My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, August 2, 2013

8.2.13

It's another gorgeous end of day at the mountain house looking over Patton Lake. I'm battling a hip that just doesn't want to play along and suffered a nasty cat scratch or three but my belly is full and I'm relaxed and day is about to just melt into night like it did yesterday.

Beauty. Serenity. Peace. Tranquility. These are the words that come to mind for my little Whine Cellar at the Mountain House. This is MY place. I have the feeling of belonging somewhere which... after a marriage to an addict... then seven years of being a single mom and never being sure what was going to be cut off that day - power, cable, water... then another attempt at marriage that made me feel that I was one infraction away from being put out on the side of the interstate (that happened once but the kids - yes, happened in front of three of our kids - they insisted that he take me home) and even moving to the mountains not really knowing if I would ever be able to afford my rent and keep the bills covered... and then after the back problems started, living with the fear that I would be fired (as I was) and not be able to put a roof over my head... well, I haven't had a lot of stability in my adult years. I could very literally be in a homeless shelter right now and that thought isn't lost on me. When I say that I don't take the view here for granted... I don't take ANY of it for granted. This is home.

All those words that I listed above: beauty, serenity, peace, tranquility - but there's one more that means even more to me: stability. I see the permanence of the trees and the mountains... the water that flows gently past our dock... they remind me of stability. What God has built, he will sustain. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm not some lemon that needed to be recalled to the factory. Divine design made this body with an extra vertebrae and with a slow metabolism and a desire for good food. He knew that this day would come when I would struggle with pain and grow because of it. It's easy to accept this lot in life because I am home. I don't have to worry that my "less than perfect" body is going to cause me to lose anything ever again. I don't have to try to hook up with a "less than perfect" guy in an attempt to marry into stability. I can just be me, all of me, whatever there is to give and know that it's ok.

We got the last load from Grandma's house today - the dining room table to go with the china hutch and chairs in my eating/dining room. It all looks lovely in my little "apartment". We got a glider to go on the screened in porch and it's comfortable enough that I can actually sit in it for brief times. We got a kerosene heater which we may need when we get our really awesome snowfall that I'm trusting God for this Winter. I SOOOO want pictures of this property in the snow! Having a fireplace and a little heater means that we won't die if we get frozen in.

My mom was able to talk with the family who are purchasing Grandma's house. They have known her for years and knew her deceased husband - Harry - who died in 1990. They know how precious that home was to her and I know they'll take good care of it. I'll always regret that there wasn't a way for us to keep her there, safe and sound, throughout the rest of her life because I know that's what she wanted. Unfortunately, the only person truly in a position to be with her is me and I'm not strong enough physically to lift her and I'm not strong enough emotionally to be a kind companion for her final days.

So the sun is setting and I'm in my Whine Cellar and to be honest, I might be asleep before 10pm tonight. I slept ok last night but I got up once during the night to go to the bathroom and walked straight into a wall. That may be the cause of the aching hip. It's always something.

If you would, please remember a dear friend of mine whose mother has had a recurrence of cancer and they're sort of running out of options. Another good friend lost her dad today. And of course, Missie, my blog friend who lost her mother recently. We seem to be surrounded by people who are facing genuine heartbreak. Pray for God to send them comfort, pray that we would be kinder and gentler to others. You never know what burden someone else is bearing.

Hope you have a fantabulous weekend. I'll be here, doing this. And grateful. Love and hugs, y'all!

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