My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

make it a joyful Whiny Wednesday

I really should check my personal email more often... if you email me and I don't respond... please don't take it personally. I just forget.


Child support came yesterday morning, right on time.

Austin has gone to school five days in a row. That may not seem like a big deal but... trust me, this kid had no interest in going to school last year. 169 days to go... and counting.

He wants to make sure he can go to the Homecoming dance with Charity... that's his motivation right now. Whatever it takes.

I think my hen party gets started back tonight... I'm so out of the loop that I am not sure. I want to be able to go. I want something more to my life than working and being exhausted from working. This week I've come home both days with such horrible tummy cramps that I can barely stand... love new meds....

I think I'm going to just change my expectations... go for twenty minutes... half an hour... whatever I can do and leave when I need to. I feel like so many people have given up on me... forgotten me... written me off... and maybe they should. I definitely am not finding strength to do much more than what I have to do to keep a roof over our heads.

Asleep before 8 last night... awake at 3am.

I have a dryer! Jim and Jamie moved it in yesterday afternoon. The power cord wasn't long enough so we have to get a new one... but it's there. I'll be doing laundry soon.

Austin is so ready for us to have a major grocery run... he's been doing deep thinking about what he wants to get. We definitely need to stockpile.

Did you ever watch Electric Company on tv? Did you know Morgan Freeman was the cool black guy with the mega-fro on that show? I think that's why his voice is so soothing... he's a part of so many people's childhood. We watched Sesame Street, Mister Rodgers, Electric Company... Romper Room...

Two sips of coffee and the tummy cramps start again. Did I mention I have a headache this morning? It IS whiny Wednesday, after all....

Although... I've been thinking a lot about how bitter Christians turn people from God. There are a few in my orbit... two who were particularly unpleasant yesterday to me... who made me want to say, "forget about my feelings... do you think there's anything about your attitude that makes anybody want to be a part of anything you are a part of?" The joy of the Lord is my strength.

I'm not saying Christians never have a bad day. Obviously. I just think we have an obligation to have a good response to a bad day.

Even when you hurt from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. Like I do right now. I have a headache, my eyes are itching and burning, I'm sick to my stomach, my lower abdomen is cramping, my tailbone is aching, my ears hurt, my left heel hurts with every step. I'm really a crazy ball of pain... but I don't have the right to take that out on anybody... it doesn't give me the right to be rude or demanding...

In fact... I refuse to descend into bitterness... I didn't earn a Mean Card that I get to play whenever I feel like trying to make someone else suffer just because I'm suffering. Making someone else feel bad won't make me feel better... but oddly... making someone feel good DOES make me feel better.

Go forth and spread joy...

Have a Wonderful Wednesday, y'all.

2 comments:

Patty said...

Heather, I have definitely NOT written you off. I keep a close watch on you ... and am concerned and worried (just busy with lots of ... well, health challenges ... and life challenges that come from difficult health right now. Same as you, but probably not as bad. Just know that I check in every day and I love you, Girl : ) You know my day is never right unless I read your blog. It's been that way for, oh .... 6 or 7 years now. Big Hugs!

~Patty

Heather said...

Hugs back Patty! You'll have to message me on facebook and let me know what's going on with you. I put your family picture on my desk at work right in the middle of my pictures of boys... and redheaded girls... so I think about you every day!