My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Thursday, August 11, 2011

thankful thursday, what the cute doctor said

I don't know if it feels like "Thursday already" or "only Thursday?" I just know that I'm exhausted.

Austin's first day at school was... long. That's all I know. He was pretty much sacked out when I got home a little after 5pm. He got up long enough to eat the subway sandwich I brought him. He was rattling around in the middle of the night so... He's still adjusting that vampire schedule.

My visit to the pain doctor was... disappointing. I've never had an illness before that doctors haven't said would get better or at least stay the same. When I described the pain that had spread to my hands and feet and the other joints that are tender, the nice, good looking doctor whose name I always forget said, "that's about what we expected". I said, "DO SOMETHING!!!" Isn't that why you go to the doctor? To get better? They gave me a new medication to try - the last one available to cover my specific symptoms. They ordered a sleep study to make sure I'm not having episodes of tachycardia while I sleep.

Every time I go to the doctor, I ask what my official diagnosis is... we've ruled out several things such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, etc. Dr. Cutie said yesterday that they consider me to have degenerative/arthritic changes to my spine, degenerative discs and fibromyalgia. I said, "I thought we were steering away from a fibro diagnosis?" and he said, "at this point, there are just so many things that fit under the fibro diagnosis that we have to proceed with treating you as if that's what you have". I said, "does that mean you basically stop treating me or stop looking for a way to fix things?" He didn't say "yes" but what he said was that they feel like, at this point, that there's no way to completely eliminate all of my symptoms and that we have to proceed with the expectation of managing my pain, not necessarily eliminating it.

I never thought that at the tender young age of 43 I'd be seeing doctors just to manage my symptoms, not to make me well. You really just never know what your life holds in store.

And I have a nasty cough that has developed over the past twelve hours. I've had pneumonia the past two years in August... hope we're not heading in that direction... but I'm wheezing... so there's something brewing.

I was asleep before 8pm last night.... crashed and burned... just completely wiped out.

So... what else is new?

I keep calculating my budget... as long as I don't miss any work this pay period, I'll be able to afford a new dryer. I'm hanging tough with the hopes of replacing that dryer rack.

I got a sweet letter in the mail from Laurie with a starbucks gift card! Woohoo! Treated myself to a trente iced green tea yesterday with a tiny little treat. I had Ingles salad bar along with it... best lunch I've had taste wise and health wise all week. We had Subway for dinner, as I mentioned, because Austin was craving a tuna sandwich with lots of banana peppers. My odd child.

I got a text from Cody yesterday saying, "did you cry this morning?" First day of school... I always cry. The answer is, "yes". I did. Not for long, though because Maribel from next door asked if I'd come over and watch little Sophie (who was sleeping) while they took Alex to his first day of kindergarten. She actually asked if I'd listen for her... but I have yet to hear any noise from their side of the building and Sophie is so meek and quiet, I knew I wouldn't hear her. I just sat on their patio and read a book.

Our little corner of Sautee is so quiet ... all of Sautee is quiet but especially here, off the beaten path, off the paved road... it's really quiet. But there are also a lot of woods surrounding us so a little child could easily wander off and never be seen again. Or a person with nefarious intentions could wander in and snag a sleeping child.

It's thankful Thursday so I better switch from attitude to gratitude... here goes:

1. I'm thankful for Rusty the dog who greets me after work most days... when he sees my car he starts wagging his tail and comes to the drivers side of the car for me to give him a "good dog, hey buddy"...

2. I'm thankful for the jingle bells from little kitties who come running when I open my door and say, "where's my yubs? where's mama's kitty cats?" The furry friends are always glad to see me.

3. I'm thankful for Miss Cleo... the big, rolly polly dog who comes down whenever Ellen from upstairs stops by to chat. And the grey cat (whose name I forget) who comes by to say hello when I'm outside. Lots of friendly furry neighbors.

4. I'm thankful that we haven't seen any bears yet.

5. I'm thankful that summer is speeding by and autumn will soon be here so I can open wide these big windows and switch the a/c off and enjoy the fresh air.

6. I'm thankful that Austin made it thru the first day of school. 173 to go. I hope.

7. I'm thankful for every single day that I'm able to work. I have so many fears about not being able to work... sometimes it's hard... but I love what I do and I want to do as much as I can for as long as I can.

8. I'm thankful for Cute Doctors. Even if they don't make me feel better.

Hope you all have a great Thursday and that you work to find "gratitude instead of attitude".

Love and hugs, y'all.