My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Thankful Thursday - Finding Balance

For the second day in a row, I've had to make the Call of Shame to work. 

It's one of those episodes where I'm just in too much pain to sit up, stand up, walk, drive, be lucid enough to advise people about their insurance and financial services. 
I have muscle spasms in places that shouldn't spasm. 
You know how you get those muscle spasms in your calf that point your toes like a ballet dancer and wake you out of a sound sleep?

Imagine that in your butt cheek. 
Or the small of your back. 
Not fun. 
I've got constant pain in my left foot and numbness in my right. 
Aching in my right wrist, elbow and shoulder, numbness in my right fingers.
It's insane.
I'm pretty much worthless for much other than human heat source for a needy dachshund. 
It's discouraging. 
It's frustrating. 
When these things happen I can't help but wonder if it's just a short term deal or my new normal. 
All my doctors agree that this stuff is degenerative but nobody has really laid it out for me as far as what will happen and when.
So until I know otherwise, we'll just assume that it's the weather (which has been bad)...
And that I'll be back to my usual level of pain soon.

In the meantime... it's Thankful Thursday and since I have wasted seventeen sentences complaining, I have to undo that attitude with seventeen things for which I'm grateful.

1. Needy dachshunds. It's nice to know that even when I'm doing nothing at all, I'm good company for dogs.

2. And cats. Oddly enough, this seemed to begin on Tuesday with nausea and dizziness and extreme fatigue. Honestly, it felt like I was getting the flu again. I curled up in the bed at still-daylight-thirty and woke at dusk with our unsociable ginger cat, Eddie, curled up beside me. Maybe I need to start a pet cuddling business? I'm able to calm the wildest beasts!
 
3. My internet connection. It would be a sad, lonely world for me if I couldn't connect with the outside world on an interactive basis.

4. Good/bad tv. Yesterday I watched a lot of that scandalous trial of the girl who slashed her bootie call to bits. They said stuff that I didn't think you could say on tv. I changed the channel when my mother was in the room so as not to expose her to that kind of stuff. I also watched a lot of HGTV and every episode of The Big Bang Theory that was on. I'm not really expanding my horizons but at least I'm entertained.

5. My heating pad. Thank you Cody and Marquee for giving me my fabulous heating pad for Christmas! It's my best friend. Oscar likes it too.

6. Tuna salad. I've wanted some since last week so Pop made that for my dinner last night. It was awesome. Even better than his pimento cheese. I even had a late night snack of it. And how spoiled am I to be able to "order" my dinner? 

7. Good company. Besides the fur babies, my mom was in and out yesterday, checking on her dog (who usually cuddles her but cuddled me all day instead), doing laundry and so forth. I would lose my mind really quickly if I was not interacting with other hooooomuns. Not that Oscar isn't good company... every time I ask "who's my favorite dog?" he yawns or makes this sweet little howling noise. 

8. Hot baths. I started my day soaking in the tub, hoping that would unkink me. Not so much. But it does feel good to have clean hair, even if it is going to frizz to the moon and back since I didn't dry it or style it this morning. 

9. My nest. From East to West my nest is best. It's ugly. The foot rest doesn't come down without a lot of effort so I leave it up but it's the least painful place in my little world and I'm grateful for it.

10. Burt's Bees lip balm. I'm a lip balm addict and this stuff is better than the vaseline I normally use.

11. Crystal light, apple juice and other beverages that keep me hydrated in my vegetative state. I've got a tiny bottle of wine that I'm tempted to down. Heck, at this point, I'd do just about anything to ease the pain. I'd even smoke those funny little cigarettes if it wasn't illegal. When/if they do become legal, watch out world, I'm gonna Cheech and Chong the pain away. I might even grow my own. 

12. Pain meds. They are not eliminating the pain but they are taking the edge off. 

13. Good friends. I got a facebook message yesterday from a lady who has MS and knows what it's like to be cooped up due to less-ability (instead of disability) and honestly, it really made my day to get that sort of support from a kindred spirit. I got a few other comments and good wishes and validation and it helps me feel like less of a waste of flesh. 

14. Great lounge wear. I've mentioned that my Pajama Love has spread to the other members of our household... and I think it's going to become my signature go-to gift. Maybe I should design my own line? Hmmm.... 

15. Good humor. I'm not moping, I promise. I'm moving slow. I groan a bit here and there but for the most part, I'm pleasant. It would be easy to get bitter but what purpose does that serve? If the only contribution I make to the world is a giggle and a smile and a good attitude, then I've at least done more than just exist. Life is funny, even life in the nest. My intention is to color my world with love. (isn't that cheesy?)

16. Piles of pillows and bunches of blankets... my nest is cozy and I can prop what needs propping and cushion what needs cushioning. I'm as comfy as you can be in this condition. 

17. As bad as it hurts right now... I've had worse pain. Childbirth, three times, two thirds of that natural. Hemorrhoid surgery. Wisdom teeth removed. Nobody knows the troubles I've seen... I'm not ready to run a marathon but I can make it to the kitchen and the potty and I'm not screaming or writhing (much).

and one more for good measure...

18. I'm thankful for a small house with short distances to the necessities (kitchen and bathroom). If I was at the mountain house, I'd really struggle to manage the stairs. No stairs here! Just one little tiny step up to the rest of the house from my converted carport bedroom.

19. One more thing that I want to share that I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to share... my Uncle Carl had a little cardiac scare two weeks ago and since then, both he and my Aunt Ginger have stopped smoking. They have smoked for as long as I have known them. It's a huge big deal and I'm so proud of them! Praying they will be successful so that they will be around for a long, long time. 

Okay. That's my Thankful Thursday and if I can do it, you can do it... today, for every negative thing you say... balance it out with something good. What are you thankful for today?

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