longer than just Tuesday night. For dinner we usually will go to Twisted Taco either by ourselves or with his softball buddies. Tuesday is a long day for me and I'm usually wiped out by the time softball is over. Sometimes we will watch tv together after softball but most of the time I'm just ready to go to sleep so he watches sports while I fall asleep.  
• Wednesday - Marvin and I usually sleep as late as we can and then watch a lot of tv. We go out for lunch and sometimes do a little shopping then come back and review his questions for trivia that night. I always love going over the trivia questions with him... I'm really, really bad at it so it's more fun for me if I ask him the questions but it's faster for him to ask me (or just read over them) so he can get them in the order he wants to ask them. If there's time we will watch tv or sometimes we just play on our phones or listen to music until time for him to leave for work. Once he leaves I commence spa night and soak in the tub / do face masks / shave my legs... all the girly maintenance stuff that I don't manage to do when I shower at home because Cosy usually hangs out in the bathroom with me while I shower. On Wednesday nights he gets home fairly early so we will usually watch an episode or two of whatever series we're binging on at the time. It's a late night for me but I will have slept late that morning and I will sleep late the next morning so it's ok. 
• Thursday - is another day to sleep in unless we have chores / errands to run / things to do / people to see. Depending on what he's got on his agenda we might go out for lunch or sometimes we cook at home. I usually go home mid/late afternoon. It makes me a little sad to go home BUT... I'm always happy to be at home, if that makes sense. I could probably do a whole blog post on this. I love being away from home for a little bit every week. It's good to have a break from the responsibilities, it's a healthy thing for me mentally to not be at home ALL the time, especially since I don't work. But I love my nest. I love my own space. I love not being underfoot at Marvin's and not having to be dependent on him to entertain me all the time... which wouldn't work at all be because he works SO much! I love being around for my dad and the needy little dog. I love being close enough to Cosy to see her often. Home is good. What we're doing works for us at this point... so on Thursday I go home. Not gonna lie... sometimes I'm a little tearful on the way home... but just because I know it's going to be several days until I see him again. 
• Friday - I take Austin to work and pick him up from work. Friday looks a lot like Monday but I'm usually a bit more ragged on Friday and less likely to do anything beyond taking Austin back and forth. Sometimes I'll pick up groceries or run little errands here and there but mostly... I rest up from the activity of the past few days. 
• Saturday - Often on Saturday I will pick Cosy up when she wakes up and let her spend the morning with me, especially if it's a Saturday that Oliver is coming up, which happens about once a month. Cosy HATES that we take her dad to work on Saturday. She gets really depressed when he gets out of the car because she LOVES her daddy. I try to cheer her up by doing something special for just the two of us like going to get donuts or playing in Nana's makeup... going to Starbucks... whatever. The main thing is that I like having a couple of hours where it's just Nana and Cosy... or where it's Nana and Cosy and Oliver. These are important relationships for her and also... she lives with her other grandparents and they need a break every now and then. She is really cooperative with me but still... between in and out of the car seat, on and off the potty, etc, it's rough on my back so I don't usually keep her much past lunch time. Sometimes on Saturday if my dad isn't golfing he will pick Austin up from work so whenever Cosy goes home, I can rest. 
• Sunday - is a true day of rest for me. Friday night, Saturdays and Sundays I talk to Marvin on the phone several times a day. Monday / Tuesday / Friday during the day he's at the radio station and we can't really talk. When he's doing trivia we obviously can't really talk, although I do usually talk to him on his way to trivia every night. But when he's delivering pizza... we talk A LOT. I'm usually watching tv / playing games and talking with him on the phone like we're a couple of teenagers. Sometimes Cosy with us on Sunday since Austin is off but usually he has her Tuesday / Thursday and likes to have Sunday to do chores around the house. Most Sundays for me are lay in bed / talk on the phone days. 

And then I go to bed and wake up and do it all again the next week. Every week isn't absolutely identical but I'm a creature of habit and do tend to live life in the same rhythm every week. There are doctors appointments and various other things that happen along the way but for the most part, this is my week. I sleep later now than I used to... most days I'm asleep until 7am. I generally am getting ready to go to sleep around 9pm. I play this online trivia game - HQ - on the phone with Marvin and then I usually am ready to go to sleep when it ends, around 9:15. It may take me a half hour to wind down but it's rare that I'm not asleep by ten. Would my life bore you to tears? I feel like I'm always mentally busy, even juggling several things at once but I rest an awful lot. If you have any questions about what I do... how things are going in my life, feel free to ask... 

Hope you had a good Mother's Day. Mine was exactly what I wanted - quiet. I heard from all my kids but I didn't really "celebrate" so to speak. It's what I needed. Anyways... thanks for reading... love and hugs!