My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The old laptop is still on the skids... that ole' very positional power supply that has dogged me throughout my relationship with this laptop. I've had her since April 2009. She's been a good friend and stood beside me through many, many trials and tribulations. I've ordered a new power supply and hopefully that will do the trick. If not... I could probably get her repaired but I'm not sure it's worth it. She's missing a lot of keys... she's so slow.... I spend more time waiting for things to load than actually using her.  I have borrowed so much money this year... I don't feel right making a major purchase until I have paid back all I owe. But... I do spend a good part of my downtime working on genealogy, interacting with friends, etc. It's very difficult to go out much other than work... and this is how I stay in touch with the world.

Anyways... I am using my mom's this morning while she's at work. It's so fast.  I played Castleville without having the long, drawn out pauses for the graphics to load. It was amazing.

And the dogs... for whatever reason... have left me completely alone this morning. Little Kitty aka Trouble has been a tad bit clingy but he tends to try to get attention whenever the doggies are not stuck to me. Have I mentioned that when I go to the bathroom, any time, day or night, Little Kitty waits outside the bathroom door and wants me to pick him up? If I don't pick him up he cries. I carry him like a baby, with his head on my shoulder, back to my room and stand there with him for a minute or two before he decides to get down. The only other person who can pick him up is my mom. He likes Cody fairly well. He's warming up to Austin. But he's my baby.

Yesterday was a good day at work. They'd like me to work more hours... not in a threatening way, like, "If you can't work more you're fired"... but in a "you do a good job and we need more of you". I explained that my productivity and accuracy wanes when the pain becomes distracting. And it does. The last hour of work, even just working five hours, is when I take the time to do all my administrative stuff like filing, reading instructional emails because I know I won't be as sharp. I offered to pull a few extra hours here and there as needed. Perception is everything, isn't it? I'm the same employee I've always been. I'm saying the same things that I've said for ten years. I'm giving the same compassionate responses, using the same skills and talents and where it has been, in the past, unappreciated and maligned... now I'm getting constant positive feedback. It's incredible validation for me and I'm so grateful to God for this opportunity.

It's November 1st. November 1st will always, in my mind, be the anniversary of the day that my former stepson's mom died suddenly and unexpectedly at 35 years old, leaving behind three young children, including a two week old baby. I think of Misty often. I pray for her kids daily. We were not best friends or anything but she made a permanent impact on my life. The juxtaposition of her tragic death six short weeks after my brush with death made me realize how fragile and temporary this life really is. May I never, ever, forget to be grateful for every day, not matter what trials and discomfort it might bring.

And. We found out this week that a close family member has cancer. The prognosis is not completely known yet. There was a meeting with a surgeon and there are more tests to be done before a decision is made about treatment but... it's heavy on my heart and mind.  My mom is one of seven kids. My dad is one of three. I am one of five. There are lots and lots of family members and we have, by the grace of God, been a long time without losing anyone. I know it's inevitable and for the most part, we don't have a lot of contact with most of them but I want them all to be well and ... well, living. I can handle my own suffering.... heck.... I'm practically Jewish... I could have a PhD in suffering... but the idea of anyone else suffering is just ... well, it's sad.

Four weeks until Thanksgiving, which, I think is a better holiday than Christmas because it has lots of gratitude, lots of great food, lots of loved ones and none of the decorating or gifting obligations. Plan a place... divvy up the cooking responsibilities... and get together and hang out. This year it's at Cousin Christie's house. It doesn't look like it will be as many of us this year. Last year I skipped it all together because it was just too much for me to handle. This year I've got so much great down time in advance that I'm convinced that I'll be able to really enjoy it. December will be a busy month, work wise, I don't have as much time off but it's still way better than anything I've dealt with over the past five ten twenty years.Working twenty hours a week -even if I tack on a few extra hours occasionally, is not as bad  as 40-ish painful hours.

My son is in Pennsylvania. Zionsville, I think, is the name of the town. I haven't heard from him but his roommate has posted that their power was out and their basement flooded. He's too far away for me to be anything more than moral support for him and that drives me nuts. Cody is right next door. I can help him. Austin, by the grace of God, is right down the hall being such a huge blessing to us all, pitching in with the chores, being pleasant and appreciative and a joy, almost one hundred percent to be around. I can know that he is ok, for the most part.

Anyways ... it's a late day... I'm looking forward to going into work... it's payday... we have power, heat and lots to eat. It's the beginning of a season of gratitude and I am grateful. God is good.

Happy Thursday,  y'all!


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