My last baby starts his last year of school today. I hope. I mean, he's definitely going to school. I just hope he's able to stay on track this year and graduate. Hoping and praying he pulls it off.

I had a hard time yesterday figuring out where and when his bus picks up. I called the school and they didn't know. They told me to have him walk to the nearest highway and wait to flag down a bus. That seemed a little... oh... I don't know... disorganized/country/ridiculous.

I kept calling the transportation center and finally got a live person and she told me Austin's bus driver is Vanessa, who we both know and adore... so that's a relief. The picture at the top of this entry Jessie, Angie, me and Vanessa at the Holly Theater in Dahlonega after seeing Grease last Summer.

Austin's "caseholder" Ms. Broadwell is determined to get him through this year and then get him into a vocational training program of some sorts. In a way, he is blessed because his differences give him some additional assistance with finding a job.

I'm determined to get him licensed to drive and get him responsible enough behind the wheel that I don't have to fear for his life every time he leaves the house.... and so that the times that I'm really not physically able to drive, he can. It scares me to death to think of... he still is so disorganized and unrealistic.

Yesterday - at 1:45pm - he called to ask me to bring Subway home for dinner. I was busy. Really busy. I told him I didn't plan to stop on the way home and he started on his "there's nothing in this house to eat" meltdown. And it's true... I'm not trying to sport a buffet so that anything that comes to mind is available... but there are plenty of options for meals that he likes to eat and are easy to make. Just because he wants something that happens to NOT be in the house... not my problem. Sometimes you have to adjust your wants to match what you can have. If it was up to me we'd have tomato sandwiches or pb sandwiches or cereal for dinner every night. Why not?

My friend Cyndi brought me these awesome raw pumpkin chips last year and I loved them so much that I ordered a case of them... delivery expected this week! My appetite is bizarre. Anything that takes an inordinate amount of time to prepare or involves a lot of chopping... I can't do. My hands ache so bad... I have a hard time gripping a knife.

Today is a follow up with the pain doctor. No doubt I'll leave with another grab bag full of meds that will screw my body up even more and cause me to gain weight and not help the pain at all. That's a Debbie Downer perspective but I'm just so frustrated with the process. Seven months of pain with no relief. I'd almost like to take a vacation from the pain: check into a hospital and have them pump me full of propofol or horse tranquilizer or whatever will not kill me but would let me be pain free for a couple of hours... a day... of course, it would be even better if I could just pay someone to take the pain for a couple of hours while I run off and do all the things I don't feel like doing any more... I want to check out of this skin for a little while... lay this burden down.

Here I go getting emotional about things... first day of school... how my life has changed... knowing that when my boys grow up, they also go away... knowing that although there are a lot of people who love me, once Austin's grown, I'll be on my own.

Well, that's your whiny Wednesday, folks. Pray for my boy, if you would. Pray that he understands how important this last year of high school is. Pray that he doesn't have any conflicts with people at school. Pray that he has a strong desire to excell and succeed. Ask protection for him... and pray that he knows the Lord in a new and fresh way this year.

Pray for his mommy as she struggles to let him go...

Happy Whiny Wednesday, y'all!