My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Friday, August 12, 2011

bits and pieces... subtitled: all that remains

I went to bed early again last night. Not AS early but early still. Makes me wonder what the heck Ben Franklin was talking about when he said, "early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise". I'm missing out on at least two of those. Maybe all three.

Newt Gingrich is a waste of press. I've also got first hand knowledge via someone who had business interactions with him that he is a jerk. Not that I would go around repeating gossip or anything... I just don't think he's a guy I could respect or elect.

Austin's attitude was horrible yesterday morning but he was in a much better frame of mind last night. He even brought me some ribs that the neighbors were cooking. He was all a-twitter in a gossipy sort of way about something that went down in the neighborhood the night before... it seems that one young son had a pocket knife which another young son got cut on... mama of the injured boy approached father of the knife owner to discuss and it blew up. I hear that police were called and it was QUITE the dramatic episode.

I, of course, slept through it.

My official opinion is that little boys shouldn't have pocketknives but... that's just me.

I was feeling quite overwhelmed and stressed out yesterday morning but I'm feeling slightly less overwhelmed today. It's just been a long six-eight weeks of moving drama on top of a long 7 months of pain and medical drama. I had a moment of mini-meltdown yesterday morning where I realized that everywhere I turn there are people sucking the life out of me (slight exaggeration, of course) and there is no one refilling the tank or taking care of me. Yes, it was a bit of a pity party.

And then I had an epiphany where I realized that my refills are spiritual... and that I have been too exhausted to refill the tank properly. Being "homechurched" does leave a lot of empty spaces in your soul. Not to extend the pity party but the truth is... there's really nobody for me to dump on. Except y'all... and for the most part, y'all don't respond. You're like my imaginary friends. Except for the times that y'all send me emails and comments and cards and letters and starbucks gift cards... I guess the point is that there is no designated dumpee but there are dozens of people in my life who do little things that make a big difference.

I always feel a little bit lonelier when someone close to me disappoints me or fails to "man up". I'm guilty of that too... failing to step up to the plate for people... although the desire of my heart is to be there for the people I love in their moment of need. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. It truly is. So the people I love who are basically collateral exposures - in other words - if I don't go where they are, I don't see or hear from them - well, in this season of discomfort and exhaustion, I'm distanced from them.

Most of the time I don't worry about it. You can't make people want to be where you are, especially if your current location includes a lot of work and a lot of sleep and not much anything else. Who wants to be part of THAT? Blah. And a lot of people who don't have to be good to me are good to me *just because* which gives me strength beyond what you could possibly imagine... and it mostly smooths over any rough edges left behind from those who didn't fill in the gaps as one would hope.

It's Friday, right? With us being short handed at work... I'm working harder, missing less work, starting a few minutes early, cutting my lunch short by a few minutes... and it's wearing me out. And of course, for the past six/eight/ever how many it has been weekends in a row, I've been in transition, finding a new place, moving into a new place, settling into the new place, making adjustments in our lifestyle because of the new place, feathering the nest... and I've got to tell you... I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically. But everywhere I turn, there's something or someone demanding more out of me and... I just don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace.

I'm determined to buy a dryer in the next four days. This last load of wash on the drying rack is stiff and mildewed. It's just one of those necessities... and I think that will help me feel less discombobulated.

Time to wake the vampire.... no grumps from him today. That's a blessing!

Hope you all have a fabulous Friday! I'm going to push thru this day and then - I plan to not move for the next 60 hours or so.


Adirondackcountrygal said...

I've been hanging clothes out when I can but I need a dryer in the winter and we have a big problem with cat hair on the clothes and running them thru the dryer helps with that!