My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Truthful Tuesday Kind of Evolved Into A Whiny Wednesday

Truthful Tuesday / Whiny Wednesday combo.
Because, you know, since I didn't work yesterday I didn't have time to blog.
Well, TRUTHFULLY, if I had blogged yesterday it would not have been pleasant or positive.
I was hurting really bad.
Sick to my stomach and worn out from the pain.
And scared.
I used to have "flares" where the pain would be bad and I would have a few days where I nested and didn't move and would recover, at least back to my last normal.
I've worked two days in February. Seriously. Two. Today will be work day number 3.
So I've had lotsa lotsa rest and I'm still in so much pain that I can't even string together a few sentences for a blog entry when that's the only thing in the world I have to do.
If this is a glimpse of my future, I'm not happy about it.
Yesterday my big project was washing the dishes. Wore me out.
At one point I was in so much pain that I was tearful... and I thought, "ok, this is the point where I have to take meds" and so I did and after a time, I was ok.
But just ok.
Not good. Not normal. Just ok.
And Castleville isn't working for me lately. My usual mindless occupation.
I know that seems petty but it is a big deal for me.
I'm afraid that this IS my new normal.
It makes even my very, very minimal work schedule very, very hard.
They trust me there and they count on me and believe in me and they have been incredibly supportive to me and I want to be the best employee I can possibly be. I feel so invested in that agency.
I'm just afraid I may not be able to work much longer.
That's the truth from Tuesday.
Now for the whine from Wednesday: I'm in a lot of pain again.
I'm going to work. I'm hoping it will be an escape for me.
I brewed a really strong pot of coffee and need to go water it down so that when my parents reheat it for their tomorrow coffee, it won't burn a hole through their mugs.
It was my necessary, my kick in the rear for the day.
So that's the bad stuff. Let's look at some good stuff.
My dad made a pot of coffee for me yesterday, he tried to get it stronger. I appreciate the thought.
My parents went to a church meeting thing yesterday and my dad was the entertainment - he sang. They brought me a Chickfila sandwich back. Oscar ate the pickles. I ate about half of it and Lily at the rest. And the bag in came in.
Pop took my great-aunt Bette to see grandma yesterday. Hospice has been called in for grandma. Her heart is not working right. She doesn't want surgery. Hospice doesn't mean she'll be gone soon, it just means she needs a little more medical support while she's here. It was good for the Steel Magnolias to spend some time together.
We had Taco Bell for dinner. Again, I couldn't eat it all.
You would think I'd be losing weight.
I'm so blessed to be here with my parents. Otherwise I'd probably be living on Hershey's Kisses.
Bummer for those folks stranded on the cruise ship.
You'll never get me on one of those. No freaking way.
My plan for now is to go to the mountains on Friday, stay until Sunday.
Not a hundred percent sure, but that's the plan for now.
I have to check my mail and make sure Austin's ok ... however... Pop is going Monday and he could do those things for me.
And although the change of scenery would be good, I'm afraid to take on any new tasks right now.
The two hundred miles round trip and the packing and all that stuff is just a lot of extra pain that I'm not sure I can absorb right now.
Although I do have to make a trip to the doctor to get my new prescription, which they only give a month at a time but I don't think I can get that before Tuesday.
This is probably the least positive blog I've written in a long time.
I usually try not to write unless I can make it happy.
And I don't know how to make this make sense but minus the pain (and being bummed about Castleville)
I am really, very happy.
It's like God removed all the other things that were hanging on my worry tree so that I could just deal with this one issue, the pain thing.
Gotta hit "publish" and grab a shower and make myself presentable.
God bless you all on this Ash Wednesday. May He strengthen our hearts and continue to give us all strength for our journey throughout this season of Lent.


Anonymous said...

Hi Heather...I'm a long time reader and have read your pain for a while now. I (in my opinion) think its time to apply for SSDI. In about a year I'm sure you will not be doing your job in a way you would be able to. You've worked long enough were you can at least apply and get some relief in money and releif on your health. I wish you luck..take the first step and go online and go to SSA...get all your ducks in a row and apply.... feel better

The Old Parsonage said...

Hi Heather

As some who has fibromyalgia I can sympathize with your flare ups. You are listening to your body and take the meds when needed so that's a plus, but I agree with the first commenter - you should probably at least talk to someone at SSD. It may ease your mind a bit to know what you are entitled to, and that it's there if you need it.

Gentle Hugs!