My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Birthday Week and other Random Things

As I blog reader I get really bummed out when my favorite blog writers go for long stretches of time without updating. I mean, don't they know that I NEED to know  what's going on with them?

So even though I'm slightly altered and have a loose personal guideline of not blogging under the influence of pharmaceuticals, I'm going to do my best to catch you up on the last week... because it would be really sad to go from Reasons to Love one week to another Reasons to Love the next week with nothing in between. That would be wrong.

My birthday was good. Another shoutout to my fabulous -best-place-I've-ever-worked where they had a homemade coconut cake for me. And the sweet lady who makes the cakes knew that I really, really, REALLY love her truffles that she makes so she made me a batch of them too!

Mama (who rarely cooks but is cooking more now that she's retired) made me a carrot cake frosted with that new Cool Whip Cream Cheese frosting which is... soooo yum!

We had take out Thai food from Flavors of Thailand in Jonesboro. It's in a part of town that has seen a bit of a decline... right in between the Oriental Spa where they do more than just give massages and the Flea Market where some of the items are ill-gotten. I had an order of pad kee mow and basil rolls - and there was so much food that I made six meals out of it. Six.

I love eating out. Truly. My biggest weight issue my whole life has been how much I love dining out... sitting across from friends or family members enjoying stuff that I wouldn't want to go to the trouble to make at home. And now... I just can't enjoy myself for the discomfort that comes from sitting, even if it's a padded chair. It's the angle that kills me. I've got another birthday dinner planned with Bubba and Angie and I think I'm gonna ask for grilled burgers instead.

I've been working on finding seating that could be somewhat portable and comfortable enough that I could carry it with me so that I could rejoin the world outside of my garage bedroom. So far I'm thinking that one of those soccer mom chairs - you know, the kind that are good for sports watching or camping. My requirements are that it have a wider than usual base so that I'm not wall-to-wall in it... it needs to have a weight limit of 300lbs (not because I weigh that much but it seems like they either come with a limit of 225 or 300 and I'm closer than I'd like to admit to exceeding that lower limit and I can't risk ripping through or not getting adequate support). Most of them have enough of a "give" that I can get into a comfy angle. The best one I've seen was a reasonable price and looked to have the dimensions that I want but the carrying weight was 16 pounds which means that I couldn't carry it. The good ones are running around $50 which is a lot but if it will allow me to participate in the 3-dimensional world, it would be money well spent.

In addition, I think I'd like to find a cushy seat to try using, although, again, it's more about the angle than how hard the surface is. A bad angle plus hard surface is pure misery. Bad angle + cAushion = bearable for a minimal time period.

Of course when you have weeks like this past one where the barometric pressure is off the charts and my arthritis hurts no matter what position or surface involved. The criteria at that point becomes how much medication can I take and still function.

And then there are mornings like I had this morning where I lost my footing in the shower and although I didn't fall to the ground, I slid and jerked abruptly trying to regain my balance and have only been able to not turn purple from pain is because my doctor was kind enough to load me up with enough percocets to kill a horse. (Please note that I did not consume more than the prescribed amount. I've kept it at the legal limit but I've watched the clock carefully for when I can take the next dose, not that I need the clock to know. I've just had enough to take the edge off and keep me out of the E.R. )  This again, though, is why it's hard for me to ride in the car with someone else driving because one abrupt and unexpected stop and I'm in agony. My spine gets unhinged too easily. It's a great party trick, or it would be if I wasn't in too much pain to go to parties.

AT ANY RATE... I was mildly irritated on my birthday to find out that Austin and his girlfriend, Leanna had brought a new puppy home - home, as in, the basement at the mountain house which is to be my full time home, with my beautiful cream color carpet and my grandmother's beautiful Tiffany blue oriental rugs. A puppy, in addition to the blind dog they already have done there that has peed on their mattress and carpet already... a puppy,  with two kids who can barely wipe their own butts, much less be responsible for training another living being to go potty responsibly. Maybe it's just that times have changed... but I can't imagine moving in with people for a very cheap rent... losing your job a week later and bringing another animal that you can't afford into the house.

Then Leanna decided to move to Alabama and live with her dad and get a job there so she could make enough money to buy a car and get an apartment for her and Austin. Austin's plan is to do nothing at all until she's ready to come get him... because he says that she will be ready in a month or so and it's no sense just getting a job for a few weeks. :shakes head:  I tried to explain that it would probably take a little longer for her to get a job and have enough money to handle these things and that maybe if he could get a job they could save quicker. And maybe... he could work for a chain like Zaxby's or McDonalds and transfer. But... what can you do? He has his own reality and you can't penetrate it.

And then Cody and Marquee decided they were going to get another dog - a big dog - because Marquee needs it for protection when Cody's out of town. The problem is that the dog they already have (and who I love dearly) is with us several hours a day everyday, even on weekends, usually longer on weekends. And with my back I can barely handle the two big dogs we already have and they're old and arthritic like me. We have a highly unsociable Oscar dog, who was going to be Cody and Marquee's second dog but that didn't work out so Mawmaw and Pop took him in. Ultimately, one way or another, we'd end up with five dogs, three large and two small, frequently. AND... Cody and Marquee are going on vacation in two weeks that would mean having five dogs in the house around the clock, including a puppy who is not yet trained. And of course, I was the bad guy because I expressed my opinion that this was not a good idea and ended up getting my feelings hurt by the responses to that and lack of support for being the voice of reason. In the end... they didn't get the puppy because the owner didn't feel like they had high enough fencing around their yard.

I said more about that than I meant to but... it is what it is. My self-esteem has definitely taken a few hits since I turned 45.

I haven't yet filed for disability. I need to talk to the attorney first and I got his number, finally, from a former neighbor who used him and spoke highly of him... and even though I could have done it Thursday or Friday, I was battling an evil migraine and just couldn't. This is a very emotionally draining thing for me and it is causing great anxiety. I know once I get the process started I'll feel better but... it's just hard to start down that road. It makes it real. I mean, I've been driving around with a handicapped tag for two years and I've been living with pain for two years and four months and you would think that I would have accepted it all by now but... it's still hard.

I've got the blues. Not navy blue... maybe a light blue... or a quirky turquoise. Not severe enough that I would call it depression. Just sadness because of things like the two dog situations and the increased pain and the decreased ability to work. It's an adjustment. I probably just need to go to the mountains by myself for a few days and have a good long cry and some uninterrupted time with the Lord and just get things under control - or maybe let God take control.  I'm having more bouts of anxiety - the kind I was having in the waning days of Darby where I just felt like I couldn't draw a good breath or gather my thoughts. I don't really have any time to myself and I'm the kind of person that needs time alone to recharge my batteries. It's not misery or anything like that... it's just that there are things that are changing and I need to get my spiritual and emotional self up on the same page as my physical self.

So that's what's up. Working Monday and Wednesday this week so I have to get to bed in time to get some sleep... only had about four hours last night.

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