My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Friday, January 23, 2009

better living thru pharmaceuticals

I don't know why I picked that title. It came to me today while I was joking about needing meds to survive our crazy job. Today we had two different people who where in the same accident come in to file claims five minutes apart. I can't give the details but one person was clearly at fault and the other was clearly a victim to someone's carelessness. I am proud to say that within an hour of the accident the victim had an appointment to get her car repaired. I'm there, man! Medicated or not...

Seriously. I do love my job. They got the glass wall put up at the office this afternoon and it looks great. They will take down the brick in my office this weekend. After that it will just be a matter of putting in the new flooring and ... I think I'm getting a real workstation instead of the two tables that have served as my desk for the past three months. Duane asked for my ideas about my workstation. I asked for a chandelier and bean bag chair. Ok, not really. I could NEVER reach my computer from a bean bag chair!

I had a great chat with Duane today about goals for this year, some marketing strategies, my role in the agency, working Saturdays, all that good stuff. I still think he's a great guy and I'm glad to work for him. We have a bank marketing contest coming up so we brainstormed on that. I will be decorating a bank display for our office. Get to let some of my creativity out. Maybe even use sharpie markers....

My friend and former co-worker Whitney "Dub-Shap" Shapiro and I had this mutual fascination with pieces of cardboard or poster board that would find their way into our office. We would drool over the sharpie possibilities. I do love markers. Whit's BF Richie Rich (ok, it's the other way around but my way is cuter) was ranked #3 in customer service at the bank where he works... a major US bank... he was #3 in the entire COUNTRY! He won a fabulous trip to Puerto Rico... which was then cancelled because of the bank bailout. No perks. I told Whitney it was ok... can you imagine going on a trip with the NICEST bank employees in the whole country? Buh-uh-oring! She'd have more fun on a Friday night here in the mountains...

But I will say that I'm snug as a bug with Stubby the 3legged toilet drinking, butt licking wondercat poised beside me. I talked to Dean, who is heading back to Louisville for the weekend and then put the phone down on the bed. Stubby always tries to insinuate himself between me and any objects he perceives as receiving more attention than him... so he is now guarding the phone. If it rings he'll come out of his fur. But he's making durn sure that I'm not going to love the phone. He's already asserted his dominance over the laptop and the remote control. I don't have the bible on the bed tonight (he will usually nudge the pages)... but I do have pulled up on the computer.

Speaking of that... I am pleased to announce that the Frog has been healed from his pebble blockage! There is much rejoicing with the Dean-ettes back in Jax! Score one for the awesome power of prayer! God cares for the sparrow... and the frog. Actually... for me, it was just a beautiful example of faith for a little girl who could use a little something to believe in right now. I am blessed to have never had to survive a divorce (as a child) but I know that there is an epidemic of walking wounded kids from the divorce wars. My own suffered a bit in that respect.

There is no suffering at the mountain hideaway tonight... Austin's best cousin, Devin is spending the night. Devin is loud. He and Austin together are loud but they have a great time together and it gives me a break since Austin is entertained. Money is tight for us until payday... but Austin was resourceful. He dug some hamburger patties out of the freezer to cook for dinner for he and Devin... (instead of the pizza we would normally order) and made tea (instead of having the soda we would normally have)... and found some tortilla chips and salsa and just had their whole evening planned. Devin brought his bb gun so we will head off tomorrow, maybe to Jim and Angie's to hunt milkjugs. Good times.

My comment section has been blown up today. Don't be shy y'all... say what you really feel! Seriously... I would prefer if we could avoid the f-bombs as I am bitter here but not profane. Look... it seems from the surface that there is a lot of unrestrained anger... and there is... but you have to know that the people who were closest to me WATCHED me deteriorate. They bore witness to the craziness in my life and begged me to get out. There were a precious few people in my life who knew what was really going on, who I cried to, who worried, who tried to intervene, all the way up to the day before the wedding. They knew. For that matter, I knew. At any rate, I debated all day about whether to leave the posts up and whether to leave the comments up... and here's the thing: for three years I couldn't say what I wanted to say. Every time I did I would be bullied into removing the posts and removing the comments. Every time I tried to speak my mind, I was hushed. You have no idea the damage that causes to a person over a period of time.

