My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

ugh. whiny. wednesday.

I just didn’t want to move this morning. I did. I got up and dragged my reluctant self to work. I don’t feel great. Nothing major or earth shattering… little bit of an earache… little bit of a headache… a little nauseated… probably all stress related. Not that I’m incredibly stressed about anything. Nor am I completely at peace. Ambivalent enough for you?

Yesterday I went home early. More stomach issues. There’s a stomach flu going around the office. I wasn’t violently ill. Just ill enough that I felt like I was a risk to get others sick and/or embarrass myself. I watched the memorial service from Fort Hood and my heart was both warmed and broken… watching the young military families gathered… lots of really young faces with lots of little kids… we don’t often get a realistic picture of our servicemen and women… that was more realistic than I wanted. I was proud of them and for them. I know behind every sweet young face is a worried mom…

I’m really angry about the whole deal at Fort Hood. Those thirteen people were killed by political correctness. We have put ourselves in a place where we bend over backwards not to offend anyone… even those who are wrong, evil, dangerous… we have silenced those who might be courageous enough to speak up for what is right because they risk public persecution. Right is now wrong and wrong is right and to say otherwise brands you as intolerant or a hatemonger. Why is it hateful to love what is just, right, pure, Godly?

It was interesting to me yesterday to hear people use scripture, sing Amazing Grace, call on the name of Jesus for mercy in that time of grieving. Jesus is excluded from every decision our nation is making right now. I’m reminded of the nation of Israel… they would call out to Jesus whenever they got into trouble and return to their idols when they no longer “needed” Him.

I found out yesterday that my 86 year old grandmother had fallen and hurt herself the day before and was at the hospital. I got an email from my friend Amy who works for my uncle asking how she was doing… I replied that I didn’t know and asked if she knew something I didn’t. Not that I am in a position to do anything… but maybe I am and would love to be in the position to decide for myself if I could be there for her, instead of being excluded from the information. At the very least I could pray… It was hurtful to get that information third hand like that but not surprising. This is what I have been dealing with for quite some time. I’m not going to dwell on it now because I’m trying to stay at work all day… and those sort of things put me in a bad place mentally. I have learned to overlook and ignore those sort of things. I am powerless to change others. I only have power over my response. My response is that I have a lot more to offer than what I get credit for and if people choose to overlook my value then it is their loss. I also know that the hand of God reaches beyond what I can control. Nothing is a surprise to Him. I know that He was watching over her even without my knowledge of the situation or my input. Just as I know He watches over all my loved ones that are beyond my reach.

So let’s talk about the weather or something. The rain from Hurricane/Tropical Storm Ida has finally stopped. It rained for 36 hours straight! The sun is just now starting to break through. With the time change it is dark here by 6pm – when it’s overcast it’s dark at 5pm. I am not loving the dark. Last night I was asleep before 9pm. I may shoot for even earlier tonight. We have church tonight but I have a feeling that I’m not going to feel like doing anything… days like today take so much energy… it’s hard to sell stuff to people when you don’t have energy or enthusiasm in your voice. I’m trying… I’ve kept my nose to the grindstone today, avoided any personal conversations because that takes too much energy… I’ve kept a spirit and attitude of prayer and just let God lead me where He needs to today. Literally… on Jesus Take The Wheel mode…

And can I just say that I am glad I made the decision not to let Austin have a pig? I don’t think there’s been a day in the past week that I haven’t had to feed his cat. I would be soooo aggravated if I was having to go down to the ag center and “slop hogs” for him. Lord have mercy.

Happy Whiny Wednesday, y’all…

2 comments:

mmmbrown625 said...

Pigs smell. Good choice in saying no. I've fed my share of horses, dogs, cats and cows, but don't get me near a pig pen. Gross.

My sweet, loving daughter who doesn't have a mean bone in her body (except where her brother is concerned . . . ) was called a racist at school because our family is a Republican family and supports conservative issues ~ meaning we do not necessarily agree with a whole lot that our current government has to offer. Notice I did not say that we do not support the president? Because that would be incorrect to say . . . we do not support abortion rights or higher taxes or other "democratic" issues, but because we are "republican" ~ that makes my daughter a racist. I don't think so. Makes me mad.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother ~ hope she's doing well and is home soon. Hope you feel better soon, too.

mawmaw said...

I do not have your phone numbers and did not want to wake Cody at six A.M. to get them so I asked Angie to call you and let you know, she said she would. My tmj is bothering me and I try not to talk too much.