My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, November 6, 2009

counting down...

9 hours until the weekend.

Had a great drive into work this morning. It was beautiful – frost covering everything.
It’s casual Friday and I’m in jeans… turtle neck… cable knit sweater… penny loafers… looking like an ad for Old Navy Plus sizes. Of course, this office has two temperatures: too hot or too cold. I’ll be peeling off layers before long, I’m sure.

Yesterday afternoon work came to a stop for about ten minutes while we watched a deer eating grass in a field across the street from the office. So peaceful.

I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer over the past two days. “Meditation” for those of you who aren’t bible thumpers. It’s helping. I’m feeling much less overwhelmed. Much more peace.

You know how sometimes you KNOW people are talking about you behind your back? I’ve had that feeling this week. It had me really stressed out, discouraged.

Then I realized a few things:
1. Bitterness is a cancer that destroys it’s host.
2. I haven’t done anything worthy of being maligned. They're just giving someone else a break.
3. God is my protector and provider. Words can’t hurt me. Not really. They only have as much power as I give them. If I am secure in who I am and steadfast in doing what’s right… then those words mean nothing in the scheme of eternity. Not for me. Only for them… And in a way, it’s an opportunity for me to show what’s different about me. I’m not defined by the whispers behind my back… I’m defined by who I am in Christ. I know that I have the power. Power (capital P) to turn what is meant for my harm into something that is used for my good.

I know that there are eyes on me… I know people watch what I do and I know there are some who see my journey as inspirational. So any opportunity to turn a negative into a positive can potentially impact others. That doesn’t make me any more excited about living through it. I need peace in my life.

The natives are restless here at the Farm today. D is at a funeral so the folks in the back of the office are up here visiting with the folks in the front of the office. I have a big appointment at 10am to do a few cars and a home policy so I’m keeping my game face on and trying to prepare.
I need to renew my license. It was supposed to be done before November 1st. Ugh. No I have to pay a late fee. What’s new? I think I pay more on late fees than I do on food.

Remember the pinkie toe that I broke that kept jumping out and bumping into things for the next year after that. OH that toe aggravated the stew out of Michael! I was forever bruised up. Last night that same little toe starting hurting but this time… there was no impact to it. Just all of a sudden… it hurt. It still hurts. It’s always something.

Eight and a half hours.
Next Friday is the 13th. Ryan's friend Joshy and his wife are coming up to do some insurance!

How sad were those shootings at Ft. Hood?

There are a few things that will ALWAYS make me cry:
1. Reading the book, “I’ll Love You Forever”… which my children refer to as “the crying book”. 2. Extraordinary achievements by ordinary people.
3. Soldiers returning from war.
I think #3 is because my kids’ grandfather didn’t return from Vietnam. I’m always conscious of how different his son (my kids’ dad) would have been if he had survived. There is a generational impact that occurs with these things. Such a tragedy! Men who have fought and survived to come home only to die on base. I thought “base” meant you were safe. It does in baseball. It does in tag. This is another in a long line of examples of folks not doing what they ought to be doing and the result being innocent people suffer. He was a known threat. Instead of being fired, removed… court marshaled… whatever they do… he was promoted and moved to a place where he could be a greater danger. Whoever was responsible should have to attend every funeral, visit every injured person and apologize for gross neglect of duty. It’s insane. Truly insane.

When I was serving my mandatory three day term in the nut house last fall there was a young soldier that was in there for anger management issues. Again – great idea – put a bunch of folks who are considered a risk to harm themselves and others- into lockdown with a guy considered too angry and mean for combat. I called him, “Angry Boy”. I never bothered to learn his name – I had too many other things to worry about. I called him that to his face- “Hey- Angry Boy – do you want to paint with us?” that sort of thing. He was just a kid – maybe 19. In one group therapy session (you had to attend every possible session to be considered for release so I complied, even though it was a total waste of my time and I spent more time counseling others than being counseled) in one session he got upset with a guy who was detoxing from crack – yes, this was a lovely place, indeed!- a HUGE black guy who was obviously not in his right mind – and he tried to stab the crack guy in the neck with a pencil. I looked around to see if this was SERIOUSLY happening… and it was… and the psychologist kept using her “gentle words” to encourage him not to harm others. It’s funny now. Honestly, it was a little funny then but I was also pretty well medicated and mellow. It took a few of the other “patients” to calm Angry Boy down. I just watched. I figured as much as I had survived at that point, if I died as collateral damage in a pencil fight then it was meant to be. Give an Angry Boy a pencil -yet I couldn’t have an underwire bra- go figure.

Anyways…
Eight hours to go.

Not that I’m wishing my life away… I’m just ready for the weekend! Nothing – not a single durn thing – on the agenda for tomorrow. Sunday we have a putt-putt outing after church. That will make Austin happy. He loves putt-putt.

You wouldn’t believe how many people come in here to pay and ask, “who do I make the check to?” Um. Publix? Where are you? Why is this so difficult?

In “Cat’s Away” news… seems like I’m the only one answering the phone today. Of course, I’m also typing this – but it only takes short bursts of time as I type REALLY fast. *snicker* At least I’m at my desk and not keeping other people from working or causing other people to have to do my job. I’m just sayin’….

My pinkie toe really hurts.

Hey! It’s almost noon! One long appointment later and by the time I finish up the paperwork it will five and a half hours to go! And an hour of that is lunch! That was a great appointment for me… three cars, a house, a boat. Good people…nice to talk to… glad to be moving to our company.

Why is the heat set on 72? I’m about to have a heat stroke. My heat at home is set on 64. It came on this morning. That’s enough to keep the chill off but not have the heat run nonstop.
My scanner keeps grabbing papers crooked and crumpling them up. Argh! Gonna post this novel so I don’t lose it during lunch. More later, maybe.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heather, it's Patty ... the one living your life out in CA! Member me?? You crack me up sometimes! I love your perspective on things. I'm also glad that you have such a wonderful place to live now. I check in on you every few days ... love you, girl! Give Austin an extra hug for me (if you can catch him unaware). BTW ... I took MY "Austin" (Jason) for his flu shot yesterday. Hmmmm ... not so good. You know how these special boys are about anyone or anything invading their body in any way! Yeah ... well, at least he didn't faint or throw up. But, they did make him lay down because he went white ... and it took 30 minutes for them to clear him to leave (checking his BP every 10 minutes). I know you'll feel my pain. Or, should I say Austin will feel Jason's pain! Take Care, friend. Oh! And BTW ... I still want to spit whenever I think of MJD. I know ... that's mean ... but I do!