My goal through blogging is to be transparent. This is the real deal. God has been good to me. My faith is stronger than ever. I don't want to glorify the hurt... I want to glorify the healer. I know that unless you understand, at least to some degree, the full extent of the hurt I've felt, you can't understand the amazing healing that is (present tense) taking place in my life. I also know from my experiences here in the blogosphere that there are a lot of hurting people out there. If every post I write is Sunday School squeaky clean, people will think that they have to live a perfect and holy life to have a relationship with God. Let me tell you... Jesus came to save that which was lost. Jesus came for the least of these. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.... all of it... my bitterness, my imperfections, my dramatic tendencies... and I know that my calling is to help those who feel uncomfortable around "churchy" people to feel like they can identify with a God who heals.

I have read back over the posts from yesterday a few dozen times and they will remain a part of the story. They are truth. They are the closest we have gotten to truth in my blogs since April 1, 2006, the day I met Michael. There is some amazing, fabulous, exciting and... well, less dramatic, stuff going on in my life now and I am thrilled to be here... thrilled at the opportunities that present themselves to me.... thrilled to be alive, to be on the road to good health... thrilled to have a loving church family.... and I am blessed to have friends who love me so passionately that as soon as the gloves are off, they are ready to jump in and unload. It's ugly.... but it's just the ashes that are left... there will be beauty to come from these ashes. You now know our starting point, our "before picture"... and now you can rejoice with me with my successes.

I love you all.

PS to Robert... your postcard made me laugh out loud. Have I told you lately that I love you? Will find my way down your way very soon as I am in need of one of your hugs!


Jeanne said...

AMEN!!! This is all so true! I think that part of healing is actually having to go back to the beginning and sort it out in your own mind before you can move on. You have finally admitted things publically that you would never have admitted in the past...partially because MJD wouldn't let you....and I think partly because you didn't want to have to admit that things weren't right. And while I don't think that people generally have to admit things PUBICALLY and in an open forum, for you, I think it's appropriate. You are an open book. When PERMITTED, you lay it all out there. That's your nature and it's what you are comfortable with. You need to get back to that place...stop the hiding and the cover-ups and the lies...and just say it like it is. Once you do that, it will be alot easier for you to heal. Because you KNOW you spent a long time telling tales of what you wanted people to think...but not of the truths. NOW the truths are coming out...and with those truths, comes the REAL Heather.

It's been a long time don't stop now!!!


Peaceful Epiphany said...

Like I told you Heather, Once you said "The Gloves Are Off" you gave us all the freedom to unload our MJD diarrhea that we have been holding back all these years. Once we get it out of our system, we will settle down...unless something else pops up and then we will unleash again. And I WILL. Oh trust me, I WILL. When it comes to MJD and the abuse he put you through, I will unleash. And it will come in waves.

I will respect your wishes on not dropping the least I will TRY, and I will be respectful of trying to remember that MJD's MOMMY reads the comments here (although if I were her, I wouldn't, because her version of WHO and WHAT her son is will REALLY be an eye opener if she continues reading), and ALL of your readers need to know that YOU DO NOT CONTROL WHAT IS BEING SAID IN COMMENTS!!! You do not control what is being said here.

I would also go on to say that if ANY OF THE COMMENTS verbage affects the viewer, than perhaps reading the comments is NOT the best thing for you to be doing and stick with only what Heather writes in her BLOG and stay AWAY from what is written in comments because Heather can't control the comments, just as she can't control the weather in your neck of the woods.

Heather is past the point of hiding things or deleting comments in hopes of making OTHERS FEEL BETTER. So, if you don't like what's here in these comment sections, THEN DON'T CLICK ON "COMMENTS" and Don't come here to READ THEM.

Nuff said???
Yep....I think so.

Barbara said...

I would be suprised or more likely think you were in deniel if you said you weren't bitter to some degree, That is what happens when relationships end. Especially when they end like yours did. I think you are doing great in getting on with you life. I am happy that you are getting closer to God and have a church family to rely on.