My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Some TMI and Pushing Past the Pain

Hey y'all. I'm blogging again. Not because I have anything new or exciting to thought-provoking to share. Just because I'm trying to interact with humans a bit more often.

Today the Evil Gut Pain came in like a wrecking ball - and not even the kind with Miley Cyrus being all edgy and stuff. It was like a cannonball fired from some Evil Kingdom of Doom and Boom. Or something. I was awake at 6am in tears and took a low dose of percocet with the normal dose of ultram and went back to sleep until around 10 and it was even worse then so I took a stronger dose (actually it's just the second half of the dose I took this morning so I wasn't O'D'ing or anything. I was just allowing myself a full dose). And... it didn't take it away, it just took the edge off so that I wasn't at maximum level of anxiety, grumpiness, doom and despair that I drown in when the pain gets bad and doesn't go away. Then I got to have a rebound headache and have felt just icky/unproductive ever since. And this is why I don't blog as often as I used to because I have more days like THIS than good, entertaining ones.

Let's talk about this Evil Gut Pain because you may have some suggestions. Also, because I'm talking about Evil Gut Pain and I'm a girl, if you're a male and can't handle the truth... skip down past this paragraph. I had surgery in 2008 - a uterine ablation - which means that even though hormonally I have a normal "cycle", there is no lining that builds up in preparation for a happy little sperm to hook up with a happy little egg. The egg and the sperm can tango all they want but there's no happy landing pad for them because... no lining. If we're being REALLY honest, it's pretty much just me and the egg. No sperm because celibate. Because cellulite. Haha! Not really. Celibate because me and God have a deal, any guy that doesn't go through Him to get to me ain't gettin' to me. That's just the way it is. SO... anyways... about the time that Senorita Huevas  works her way to the baby shop she finds a sign that says, "out of order" and has to entertain herself all alone. It's about the time the Senorita Huevas makes her promenade that I reach the strongest level of pain. Right on top of my left hip bone, as if someone took a spear and pierced from the front left hip straight through to my spine and tore up a lot of real estate in that path. F5 tornado, right behind the granny panties. And it ain't pretty.

If you skipped the last one, skip this one too. Sorry. In 2011 when I was being lit up like a Christmas tree while they were trying to figure out what was wrong with my spine, there is a side note on one of the reports that says, "sizeable ovarian cyst, left side". Until August of 2013 I never felt a thing. Since then, every month I use more pain medicine managing the EGP (evil gut pain) than the half a dozen spinal/nerve related aches and pains. The first few months I had this pain I was certain that I was going to die. I just knew it must be bad and (this is going to sound really crazy)I really thought that last Christmas was going to be my last Christmas on earth because I thought that something so painful must certainly be deadly. None of the medical care I get can diagnose me because - The Caring Hands Clinic doesn't have the equipment to diagnose (or expertise, I really need a surgeon) he thought he felt a cyst..  so they sent me to the local Health Department who handle female reproductive stuff. They said, "it could be constipation" except for the fact that it always hurts worse AFTER a poop. But she thought she felt a cyst. The Pain Dr thinks it's scar tissue or hernia from previous abdominal surgery and although they can do a full work up, it would be at full price. The only reason I NO LONGER feel like this is a growing time bomb in my gut is because it hasn't *really* gotten *that much* worse over the past year and a half since it first made it's appearance. It's still in basically the same position, except that I feel the pain pushing back toward my spine as if it's taking over more real estate.

The coast is clear now, guys. Evil Gut Pain has been a total, well, pain all day. It eased up for a few hours in the middle of the day and I was able to do some cross stitchin'. After that I renewed and upgraded my Ancestry.Com subscription and worked on that until I got a headache. (which always happens when I take the maximum dose of the pain meds). A generous family member is contributing some money to help us get a diagnosis on the EGP and since I'm almost certain its "girl parts" I'm going to talk to the Office Manager at Tasha's doctors office to see what they can do in the way of diagnosis for the amount of money I'll have. Life is rough in a lot of ways but in other ways life is better than it's ever been before. I don't want to grin and bear it to the extent of not seeking appropriate medical treatment, at least what's within my means.

And it's been crazy damp here today which is hell on my arthritic parts. My toes hurt, my ankles hurt, my knees hurt, my shoulders hurt, my elbows hurt, my fingers hurt and my SPINE... if she had an animated persona she would be Ursula grabbing all the joy in my life by holding on to my spine. She's wearing it like a long strand of pearls and every now and then she's rolling them around in her mouth.

Other than that, President Lincoln, how did you like the show?

Because this is what happens. By the time I spit out six paragraphs of "woe is me" I don't have any strength left to tell you about the awesome things going on in my world. I'm gonna give it the old college try (even though I didn't go to college).

My Little Kitty cat is the best nursemaid in the world. He knew I was hurting and he has just been so loving and sweet. I know it's sappy but in a way, as long as I have Little Kitty, I know I'll never be alone.

Austin's been in a great mood for the past few days. Things are good (last time I checked) with him and Tasha and they're calmly, maturely sort out their issues.

My brother is getting married in 21 weeks, y'all! This brother who was (as far as we knew) planning to spend the rest of his life with a lady who couldn't have kids... intentionally couldn't. So once I got through they "Oh em geeeeee!" and "I'm so happppppy" and "y'all told me first!!!!" after all that... and after I asked, "is this insured?" ... I said, "will there be children?" aaaaandddd there will! Not immediately but in the future. There's nothing more I love than Gant babies.

I've had such a peaceful day. Mom brought me down some breakfast. I had a light lunch and then for supper I had a can of chunky soup, sopped up with extra biscuits from this morning. I'm doing a good job of putting the Whine Cellar Kitchenette to use.

And... I guess that's about it for now. Thanks for reading here, thanks for caring what happens in my world. You all mean the world to me! Love and hugs, y'all!

1 comments:

Gerry said...

That is a tough problem you have. I think you did a good job of writing all the complications of it.